This story I hope you are about to read was caused by a sugar-induced conversation between me and my friend Pinky. (She is, of course, called Pinky because she flat-out hates pink.) Please enjoy!
Technically, this story could take place between the beginning of the first season to before the Waterbending Master only because Zuko still has his ship. But know this: Katara is on the ship cuz she's da bait (as always), Iroh is crazy (what else is new?), and Zuko is cranky (nothin' new here).
Still yawning and stretching, a certain scarred prince walked down the hallway of his ship to the galley to fill his breakfast-wanting, and quite grumbly, belly. Upon opening the door, he spied his dear old, tea-crazed uncle and his prisoner, the waterbender, Katara, whispering amongst themselves across the room. He locked eyes with Iroh, who immediately shushed the girl and nodded slyly to her when she saw the prince at the door.
"Prince Zuko!" Iroh yelled enthusiastically. "Come have breakfast with me and the lovely Katara!"
"Uncle!" he growled as stormed over, trying unsuccessfully to hide the slight blush creeping across his face.
"Prince Zuko," Katara asked sweetly, "are you thirsty?" She batted her eyelashes a few times for effect too.
"I- I guess." He smelled something fishy, and it wasn't just the cook.
"Here, nephew." Iroh narrowed his eyes suspiciously and slid a cup of liquid to his brother's son. "Drink this."
Glancing at the two obvious conspirators, he downed the entire cup in a single gulp.
It was like a punch in the head.
"Who hit me?" Zuko looked wildly around the room, his soldiers staring at him blankly with one thought going through their heads. Who would dare?
"Shh. Prince Zuko, just sit down," his uncle said in a calming manner. "No one hit you."
"What is this stuff?"
"Cactus juice! We picked it up in the last port!" A large grin crossed the old man's face.
"Oh. Well okay then. Ya know Katara," he said, leaning over the table, "don't tell my uncle this, but…" he glanced around, totally missing Iroh sitting only inches away, "you're perty perty!"
"Wow. This stuff works fast."
"Told you. Sokka tried some once. It was… an interesting experience."
Zuko, waking in his own bed, was very confused. For one thing, he was wet. Huh! What? I haven't wet the bed since… well, a long time!
A loud knock announced the arrival of his conniving uncle.
"Good morning, Zuko! Lovely day isn't it? Why did you go to sleep in those wet clothes? I thought I told you to change?"
"What? When was this?" Zuko wiped the sleep from his eyes and finally got a good look at his uncle. "Uncle?"
"Yes?"
"What are you wearing?"
"Hmm? Oh, this! I was going to take a morning dip in the pool!" Iroh was clad in a pair of extremely loud lime green swim trunks. "Are you coming?"
"What pool!"
"Oh, yes, you were a little drowsy around that time. I guess you didn't see them installing it."
"What?"
"Yes! The new one. On the deck." Iroh started rummaging through his nephew's wardrobe. "You are the one that approved of it," he added offhandedly.
"WHAT! I DID WHAT!" Fuzzy memories at the edge of his consciousness struggled to break free.
Zuko, in his drunken state, was not the best at walking. Katara, somewhat carrying the young prince, helped him to the helm.
"Soooo… uncle, what izit you wan'ed to talk ta me about?" Zuko was obviously slammed. Obvious to everyone, that is, but himself.
"Well, you see, Katara and I were wondering if you would sign this release saying we could put in a pool? In the deck of course. So everyone would be able to enjoy it! Katara can practice. You can watch her practice. The men can try to get rid of that… smell… and Cookie can get that fish gunk out of his hair. It's really stinkin' up the ship!" he exclaimed, pushing a scroll across the table, in a manner quite similar to the cup of juice this morning.
"No! I absolutely refuse!" he ordered, shoving back the form his uncle slid him.
"I see there's no arguing with you," Iroh said glumly picking up the paper and rolling it behind his back. "Then I guess you wouldn't want to sign this form saying the crew should work extra hard at catching the avatar," he said, turning towards the door.
"No, wait! I'll sign that!"
"Oh, wonderful!" Iroh produced the same scroll as before, but, in being slammed, you don't notice these sorts of things. Zuko excitedly scribbled a drunken signature at the bottom of the page after pretending to read over it, as most people do before signing contracts.
"Zuko, let's go shopping!" Katara asked, in the cutest voice she could muster, which was pretty cute, especially to one as drunk as the prince before her.
"Sure! I'll pay! And really," he said seductively, "call me… Zuzu."
"Ooo! This is sexy! Katara will be pleased! It was a good thing you bought this the other day!" Iroh exclaimed, holding up a pair of red and black-trimmed Speedo's.
"When did I get those!"
"Tuesday! And you really didn't need to give me a fashion show. Although, I'm sure Katara enjoyed it!" A sly grin was plastered across his ugly mug.
"What! Uncle, tomorrow is Tuesday!"
"Well, not exactly. It would have been tomorrow if you weren't drunk!"
"What drunk? How did I get drunk?"
"Eh, sorry, it seems I… I- I mixed up our drinks!" and then to him self he added, "yeah, mixed up the drinks… that's it…" Turning back to his nephew, he went on. "You were slammed! Here," he grumbled, throwing a loose pair of trunks similar to his own (although not as loud) to his nephew, still in a confused daze in his bed, "these aren't nearly as sexy, but you're the royalty!"
"Why do we have a pool? We're in the middle of the freakin' ocean! Swim in the that!"
"Well, you see… Katara and I wanted something a little more… convenient!"
"We are surrounded by ocean, and you say it's NOT CONVENIENT!"
"Um… yes?"
Suddenly remembering the dampness of his general person, he questioned, "And why am I wet!"
"Didn't I already tell you? No…? Well don't you remember? No? Well, it seems you, in your incapacitated state, walked out onto the deck and right into the new pool as it was being filled. You started splashing around and thought you were drowning," he said with a chuckle. "I had to convince you to stop yelling 'man overboard!' and stand up in the three feet of water."
"What?"
"Yes! And then Katara waterbended you out and when you looked at her you thought she was on fire and then of course you went on about how she must be the next Avatar and how you needed to seduce her onto your ship-"
"WHAT!" Zuko interrupted.
"Yes! At first I didn't think she would appreciate that but then she blushed and helped you back to your room after you said you thought you must have done well since she was already on your ship," he finished in one breath and after a gasp he continued. "Curiously enough, she was gone for several minutes."
"What do you mean 'several minutes?'"
"Oh, nevermind that! Let's go! Get your suit on! Katara's waiting!"
"I am not leaving this room."
"Oh. Well. Suit yourself. But you must be parched. Here. Drink some of this."
"This looks like that same juice you gave me last time," the young prince said, eyeing the liquid suspiciously.
"No, no. Don't worry about it. I won't get them mixed up this time."