Ryouko: (dramatic music) Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it…
Himizu: The moment you've been waiting for…
Together: The day we join forces against Kitsune!!!
Kitsune: (blink blink)
(Ryouko and Himizu tie Kitsune to a chair and place her in the middle of the room)
Kitsune: Wait, what? What am I even doing here? Let me go, you candlewasters!!!
Ryouko: Never, you wannabe Shakespearian insulter!!! (feels tap on shoulder) Yeah, what is it?
Himizu: Aren't we forgetting something?
Ryouko: (thinks) No, I don't think so…But it does feel like it…
Kitsune: Could it just be…that this is the last chapter of the fic?
Ryouko and Himizu: By Gosh, you're right! This is the last chapter!!! And this is the part where we say we don't own any part of YYH or anything else that can't possibly be ours until we rule the world! (although you didn't hear it from us)
Himizu: How could we forget?!
Ryouko: I think we got a little distracted…(points to tied-up Kits)
Kitsune: (tick mark) Nice to know, now how about untying me?
Ryouko: (considers this) Nope, I think I'm gonna' drink some MD and read the chapter again. You coming Himizu?
Himizu: Sure. (she and Ryouko start walking) How long should we leave her here?
Ryouko: Oh don't worry, I've called in reinforcements. She won't be there long…
Kitsune: Hey, hey, hey!!! Don't you dare leave me here alone!!! (hears footsteps)
Nik Zherdev: Funny, Ryouko told me to come here, but seems no one's here yet…
Kitsune: NIKY!!! YEY!!! (stands up still tied-up to chair and starts chasing Nik)
Nik Z.: NOOO!!! (tries to run away)
Himizu: How dare you call Niky and not call Rick Nash?!?!
Ryouko: Are you kidding me?! You have any idea what it'll take for him to trust me again?! Besides, one hockey player is enough…
Himizu: If you invite Rick Nash to a disclaimer or go on a date with him again, I'll murder you.
Ryouko: …Wait, does that mean I forgot to tell you about our date last night?
Himizu: (tick marks) WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Ryouko: JK, JK…My my, this disclaimer is almost a page long…Do you think we should start the chapter now?
Himizu: (glaring) Don't ever do that again…And yes, lets get it started…
Ryouko: Okay, lets…GET IT STARTED IN HERE! (starts singing BEP's song, with Himizu joining in, then they remember what they're really supposed to be doing)
Together: Uh-hum…Welcome to the last chapter of Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better, starting…NOW!!! (continue to sing)
Chapter 7: Time Machines Make Chemistry Interesting
As they ran up the stairs, Kitsune kept looking back at the group behind them Himizu nudged her sharply.
"Your beloved Kurama's are coming. Now move!"
"Oh, and you wouldn't be acting exactly the way I am if two Rick Nash's appeared?" demanded Kitsune.
"Oh course not! I'm not a lovesick puppy!" Himizu retorted.
"LOVESICK PUPPY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" cried Kitsune. "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I AM!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? JUST BECAUSE I FLIRT WITH KURAMA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU AND YOUR OBSESSION WITH RICK NASH IS WORSE THEN MY OBSESSION WITH KURAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"AT LEAST I DON'T START DROOLING EVERY TIME I HEAR RICK'S NAME MENTIONED THE WAY YOU DO WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME OF A CERTAIN RED-HAIRED BISHOUNEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I DO NOT DROOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"YOUR OBSESSION, NO DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As they argued, they continued climbing the stairs. They had now reached the roof and Gonzo Tarukane had turned around at the sound of their angry voices. Now Ryouko rounded on them.
"Argue about your pathetic love lives later, kill Tarukane now. Wait, what am I saying? Keep arguing, I'll kill Tarukane!" She turned to run in Tarukane's direction, but was tackled by Himizu. As they clawed at each other, Kitsune skipped merrily past, but the two struggling girls tackled her also. They kicked, clawed, and fought each other viciously. Everyone sweatdropped. Virtual Kurama looked at Real Kurama.
"How do we stop them now?" he asked. Real Kurama grinned.
"Watch and learn," he said, pulling out a large carton of Cookies & Cream ice cream. Then he stuck two fingers into his mouth and whistled. The girls looked up.
"ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they all screamed together and ran for the ice cream. But the two Hiei's got there first and took the ice cream away. As they ate, Real Hiei took out a piece of paper and wrote out a pact.
"You and I will lay aside our differences and combine our efforts to annoy and destroy all Himizu's everywhere, and to steal ice cream from all annoying authors in this world" he said as they both signed it.
"HEY!" bellowed Himizu. She jumped forward and whacked them both hard over the heads with her two fists. They fell and Himizu managed to grab a scoop of ice cream before the two Hiei's jumped up and ran with the contract and the ice cream. "HEY!!!! GET BACK HERE YOU MIDGIT PUNK #$&#&S!!!!!!!!!" she yelled, pulling out two skillets. She chased them and bonked them repeatedly over the heads with the skillets. "Hey!" she exclaimed happily as the rhythmic thuds filled the air. "I have my own band now!" Ryouko and Kitsune rolled their eyes. Then they waved to her.
"You play nice with the Hiei's, Himizu! We're going to go kill Tarukane now!"
"Not without me, you're not!" Himizu yelled. She threw the skillets at the Hiei's heads, scoring two direct hits, one on each head. The skillets split in half and the two Hiei's fell over, apparently unconscious. Ryouko ran over to them.
"Hiei? Hiei? HIEI!!!!!!!!" she yelled. The Hiei's didn't stir. Himizu smiled happily. Then she took a quick running start and jumped next to them, but she paled as Ryouko took out a flamethrower and aimed it at her.
"What the hell are you doing?!" she ducked and started running as Ryouko blasted her with fire.
"Well, technically speaking, when one pulls out a flamethrower their aim is to kill. But if I just set your hair on fire I can live with that."
"How dare you even try, you freak?"
"Waiting for you in order to kill Tarukane has gotten me bored, so I thought I'd try to set your hair on fire. And the Hiei's need someone to revenge their embarrassing collapse…"
"WE GOT HIT WITH SKILLETS, EVEN WE CAN'T GET OUT OF THAT WITHOUT BEING KNOCKED UNCONCIOUS!!!" The two Hiei's screamed before Ryouko got in another word.
"If you all continue like that, you'll break the roof." Kitsune frowned at them.
"…So?" wondered Himizu.
"Never mind," muttered Kitsune. Himizu shrugged and then the three authors finally attacked Tarukane. This attack was just as unorganized as the attack on the Toguros, with each girl fighting to get her licks in. When they finally finished, the limp body was practically unrecognizable as Tarukane. So, with grimaces of distaste, they rolled the body off the castle roof, although Himizu peered over the edge with a satisfied smirk as the body plummeted to the ground and Ryouko took one of the skillets and threw it at the falling lump of skin. Kitsune, meanwhile, ran to the chair where Yukina had been sitting.
"Yukina, you are safe now!" Kitsune proclaimed, turning the chair around… then she screamed.
"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YUKINA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" she screamed in horror. Ryouko and Himizu looked horrified for a moment, but then they started laughing.
"It's a mannequin!" they yelled. Kitsune took another look. Now that they mentioned it, that might explain her grayish-brown tint, her very stiff looking joints, and the fact that she had no face…But where was the real (or should we say, virtual) Yukina? This question was answered by a quick glance around. The three girls spotted her with Virtual Kuwabara. She was thanking him gratefully for her rescue. By listening, the girls realized that Virtual Kuwabara and Yusuke had snuck over, untied Virtual Yukina, and taken her to safety.
"So, now we're your pawns?" asked Ryouko, eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Yeah, that sounds about right," said Virtual Yusuke with a grin. Virtual Botan let out a high-pitched giggle. Ryouko looked at Himizu.
"Should we?"
"Sure! I'll take Kuwabara, you take Yusuke. Kitsune, you take Botan." The three girls marched forward, grabbed their respective persons, dragged them to the side of the castle roof, and threw them over. Virtual Botan pulled out her oar and stopped herself inches away from the ground. The two boys, on the other hand, fell with an almighty crash onto the ground. As she looked down, Himizu caught a glimpse of something large in the shadows of the trees.
"Is it just me, or did we miss a demon a while back?"
The girls looked and indeed saw a guard that they all simultaneously recalled from the episodes that they had never encountered. Himizu sighed. "Why is our work never done?" she wondered. Ryouko and Kitsune shrugged.
"Dragon," Ryouko called carelessly. "See that demon over there?" The dragon nodded. "Well, I don't care what you do to it, as long as it ends up dead…" The dragon did as he was told and the demon was gone. As they walked back down the stairs, Himizu sighed.
"This has been fun, but I'll be perfectly satisfied if I never see, much less fight, another demon in my life… And yes, that does include you Hiei's," she snapped irritably at them.
They exchanged evil grins and Himizu pulled out two more skillets. They immediately backed away.
"WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THOSE SKILLETS FROM!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" cried Ryouko.
"… You know, I have no idea," Himizu replied. Ryouko's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"You know, if those skillets are from my supply of weapons, I'll make you regret the day you pulled them out in front of me…"
Himizu sweatdropped. "That's not it Ryouko, I swear! I only took bombs and some axes from your weapons closet, that's all, no skillets!!!"
"Well, in that case…Wait, what?! How dare you get into my weapons closet without my permission?!?! You're gonna' get it now!!" Ryouko jumped on Himizu and they started a huge catfight. Kitsune twitched and just kept walking, dragging a defending Himizu by the shirt, with a clawing Ryouko following her. Then they walked back through the room with the gapping hole in the wall and Elder Toguro in a twisted heap on the floor. They passed the open door, still held in place by Gokumonki. They passed the blown-apart room with Imaki's twisted body lying limply against the wall. They passed Miyuki, still wolf-like, drooling over the picture of Brittany Spears. Ryouko stopped fighting, as she couldn't resist beating him over the head for being such a pervert. Then they were outside, where they found Virtual Kuwabara and Yusuke, still alive, in a distorted groaning pile of limbs next to the body of Tarukane. Himizu could not resist stomping fiercely on all three bodies as she passed. They stopped in a clear area and Real Kurama began to set up the transportation device. Virtual Kurama helped eagerly, fascinated by everything. Good-byes were exchanged and Real Kurama quickly arranged the three girls, himself, and Real Hiei.
"If Real Kuwabara and Real Yusuke laugh at our adventure, they will pay," Kitsune said. Ryouko and Himizu nodded vigorously.
"Okay, it's ready," Real Kurama called. Everyone breathed a sigh or relief. Real Kurama pressed a button. Lights began to flash. And then the machine began to wheeze. Real Kurama began to look concerned. He made several minor adjustments, but nothing worked. Then it began to hum. "Uh-oh," whispered Real Kurama. Then he cried, "DUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Where?" asked Himizu. "If you mean that bird over there, I hate to think where you studied science. That's a goose!" She was tackled by Virtual Kurama as the machine exploded. Debris flew everywhere. When the smoke settled, the machine lay in ruins. Real Kurama cursed as he climbed up from where he had crouched to protect Kitsune. Real and Virtual Hiei stood up from where they'd protected Ryouko. Virtual Kuwabara checked to make sure Virtual Yukina was okay, although he'd protected her. And Virtual Yusuke helped Virtual Botan to her feet from where he'd knocked her. The dragon came floating back from wherever the blast had blown him. Himizu pushed Virtual Kurama off and jumped up.
"That was a pretty good explosion. What happened?"
"I think that the aachen mixed with the heptachlor and stannite and produced this reaction. What do you think, Virtual Kurama?" asked Real Kurama.
"That is a distinct possibility, but it could also be a reaction between the gramary and the vinculum," Virtual Kurama answered, thinking it over. Himizu sweatdropped.
"I never did like chemistry much," she muttered under her breath.
"See what you're missing out on?" Ryouko smiled happily.
"Could you build a new transportation device?" asked Kitsune. Real Kurama snorted.
"Sure I could. I hope you guys don't mind waiting for another four or five years."
"Four or five years?!?!?!?!?" the girls gasped.
"But, we'll be old by then!" cried Ryouko. "We haven't taken over the world yet!"
"And good riddance too," muttered Real Hiei.
"So now what do we do?" asked Himizu. She jumped as two hands clamped down on her shoulders. One was large and heavy, the other thin and spidery. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Himizu in horror, trying to brush them off. She looked around quickly. Kitsune had a large brown hand clamped down on her shoulder and Ryouko had a thin, gray one.
"What are you going to do?" asked a low deep voice. "Why, you're coming to the Dark Tournament of course." Then there were two laughs, one deep and foreboding, the other high-pitched and cruel. The girls looked at each other. How would they get out of this one?
Read "I Can Do Anything Better Than You" to find out what happens.
Side note: The names of the Spirit World chemicals that the Kuramas talk about are actually real words. Aachen is a city in Germany, heptachlor is a waxy substance similar to chlordane (a poisonous chlorinated chemical), stannite is a metal ore, gramary refers to magic, and vinculum is a band or connecting fold. These words were not chosen because of their definitions, but because they are unusual words that most people (even including Himizu (gasp)) have never heard of. It makes the story more interesting.
Authors note: We're actually writing this together even though we're on separate sides of the Earth! Skype we love you! We can't believe we're finally posting the last chapter of this fic!!! Now, onto the sequel.