THE SECOND ATTEMPTDISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto...the show, or the character...

Pishivee: Hello everyone! please give me some ideas at other ridiculous attempts, and I will credit you, as well as have a very funny and diverse story. Thank you!

A couple days later, genin cell 7 was on a mission to collect a special flower that medic nin use in the treatment of…

"What does this flower do again, sensei?" asked Naruto, who was prone to forget information.

Sakura and Kakashi sighed. It was fine with Kakashi if Sakura wanted to explain to Naruto. Sometimes she could drill it into that demon fox child better than he could.

"Naruto, listen up!" snapped Sakura, "Sometimes shinobi are inflicted with unknown toxins or substances, or sometimes they might know what it is, but have no means to cure it. This flower alleviates the symptoms of those unknown substances long enough for a shinobi to get medical attention. The roots of the flower are few, but you only need a small piece anyway to activate its healing properties. Got it?"

Naruto reflected her lesson for a bit, then blurted, "So we gotta be very careful to get all the roots, cause they're so small?"

"Good job, genius," said Sasuke mockingly.

"That's the gist of it," sighed Kakashi, "Sakura, can you tell us about the physical properties of the plant?"

Naruto hardly listened to her. Instead, he was thinking, Okay, since this requires a lot of attention, and I guess it's some important flower, so that means Kakashi-sensei will help pick some. I'll ask him to come help me figure out a good way to pick them, and while he's showing me…some of this…some of that…

"Heheheh."

"Why's that funny, Naruto?" asked Kakashi.

"Huh? Wha—oh...the tree!" Naruto lied, "I just saw a squirrel fall down, stupid thing, eheheh…"

Kakashi's eye bored into him. "Were you listening to Sakura?"

"Yeah I was! The stupid flower is blue and white and not very tall…what else do ya wanna know?" Naruto half-guessed, half-knew.

Sasuke pointed to a spot in the distance. "There's one. How about we let Naruto do the honors of picking the first plant?"

Kakashi smiled (though how anyone knows that…), and said, "That sounds like a great idea. Go for it, Naruto."

Naruto scowled and exclaimed, "Yeah, I'll get that damn flower for you! I won't even break one root!"

So he stomped off, while everyone else smirked and followed him, putting on gloves to handle the flower commonly referred to as The Poison Ivy From Hell.

Naruto dug the flower up, and because the roots weren't very long or very many like Sakura said, he didn't break any roots. But he had to shake off all the dirt, which he did.

"Now pull all the leaves and thorns off like I told you," said Kakashi.

"Piece of cake!" claimed Naruto. When that was done, he placed the plant in the cloth sack that they brought to store the plants. Naruto wiped his hands together, noticed some tiny brown spots on his hands, and asked, "Sensei, what's this stuff on my hands?"

Kakashi explained dully, "It's actually oil. If you had listened to Sakura, you would know that this plant is covered in urushiol, and it is nearly 500 times more concentrated than the urushiol found on poison ivy."

Naruto's widened. "Wh-what's going to happen to me, sensei!"

"You like to learn the hard way, don't you?" asked Kakashi. Sakura burst out laughing, and Sasuke chuckled as well.

"You'll be fine Naruto, if you call an itching reaction so bad you won't even be able to use hand signs fine!" laughed Sakura.

Naruto was unable to participate in picking the flowers, because his hands started itching immediately. Being so miserable, Naruto didn't even want to think about stealing Make-Out Paradise, because that involved touching the book. And that was unbearable to think about.

Pishivee: In case some of you don't get it, urushiol is the poison of poison ivy.

Sorry if the story is a little slow in the beginning. People are welcome to tell me ridiculous ideas, becuase that's what this story is gonna be: ridiculous attempts (such as crossdressing, etc. you'll see) to steal a book.

Eventually, someone else wants to get their hands on the book, and maybe they will team up with Naruto, but we shall see...