The spotlights centered on two teens in fancy costumes. "Hello, everyone! I'm Kira Yamato!"

"And I'm Athrun Zala!"

"And we're your hosts," the two enthused simultaneously, "For the first and much-awaited Miss Seed Destiny Pageant!"

The Miss Seed Destiny Pageant

Author Note: Gundams Seed, Seed Destiny and Wing and any anime/manga not mine. AU humor fic. Shiho is hot.

"The Miss Seed Destiny Pageant is a search for the most beautiful, most appealing, most inspiring young woman for Cosmic Era 69! Selected candidates, proud representatives of their countries, shall compete for this most prestigious prize: a one year scholarship!

"First, let's introduce our judges." Kira gestured. "The Chairman of the PLANTS, Gilbert Dulindal!"

A vibrant chorus of "Seig Zeon!" resounded.

"The Chief Representative of the Emirates of Orb, Yuna Roma Seiran!"

While boos, catcalls and heckles rained, a blazing GOUF Ignited crashed through the ceiling and fell on Yuna, killing him instantly.

Cagalli's whoop of relief was audible even from backstage.

Kira and Athrun sweat-dropped. "Um… since Yuna is dead by most unfortunate circumstances… it appears that Miss Erica Simmons will have to substitute as judge."

Cheers for the good-looking Coordinator chief designer.

"And the President of the Earth Alliance…" Both Kira and Athrun were shocked. "Relena Darlian Peacecraft?"

Amid a storm of "What the hell?" and "Oh, my God, we divided by zero!" Relena primly took her seat.

"Okay, so this is now a crossover, huh? Oh, well." Athrun shrugged. "Let's now welcome our lovely contestants!"

"Right, Athrun. First up is the songstress of peace: Lacus Clyne!"

In the crowd, a certain Earl Osborne goes wild. "Oh, yeah! Marry me, baby!"

Lacus blushed. Kira frowned.

"Next we have the princess of Orb: Cagalli Yula Attha!"

The sprightliness in Cagalli's walk was undeniable. She really enjoyed Yuna's untimely death. She didn't complain about Athrun calling her "princess". She even blew him a flying kiss, which made Athrun blush.

"Um… ah, Fllay Allstar!"

Fllay did Cagalli one better by blowing a raspberry at Kira, which elicited a disapproving look from Lacus.

"Something tells me Fllay appearing here is wrong," the troubled Kira told Athrun.

"Perhaps. Next we have Meer Campbell!"

"No!" the girl protested amidst accusations of "Faker" and the Lacus' further disapproval. "I'm the real Lacus, Athrun!"

"…whatever. Anyway, here's Lunamaria Hawke!" said Kira.

"And Meyrin Hawke!" added Athrun.

It was Cagalli's turn to stare daggers at Athrun as both Hawke sisters beamed at him. "You have it worse than I do, don't you, Athrun?" Kira asked.

"Thanks to Seed Destiny? Yeah. Returning to the show: here's Shiho Hahenfuss!"

"Shi-Who?" everyone asked.

"She's the girl with long brown hair, purple eyes and ZAFT Red uniform," Athrun elaborated, "Who you sometimes see near Yzak in Seed Destiny."

In the crowd, Yzak Joule blinked. Dearka Elsmann then took the opportunity of elbowing his friend. "There's your hetero pairing, buddy."

"Shut up. I shouldn't even be here if you didn't bug me so much."

"Enjoy the show."

The crowd whined "But we still don't know who she is…"

"Uh huh," Kira said. "Continuing: ace photographer journalist and my good friend, Miriaria Howe!"

In the crowd, Dearka ducked behind Yzak. "Hide me, buddy."

"Coward…"

But he had good reason to do so. Milly scanned the crowd most aggressively, seeking out her ex-boyfriend. She did not, however, spot Dearka.

"Whew," Dearka muttered. "That was close…"

"Worthless," Yzak told him. Meanwhile Athrun now introduced "Murrue Ramius!"

A swarm of fan boys immediately put on copies of Neo Lornokke's mask and declared: "I'm Mwu!" Save for one guy, who wore an Earth Alliance-style pilot helmet and said: "Murrue! I am your dead Mobile Armor fiancé from Gundam Seed!"

Murrue stared. So did Mwu/Neo, who was also in the crowd sans the mask.

Then the fan boys wearing Neo masks started dying painfully as a certain blonde psycho blade expect hacked and slashed her way towards the stage. "Don't dirty Neo's name, you filth!"

"Oh," Athrun shrugged. "And here is latecomer Extended, Stellar Louissier."

"Stop it!" Kira yelled at Stellar. "Those people don't deserve to die!"

"Die?" Stellar's eyes went wide. "No! I don't want to die!" She ran amok, chopping her way out of the crowd and into the street in a panic. Sting and Auel chased after the berserk Extended girl.

"Nice going, Kira," Athrun muttered. "You've just provoked the enmity of the biggest emo-wuss since Camille Bidan."

"What?"

"Curse you, Freedom," swore Shinn Asuka, seated in his apartment watching the entire thing on TV. "I will destroy you for doing this to Stellar!"

"Oniichan," Mayu asked, "Who are you talking to?"

"Don't mind me, Mayu. I will avenge the man who killed you!"

"Oniichan, I'm not dead…"

"Finally, last but not the least: Rey Za Burrel!"

The crowd went silent as Rey stalked towards the end of the lined beauties, who all regarded him strangely.

"Something's wrong here," Athrun told Kira while they suspiciously eyed Rey.

"You're right," his friend agreed. "But I can't exactly put my finger on it."

"Anyway, everyone, give our contestants a round of applause!"

The crowd obliges.

to be continued…