Title: Rollercoaster - Part 1
Author: Lisa M
Pairing: BJ/Hawkeye - implied; BJ/Peg - not implied
Rating: Major
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything. Don't sue … no money.
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Would be appreciated - good or bad.
Spoilers: None, really
Summary: Peg POV. It was strange, but it was almost as if, through his letters, I felt myself falling in love with Hawkeye too.
A/N: This fic is for Lee … she knows why. No beta, because Lee's my beta, and well, I wanted this fic to be a surprise for her.
'Life is like a rollercoaster. Full of ups and downs. Twists and turns. Starts and stops. Climbs and falls. Loop-de-loops. It's always an adventure.'
I don't know who originally said that, but whoever they are, the statement is absolutely correct. Though, if you had told me that five years ago, I wouldn't have believed you. Why? Well …
We had been moving forward in our lives, BJ and I, without many problems. There were some issues when he'd been in med school, but our fights never went very far or lasted very long. That's just how we were. Few high highs and even fewer low lows. I think the biggest thrill we'd had was when I found out we were pregnant. The two of us couldn't have been happier.
Then, the unthinkable happened. BJ was drafted. I gave birth to our daughter while he was in basic training. He left for Korea when Erin was two months old. It was devastating … for all of us. I cried every night for at least a month.
It wasn't because I was afraid of him being unfaithful to me. BJ loved me. He'd never even glanced at another woman once we'd started dating. No, cheating wasn't a concern of mine. I knew that no woman in the whole of Korea would be tempting enough to make my husband stray from me. It turned out I was wrong. BJ did cheat.
With Carrie Donovan.
Do I sound bitter? I'm not. Oh, I was upset about nurse Donovan, but in the end, I understood why he'd done it. They were in a terrible place filled with blood and death - Carrie was his friend and she was going through a very, very bad time. BJ helped her forget that and showed her she could move on. And it was completely BJ - so him to help a friend in need, that I couldn't stay mad at him for long. He was just being himself.
But that is not the story I'm here to tell you about.
BJ also cheated on me with someone else. Hawkeye Pierce.
When he first arrived in Korea, BJ would write me letters. Every single day. And now that I think about it, he never stopped doing that. Writing me. His letters simply evolved into something else. In the beginning, he'd talk for paragraphs about how much he missed me. Missed Erin. Missed home. How awful a place Korea was. That everything about there was a nightmare. The food. The blood. The parade of children pretending to be soldiers that he had to sew up every single day. I could feel his pain, his loneliness as I read each of his words.
But, after about two months, his letters began to change. He still spoke of how much he missed us, missed home, but the pages now contained stories of a man by the name of Benjamin Franklin Pierce - a name he only wrote once. Paragraph after paragraph would be about Hawkeye. The jokes they played together. The soldiers they saved on that particular day. The R&R trips to Seoul they took with each other.
By the time BJ had been gone for six months, I knew something was different between them. That they weren't just best friends, as BJ said they were. Looking back, I think I probably had suspicions about their relationship from that very first letter I received that had contained Hawkeye's name.
BJ had always been popular. He had many 'buddies', but Hawkeye was not just a buddy. The way my husband spoke of him with his pen and paper. The frequency in which his name appeared on every page. Each time I read a letter, I remembered back to a time when I used to write a boy's name on my folders for school - complete with little hearts around them. It was obvious to me that BJ was completely smitten with Hawkeye - the only thing missing were the hearts surrounding the man's name.
For some reason, I wasn't disgusted by the thought of BJ being with this doctor. Nor was I angry or jealous. Don't ask me to explain, because I can't. Not even to this day. It was strange, but it was almost as if, through BJ's letters, I felt myself falling in love with Hawkeye, too. I began to look forward to seeing his name written in my husband's perfect script.
It was very surreal.
Then the war ended and BJ came home. The moment I saw him standing in the airport, I knew a huge part of him had gone to Crabapple Cove, Maine. He looked lost - a black and white version of himself. I rushed to him, tears filling my eyes, and wrapped him in my arms.
"He can come visit whenever you want," I had told him. That was the moment his arms came around me and squeezed as tightly as they could.
"Thank you," he'd murmured into my ear.
One month after BJ returned from Korea, I met Hawkeye Pierce.
It was the middle of the afternoon when the doorbell rang. I had just put Erin down for her nap as the chimes echoed through the house. I went to the door and opened it, coming face to face with the man my husband had fallen in love with. The man who'd fallen in love with BJ right back.
And now, I understood why it had happened - at least from a physical perspective.
Hawkeye was strikingly attractive. He was tall and lean, with straight black hair shot through with streaks of gray, and he had the most perfect features. His mouth was fixed in an easy smile that lit up his entire face, and the blue that sparkled in his eyes was identical to the shade in BJ's.
How could you not fall in love with Hawkeye Pierce? He was handsome and funny and ridiculously intelligent - the latter two I had learned through BJ's letters. I may have gasped when I saw him standing there, but I really don't remember.
"Peg?" he asked, only slightly hesitant.
"Hawkeye," I replied, a smile growing on my face.
He dropped his suitcase and gathered me to him. There was a strange familiarity in his embrace that was somewhat startling, but I quickly realized that there was a part of BJ imbedded deeply within him. I could feel it - here and now - through the simple gesture of a hug.
"It's so nice to finally meet you!" Hawkeye pulled away slightly, his friendly eyes beaming down at me. "My God, you are … stunning, Peg Hunnicutt."
"Thank you," I said, feeling a bright crimson blush warming my face. "You're not so bad yourself, doctor."
He folded me against his body again and this time, I know I gasped. Goosebumps rose all over my skin. Being here, wrapped in Hawkeye's arms somehow felt … right.
"Hey, take your hands off my wife, fella."
BJ's humor-filled voice came from the porch directly behind Hawkeye. Instead of releasing me, his hug tightened. Eyes twinkling, he winked at me and I almost laughed, but I managed to stop myself.
"Says who?"
"Says me," BJ replied with a hearty laugh and threw his arms around the two of us. He squeezed tighter and tighter until Hawkeye's grip loosened.
"Okay, okay! Jeez, Beej, are you trying to crush me or something?" Hawkeye released me and spun around into BJ's embrace.
"Hawk!"
"I've missed you," the man whispered against my husband's ear.
"Me too. God, so much."
They stood there, on the porch, pressed together for what seemed like an eternity. Yes, they were in love. It was apparent. The way they swayed together slightly. The lingering touches at the small of Hawkeye's back. The weaving of long, surgeon's fingers into the hair at the nape of BJ's neck. The hushed, mumbled words that only they could understand.
I watched them, wondering why the feelings I should be having - anger, jealousy, fear - weren't coming. All I had growing inside of me was an overwhelming sense of peace. Of completion. With Hawkeye's arrival, every single part of BJ was back here. With me. And I was so thankful. My heart felt as if it might explode with joy. One single tear fell from my eyes and I brushed it away quickly.
When they finally, but reluctantly separated, BJ leaned in and gave me a kiss.
"You're home early," I commented with a small smile.
"Well, for some reason I couldn't concentrate at work," he cast a sidelong glance at Hawkeye. "So I decided to come home. Besides, I had a feeling this one would catch an early flight to try and surprise me, and there was absolutely no way I was going to leave him here alone with you." A lopsided grin lifted the corners of his lips.
"You mean," Hawkeye pretended to be offended. "You don't trust me? Your best friend?"
"I trust you only about as far as I can throw you. I know you are completely incapable of ignoring the impulse to flirt with a pretty girl. I also know that most pretty girls can't resist your charms."
"This," Hawkeye said, putting his arm around my waist. "Is no pretty girl, my friend. She is a perfect specimen of the female persuasion. A Monet. A beautiful - no, gorgeous woman."
"Even worse."
"Beej? How in the name of God did you land someone like this?"
"Alright, boys. Enough," I finally broke up their conversation. I was blushing again, and it was completely embarrassing. "Let's go inside and I'll make us some sandwiches." They shared a glance and I knew what was coming before BJ even opened his mouth.
"Honey, if it's okay with you, I'd love to just sit down with Hawk and catch up."
"Sure. That's no problem at all."
"Are you positive?"
"Of course," I said with a low chuckle, turning to walk into the house. They followed closely behind me. "I have some errands to run anyway. Take Hawkeye and his things upstairs and show him to his room. Erin's sleeping so please be quiet. She just went down, so she'll be out for at least two hours." I picked up my purse and gave BJ a quick kiss. "I'll be back in a while."
"Thank you, Peg." BJ kissed me back.
"You're welcome. See you later."
Hawkeye wiggled his fingers at me in a semi-wave. I started to laugh and left the house. The door closed softly behind me. As I approached my car, I realized I'd forgotten to grab my keys. Scouring the pockets of my purse and coming up with nothing, I cursed softly. Something I rarely did. I turned my gaze back to the house.
I really didn't want to go in, but I couldn't stand out here by the car, while I was supposed to be out running errands.
"Damn," I cursed again and strode up the walkway. Pausing at the stoop, I closed my eyes and said a quick little prayer that my keys were right inside on the table next to the door. I turned the knob and pushed it gently open.
BJ and Hawkeye hadn't moved. They were still standing at the foot of the stairs, but now, their arms were wrapped around each other, and they had their lips pressed together in a passionate kiss. BJ had his fingers woven through Hawkeye's dark hair and Hawkeye's hands were gripping the back of BJ's shirt so tightly that it was pulling out of his pants.
I wasn't surprised or shocked to see them like that. As a matter of fact, I would've been stunned if they hadn't been in that exact position. I stood and watched them for a moment. They moved together in a perfect, practiced dance. Hands tracing over backs, shoulders, arms. Lips and tongues and breath all mingling in the space between their mouths. Small pants and moans echoing softly throughout the empty foyer.
I felt myself becoming aroused and I knew I had to leave before they turned around and saw me standing there. Reaching to my right, my fingers brushed over the cool metal of the keys. Carefully, I closed my hand over them and pulled them to me. I quickly left the house, closing the door softly behind me.
After driving for at least fifteen minutes, I was still aroused. I couldn't get the sight of BJ, his tongue darting into Hawkeye's mouth as their bodies moved together, out of my mind. I drove around for a few more moments, finally finding a secluded, wooded area where I could pull the car over. Turning off the engine, I allowed my head to fall back against the headrest. With a deep sigh, I slid my hand under the hem of my skirt and into my damp panties.
I called an image of them, their naked, sweaty bodies entwined, to the front of my mind as my fingers found the most sensitive spot on my body.
I arrived home a few hours later to find both men sitting cross-legged on the living room floor. Erin was between them and it looked as if they were playing 'monkey in the middle' with her favorite toy - a stuffed pink monkey Hawkeye had sent her just one week earlier. She squealed with joy each time the animal soared over her head.
"Daddee! Unca Hawkee! No fair," she yelled and dove into Hawkeye's arms. BJ tackled both of them and they rolled across the floor - a bundle of men and bear and girl and giggles. BJ hadn't looked this peaceful, this happy, since long before he left for Korea. My heart felt as if it might burst. I wanted to be part of their fun so badly, and as if reading my mind, Erin looked up. She saw me standing in the entryway.
"Momee!" she screetched at the top of her lungs and ran towards me, throwing herself against my legs, trying to topple me. "Hewp me, unca Hawkee! Hewp!" She pushed as hard as she could, but failed at knocking me down.
"Okay, sweetpea," Hawkeye jumped to his feet, pulling BJ along with him. "But, mommy's in big trouble now."
They both rushed at me as one, but once they were directly in front of me, they stopped dead in their tracks. Each one grabbed an arm and lead me into the living room. They pulled me down to the floor, Erin joined us, and we began another game of 'monkey in the middle'.
That night, when BJ joined me in bed, I pulled him to me for a heated kiss. I could still smell Hawkeye on his skin - taste Hawkeye on his lips. I found his erection with my hand and he was more than ready. Which was good because after everything that had happened during the day, I was in no mood to waste any time. I rolled onto my stomach and moved to my hands and knees.
"Peggy?" BJ's confused voice met my ears. And of course he was confused. Sex, while always very fulfilling and enjoyable for both of us, was rarely anything but normal. "What are you doing"
"Trying something … new. Different."
"Are you sure?" He settled in behind me. "Really sure?"
"Yes. I want you to take me, just like this," I pressed back against his groin and he moaned my name. "Now."
BJ didn't hesitate, and within moments, we were groaning and rocking against each other with abandon. Rushing towards the sweet pleasure that we knew awaited us in climax. BJ plunged into me one final time and, for the first time in years, we came together.
As we lay there sweaty and sated, wrapped within each other's arms, an idea began to form in my head.
"BJ?"
"Uh huh?"
"I need to tell you something."
"What is it, darling?"
"This afternoon, I saw you and Hawkeye kissing in the hallway." BJ tensed immediately and I could see panic clouding his eyes. "No, honey. Don't get upset. I'm not upset about it. As a matter of fact," I paused, feeling another blush creeping over my cheekbones. "I was so turned on by it, that I had to pull over and … you know."
He just looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. There were times when I was astounded at how stupid men can be …
"I had to pull over and relieve myself, BJ."
"What?" He pushed himself to his elbows. "You …," he gestured to my groin in an almost comical way. "Did that because you saw me, us …?" Now it was BJ's turn to blush.
"Yes, but I'm not finished, darling," I said, following my words with a hard swallow to rid my throat of the frog that had taken up residence within it. "There's more."
"More? I don't know if I can handle any more, Peg." He laughed softly and threw himself back down onto the bed.
"I want to ask you something first."
"Okay."
"And you have to promise to be completely honest, no matter how embarrassed you may be."
"I will."
"Have you and Hawkeye had sex with each other?"
"Peggy!" BJ shouted and pulled a pillow over his head, effectively hiding his face from me. I reached over and removed it, tossing it to the foot of the bed. It landed with a soft thud.
"I'm serious, BJ, have you?"
"Yes," he barely managed to squeak out.
"Today? While I was gone?" I gently pushed.
"Uh …" BJ paused, glancing over at me for reassurance. I smiled at him and brushed a sweaty curl of hair away from his forehead. "Yes, we had sex while you were gone."
"Well, that definitely makes things easier for me."
"Easier?"
"Yes." I met my husband's eyes with a direct stare. "I want you to invite Hawkeye into our bed."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"I know I heard you, but I can't believe you actually said it."
"BJ, do you love me?"
"God, yes."
"And you know I love you?"
"Of course."
"I know you also love Hawkeye and that he loves you. I think there may be a part of me that has fallen for him too… through you." I paused and kissed him tenderly. "If you want him here, in bed with us, I want him here. Invite him to join us tomorrow."
"What about Erin?"
"I think that grandma and papa Hunnicutt would love to have her come for a sleepover this weekend, don't you?"
BJ closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against his nude body.
"I think someone needs to pinch me, because either I'm dreaming all of this, or I have the most understanding, amazing wife in the entire universe. Hawkeye's right … how did I manage to land someone like you?"
I snuggled closer to him.
"I guess you're just a very lucky man."
TBC