A human female gardening, "Boring." Hiei lazily flicked from channel to channel on Kurama's TV.

A high speed car chase on the highway, "Boring." He yawned and scratched his crotch, there was absolutely nothing on the noise box!

A bridge blowing up, "Seen it."

A demon slicing a man's head off, "Done that."

A ninjen male cooking some type of pastry, "Boring."

"What!" Hiei stopped at one station called 'PBS.' There were fuzzy humanoid demon children running about on a grassy knoll. One was purple, the others green, yellow and red.

Hiei squinted his eyes and scrutinized the scene before him. "Perhaps some type of human experiment?" Why else would the purple creature being carrying a red hand bag? Only humans did that, and pure humans certainly were not purple with antennas and televisions sticking out of their abdomens

"Only a human would place a Tee-Vee' in a creatures abdomen." Thoroughly disgusted with the audacity of the human race, Hiei began to listlessly change the channels again. He frowned, his ass was starting to get numb from sitting on it for so long.

"What time is it?" Hiei looked over to the digital clock in the corner, 1:16 pm. 'hmm..' He rubbed his chin dramatically, "Kurama left at 9:00, which means," Hiei counted the hours on his fingers, "I have been watching this machine for four hours!" He rubbed his chin again and glared accusingly at the television.

"It seems that I am becoming more and more like the humans." It would be best if he got off his ass to do something else before they brain-washed him.

Pause.

"nah."

Hiei clicked onto one of the news stations hopefully, the humans were always getting themselves in dangerous predicaments. Maybe something had blown up in one of their cities?

Hiei balled his fists excitedly waiting for the news caster to speak.

The man was balding and grey haired. He wore a blue suit, and had a very expressionless face, "and today in Brazil 35,000 people were killed in a 150 car pile up after an airplane exploded-"

"YES!" Hiei shouted. Finally something interesting had happened!

"-sending debris crashing down onto the interstate highway. Experts say that the crash was caused by an air leak in the fuel tanks-"

"Blah Blah Blah same old same old," Just as he was quick with everything else, Hiei was quick to get bored. Again.

His interest perked when a strange blond women came running out onto the screen. She was dressed in nothing but her underwear. "¡El día de juicio! The judgment has come!" she shrieked. "We must cleanse our souls¡Castigo divino!" She was quickly tackled to the ground by two uniformed men.

"HA!" Hiei chuckled uncontrollably, humans were so hilarious!

"No resista por favor la falta!" The men started beating the women with wooden sticks.

"No! No me gusta! Stop, please!"

"Hahahaa!" Hiei cackled and rolled over, accidentally changing the program to the Discovery Channel.

"what the, hey- WOAH!" Hiei looked up to see something he definitely was not expecting to see.

In front of his poor virgin eyes was a large blubbery creature so grotesque it made Hiei cringe. The creature was spluttering and panting out of a snout inflated like a balloon. That nose... Big huge and bulbous, shaking as if it had a life of it's own. The thing roared sending ripples down it's fatty side, and excreted a large amount of filmy liquid from a large hole in it's ass. If you could call it an ass. The thing was shaped like a giant fatty shrimp with tiny hands that flapped wildly at it's sides.

Hiei did the only thing an A-class demon of his caliber could do.

"EEEW!"

Hiei cringed and scooted further back into the sofa, shielding himself behind some pillows. "Tiny hands are Ugly!"

The creature roared again and a human man began to whisper something, "-and now we see the female elephant seal in the throws of labor. Watch as she contracts again. Beautiful." Curiosity over came the fire demon and he peaked out from behind his shield.

His eyes widened, how was it possible for the animal to become even more hideous? It bucked it's shrimp-like body upward, rippling the fat even more, and this watery black thing started to emerge from the hole.

"uuhhhh.." The image reminded him strangely of the taffy stuff Kuwabara ate.

The elephant seal, Hiei remembered that was what the human had called it, mooed and grunted and finally shoved out the squirming shrieking 'thing' with a victorious grunt.

"-aren't we lucky to have seen the miracle of birth today. Watch as the cow cleans off her calf."

"NO! I'm not lucky to have seen this today thank you very much!" Hiei argued with the human man, "Disgusting humans! Is that it's child?" Indeed the snaking black form covered in afterbirth was the baby elephant seal. The mother scooted over and began to clean off the after birth, eating some of it as she did.

"NO! UHHH don't touch it! Ah! what, now your going to eat it?" Hiei retched, he could only imagine how disgusting that must taste, after all it had come out of some being's ass! A Fat ass at that! Hiei turned off the TV and chucked the clicker at the wall.

How could humans be so disgusting? He would make them pay for scaring his mind with such indecencies! Though that meant he would have to keep watching until the humans revealed their location to him.

And so Hiei the great fire demon watched until the, "Elephant Seal's: From conception to birth," documentary was over. By the time it was Hiei was sure he'd never be able to eat shrimp or taffy ever again.
-
"Dam it! They live in England! Stupid ningen's! You are so lucky I can't get to you!" Hiei shouted and stomped his feet several times in frustration. Being on probation sucked. "I will rip your throat out through your ass If ever I see you human!"

"Fine, I will have to seek another means to exact my revenge on you, Geff-er-y Lou-is." Hiei stated, his words dripping with malice.

After several minutes of careful thinking, he settled on one plan of action. The fire demon let his feet carry him to Kurama's bedroom door and he let himself in, getting hit by a blast of rose scented air as he did so. "Gah! Kurama!" Hiei choked and sputtered on the thick scent polluting his air passages. "It's too much!" Hiei pulled his collar up over his nose and breathed in heavily, "ahhh" He sighed in satisfaction then started to rummage through his friend's things.

Once he found what he was searching for, Hiei held the object over his head victoriously. The demon smirked, "Perfect."