I have something similar to this posted at the top of Chapter 1 of the fic now, if you've recently read that there's no need to read this.

I wrote and posted every chapter but this one in 2006, when I was still a teenager. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a little embarrassed about this story.

It never occurred to me that anyone would be interested in this fic after all these years, but two separate people messaged me in the past month asking about it. This was really surprising. While the story did have what I'd call a small cult following at the time I was publishing it, it's been years since anyone expressed any interest in it, though I do see that, consistently, a few people per month seem to read all or most of it, which is also astonishing to me and I think might be due to my other (finished, better (though still deeply flawed)) Bangle fic that I wrote around the same time.

While there are a lot of things about the fic I'd do differently now and I'm not particularly proud of it, it's clear that at least a small number of people have and continue to get enjoyment from something in the story. When I reread it, I realized that I was VERY close to the ending. I also realized I still at least vaguely knew how it was intended to end and even actually had a partial draft of it. So I decided, after 10 years, that despite the fact that I'm not particularly proud of the fic, since there was at least some interest, I'd go ahead and finally finish it.

If with all that said you do decided to go ahead and try to read this, thank you for taking time with my fic, and with this chapter, flawed though the fic may be. I did my best at the time. I do still get and read all reviews on this, and I truly appreciate all reviews, even bad ones, as they help me to improve my writing. If you do read, any review would be treasured.

The Final Chapter

"You're love's bitch?" Angel asked disbelievingly, feeling an unexpected flare of anger. "I'm not even convinced you know what love is."

Her eyes flashed in a way he knew was dangerous, but he didn't back away as she took a step toward him. "Oh, and you do? You think love is running away."

"I was not running away," Angel said, running a hand through his hair in frustration at needing to try to explain this to her for what felt like the millionth time. "I was trying to protect you!"

Buffy's eyes narrowed and he braced himself for yet another tirade, but to his surprise the expression that came over her face was thoughtful, and just the slightest bit curious. "Let's say that was true, once. What are you protecting me from now?"

Angel opened his mouth to answer, feeling that the answer was obvious- he was protecting her from himself. Unfortunately, though, as he stopped to truly think about it for a moment, he had to admit it didn't completely make sense. It was true that he'd thought he was protecting her when he left New York- that he'd believed she wouldn't want to see him and would want nothing more than to get on with her life away from him. But her being here would seem to contradict that assumption. He fought the urge to turn away from her as he realized, for the first time, that just as much as he'd left New York for her, he'd also left New York selfishly, for himself. He hadn't wanted to see her turn away from him. He hadn't wanted to deal with her rejection. In some ways he even hadn't wanted the complications that he'd known would come if, against all odds, she had still wanted to be with him. He hadn't wanted to ever be in a position where he was someone she had loved, rather than someone she loved, and he knew that was a definite possibility if they did try to make things work.

"That's what I thought," Buffy said, her ice cold voice slicing through his thoughts. He came back to the present, meeting her eyes. "I always knew I was selfish," she continued after a moment, her voice growing, if possible, colder, more intense, "but I never realized how selfish you are too. I honestly don't even know how you can live with yourself-"

"I can't," he cut her off honestly. "I can't, is that what you want me to say? And no matter what you think, it was never going to be possible for us to have some romantic reunion. Even if I'd stayed in New York- even if I'd come to you- you never would have been able to forgive me. You haven't forgiven me."

Buffy looked like she was going to protest, but then looked down, and Angel knew he'd finally hit on the truth and the center of the issue. They'd spent so much time fighting about what love was and whether they did or didn't love one another, but that had never really been the problem. The real problem was that love wasn't enough.

"I could forgive you if you would forgive yourself," Buffy said after a long moment and Angel blinked in surprise at the words, having not expected an answer, much less a serious answer that contained neither denials nor histrionics. "And I'm not going to say it would be easy. It would be hard. I think it would be the hardest thing I've ever done. It would take work, and patience. It would take a lot of time. We would need to get to know one another again, and we would need to fight every day to forgive each other- and to forgive ourselves." She hesitated and then squared her shoulders, seeming to have resolved to go on. "I've loved you since I was 16. I never stopped, and believe me, I tried to stop. But in some ways I don't know you, and I know you don't know me. You've heard the story of my life until now, but you weren't there when I lived it. You still look at me and see a teenager, but that isn't who I am now. It will take time, before you can know me as I am now, and before I can know you. And you know what, it's possible that it will be a disaster. It's possible that even after all these years we've spent thinking we loved one another we won't even like each other now. I have to admit that over the past few weeks, there have been times when I was pretty sure that I didn't like you. But I came here anyway."

"Well, maybe that was stupid," he cut her off mercilessly, but she didn't rise to the bait this time. Instead she just tilted her head, and he had the uncomfortable feeling that she could see right through him as she shrugged.

"Yes. It probably was. But I like to think it was also brave."

At her words Angel felt something shift in his perception of her- something that had been shifting since he'd first seen her again a few weeks before but only crystallized for him now. She was right- she wasn't a child any more. And he knew that to keep thinking of her that way did her a disservice- to keep trying to protect her did her a disservice too. So he supposed the only question left was whether he was still going to try to protect himself- and whether that was even possible.

Buffy saw something shift on Angel's face, but she didn't dare to hope she had finally gotten through to him. She had to admit, if only to herself, that this whole thing appeared to have turned out to be nothing but an exercise in masochism- and all because she couldn't bring herself to let go of something that wasn't really more than an idea in her head.

But she knew that wasn't true either. It wasn't so much the idea that had led her to chase him here, but a feeling- a certainty, even though it made no sense, and even though every word he said and everything that he did seemed to actively work to undermine it. She somehow knew that if he would just give in they could be happy. Oh, probably not right way- she wasn't that naive and she'd meant what she had said to him. Anything that could happen between them now would be difficult, and painful, and require hard work and effort almost beyond what she could imagine. But somehow, she knew the effort would be worth it, if only Angel could bring himself to believe it could be worth it to try.

"And what if we try and we can't?" he asked quietly, sounding almost defeated and she felt so shocked at the words that she almost fell over. "What if I can't?"

"Then we can't," Buffy shrugged, wondering when she had become the voice of calm and maturity and not sure she liked it. "Or you can't. Or I can't. But I don't think the fact that we might fail means we shouldn't try."

"And if I did agree- to try?" he asked, sounding uncertain, and Buffy had to fight the inappropriate urge to laugh at the expression on his face.

"Then I'd say 'kiss me'," Buffy said after a long moment, sure that he wouldn't.

There was a hesitation as his eyes met hers, as his eyes seemed almost to war with hers before, with speed Buffy was sure she'd never seen from a human, he stepped forward, took her head in his hands, and did.

The End

And they all lived happily ever after. All reviews, favorites, and follows are appreciated and treasured. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time to read my first fic ever.