This all seems so surreal, Kyoko thought as she moved toward the birthing room as quickly as decorum would allow, walking a tightrope of anxiety and propriety with little room for error in what was already a tricky situation.
After all, it wasn't everyday the lover of one of the head family of the Sagura Clan, the ruling family of the Oni's Bane school of swordsmanship, went into labour…especially not if they were the female partner of the Lady Sagura.
How did this happen, Kyoko stepped swiftly around two servants that attempted to intercept her, most likely lackeys of the council, the people that had sort to keep her distracted while her lover went through this scary experience alone, the people who had objected to her presence almost the second they met her.
Their despicable treatment of Shinobu angered her almost as much as the lack of indignation it provoked from the blue haired girl confused her.
In the distance she thought she heard Shinobu's voice cry out in pain and desperation and she had to fight the urge to run.
Even now, when she wanted nothing more than cast aside the bonds of her station, hike up her kimono and hurtle to the other girl's side she knew she couldn't.
She was already towing a fine line with the council after refusing to meet any of the suitors they had tried to arrange for her to, "Break her out of this fade".
The birth of her nephew, Ryuuya, had only made them more testy for some reason. Rather than drawing attention away from her they were now acting as if Motoko had been declared barren, and the pressure had rapidly taken its toll on her relationship with Shinobu, distracting her with her attempts to protect them both while they were whispering things in Shinobu's ear, making her doubt herself and her worth in their relationship.
Kyoko felt her eyes moisten as she recalled how she had dismissed her girlfriend's fears as if they didn't matter while busy sorting through yet another meeting with some young lord, unaware that she was helping the council even as she congratulated herself on stopping another of their schemes.
That was why Shinobu had left that night, why Kyoko, much to her shame, hadn't even noticed until she returned three days later, crying and guilt-ridden.
Kyoko had been shocked when she learned the reasons for the blue haired girl's tears and had spoken to no one for almost a week following her return, her only contact with the outside coming in the form of visits from the head of the council, who slithered up to her side, denouncing Shinobu with a false smile stretched across his leathery, wrinkled features, even as he 'comforted' her with honeyed words and promises of a better tomorrow once she returned to her station.
She head followed him, trying to bury herself in her duties.
Yet…somehow, despite everything, despite the terribleness of the truth, Kyoko had only found herself missing Shinobu's comforting words, her kind smile, and her soft lap, always available for Kyoko to rest her weary head in, for her to steal a precious moment when she could forget about all the responsibility and expectations on her young shoulders, and just be herself.
She'd managed to stop Shinobu from leaving, lowering herself to her knees before her shocked servants to prove she was sincere.
That had taken place a little under nine months ago, and now, the consequences of Shinobu's actions, and Kyoko's overconfidence, were finally catching up with them in full.
"Hold on Shinobu-chan", she whispered as another scream pierced the air, "I'm coming, I'm not going to let you down again".
---Shinobu shivered, standing uncertainly in the dark hallway of the Hinata Sou as Keitaro fumbled in the darkness, searching with little success for the living room light switch since the one for the hall seemed to be broken.
What am I doing here?, she thought as he finally located it with a cry of triumph cut short as the switch arced, shocking him with a small spark before the lights flickered to life.
"Senpai? Are you ok?"
"Mm, m-ine", he mumbled, sucking his singed finger and trying to smile around it.
Shinobu thought it looked sort of cute and giggled softly her herself, smiling apologetically when he took his finger out of his mouth and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
A cold burst of air cut off her laughter, causing her to clutch at her wet and flimsy dress as the liquid trapped between its fibres dropped another degree against her pale skin.
"Ah, stupid", he said, smacking his forehead, "Wait here, I'll be back in a moment".
Before Shinobu could protest he had vanished up the stairs, the sound of crashing rapidly followed, chased by a hurried "I'm fine!".
Shinobu felt another smile tugging at her lips.
Keitaro never changed, and for that she was glad. Other might have wanted him to change in the past, but she had always been happy with who he was, even before his experiences abroad with Seta brought more of the confidence and inner strength she had seen early on in him, to the surface.
She idly wondered what would have happened if the other girls had never seen what she had seen…
"Uwwweah! Bad Shinobu!", one little fight didn't mean she should start wondering about things she couldn't change.
Besides, if nothing had changed to make Naru confess her feelings, he probably would have ended up with Mitsumi, and anyway, she was happy with things as they were…right?
"Happy with being viewed with hate or disgust…happy being blamed…happy being ignored…", her eyes dropped lower with every word she spoke and her grip on herself grew lax.
"Did you say something Shinobu?"
Shinobu's head snapped up, her hands reflexively waving in front of her as if to ward of his words as she always had done when he had caught her deep in thought as a child.
"I-it's nothing senpai, just thinking out loud, that's all", she began to sweat, her stomach flopping oddly as he stared at her with open concern for a moment before shrugging, a carefree expression she was used to seeing on Seta obscuring whatever he had been thinking.
"I found some sheets, I didn't know where the towels are anymore", he said nodding to the pile he held in his arms, "I hope these will be ok".
"They'll be fine, anything that can get me dry right now would be appreciated", she said with a weak smile, gesturing at her garments.
Keitaro's eyes followed her hand, bulging for a second before his face snapped away.
"Senpai?", she looked down at herself, only now realising the effect the slick fabric was having as it hung over her frame.
She was still sometimes surprised when something reminded her of how her body had changed since she was a child. Perhaps it was the result of living amongst a group of dynamically beautiful women for most of her teen years, she had had nothing to contrast herself against and feel as if she had improved.
Whatever the reason, it appeared her former crush had also noticed she was no longer a little girl.
Shinobu was slightly ashamed to admit to herself that she felt a thrill of vindication after all those years of wishing for him to notice her.
Stop it Shinobu, he's a married man, and you're…, she stopped. Could she really call what she had with Kyoko a relationship anymore? After all this time it seemed silly, and yet in light of her recent revelations…
Wait…, another thought struck her, What is senpai doing here?
As Keitaro led her over to the dustsheet covered couches, she pondered his presence here in Hinata.
Last any of them had heard he had left Hinata to live in a house Naru's parents had helped them by with his wife.
Speaking of Naru…
"Senpai?", she asked when they had gotten comfortable, both wrapping a towel around their huddled forms and taking a seat on opposite sides of the larger of the two couches, "Where is Naru? Isn't she here with you?"
Keitaro's face seemed to cloud over for a moment and she dropped her questioning gaze.
"I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk about it…"
"Hmmm? Oh, it's nothing Shinobu, just…erm, I had some things I needed to do in the area, and Naru is busy with out daughter-"
"You have a daughter?", she asked, feeling a little numb inside, like she had the day her hero and Naru had been married, or when she had thought Kyoko dead.
"Yeah", he said, a proud and loving smile crossing his face, his eyes appearing far away for a moment, "Kanna"
"The princess in the sky", Shinobu said, seeing from his expression that she had guessed right, "You're not the only person in the world who knows that story senpai… It's a cute name, I'm sure it suits her".
"Thank you Shinobu", even though his words were happy, there was something guarded about his expression she couldn't place. Most people probably wouldn't see it, but she had spent enough time watching him over the years to see it.
"Have you decided what you are going to call your first child?", he asked, his face dropping as he caught up with what he had said, "Erm, I mean, er-"
"It's ok senpai, Kyoko and I have talked about this, and we plan to adopt when the time comes…though at the moment…", she added, thinking she'd spoke too quietly for him to hear.
"Is something wrong with you and Kyoko?", he asked, proving that he either had better hearing than she remembered, or he knew her too well for her to hide her misery from him.
At first she didn't respond, but when the words came, they were slow and uncertain.
"I…I don't know…", she said, wondering why she was talking to him about this without preamble, without any attempt to hide anything, "Things are… hard, for Kyoko-chan at the moment, she's under a lot of pressure".
She thought she heard Keitaro swallow, his face looked tense as if he were thinking about something else.
"Senpai?"
"Sorry Shinobu, carry on", Shinobu nodded slowly, wondering if his pause had anything to do with the reason he had dodged her question about Naru.
"There are…a lot of demands for her time right now…Things have changed between us and… and I'm starting to wonder if…", she looked away, unable to continue.
"If things were supposed to turn out this way"
When she looked at him his eyes were glazed, as if he was talking to himself not her.
"Maybe", she admitted aloud, missing the way he blinked as he returned to their conversation.
"Sorry Shinobu, I think I was lost for a moment there, hehe, did I miss anything?"
"No", she whispered sullenly, lowering her head.
She should have known he wasn't paying attention; he never did when she tried to confess something to him.
He really hadn't changed.
"Shinobu", she froze as she felt him pushing a long strand of blue hair away from her face so that he could look into her violet eyes.
His expression was so intense she couldn't answer or protest as he tucked the sodden lock behind her ear.
"I'm sorry"
"Sorry for what?", she asked, confused.
"For being me I guess, ignoring you when you have something to want to say so while I pity my own problems…I never really broke that habit did I?", he smiled sadly.
"Senpai I…It's ok senpai, you were working hard…you and Naru", this time, with his hand still lingering on her face, she felt him tense and knew she had hit the mark, "Is everything ok senpai?"
"Have you ever wondered what might have happened if you made a different choice Shinobu-chan?", he asked, reverting to the old way he had addressed her when she was younger, "Happiness and sadness…would it have been the same, or…different".
"I don't know", she admitted, wondering why her pulse was racing, and why he seemed to be blushing lightly, revelling in the feel of his fingers on her skin even as she berated herself for enjoying it.
For a long moment it looked as if he would pull away and the feeling passing between them would end.
Slowly he leaned forward his hand shaking against her face.
"Sen…pai…", she breathed, her eyes going wide.
This couldn't be happening, she must be asleep back at the Temple, that had to be it.
Alone with Keitaro in the midst of a rainstorm, the both of them wet and slightly vulnerable, seeking tender comfort in each other… that only happened in dreams and stories surely.
So why could she feel his lips pressed against hers, melting the pain and loneliness that had been building since she left the Temple?
As soon as it had begun it was over, Keitaro's calming warmth and reassurance was drawing away from her even as she tried to cling to it like a drowning woman and as he looked at her with guilty, saddened eyes, her sudden desire fled with it.
"…I'm sorry Shinobu… I…", he stood back, looking away in shame, "I'm being selfish again…I have to go".
"Wait", he stopped as her slender fingers closed around his lab coat. It was no where near enough to stop him, but he stood stock still as if bound to the spot by heavy chains.
Shinobu couldn't say, even years later, why she did what she did next, but sitting there, clinging to the flimsy white coat like it was her only lifeline, it was the only thing that seemed to make sense.
She thought about Kyoko, a pale and enchanting image that seemed to be receding into the dark indifference that had categorised her emotional state in her younger years.
A love that was slowly leaving her she was suddenly sure, soon to be gone just like Keitaro would be if she let him leave.
Was she good enough for Kyoko?
She didn't know…
Was she good enough for Keitaro?
Perhaps she was being given a chance to find out…
She almost couldn't hear herself as she spoke, but she knew her words reached him.
"Have you ever wondered…if things were supposed to turn out this way…", she tightened her fragile grip, slowly, timidly raising her head to look at him, "What if they could be different…"
Keitaro took hold of her hand, carefully removing it from his coat but not letting go.
He took a slow, shuddering breath, his face showing the inner battle he was fighting as he turned to face her, crouching down to bring his face level with hers.
He didn't say anything for a moment.
"…Yes…".---
Shinobu cried out as another contraction ripped through her pain barrier, edging her closer to the moment of truth.
She was nearing her time and Kyoko was still nowhere to be found.
The blue haired girl had screamed out apologies and recriminations in equal number since her labour had started in earnest, both begging for Kyoko to be by her side even as she cursed her in the same breath.
Not once had she called the name of the child's father.
This was not a conscious decision on her part to protect his identity from the Clan. They could find out his identity from any number of her close friends if they truly wanted to. Young Sara would probably have been only too happy to help.
She had never forgiven him, even if Naru herself had eventually brought herself to do so, promising that she would help her young friend with the child in any way she could even though Shinobu had refused to except help from Keitaro, stating that they had both made a choice as adults, so she would not turn on him and deny any responsibility.
She had the love and support of all her friends, but they were not here, and neither was the only person who could be, who should be.
"Kyoko-chan…", she whimpered when the pain lessened for a moment, the midwife mopping her brow silently, not offering any of the comfort she would have expected.
The door suddenly lurched aside, startling the elderly woman as she craned her head around to see who was entering this forbidden room.
Shinobu though her eyes widened as she saw Kyoko glide in, her gaze as icy and imperial as she had ever seen it until she found Shinobu, that hard expression softening instantly as she made her way to her side, crouching near her and taking Shinobu's hand in hers as it frantically sort her.
"Kyoko-chan, thank goodness, I'm scared Kyoko-chan, it hurts, it-", she was cut off as Kyoko placed one slender finger against her lips, using her thumb to carefully brush away her lingering tears.
"Shhhh, I'm here now, everything will be ok", the dark haired girl assured her with a small smile that seemed to change everything about her already beautiful face for the better.
"I was scared you were angry again, that you were going to leave me here", Shinobu choked out.
"Silly girl", Kyoko chided her, taking the cloth from the midwife to mop Shinobu's brow again, "I told you before, I'm not going anywhere, I had to nearly die to get you. You think if I loved you that much I'd let a little thing like this separate us?"
"The council-"
"Let me worry about them", Kyoko said, her voice growing cold, "Nothing will take you away Shinobu-chan, I promise, no one is leaving, our child and you will be safe, by brother will see to that".
Shinobu smiled before another lasso of pain from her abdomen cut off rational thought.
"Kyoko-chan!"
"I'm here", Kyoko's voice reassured her, giving her hand a small squeeze, "I love you, I'm not going anywhere".
Three hours later, a high-pitched wailing filled the air as the midwife handed Shinobu's infant daughter into her expectant arms.
"She's beautiful, just like her mother", Kyoko commented, smiling at the near angelic image her lover presented holding the child, running her fingers gently through the child's wisps of blue hair to calm her.
"Do you have a name picked out?", she asked, gently prodding the other girl when she didn't look like she was going to answer.
"Ayumi", she whispered after the third or forth prod.
"Ayumi?", Kyoko echoed, "Why that?"
"In hiragara it means 'To Walk'…I want my daughter to walk her own path in life, and find happiness", she smiled up at the other girl, "just like I did".
Kyoko smiled another small smile, glancing down at the baby girl.
"Ayu-chan", she raised an eyebrow when Shinobu slapped her arm lightly.
"What?"
"Don't cut her name short like that"
"Why not? It's cute. No one else will ever know about it", she grinned in a way more suited to her elder brother, "Besides, someone that cute deserves a cute nickname, don't you agree Aoi-chan?".
---Author's Notes---
And there it is, another mystery solved, and another piece completed. I hope you all enjoy this slightly more angsty series of oneshots. The meaning behind Ayu's full name is accurate incidentally, and I thought it suited her.
Next up, I'll either start What Dreams May Come, or Ryoko's Ladder…or perhaps carry on with Someone To Protect….ugh, so many projects, later people.
Until Next Time, Betweenheavenandhell