Waah, totally not dead! Feels like I should be at some times but I'm not. My sincerest apologies for the horrendously long time it took to get this chapter out. It was a very hard chapter to write, and as you will notice its kinda long, maybe the longest chapter yet. I think it really got bogged down because there was so much to do, but it was also hard to move between the different scenes.

Plus I just haven't been inspired as much, an I also think I'm hampered by the fact that I just have a very very loose outline of what exactly is happening in each month and so I get stuck on what else to put in.

Well, I hope you all enjoy the chapter, and any reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. I also apologize if some of the technical details are a little rough, I didn't so my normal proof read before posting.

August 3rd – Humid

Things have been so deceptively peaceful of late. Instead of this making the people's minds and hearts easier, it seems there's even more tension. I have a feeling there is something Arashi-san isn't telling me, something that all of the shinobi sense. I can sense it to, at least a little bit. It reminds me of the calm that would come before a big storm swept in off the ocean back home. Everything seemed perfect, but there was a feeling in the air, like something was going to happen. That's what it feels like here, at this moment.

Hatake-san has been staying very close to me, and it makes me glad. It makes me feel safe to have him around when Arashi-san is busy, even if he still just a child. There are more ninja in the village now, it seems they're not going our for new missions when they come back from their current ones. It's like everyone is preparing for something. It's making the air oppressive and heavy.

I went to the local shrine today to pray to the kami there. I still pray to the Great Fox Spirit, but I thought that praying to the local kami would be good. I prayed that he would keep those in the village safe and protect them against whatever is coming. I can tell Hatake-san thought it was silly to pray, shinobi are not a very religious group of people. Yet back home everyone prayed to the fox spirits for aid and protection and the blessing of their children. After so many years serving as a miko, I do not think I could give up the belief in prayer. Even if Hatake-san doesn't believe in it, it has helped to ease my mind at least. If there is time I may go there tomorrow to pray again.

August 5th – Rainy

Today I think it the worst day yet. The heavy air of anticipation is even worse than before. I saw Arashi-san Talking with Hatake-san this morning before he left, and Hatake has been staying very close to me. It's been raining since last night, so I curled up and read for the morning until lunch. Then I just couldn't take the heavy feeling anymore and I decided to come back here and write. Hopefully it will help some.

I'm sure I'm just overreacting to things, letting the emotions of everyone else get to me. Kohaku-niisama always said I was far too sensitive to things for my own good. I suppose that can be ba

August 5th -

I know now what everyone was anticipating but wouldn't tell me. The village is under attack now, the Cloud ninjas are attacking us, even as I write these words. I think I've gone beyond the point of shock. I can't let the other villagers see me shaking or frightened. I am the Hokage's wife, and while he is out fighting they are looking to me to be strong and calm. I understand this, so I'm working hard not to let my feelings show. But I need to get the emotions, the events out, so I will put them all here and release them from my heart before it eats away at me too much.

The windows of the house burst, I'm sure it was one of the enemy's attacks. I got knocked out of my chair and I'm a little bruised from it, but in comparison it hardly seems painful. When I looked up, I saw one of the cloud-nin standing over me, but before I could move Hatake-san was there. He yelled for me to take cover, and I crawled away. I barely managed to grab the diary has I went, it had landed near me or I wouldn't have tried to get it. I remember running through the house, thinking just that I had to get out. I don't know what I thought I would do after that, but all I knew was that I needed to get out of the house before more windows broke.

I ran into Arashi-san as I bolted through the door, I didn't know it was him at first and I'm afraid I started screaming again. Then I felt arms wrapping around me and I heard his voice telling me to calm down, that I was safe. And I did feel safe when I felt Arashi-san's arms around me, holding me like that. I know I was shaking, Arashi-san must have thought I was scared, well more scared than I truly was. It was just the shock at first, and with him there, I think I was able to calm myself more.

He led me away from the house, and it was the first time I got to see what had happened. There was smoke come from different directions, where they must have breached the walls. It was frightening, but in a strange way I can't accurately explain, even in my head. I remember Otousama telling me as a child that if the capital city were ever to come under attack that everyone in the city was to take shelter inside Shrine of the Fox Spirit, but it was never something I thought would happen. An now I was seeing it here and it was frightening and awe inspiring and, I just can't seem to describe what it felt like to see something like that in person finally.

I suppose the closest I could come was the day they told me that Otousama was sick and he would die soon. It's one thing to know in an abstract way that your parents are mortal, its another to have it demonstrated for you, there's such a sense of shock to it that you can't seem to process it properly. That's what I felt when I saw the village burning in the distance, like I was loosing Otousama all over again.

Arashi-san told me that all the civilians in the village were going to take refuge in the shelters carved into the mountain and that I would have to go with them. He pointed to where some ninja were gathering up the other people from our small neighborhood together in a line. That was another sign that showed me how large the situation was, we were being evacuated and Arashi-san would not be there with me. Of course I knew he wouldn't be there, since as Hokage he has more important things than me to be concerned with. Still, I could feel the worry start to swell at the idea of him fighting out there and not knowing what happened to him. I suppose my worry and fear must have communicated itself to him, because he turned and smiled at me, kissing my forehead before he told me not to worry, that he would never be foolish enough to leave me a widow when I was still young and pretty.

I think I managed to smile for him before I turned and walked towards where the others were gathering. All the training I had been given back home suddenly returned to me when I saw the people's faces turn towards me. They were looking to me for strength and for stability, so for their sakes I could not let my own fear and worry show through. Even if it was only a facade, I had to appear in control and calm, and that had not changed from when I was a princess to becoming the Hokage's wife. I think that was also the first time I really saw the people of Konoha has my people. This was my village, my home now, and seeing it hurt, hurt me. I think it was that realization that made me force myself to remain calm as I joined them, doing my best to organize the citizens as they traveled along towards the shelters.

As we went, trying to get everyone to move as quickly as possible, there was a little boy who was crying by himself. He looked like he was only a few years younger than Hatake-san, but he didn't have the forehead protector of a ninja yet. I went over to see if I could comfort him in some way, since I'm sure he was scared by all of it. It seemed that both his parents were both off fighting and he wasn't sure what was going to happen to them. He was afraid he wouldn't get to see them again. He looked so small and scared, and after being around Hatake-san who tries so hard to be an adult, I was glad to see that children could still be children in a village like this.

I pulled him into a hug, trying to comfort him however much I could. I told him that even though he was worried, we couldn't stand around, that it would be better for his parents if they knew he was safe. I'm not sure he really believed me, but he nodded, and I took his hand in mine, leading him back towards where everyone else had moved on to. He said his name was Umino Iruka. When we joined with the others he wouldn't let go of my hand, and I didn't want to force him to be separated at a time like this.

There were other children there as well, the small ones, the ones who weren't big enough to become ninja yet, or who weren't considered eligible to be ninja. I tried to keep an eye on all of them, since children often don't seem to realize where trouble may come from, or what they do that might hurt themselves. There was another little boy that kept lagging behind as well, and I kept staying back to make sure he wasn't left, behind. We became isolated from the rest of the group. I hadn't even realized they had moved on, until the Cloud-nin found us.

I don't think I'll ever fully understand exactly out shinobi manage to move so quickly, or that I'll ever be able to follow it. One minute it was me, Iruka-kun and the other boy, then suddenly there was a taller man standing over us holding a kunai. I remember pushing the two boy's behind me, thinking I could shield them somehow from whatever might happen. I don't think that I'll ever forget the laugh that man had when he saw us. That laugh or his words and the look he had when he said them. He said that he had heard the Yondaime had a pretty young wife now, and he wondered how I would taste and, and other lewd comments I cannot bring myself to write down here.

I was terrified of him, truly terrified of what he might do to me, but even more about what he might do to the children and the rest of the people I knew were ahead. I told him that if he let the children go he could do whatever he wanted with me, so long as he didn't hurt them. I remember he laughed at me, but said that it was too good of a possibility to turn up. Even now, I feel sick remembering the way his eyes moved over me, almost like he was touching me. Before he could do anything though, two other ninjas appeared and they started fighting with him. I turned and grabbed up the smaller boy and Iruka-kun and ran towards where I remembered the rest of the refugees going. I'm sure the ninjas had told me to run, but I don't remember hearing it.

The others had reached the shelter when we finally caught up, and they ushered us inside before closing the doors. The little boy's family came running up then and took him, but Iruka-kun stayed with me. He's fallen asleep beside me as I write this. I should stop for now and find him a blanket and go see if anyone needs anything while we wait.

August 6th – Night

It's dark out and no one knows if the fighting is still going on or not. The only windows are very high up and no one can see through them. Night has fallen, and according to some people the midnight hour has passed. There's hardly any light to see by except for the little bit of moonlight coming in. I pray Arashi-san is alright, that he is safe and not hurt. I hope that Hatake-san and Rin-chan are safe as well, along with Iruka-kun's parents.

While we were waiting, Iruka-kun asked me if there was anything he could do to make his parents come back sooner. I told him he could pray to kami for their safety, and ask kami to watch over their bodies and hearts while they are out fighting. He looked confused when I said that, and I explained to him that kami was every where and in everything, and that we might not have a shrine with which to offer our prayers, we could still pray for the sake of those we loved. He nodded at that, then he asked if I would pray for my husband.

The question made me pause for a minute before I answered that of course I would. Still, I've been thinking about it ever since. I told Iruka-kun that we prayed for these we loved, and now I have to wonder if I've come to love Arashi-san. He's always so gentle with me, and kind as well. My heart always seems to beat more quickly when he's nearby, especially when we do things with just the two of us. I worry about him when he's not here, especially now. Is this love? I wish I knew, or that I had a better way to tell. Before I cam here, before I was married, I hadn't really thought about love, at least now romantic love before. I began training to be a miko when I was nine, and it was my life for ten years before I was wed to Arashi-san. I was happy and content in that life, but this is the first time I've ever wondered if maybe I missed out on something because of it.

August 6th – Cloudy

I feel as though I have seen more horrors in the past few days than I knew could exist. I feel as though I've become numb to it all at this point. I wish for this all to be over, or for it never to have happened. A young boy escaped from the shelter earlier, and many of us went out looking for him. I couldn't see much of the village, but what I did see was devastation. I could see smoke and flames in the distance and sometimes I thought I saw a figure moving in the distance but I couldn't be sure.

I searched for the boy through the woods near the shelter. I had hoped he wouldn't have gotten far, he was young, younger than Iruka-kun even, and I feared what might have happened to him if the Cloud-nin located him. I did find Itachi-chan, he was still close by, but where I found him...

I don't even have the words to describe it, the scene I found. It was a massacre, that's all I can say of the bodies I saw everywhere. And there, right at the edge was Itachi-chan, watching everything. All I can remember thinking that was that he shouldn't be seeing this, that a child shouldn't witness something like this. I remember running over and pulling him against me, trying to shield him from the view. I told him not to look, feeling his little body shaking slightly as I held him.

Somehow, we made it back without being spotted though I have no idea how we managed. Itachi-chan's family came and took him once we returned to the shelter. I managed to make it back to Iruka-kun before I felt myself start to shake again. Even Iruka-kun's presence was not enough to stop it.

Is that what all shinobi face? Is that what Arashi-san and Hatake-kun face? Is that what they've done? Now I can't help but wonder, would a child of mine have to face that? The thought sends chills through my body, and suddenly I feel an overwhelming longing for home.

I pray this will end soon.

August 9th – Humid

It's been so busy lately I haven't had time to write. Even now I'm afraid I may fall asleep as I pen these words. So much feels as though it has changed I barely know where to start now. The attack devastated the village, I've never so much pointless destruction. When they brought us out of the shelters, it was startling to see what had happened. I must admit that I felt lost at first, looking at the ruble, the tired shinobi and the equally tired civilians I had been with for so long.

In the end, I think I ended up following instincts and all of the training I remembered receiving at home. I tried to organize things, help get people settled in and rations set up for food and to keep families together while things are sorted out. That's still somewhat of what I'm doing, trying to keep things organized so that the chaos doesn't get any worse. I've been keeping the villagers organized and working on getting food rationed out as well the medical supplies that can be pulled together. The village will need everyone to be working together to recover from this. As the Hokage's wife, I am going to help in any way I can.

I haven't been able to see much of Arashi-san these past few days. We've both been busy, but I worry about him. I worry that he isn't taking proper care of himself in all of this. I know that my husband is strong, and no doubt he would find my worrying quaint, but I haven't help it. It's hard to be so helpless when those around won't let you help. Every time I see him, I'm relieved because it means he's alive and well, and then I feel the worry creep back up because I know he will go where I can't follow.

It's getting late, and tomorrow will be another busy day. I know its rather silly, given everything that's been happening, but I'm having the hardest time adjusting to the change in my clothing. For work like we've been doing a kimono is really not very practical. Rin-chan had brought me some less formal clothes a few months ago as a present. I hadn't worn them before but I pulled them out as soon as I was allowed to come by the house. I know its completely frivolous, but I can't adjust to being so, exposed. I know that in comparison to what some of the kunoichi wear the pants and t-shirt are rather conservative, but in my life I've worn either kimono or the hakama and haori of a miko.

August 13th – Hot

The village is slowly recovering now, more and more buildings are repaired every day, and steady shipments of food have been coming in as well. The Fire Lord has been very gracious in his help for the village, sending workers and supplies to help. I know some of this has also come from my homeland, and it gives me comfort to know that.

Arashi-san is still has busy as ever, but I'm getting to see him more often, even if it's just across a crowded room. He's been keeping the shinobi organized, making sure that they're still handling their missions and patrols as well as helping the civilians when they can be spared. I have to say, I never really thought that a jutsu could be used for anything other than destruction and death until now.

I've been busy myself, thought I'm working more with the civilian leaders now as opposed to in the beginning when it was about keeping everything going. I feel somewhat as if I've proven myself to the villagers during all of this. They look at me with respect now, not just the differential respect they would be expected to give to the Hokage's wife, but true respect. I've even seen it in some of the shinobi as well.

August 19th – Cloudy

I don't have very much time to write, I'm almost too exhausted to hold the pen. Things are slowly starting to become more normal. People are getting moved back to their homes, that still have them. The others are being moved to better temporary shelters while everything is rebuilt. I can start to feel hope moving through the village now. Even though there is still a war, people are recovering. I even got to meet Iruka-kun's parents today when they came to pick him up. They told me how grateful they were that I had looked after him this time. I could tell he was excited to see them again, and he would hardly let go of his mother's leg as they left.

August 21st – Breezy

So much has changed in just a few weeks, it's almost overwhelming at times. This was the first real day since the attack that I've been able to spend any significant time with Arashi-side, even if it was only for an official function. The Fire Lord came to see how the recovery of the village was going, and as the Hokage's wife, it was my duty to be there by Arashi-san's side.

Like all such meetings, it was filled more with political positioning and double speak than actual concern for the civilians. I know Arashi-san is concerned for his people, but I've no doubt the Fire Lord was merely trying to figure out how to use this to his advantage, most likely to make the village more subservient to him. In some ways, it's a more familiar world to me than that of the village shinobi. This was the sort of world I was used to, that I had been around in my father and brother's court. I would like to think that my presence is helpful in these situations, though I think that Arashi-san would be far too polite to say if it wasn't.

Mostly I just focused on calmly my worry about whether Arashi-san was well and healthy and had been taking care of himself when we weren't together. He looks very tired, but I know that's to be expected, given how busy he has been. I wish there was a way to convince him to get some more rest. I tried today, when the Fire Lord had retired to his rooms. He gave me a beautiful smile and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my head. He said he couldn't rest until he knew everyone was as safe as could be.

My heart fluttered when he held me like that, and thinking back on it now, I can feel it start to flutter again. I can't help but remember Iruka-kun's innocent question when we were in the bunkers. Am I in love with Arashi-san?

August 27th – Warm

The month is almost at a close now, fall and the harvest are approaching. In everything that's been going on, I haven't had a chance to think about home, or what is going on there. There have been no letters either, but it's possible they have been lost. I need to sit down and sent a letter home to Kohaku-niisama, even if just to let him know that I am as well as can be.

Now that my mind has turned to that end, my chest gives a great pang and I wish I could be there again. Even if it is only a brief visit. I know that I cannot go home to visit now, there is still too much going on with the village for that. But perhaps, I will be able to convince Arashi-san to let me visit in time for the Harvest Festival. It may be a selfish wish to have in a time like this, but it is there anyway.

The village seems to have settled enough to Arashi-san to start coming home on more regular intervals, and he keeps saying he's going to have Hatake-san resume guarding me when he returned. After the attack they needed all of the shinobi they could find and that included Hatake-san. I've only had brief glimpses of him when he's either coming or going for a mission. He's seemed healthy enough, but I must admit I've missed his presence and worried about him.

It eases my heart to see things becoming more normal again. Or what can pass for normal in the village.