Title: Another Lonely Angel
Author: Angel Leviathan
Disclaimer: Doctor Who, characters, concept, etc, don't belong to me.
Spoilers: Doomsday, everything in the most recent two series in general.
Notes: Alternative take on the end of Doomsday.
She lied.
She looked him right in the eye, vision blurred with her tears, and she lied.
For what reason, at the time, she didn't know. It was something she had been longing to tell him since they had been parted. When, by some miracle, he found her and made everything alright again. But he didn't and he hadn't. And during the moments when she could have been truthful, she couldn't do it. She couldn't even touch him, let alone be with him again. He always knew when she was lying, but not that time. Losing everything she loved had hardened her against the world. To be fair, she got as far as mentioning the baby. But what was the use of telling a father he would have a child he would never see, never hold in his arms? She loved him too much to be that cruel. She was in agony as it was, she couldn't inflict more pain on him. The disbelief, the shock, the hope in his eyes decided it for her.
Rose Tyler looked the Doctor right in the eye, vision blurred with her tears, and she lied.
Part of her silence was due to fear, she was able to admit to as much later. Was it allowed? Was she allowed to have his child? Was there some great cosmic law they had broken that would bring unknown, terrible danger to all she had left of him? What would he have done to get to his child, get back to her? Destroyed two universes, sacrificed people and planets to get to them? She couldn't live with that on her conscience. Knowing she lied she could live with. She had keeping secrets down to a fine art. She could live with keeping one for the rest of her life. More death, more destruction…even to see him…no. No more.
Deep down, she knew she hadn't wanted to risk someone coming to take her child away. The impossible was always possible, somehow, somewhere…some when. Someone would want the child of a Time Lord, even if it was half human. All she knew was that the baby was all she had. Better to lie and say the baby would be a sibling and not a son or daughter. The universe was a cold and twisted place. If he ever spoke of having a child somewhere, someone would hear, someone could reach it. If she ever admitted the baby was his to anyone beyond the three who had essentially saved her life, she knew it would be taken from her.
Rose didn't go for scans. She didn't go for checkups. She didn't ever go to the hospital. She feared for her child's life too much, enough to risk both its life and hers to ensure nobody knew what was in the bloodline of her baby. She gave birth to a baby boy, at home, in the mansion that was suddenly home. Jackie laughed in hysterical relief as she delivered what seemed to be a perfectly normal, and healthy, baby boy. Jack Tyler. Named for a irrepressible captain Rose had once known.
Sixteen years later, she was now the mother of a precocious sixteen year old. Some said her son was gifted. Others were hailing him as a genius. A child prodigy. Rose just saw her son, and saw his father in everything he did. Brown hair, brown eyes, that manic smile. Thin, tall and lanky. There were times she begged him to feign ignorance and stupidity. He was attracting attention to himself. He seemed to be always surrounded by friends, friends who seemed to genuinely love him. For that, Rose was glad, but every now and then she caught a look on his features only his father had mastered. Being alone in a crowd. Terribly and utterly alone. A lonely angel.
At times like this, she was tempted to tell him everything. Tell him he wasn't just smart, he was brilliant, and that there was a reason for that. That he was different, he didn't just sometimes ponder the subject and pretend not to. She couldn't. What good would it do? He could never discover everything he wanted to, even with the truth. Perhaps he would think her mad, telling him he was the son of an alien, the last of his race, and that now, he, technically, was the last of the Time Lords. Unless he had some great build-up of genetic knowledge (and she didn't even know if that was possible) that would allow him to somehow get to the answers he sought, the truth would only wound her son. So Rose remained silent.
God, he was so like his father it hurt.
She carried on with her life. She worked daily at Torchwood and made sure Jack never got anywhere near the building. She had no idea what they would do if they ever got their hands on him, even for a second. Rose spoke daily of aliens and other worlds and sometimes of the Doctor and gradually learned sometimes to smile when she spoke of him, instead of breaking down in tears. She learned to be strong, for her son if not for herself. She would do anything for him, she had to protect him from what she knew and he didn't. He thought the fantastical tales she sometimes told him were all made up – he told her she should write children's books and sell her stories. She could never sell the truth. And besides, her parents, her suddenly rich parents, made sure that she and Jack never wanted for anything. They had enough money to bribe doctors and pharmacists for anything Jack ever needed, no questions asked. Examination records were always destroyed and anyone who got close enough to know how different he was, if only biologically, was always paid off with enough cash for them never to want for anything either.
Mickey offered to marry her. Several times. Rose knew he wanted to marry her. But she couldn't. She couldn't marry him when they both knew he would always be second best. And, even though she always told herself she was wrong in the head for even hoping, she thought that one day the Doctor might find a way to see her again. She finally convinced Mickey to marry a woman he really loved, not her. She was sad on his wedding day, but she wouldn't have had it any other way. She couldn't let him keep waiting for her to change her mind.
Any romances she had were over quickly and usually messy. Nobody could ever live up to what she had lost. Nobody would ever understand about Jack, she couldn't trust anyone to let them get that close to him. She had one night stands and even an affair with a married man, once, only when the loneliness got too much for her to bear. When she wanted physical comfort and nothing else. Just trying to feel alive again. And failing.
Rose was watching over her three siblings one day, one of whom was still of an age where going to the park was exciting, the other two engaged in some sort of new technical game, when she heard a familiar voice. From years back. She shook her head and didn't move from the bench she sat on, telling herself she was being stupid and fanciful. She supposed it could be Jack, but he was at school. She heard the voice again and glanced at her two eldest siblings, "Did you guys say something?"
Kathryn and Elizabeth looked at her as if she were mad for a moment, then both shook their heads and returned to their game.
Rose tracked the movements of the youngest Tyler, wondering if her little brother was calling for her. No, he was happily running round the park after some of his friends.
"Rose."
She stood up and whirled round, taking a step back when she laid eyes on the figure before her.
"Hello, Rose Tyler."