Harry Potter and the Tides of War

Chapter ??

I'm back again with another update, as well as a strange idea for an omake. You see, I watched the movie, Dirty Harry, with that ever so memorable scene, and it got me thinking, what would it be like if Harry did something like that? The following is the culmination of that plot bunny, 20 ounces of Amp energy drink, pop tarts, and severe boredom due to watching over little kids at a pool all day.

Harry stared at the cowering death eater, squinting his eyes as the rising sun shone in them. The death eater said nothing. It was Harry who broke the silence. "I know what you're thinking." He spit out the wad of chewing gum in his mouth. "You're thinking, did he cast 6 spells, or five?" Harry trained his wand onto the death eater. "The question now is, do you feel lucky, punk? Huh, do ya?"

The death eater had a strange sense of deja vu regarding young Harry's actions, but stayed silent. Harry grinned, and cast the spell.

... or at least attempted to. As he finished the wand movement, a clear clicking sound could be heard. "What the bloody frigging hell?" As Harry stared at his malfunctioning wand, the death eater quietly snuck away.

Now that I have that out of my system, it's time to move on to this session's edition of Top Ten Things!

Top Ten Things The Ministry Doesn't Want You To Know...

Yes, you wizards do have a brain, and do not have to listen to us all the time.

What is known as the Veil of Death is actually a storage closet

Yes, we do indeed have better things to do than make Harry Potter's life more difficult than it already is, the problem is, we have no idea what those things are.

Fudge is married to the owner of the Daily Prophet, so yes, the Ministry of Magic is in fact, in bed with the newspaper.

The Dementors are not actual magical creatures, they are, in fact, a society of evil step-mothers.

the reason why goblins love gold is because they have ADHD, and are easily distracted by shiny objects. The more shiny objects they have, the happier they are. That's why the clerks are so cranky, they have no shiny objects of their own, which is how the goblin rebellions started.

We actually did curse the position of Defense against the Dark Arts, in an attempt to subvert the normal teaching methods there and topple Dumbledore's pillar of strength.

Monetary bribes are not the only 'service' Lucius Malfoy has offered to achieve an agenda.

Birth Records indicate that while Umbridge's mother was human, she apparently had a love tryst with a toad that, in a madness developed from snorting inkwells, conceived the foul woman herself.

And the number one thing the ministry really doesn't want you to know...

we actually have no idea how wizarding Britain is supposed to be run. We simply follow the directions of Sheba, the spider-queen, who rules with infinite knowledge. All Hail Sheba! Sheba, queen of knowledge and low-fat margarine! Sheba, destroyer of the horrible show Friends!

If you were wondering, the idea for that last one came from an episode of South Park, a show I don't normally watch, though it takes place in the very state I live in. Sometimes the content is ridiculously stupid, and yet, at the same time, strangely prophetic. Anyways, onto the main course...

Harry swerved to the side, dodging the fist that was coming towards him, and lashed out with a brutal sidekick. His opponent grunted, catching the offending limb and holding it tightly against their body. Harry grimaced and spun sideways, dislodging his leg and sending a punishing blow to the side of their head. The opponent collapsed, completely unconscious.

It had been a few weeks since Harry's arrival at Grimmauld place, and the subsequent start of his even more brutal training regime. In fact, September 1st was in two days.

When he had questioned Moody about his training, the grizzled auror had replied that he had taken Harry through the entire auror training camp, which normally lasted up to four months, in two months, mainly because there were things taught to aurors that were practically useless. The man assured Harry that he was as prepared as he could be, at least for fighting against death Eaters.

The months of hard training and eating right had done wonders for they boy. Gone was the skinny, wasted form of a malnourished youth. It was replaced by the toned and athletic body of a fighter. He had also gotten taller, by almost three inches, now making him taller than Ron, a fact that he loved to rub in the face of the youngest Weasley boy.

Speaking of Weasleys, Harry had also decided to follow in the footsteps of his father and his friends with their pranks. Aiding him was the combined mischievous genius of both Remus and Sirius. With their help, he had devised a truly awesome opening feats prank.

Shaking his head free of the errant thoughts, Harry revived his opponent, one Hestia Jones, before making his way over to where his shirt and sword were laying. The reason for the shirt being there was quite simple. Moody insisted that every aspect of Harry's training should be as realistic as possible. This meant full body contact in spars with no pads. Needless to say, Harry quickly became adept at healing spells and potions.

Strapping the low-slung sword harness around his waist, Harry grinned as he remembered how he had gotten it...

Harry walked down the stairs on the 31st to a huge crowd of people, most of them from the Order, standing around a huge pile of wrapped gifts. He was too stunned to say anything as he was herded to the fun and games that awaited everyone in the next room.

After a few hours, the time had finally come to open presents. Grabbing a large and slightly heavy box first, he ripped off the paper to reveal the kind of box large coats are usually kept in. Raising an eyebrow at Hermione, who had given him the gift, he opened it, revealing a long black duster. Smiling widely, he stood and put it on. The hem of the coat reached just above his ankles, and the cuffs were the perfect length. (Think Neo's coat from the second Matrix movie). There seemed to be some changes though. The cuffs of the coat had buttons, allowing the sleeves to be rolled up. There was some basic embroidery along the collar of the coat, with twin lightning bolts on either collar at the front. The upper chest portion of the coat was stockier, but no less difficult to maneuver in. when he questioned his friend about it, she replied that the normal cloth had been layered with small sheets of dragonscale for added protection. It was then that she pointed out the back to him. Taking it off, he held it so he could view the back. On it was a giant phoenix, clutching a lightning bolt in one claw and a shield in the other. Below the phoenix written on embroidered parchment was the saying 'Stark und Ehre fur das Licht' . Again he turned to his brainiac friend. She smiled, "Well, I did some research, and apparently the potters are germanic in origin, so I figured german would be a bit more appropriate than Latin. The phrase means 'Strength and Honor for the Light'. Harry hugger her tightly, uttering a thanks.

The next gist he uncovered was from Moody, a wand holster that would strap to his arm or thigh, with a quick-release trigger.

From Sirius and Moony he got a book containing the plans for all of the pranks the Marauders pulled while they were in school. Dumbledore visibly flinched when he heard that.

From the twins he got a pair of leather gloves fitted nicely, charmed so that the grip would never slip.

From Tonks, he got a folded coupon, with a wink, the same with Hestia.

From Charlie, he got a necklace formed from the teeth of a dragon, a hungarian horntail, to be exact. He was assured that the dragon was dead before the teeth were extracted.

The rest of his presents were pretty much standard, cards and sweets, with books and additional clothes (Tonks had made public what Harry's sizes were, particularly the inseam). The real shocker came when Dumbledore presented his gift. It was a sword, approximately a meter in length, slightly curved. The guard was shaped in the form of a stag's head, and the pommel was a simple reverse tear drop colored gold.

"I discovered this during my travels before I became headmaster. I believe it to be perfect for you, and I feel that you will use it well." Harry put the sword on. It hung on a low-slung harness that reminded him of those old West gunslingers, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Putting on his coat and gloves, he found that he looked rather intimidating.

After that, he began his lessons in swordsmanship.

Harry finished strapping on the sword and exited the room, headed towards his own chambers to pack for school. When he arrived there, he was shocked to see Tonks. Frankly, to tell the truth, the auror sort of scared Harry. Oh, he wasn't frightened of what physical harm she might do to him, but rather the hormonal harm she seemed to incur without trying. Indeed, her good-nights upgraded to three kisses, and her daytime playfulness had increased. Harry had no idea how much more he could take. He knew she was simply teasing him, and that she wasn't really interested in him. But he knew that like any other red-blooded male, he was appreciative of the attentions of attractive women, it was just that he alternately hated and loved what she was doing. He loved it because he enjoyed the attention, but he hated it because he had gotten used to it, and he knew she was going to get tired of her little games. In fact, he might as well start that now. Sometimes he hated being the nice guy.

He made no moves as she unwound herself from the chair she had tucked herself into and advanced towards him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she giggled throatily at the serious look on his face. She pressed herself up against him. "You look funny when you're serious, you know."

Harry gritted his teeth. She continued to play this farcical game with him. "Tonks, stop." She didn't seem to hear him, as she pressed herself tightly against him. Harry forced himself to ignore the warm softness against his body. Grabbing her arms, he gently but firmly removed her arms from him and pushed her away. That got her attention. "What are you...?"

"I'm tired of your games Tonks. I know you're not really interested in me, but for some reason you enjoy playing with my emotions. It started on Privet Drive, and I let it go on, until I figured out what you were doing." Her face put on a shocked look. He ignored it. "I'm going back to school in a few days. I decided to let you play your games until I had to leave. That way, I was able to end this on my terms, and not yours. Now, please leave my room."

She didn't say anything. Her mouth was moving, but there was nothing. As if in a daze, she left his room, closing the door quietly behind her. Harry finished packing making sure to leave enough room for the school supplies they were going to pick up tomorrow.

She wasn't at dinner that night, but no one seemed to notice. As Harry opened the door to his room to go to bed, he wondered why it felt so odd. It was with a strange sense of loss that he realized Tonks had not been there for the customary good night kiss. He shrugged it off. He had done the right thing, he was sure of it.

The next day, they were all lined up ready to go to Diagon Alley, including Tonks. Her eyes were red-rimmed, as she were crying over something. Harry viewed it with only a mild shock. Had she been crying because he...no. She didn't care for him. She couldn't. Could she?

Tonks stared at the back of Harry's jacket as the group walked as one through the alley. Just looking at him made her want to break out in tears again. She had spent nearly all of last night crying to herself in her bed, wondering what she had done to make Harry think that she was playing with him. Contrary to what he accused her of, she did genuinely care for him, as more than a friend, too.

Hestia noticed Tonks look and held back until the two of them were safely out of earshot. "Hey Tonks, what's wrong?" The auror shook her head. Hestia pursed her lips. "Nymphadora..." "Don't call me that!"

finally seeing some spirit in her friend, hestia continued. "What happened Tonks? You almost never cry. And don't try and say that it's allergies, you don't have any."

tonks hesitated for a bit before whispering, "it's Harry."

Raising an eyebrow, Hestia prompted for clarification. Tonks sighed. "For the past few weeks, I've been teasing Harry and giving him good night kisses. I thought he seemed to enjoy it, but he told me yesterday that he wanted no more of it, that he was tired of games." She took a shuddering breath. "I wasn't playing games, Hest. I really do like him, and I don't know why he would want to end what I was doing so abruptly."

Hestia put on a thoughtful pose before nodding to herself. "Right then, the only solution is to ask him myself." Before Tonks could protest, Hestia made her way up the throng of people to where Harry was by himself examining a rather intriguing multi-tailed cat in the magical pet shop display window. Thankfully, he was by himself; the others had gone inside so Ron could get the magical equivalent of Rittelin for Pig.

"Harry, can I have a quick word with you?" The boy eyed her suspiciously. He knew she was friends with Tonks, and she might be feeling a little...twitchy. Cautiously, he nodded. "Harry, why did you do what you did with Tonks? The poor girl has been crying her eyes out."

Harry turned back to examine the cat. "All I did was end her games before she did, and I got hurt. I know she was playing with me. There's no way a woman like her could be attracted to me like that. I'll admit, it was rather nice to be kissed goodnight by a rather attractive witch, but I don't deserve her." he held up a finger and the cat attempted to nuzzle it through the glass.

"So, basically, you think you're not good enough for her, and because of that, you assumed that she was simply fooling around. You then broke it off without confirming any of this with her and that's why she cried herself to sleep last night."

He froze. Hestia was not the one who had answered him that time. Standing slowly, he turned, to see a rather cross Tonks. Fists on hips, she stalked towards him. "Now you listen to me Harry James Potter! I don't know who put those ridiculous thoughts in your head, but i'll have you know I never play games with people I care about. I don't flirt with random people especially with what I was doing."

By now, Harry had backed up until his back was against the display, and Tonks was only a few inches away. "as for your self-deprecating comments, I will fall in love with anyone I damn well please, understand?! If that means I fall in love with a nice, incredibly handsome boy who has a Dark Lord after him, then so be it. Who are you to say whether or not you're good enough? You are if I say you are!" She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and raised her hand. Harry flinched, and closed his eyes, waiting for the slap that was sure to come.

Instead, he had a sudden difficulty breathing. Opening his eyes, he saw that Tonks had pulled him towards her and was kissing him rather fiercely. He tried to back away, but the hand she had lifted up previously came back up and held him there. Eventually, he simply resigned himself to the kiss, leaning against the glass. The cat pawed, trying to play with the wand sticking out of Harry's back pocket.

Tonks chuckled against harry's lips. Offended, he tried to break it off, but she held him there a little longer. When they finally came apart, she stated what the subject of her amusement was. Ten minutes later, they were walking out of the shop, Harry carrying the cat in his arms.

"He's a cute little thing." said Tonks, as she scratched him on the head. The cat purred loudly, tails flailing about. Abruptly, the cat pulled himself out from under Tonks' finger and crawled up Harry's arm before leaping onto the boy's head. "Hey!" Harry's cries of protest were stifled when a paw came flying down and smacked him on his face. Tonks erupted into laughter, "Well, let it be known that Harry Potter has been bested by a cat."

A while later, the trio were sitting at Fortescue's eating ice cream (Well, two of them were eating ice cream, the third was drinking cream from a saucer) waiting for the others. Licking the remainder of her chocolate ice cream from her spoon, an action that Harry found to be unfairly erotic, Tonks stared at the cat, who was now cleaning his paws very primly. "What are you going to name him?" Harry frowned. "I have no idea." He examined the creature. When he had bought the cat, the store owner had told him that it was the result of illegal breeding, and whatever qualities it had were so far unknown. About a foot long, its fur was a strange shade that seemed to alternate between gold and brown. Its ears were fairly large, about two inches high, with tufts of fur at the top. The most unique feature, was, of course the tails. 6 long tails waved back and forth, seeming indiscriminately.

"I have no idea. He seems to think that he rules over everything. Maybe Alexander, after Alexander the Great?" The cat looked at him for a second before sniffing. It seemed to accept the name, and Alexander resumed his standard 'throne'. Another quick paw to the face silenced Harry before he even started.

Eventually, the others did meet up with them, and after much cooing over Alexander by the females, it was time to head back to Grimmauld Place.

When they entered the house, Alexander immediately jumped off of Harry's head and landed on a house-elf's severed head, hanging by his front claws. He just hung there for a few seconds, before a soft meow brought Harry to the rescue. The moment Harry put him down, though, Kreacher came in, and Alexander took off like a rocket, and attached himself claws first to the elf. Kreacher shrieked in fear and pain, and took off running. Unfortunately, Alexander was blocking his vision, so he hit a few walls as he was trying to escape.

Sirius blinked, "Cor, Harry. I know that animals are supposed to be able to sense evil, but your cat is something else." Harry put his chin in his hand, "Really, I though it was just insane." A wail of inhuman agony filled the house, and Alexander reappeared, sitting down and licking what appeared to be blood from his claws. When he was done, he simply looked at all of the humans-and one werewolf- and meowed. That simple act made them all scramble for the kitchen to get away from Harry's devil-cat.

The next morning, Harry woke feeling unusually warm. Yawning, he stretched his arm out to grab his glasses, but instead of the metal and glass contraption he had been seeking, his hand instead found something fleshy and soft. Still in that strange half-awake and half-asleep stage, he gave the object he was clutching an experimental squeeze. A low moan answered him. So he tried it again. Same reaction.

Harry managed to deduce that that side of the bed was currently unavailable as a means of exit, so, logically, he turned to the other side. As he did so, he found that it too, was blocked by something. Scowling, he sat straight up, intending to tell off whoever was in his bed with him.

Then it occurred to him. There were people in his bed. He was starting to get a really bad feeling about this. Silently pleading to God that it not be true, he looked to his right. Yep sure enough, there was a woman there, with bright pink hair cut short, wearing a grey tank top. Almost crying, he looked to his left. There was Hestia, in an overlong nightshirt, and a small smile on her face. Harry faced straight forward. Straight into the golden eyes of Alexander.

He Freaked.

In less than a second, he was out of the bed and up against the wall, panting. Unfortunately, his actions woke both of the women, who stared at him sleepily. It was also unfortunate for Harry that he was suffering from a condition that it quite common for teenaged males. Or that his current boxers were a little small.

Hestia blinked, then grinned.

Tonks licked her lips.

Alexander, continued to freak people out.

It was a very relieved Harry that sat down on the train. Between his freakily scary cat and the ravenous attention of Tonks, and even Hestia sometimes, he had barely managed to get his things together before they had to leave for the station.

He lay back in his seat, relishing the peace and quiet. Hermione was reading a book, and Ron was off trying to bully some first years into giving him their sweets. Abruptly, his peace was shattered when the compartment door was opened and malfoy junior walked in, followed by his two thugs.

Harry groaned, "Just leave Malfoy. I really don't want to deal with you right now. Turn around and leave, and take tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum with you."

The pale aristocrat's face flushed and he opened his mouth to deliver a scathing reply when Alexander, who had been previously sleeping on Harry's head, leaped off onto the floor of the corridor.

However, he was the size of a rather large jungle cat when he landed. He let off a roar that shook the glass in the doors and windows, and malfoy crawled over his thugs to get away. When they left, Alexander was once again the size of a house cat, and innocently sniffing Harry's shoes.

Harry, on the other hand, was in tears. "I inherited Satan's cat!" He bemoaned.