Author: Harry Potter© is by no means created by me in any way, and it rightfully belongs to the fantastic J.K Rowling and Warner Bros. Pictures. I'm just a real big fan of Harry Potter and I write fiction based on them. That's all.

Warnings: Implied slash Cedric/Harry, Draco/Harry, fluff, mildly crude jokes, and a bit of zesty lime thrown in for added…hmm…flavour? Heh.

Chapter 1

"Oh god, Cedric! …more! Aaaaaahh" 3 ♥ ♥ ♥

(Pat…shakes…)

"Harry! Harry! You okay, mate?"

The brunette woke up with a start and accidentally hit his head on the bedpost. He groaned and opened his eyes, but everything seemed to be one huge blur.
Oh yeah, my glasses. His hand fumbled madly for the usual pair of glasses that lie on the side table and immediately put them on. The face of a rather pale and worried-looking Ronald Weasley was staring down at him.

"I thought you were going to die or something…Does it hurt? Your scar?"

"No. Why?" Harry chewed his lower lip nervously. "Did I uh– say something?

Ron looked at him incredulously."Well duh. You were screaming in your sleep. Something which goes like AAAAAAHHHH remember? I figured this has something to do with-,"

His voice suddenly dropped to a low whisper: "You-know-who…"

"Oh." Harry felt his face and ears turn a deeper shade of pink. He mentally cursed himself.
must have moaned out loud while dreaming of my sexual escapades with Cedric.

But I can't tell Ron…yet.

"Thanks for your concern, Ron. It's alright now. I just had a bad dream, that's all."
He managed a weak smile. Way to go Harry. Keep on lying to your best buddy.

Harry knew that Ron didn't really believe him.

"O-okay then Harry... Get ready for breakfast. 'Mione's already waiting for us at the great hall."

Harry scanned the Gryffindor table for Hermione and Ron and then went to find his seat.

"Mornin' Hermione."

"Good morning Harry." She stopped in the middle of eating a meal of eggs and a piece of buttered toast.

"What happened to your hair? It looks like it's been slammed into a chest of drawers."

Harry just smiled sheepishly. He just couldn't seem to tame his hair today.

"Anyway, take a look at this. You won't believe what Rita Skeeter wrote." She passes yesterday's copy of the Daily Prophet to Harry.

Harry's eyes just popped. Literally. On the cover was a picture of him and Cedric during a photo shoot for the Triwizard Tournament. It was obviously edited by someone so that the two Hogwarts champions moved and seem to kiss each other's lips repeatedly.

THE BOY WHO LIVED HAS FINALLY FOUND TRUE LOVE.

The infamous Harry potter; the same boy who was miraculously saved from the evil clutches of death by Lord Voldemort and had lost his parent in this tragedy, (Harry cringed at this.) has finally found the true love of his life after waiting for 13 years.

Hey, wait…She got my age wrong.

I interviewed Harry right before the 3rd and final task of the Triwizard tournament. He was a shy and timid little thing, really. When I asked about his relationship with Cedric Diggory, he just blushed! Fancy that! These are the words quoted from Harry Potter himself:

"We weren't in that kind of friendly relationship. It was something…more. To put it simply, we are…um…we are l-lovers…We would sneak out for a rendezvous at the astronomy tower and plan to have a wonderfully hot night of passion at the--well…I can't tell you…"

Well, it's not surprising that Mr. Potter was done in by this boy.

Cedric Diggory, the true champion, was arguably one of the most handsome and popular students in Hogwarts. But their huge age difference and the same-sex issues sparked some outrage from the Cedric Diggory all-girls fan club. Will this sweet, naïve young love last forever? I should think not.

Rita Skeeter

Harry looked at Cedric who was sitting at the Hufflepuff table surrounded by a group of girls fawning over him. He probably doesn't even notice me.He took a swig of a goblet filled with pumpkin juice and almost spluttered when he realized that Cedric was facing in his direction. He gave Harry a gorgeous smile and winked. The girls gave him sour looks instead.

Harry sank low in his seat and just blushed, wishing that the ground would swallow him whole anytime soon.

"See? Isn't it just plain ridiculous? If I were you Harry, I would find her quickly and wrap my hands around her throat before squeezing them tightly," Hermione said, demonstrating the act and then went on to pierce a sausage with her fork rather forcefully.

Ron looked at Hermione in a fascinated way.

"You're brilliant, 'Mione. Brilliant, but scary…"

"Oh stop gaping, Ron. There's still food in your mouth—you're disgusting."

A loud screeching indicated that the Owls have arrived for the daily morning post. Hermione received a parcel, which was probably a monthly publication of the S.P.E.W magazine which she had subscribed to.Harry received a small note with untidy scrawls that came from Sirius, his godfather. He smiled and folded it quickly before slipping it into his trouser pocket.

While Ron was tearing away at the envelope he was holding, his face quickly changed to the look of dread. He had received a Howler from a certain Mrs. Weasley. He opened the red seal with trembling hands and eyes shut tightly. A woman's voice screamed through the hall and through its thick walls.

"FRREEEED!GEORRRRGE! YOU AND YOUR BLOODY INVENTIONS! YOUR POOR FATHER WAS NEARLY CHOKED TO DEATH!"

Seamus Finnigan struggled to control his laughter and looked at the Weasley twins seated across him.

"So what the heck did you guys do this time?"

Fred and George just grinned.

"We created these green pellets that can be triggered by body heat to grow into a huge plant at super speed and cause it to strangle people."

Seamus's eyes were as round as saucers.

"Wha-? Isn't that kind of dangerous, though?"

"Nah. It's just Devil's Snare… dad must have watched his 'tell-a-veetion' in the dark while sitting on the crouch--crotch, whatever the muggle thing's called. (It's the couch, Fred…Snigger). Anyone who works at the ministry of magic knows that Devil's Snare withers when light is touched upon it," they chuckled.

"Whew—" Ron sighed.

"I thought I was going to get grounded for sure. Blame it on my parents to send this goddamned Howler to the wrong Weasley!"

He took out his broken wand (held together with some tape) and flicked it towards the letter.

"Disintegratius!"

Unfortunately, someone happened to bump into Ron's shoulder at the same time.

The spell flew towards Harry's bowl which was filled with porridge.

"SPPLOOOOSH"

Harry's face and clothes were instantly covered in icky green goo. Ron's spell didn't work correctly after all. As usual.

"Opps, I guess my hand just kinda-how should I say it? Slipped?"

Ron's face almost matched the colour of his hair.
"You know Malfoy, that wouldn't be half as funny when I punch you in the eye."

The Blonde just shrugged, pushed back his bangs and gave THE SMIRK.
"Oh ho. Really? I bet you can't do it 'cause you're a real pansy." He shot a look of contempt at Hermione.
"I'd give the Granger mudblood there more credit than you… Besides, I've got Crabbe and Goyle here, so just watch it, you filthy Weasley."

Ron was positively quaking in anger.

"Oh. And by the way Potter, nice face you got there," Draco said as sarcastically as he could.

"Or at least a much nicer one than yours," Hermione muttered under her breath.

"What was that, mudblood?"

It was Harry's turn to speak.
"Just shut your trap, Malfoy. Please do all of us a favour and--"He wiped off some slime on his glasses before showing the Slytherin prince THE finger.

"Fuk off."

It doesn't take a genius to figure that out (muggle or non-muggle) and soon Harry found to his amusement that Draco's face had totally turned red. He also noticed the fact that the blonde was holding something in his pocket and was about to lash it out. 'Probably a wand,' Harry thought.

But before Draco could do anything, both of them were interrupted by a certain Professor Snape.

"Ah…Draco…Mr. Potter." Harry hated the way Snape pronounced his name in such distasteful tone.

"That would be 15 points off Gryffindor for your smart mouth, Mr. Potter…And I suppose you should do something about your face. It's absolutely-no, positively…vile."

"Later, Potter." Draco gave a smug smile and quickly strode out of the hall with Crabbe and Goyle trailing after.

Damned Snape and Malfoy with his bunch of idiots…

Livingdeadbunny:

If you're looking for the funny stuff and the lovey-dovey bits, I suggest you read the next few chapters- although my English kinda sucks. But I promise It would be much better!

 And give reviews; please…Thanks…This is my first fic after all…