Disclaimer: The characters are property of Janet Evanovich and I am not making any money from this story. The story line is mine.

Warning: This has scene with swearing and violence. Read at your own risk.

To Have Lost

By, Elissahara30

The door opened and closed. There was a moment of silence and then the soft sound of unhurried footsteps.

Breathe, just breathe.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and I didn't know what to wish . . .

Breath, just breathe.

One of the men in my life was about to be eliminated.

Breathe, just breathe.

A sob escaped from somewhere deep in my throat, disturbing the silence.

Breathe, just breathe.

Scrog was concentrating on the slight rustle of clothes and scuff of shoes on carpet.

Breathe, just breathe.

And then Ranger appeared in the living room.

Breathe, just breathe.

Our eyes met and there was no shock of surprise in Ranger's eyes.

Breathe, just breathe.

He had hands raised. He walked in knowing Scrog was here.

Breathe, just breathe.

He turned his head and looked directly at Scrog.

Breathe, just breathe.

And Scrog shot him.

Breathe, just breathe.

Scrog looked at him for a moment, gun poised. "Execution time," Scog said.

I sat up in bed, my heart pounding and unable to catch my breath. I fought the panic the welled up in me and the black dots dancing before my eyes. With shaking hands I reached out for the glass of water that I kept by my bed and gulped down the contents. I pressed the heel of my hand to my eyes trying to get the images out of my head. When my heart rate returned to normal I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. After I took care of mother nature, I walked through my apartment turning on all the lights, checking for invisible monsters.

At the moment, all my fear was based in my head. I stood in the hall fixated on the spot where Ranger had been shot. I came so close losing him, that even my denial couldn't keep the nightmares away. I sat down on the floor pulling my legs to my chest and resting my head on my knees.

I'm Stephanie Plum and I work as a Bond Enforcement Agent or Bounty Hunter. Recently someone had tried to assume the identity of my friend, mentor and one time lover Carlos Manoso aka Ranger. Eddie Scrog, had tried to assume Ranger's life to the point of kidnapping Ranger's daughter Julie. Ranger had enlisted my help, but in the end I really hadn't been that much of a help and Ranger nearly lost his life. I'm thankful that didn't happen, but it came to close for my comfort level. It had also been the same night that I had admitted to myself and out loud to my boyfriend Joe Morelli, a Homicide Detective for the Trenton PD, that I loved him. Yet, I still hadn't told the other man in my life that I loved him as well.

After the initial panic attack after the shooting, I had been doing fine. Joe and I had become closer and I was starting to appreciate him more. Then there was Ranger, I had gone to see him and brought him a cake which I had ended up eating it all. I like to think that currently we are in a holding pattern. Ranger and I, well we are as close as his emotional walls would allow, and that makes me a little sad. I know deep down I can't keep both of these wonderful men, but I can't let either of them go, it would hurt me to much.

Then four nights ago, around the same time that Ranger had come by my apartment and told me that he was going to be out of town for awhile, that the nightmares started. Four nights of reliving the fear of losing Ranger, and four nights of me sitting in the living room staring at the spot he'd been shot. I was really starting to think I was losing my mind. Maybe I was. I closed my eyes tired eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I awoke stiff, cold and sore from having fallen asleep on my Living Room floor. I wearily stood up and look out onto a sunny, cloudless September day and began to wonder why I felt like someone had walked over my grave. The goose bumps rose on my arms and I just couldn't feel warm inside. This just did not sit well with this Jersey Girl; we do not get scared by unknown feelings. So, like true Stephanie Plum style, I buried my unease and denied that anything bad was going to happen today.

After drinking a gallon of coffee and eating a cold slice of pizza for breakfast I dressed in my uniform of jeans and a white t-shirt and threw on a blue checked flannel shirt. I slipped my feet into my steel toes CAT boats and laced them up. I pulled my hair back into my pony tail, put on my SEALS hat. I applied three coats of mascara, only due to the unease I felt. Yup, I was ready to roll. I grabbed my bag and was headed for the door when my phone rang.

I debated about whether or not I should answer the phone, when that same uneasy feeling came over me. This time it trickled to my stomach making me feel nauseas, I ran the phone and answered breathlessly, "Hello."

A very small and terrified voice on the other end said, "Aunt Stephanie?"

I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall by my phone, "Angie honey what's wrong?"

"My daddy's here," she whispered over the line.

"What!" Steve was my sister Valerie's ex-husband. Last I heard he took all the money and ran away with the babysitter. "Angie, what's going on over there?"

"Aunt Stephanie, he has a gun and he hurt m . . m . . mom. P. . pp. .please come help us." She cried silently.

I stood up and thought hard on what I could do, "Don't worry Angie, I'll be there as fast as I can. I promise." Hanging up the phone had to have been the hardest thing I ever did. Part of me wanted to keep on the line, but if I was going to be able to help, I had the hang up. I went to my cookie jar and took out my gun, and checked to make sure it was loaded. Then I tucked it in the back of my jeans and covered the gun with my flannel shirt.

I picked up my cell and debated on who I should call. I knew calling Joe was what I should be doing, but I didn't. I also did not call any of Ranger's men, as much as I trusted Ranger's guys I just didn't want to tie up any of Ranger's resources for a matter like this. I dropped the cell phone back in my bag and headed out of my apartment. I ran down the hall and down the stairs, because I just didn't have the time to wait for the elevator.

Once out the back door I headed to my black and white mini cooper and got in. I took a mental moment to gather my courage and started the car and headed out of my parking lot. I headed toward the 'Burg and to my sister's house. Five minutes later I was on my sister's street and I stopped two houses away. Nothing outside looked any different, so taking a deep breath I put my car in gear and drove the rest of the way. I pulled in front and got out of the car and headed toward the front door of my sister's side of the duplex. I knocked on the door the same time I turned to door knob. I was surprised to find that the door was unlocked.

I got this weird sense of deja vu the skittered across my skin. I felt like I was about to walk into the lion's den without any cloths on. I opened the door slowly when I was suddenly grabbed and pulled into the house. A cold barrel of a gun was pressed to my head and alcohol laden breath was wafting into my face.

"What are you doing here?" asked Steve, my former brother-in-law.

I gulped and very clearly said, "I was going to take the girls out today. We had plans for the whole day."

Steve pulled me into the living room and pushed me away. Valerie had an ugly black eye forming was huddled in the living room holding her girls to her. Steve was pacing the living room with the gun clutched in his right hand. He was tapping his head with his gun hand muttering under his breath the whole time. Then he stopped and pointed the gun at me again. "Your stupid bitch of a sister ruined me."

I briefly glanced at Valerie, "What did she do?" I asked even though the answer really didn't matter. I just wanted to keep him talking so he didn't do any rash, namely hurting me.

"She hired that damn little slut of a babysitter is what she did. That little whore took me for everything I had. She hooked up with some guy in the Caymans and cleaned everything out that I had invested away." I felt rather than saw Val cringe at Steve's words.

Okay, well, he is really delusional if he thinks he should pin his infidelity on my sister like that. Also, for running away with said baby sister, but I don't think it would be smart for me to point it out to him.

"When I came back here to Trenton to find Valerie, she had hooked up with some dough boy man and had a kid with him. God, she was pathetic before, but now. Ugh, she let herself go." He pointed his gun, towards my sister and I stepped in his path trying to get his focus back on me. "I am going to take my girls and leave here and make sure that bitch will never make a fool of me again."

This was not good, "Why don't we let the girls wait for you outside while we talk, okay?"

He looked at me with tired and angry eyes, "I don't think that is a good idea."

An oily sick feeling rolled in my stomach, and I took a step back toward Val and the girls, "I think they are scared and you really don't want them to be scared of you when you take them right?" Please God, let this work.

Tears started out of Steve's eyes, "I would never hurt my girls." He then started pacing again, and he ranted some more. I had no idea what he was on, but I knew it had to more than just alcohol. He then stopped and looked at me again, pointed the gun at me, "You take them outside and you come back or I'll shoot your bitch of a sister."

I slowly back toward Val and the girls; I didn't want Steve to notice the gun in the back of my jeans. I crouched down next to Angie and Mary Alice, and Angie was holding Lisa to her rocking back and forth. I briefly moved where Steve would not notice that I removed my cell phone, and slipped it into Angie's hoodie pocket. Our eyes met, and Angie understood what I wanted her to do. We stood and started for the door when, Steve said, "Leave the baby."

"No!" Valerie said.

I shot Val a dark look and she shut up immediately, "You don't want to do anything that the girls will hold against you. They will understand when you come get them later, but let them take the baby. Think, Steve. You will be able to get them later okay. I'll even help you." I hoped he let the baby go.

Steve started pulling at his hair and growling under his breath. I noticed his left hand was shaking and this was so not good. "So, wrong . . . so wrong." He kept muttering to himself. "Just take the brat out with my girls, but I am not taking it."

Like hell he was going to take my other two nieces anywhere, but he didn't need to know that now did he. I watched at Angie and Mary Alice with Lisa run out of the house to the front. I prayed that Angie would call the police right away.

Steve then charged after Valerie and grabbed her by her hair and started dragging her through the living room to the kitchen. I reached over and pulled a heavy lamp and managed to hit Steve over the head, knocking him down. I picked up Valerie and started running for the front door when Steve fired his gun and hit Val in the back. I pulled my .38 and fired at the same time as Steve fired another shot aimed at me.

It is funny how time seems to slow down to nanoseconds, I swear I saw that bullet leave Steve's gun. It was in that instant that I knew my life would never be the same again. Just as the bullet impacted with my head my last thought was, 'Oh, shit this is not good.' Then all was darkness.

A/N: Parts of the dream sequence were taken from Twelve Sharp by Janet Evanovich.

Look for: The World In Between coming to a web listing near you.