Author's Note: Woo hoo! Once again I failed to meet my own schedule! Oh well, I'm at least a bit proud that I could polish off over 10 pages of this thing in one day, a day which, I might add, was supposed to be me taking it easy after getting back from the vacation I wanted to finish this before leaving on…And wouldn't you know it, I got –more- fic ideas to work on during it… it's a malicious cycle. If only I got this many ideas for original stories, I could make a living as a writer through sheer quantity, if nothing else…

Well, let's see here… first and foremost, this is a comedy, I know, shocking. This one, however, does put a bit of a more romantic twist on it, at points anyway. One scene in particular gets really dramatic and then goes right back into comedy, which feels a little weird to me but that's just what came out when I was writing, and I do like the separate parts of it well enough, so I'll stick with it… it makes a later scene a little bit odd (you'll probably see what I mean), but not so much more so than it would have been anyway, and I think that that scene is worth it (besides which, I've had that planned for weeks, damned if I'm going to change it just like that unless I came up with something better).

If you didn't pick up on it from the synopsis, this is going to have quite a bit of sexually-themed humor, and probably some really awful puns, which will then be made fun of themselves. So, if you're easily offended by that sort of thing, you should probably sit this one out, but there's nothing really explicit, so I think the rating can be left as Teen. If you disagree I guess… I dunno, point it out, preferably in a way that won't result in the officials of this site (I really hate that this site blocks any word that remotely resembles a url address… it wouldn't be so bad if there was another term to refer to it other than Fanfiction (dot) net…) banning me or whatever it is they do for inappropriately rated fanfics.

You'll have my usual somewhat frequent swearing, nothing too terrible there, I think.

And… um…I think that's it. Back to work on the other half-finished Rekka no Ken fic.

Of Prewedding Jitters and the House of Frob

In one of the side rooms kept by the Lord of Castle Ostia for the purpose of receiving special guests in privacy, two men faced each other, each with an expression of joy at their reunion. The two were drastically different in appearance, one was slender and dressed in formal robes, with fiery red hair, while the other had a more bulky, muscular frame, garbed in his customary ceremonial but functional armor (for several paragraphs in regards to Hector's armor preference see my OTHER Rekka no Ken fic, none of the jokes in that section were good enough to use a second time), and had a head of darkish blue hair. In a world without hair dyes, this was an impressive feat of genetic engineering, the likes of which are only seen in… well, anything else to come out of Japan.

The two embraced in a brotherly manner, the larger one, Hector, brother of Ostia's present Marquess and heir to the throne, thumped the other, Eliwood, Marquess of the territory of Pherae, on the back. As was customary, Eliwood attempted to endure his friend's rather too enthusiastic efforts without flinching, and as was customary, he failed. Continuing a long tradition of such greetings, Hector totally failed to notice his friend's discomfort, and thus continued for several seconds before the two broke apart.

"Cut it awfully close, didn't you?" Hector asked his friend with a grin. "The wedding is tomorrow."

"And leave Marcus in charge any longer than I have to? The man's a great knight but… uh… not much of a people person," Eliwood replied with a shrug.

"True," Hector agreed, laughing. "So, you really don't mind getting married away from your people?"

"Oh, I'm sure they'll get over it," Eliwood replied. "Well, those of them who aren't opposed to their lord marrying a woman not of noble birth. I have to wonder what they'd say if they knew she wasn't of human birth…"

"Well," answered Hector, snorting at the thought. "I figure first they'd try to crucify her, or drive a stake through her heart or something, only to find that they couldn't actually hurt her with anything smaller than a great axe. And that's when you ride in on your white horse which you materialized out of nowhere, scoop her up, and charge off into the sunset, never to be heard of again."

"I tell you, I had that horse with me the whole time!" Eliwood protested, pointing a finger at the other noble. "I was just training in secret."

"Sure you were," Hector said sarcastically. "So, what, no death threats over moving the wedding to coincide with mine and Florina's?"

"Everyone who could find something to complain about had already done so," Eliwood answered, and clasped a hand to his brow. "Did you know that, apparently," he now puffed out his chest in an attempt to look excessively pompous, complete with tone of voice, "Ninian is exactly 2 inches too short to marry me, and besides which her eyes are the wrong color?"

"Oh, and I wouldn't expect a dowry if I were you. Her father would probably sooner eat you," Hector added.

"Hey, now, we only saw a few dragons who were driven insane, and that was in the process of crossing between worlds," Eliwood replied, trying to suppress laughter.

"Who said anything about him being insane?" Hector asked. "Hell, Lyn threatened me, with the Mani Katti, no less, that she would 'leave me in pieces too tiny to be recognized as human,' if I did anything to 'her,' Florina…"

Eliwood blinked several times in surprise, then said "Are we CERTAIN that the Author doesn't support that pairing?"

"Eliwood, this is the fic where we don't break the Fourth Wall," Hector reminded his friend with an exasperated sigh.

"Oh, right…" Eliwood said. The two remained silent for a few moments, simply happy to be together again, their respective duties keeping them apart much of the time, even though the journey between their lands wasn't too long. If you weren't being hunted by a guild of assassins, that is.

"So…" Hector said, breaking the silence, "you happen to rescue a girl from some bandits, and, not five years later, you're marrying her. It's a crazy world."

"That it is," Eliwood agreed. Somewhere in the universe, a red-haired Rurouni, as his lines are translated by Media Blasters, sneezed several times.

"So what –did- you say when you proposed?" Hector asked, curious. "Please don't tell me you tried that 'sweep it away,' line…" Eliwood shifted nervously at this comment. "You DID, didn't you?" Hector demanded. "Man, I TOLD you that line is just TOO cheesy…"

"Ninian liked it," Eliwood replied.

"Great, glad you met someone who's as corny as you are," Hector answered.

"Anyway, that was when I was confessing my love for her," Eliwood replied. "When I proposed, I just said 'Ninian, I love you, will you marry me?'"

"What, no needlessly elaborate and eloquent speech for that one?" Hector asked. "Get writer's block at the last minute or something?"

Eliwood paused for a moment before replying, "For your information, Ninian told me that she'd actually prefer it if I'd just say something, rather than trying to come up with a whole speech ahead of time."

"So you DID get writer's block, then," Hector summarized.

Eliwood sighed. Sometimes Hector could be… well… Hector-like. "Personally, I'm still amazed that Florina can be in the same room with you without running away, let alone have fallen in love with you," the red-haired noble said to his friend.

"What do you mean?" Hector asked.

"Well, let's see, ignoring the fact that Florina is incredibly timid around men, and that most grown men can't look you in the eye for a prolonged period of time without flinching, where do I start?" Eliwood replied. "You're… brusque, you anger easily, you enjoy using your axe a bit too much for a noble, even from Ostia, you're imposing, rude, have complete disdain for authority, or tradition, or custom, you're probably more cut out to be a bandit than a politician, you're just completely tactless-"

"Isn't calling someone tactless to their face a bit ironic?" the larger man questioned.

"Hey, don't interrupt!" Eliwood cried in response. "I'm listing off the things about you that people hate."

Hector rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "So, tell me the truth, you're not at all concerned about Ninian being a dragon causing trouble? I mean, I know you love her anyway, but…"

"Trouble?" Eliwood echoed.

"Well, you need a male heir, right? Can Ninian even give birth as a human?" Hector asked, unsure whether to expect an answer.

"Well, she's essentially human while she's here, as long as her power is sealed, anyway," Eliwood replied, "so I'd assume so."

"Checked this out, have you?" Hector asked, elbowing his friend in the ribs with a wink.

"Of course I-" Eliwood began, and then caught himself, considering for a moment. Blinking slightly more frequently than normal in surprise, he said "There's… no good way out of this, is there?"

"Not particularly," Hector replied, shrugging. "So, you're not at all concerned that you may not be able to have a child?"

"Well, I know that in the next game in chronological order, I have a son, and I know he's half dragon, so I figure it must work-" Eliwood began.

"Eliwood!" Hector shouted, interrupting him.

"Oh… right…" he answered. "Sorry… keep forgetting, force of habit from over twenty pages of- Aaahhh! I'm doing it again! And… why are you putting on sunglasses?" Eliwood asked, confused, as his friend slid a pair of dark black, mirrored lenses over his eyes.

"No reason," the other man replied, holding up a small, cylindrical device with a blinking red light on top, which suddenly emitted a flash rather like a magic spell going off, since Eliwood couldn't very well draw the camera comparison, and left him looking completely stunned.

"Wh… what we were talking about?" Eliwood asked a moment later, blinking his eyes quickly after staring blankly for several seconds. "I get the feeling that whatever it was, it was very awkward…"

"Oh… uh… I was just making lewd comments about you and Ninian," Hector answered, quickly stuffing the glasses and tiny, chrome device into… wherever he stuffed things, presumably a pouch on his belt. "Like… uh… 'Dress Warmly for exercise in cold conditions,' and… ah…"

"You can stop there," Eliwood interrupted, traces of pink creeping into his face.

"Ah, don't make such a big deal out of it," Hector returned. "We're married men… well… we will be tomorrow. Close enough."

"I suppose so," Eliwood answered thoughtfully.

"Come on, can't you muster a bit more enthusiasm?" Hector asked his friend. "You can't tell me you're not excited! You're finally going to be officially married to Ninian! It's one of the most important days in anyone's life! And besides which, it's the day that Eliwood, master of the sword gets to-"

"Okay, that's enough…" Eliwood interrupted again, before Hector could carry on further.

"Oh, come on, you didn't even know if I was going to say it like that," the blue-haired man complained.

"Hector," Eliwood began, "I've known you for longer than is probably good for my health. I knew where that statement was headed."

"Bah. You're no fun," Hector complained, making a dismissive gesture at Eliwood.

Eliwood began to shift nervously, causing the other lord to cast a curious glance in his direction. "Actually… I um… have a confession I need to make," the robed man said with some difficulty.

"Look, if it's about that one day back in training camp, I already told you I forgive," Hector started, only to be interrupted by Eliwood.

"You swore we'd never speak of that again!" he cried, conveniently preventing Hector from going into detail about the aforementioned event, and thus allowing readers to draw their own conjectures, which are probably much worse than anything I could ever come up with.

"Oh, right, sorry. So what's the problem?" Hector asked.

"Well, it's just…. I don't know what to do… with Ninian, I mean," Eliwood said, eyes burning a hole in the carpet… well, they would if his eyes shot beams of energy or some such thing.

"Oh, come on, Ninian's one of the nicest girls I've ever met, along with every other female of any significance to us other than Serra or Lyn… maybe Rebecca, too, it can't be that much of a problem to live with her…" Hector trailed off.

"No… Hector…" he began, "what I mean is… I don't…. know anything…" his voice began to fade, dropping to almost a whisper, "about… sex," the last word coming out as barely audible.

Hector stared in surprise for a moment, then his expression brightened considerably. "Eliwood, you don't have to be embarrassed about that. I mean, I can hardly blame you for not knowing, your father did sort of die and all… oh… right… um… sorry."

"That was smooth," Eliwood said sarcastically.

"Right, anyway," the other man continued, "let's begin. You see, Eliwood, when a man… um…when two people… you know, men and women are… uh… How about I just tell you what my brother told me?"

"Which was?" Eliwood asked, half of him wanting to know, and the other half quite certain that he didn't.

"'I'm busy, go ask Oswin,'" Hector answered, imitating his brother's stern tones.

"So what did Oswin tell you, then?" Eliwood asked, now quite thoroughly skeptical of both the information and the credibility of its source.

Hector cocked and eyebrow at his friend and replied, "You seriously think I'd ask Oswin about that? What are you, nuts?"

"So… you don't know anything either?" Pherae's Marquess asked, despair beginning to creep into his voice.

"Nope!" the other replied cheerfully. "Oh… um…"

The two stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Eliwood spoke up. "Hector… the wedding is tomorrow, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is…" Hector answered slowly.

At this point both men went through the difficult task of maintaining whatever composure I haven't already killed. By which I mean, they were mentally chanting, "I am a man, men do not scream…" while facing in opposite directions.

Having overcome the impulse to scream in panic, the two turned to face each other once more. Eliwood placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, looking him in the face, and spoke, in what those who knew him came to refer to as his "dramatic speech mode." Basically, this consisted of quite a few clichéd lines, lots of determination, and often some demonstration of courage or some other desirable personality trait. Anyway, on to what he actually said. "Hector, this may be the greatest challenge that we have ever faced."

"I dunno, man," Hector replied, "that one dude with the crazy power that nullified all magic, and then he forced us through all those small rooms with class-changed enemies in them? That was a bitch."

"Focus!" Eliwood shouted. "Also, you're not fly, or ghetto, or any of those things, okay? You're white nobility, with very strangely colored hair. And we've only got a day to figure this out before the wedding, and knowing us, if we don't have the information in advance we're bound to fuck something up trying to figure it out ourselves."

"Something," Hector said, building off of Eliwood's statement, "as opposed to our-,"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Eliwood interrupted.

"Fine," Hector said, reluctantly. "Well, then," he began, rather dramatically, it should be noted, "in that case, there's only one man who we can go to who will give us graphic detail that goes far beyond what we need or want without us asking for it."

After a short trek through the complex corridors of the castle, the next few minutes found Hector banging his head against one of Castle Ostia's ornamented walls, rattling a portrait of some former, blue-haired noble of no particular significance to anyone but a Fire Emblem history major. And if there's such a thing, Gods help us all.

"I knew that there was something I was supposed to remember about Matthew…" Hector muttered, taking a break from his frustrated head banging.

"We're both getting married tomorrow and you sent the one man who can help us on a wild goose chase of a reconnaissance mission?" Eliwood asked in astonishment, still not quite believing what his friend had told him a moment before.

"Do you really want Matthew anywhere in the vicinity when you get married?" Hector said defensively, shooting his friend a glare.

"Well, under any other circumstances no, but…" Eliwood protested.

"We'll figure something out, we don't have to be at the party 'till… five minutes ago…" Hector said, sighing. "I know, we can ask… um…"

"Erk… knows a lot of random facts…" Eliwood suggested weakly.

"Oh, yes, that'll be a fun conversation…" The blue haired noble rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go. We can take down an evil magically-empowered mastermind bent on taking over the world by controlling the power of dragons, how hard can this be?"

"Now that you've said that I'm quite positive it just got significantly harder…" Eliwood sighed, and the two walked off down the hall.

"Ah, there they are!" a green haired man, looking quite different than he did normally in a green dress tunic and tan pants. "And here I thought we'd have to start the festivities without you. Don't worry, there's absolutely no way Kent can get out of his quarters, I saw to it personally, so let's have some fun!"

"When you say 'festivities,' Sain, I suddenly become very, very frightened…" Eliwood said to the rather infamous knight who greeted the two as they stepped down the stairs into the pub-like setting that was conveniently located on the castle's outer wall. It was a sentiment shared, but not voiced, by several of the others present.

Among those who had gathered for the party were Erk, still dressed in traveling clothes from the journey he had made from Eturia and focused completely on a large tome he held, Wil, carefully examining a cup of punch with his keen archer's eyes, and generally looking a bit uncomfortable, Oswin, fully armored and standing next to the door, the very image of an imposing guard, Lucius, garbed in his usual white robes, and apparently performing a blessing over the food laid out on a long table in the center of the room, and Raven, sitting in a dark corner, which had been arranged to his liking by sending a dagger through an overhead lamp, apparently brooding but in reality staring at Lucius. Jaffar crouched on the floor next to him, his face bearing the same fierce expression he always wore, casting into doubt which of them would be later paying the barkeep for his broken lamp, and accenting the rather striking similarities between the two.

"Did it just occur to you that we may want to invest in some different friends?" Hector asked his companion.

"It… does seem that we know a very… odd bunch of people, doesn't it?" Eliwood mused.

"Ah, my lords!" came a familiar voice from behind the bar. The two turned and saw a middle-aged, blue-haired man smiling at them. "Can I get you anything?"

"Merlinus?" Hector exclaimed. "Since when do you work here?"

"Actually, I just bought this establishment, er, well, the right to set up shop here, but I'm going to leave it as a pub and use a separate room for more general goods," he explained. "Can I get you anything?"

The nobles shook their heads, Hector murmuring something about having Matthew check into who they were selling deeds to.

"Well, don't worry, the 'entertainment,' should be here any minute, I was actually concerned that it might get here first and that'd ruin the surprise…" Sain told the two.

"You booked the entertainment?" Wil cried in horror, already dreading what this might entail. He took a last look at the glass of punch he held, decided that anything that might have been put in it couldn't possibly be worse than facing Rebecca if Sain's usual tendencies had prevailed in his role as the director of the party, a position he had gotten when everyone else had flatly refused, and drained it.

A few tense seconds passed as everyone but Raven and Erk stared at Wil. When it became clear after a minute had passed that he wasn't going to go into convulsions or collapse to the floor, everyone, that is, the five of them, turned back to what they had been doing, leaving Wil with shoulders slumped in disappointment. Apparently he wasn't getting out of it quite that easily, and thinking this, he sadly walked over and grabbed a chair, seating himself even as he attempted to steel himself for what he was certain was to come.

Suddenly, footsteps could be heard descending the staircase into the tavern, and Sain shot Eliwood and Hector a wide grin as he went over the entrance, and, with a great flourish, gestured to the door, saying, "Presenting…"

However, whatever his next words would have been were lost, because at that moment, Lyndis, clad in her undergarments, which male readers will forgive me if I neglect to here describe, I hope (I'm certain the mental image comes easily enough, anyway), stepped into the room.

For a moment, everyone gaped, Erk because he had just read about a technique to combine two different spells' effects that by far surpassed any he had previously encountered, and Raven because the last time he had accidentally found himself in such a situation, Lucius had attempted to cleanse his eyes with a butter knife, and the experience of attempting to stop someone gauging out their own eyes wasn't one he particularly wanted to repeat, but the rest were gaping at the Sacean woman. Sain drew back with a mortified look on his face, and for a long moment, that was the only movement in the room.

"I'm going to kill Matthew," Lyn muttered, a phrase the others had all spoken on at least one occasion.

Hector, having recovered a bit more quickly than the others, undid his cape and tossed it to her. Lyn caught it and covered herself, still a bit stunned by this sudden turn of events. Silence permeated the room in a manner more or less akin to how an entire house quickly becomes unbearable shortly after a recently skunked dog enters it (an analogy rather fresh in my mind, I might add).

"Um… Lyn… why are you…" Hector began to ask, approaching the green-haired woman.

"Oh… I got… uh… lost…" she said slowly. "By the way, do you happen to know where Kent's room is?" she inquired.

The Ostian lord blinked for a moment. "Discreet, that," he observed dryly.

"What! Oh, no it's not-!" she exclaimed, then stopped, taking a deep breath to compose herself. "I was headed to my own room from the shower (the technological level of the Ostians will be discussed at a later date, thanks), and then I was going to go look for him to see if I could convince the man to enjoy himself for once."

"And you don't have any clothes on while taking this stroll through the castle corridors because…?" Hector asked.

"Someone stole them," she said, shooting an angry glance at where she expected to find Sain whistling innocently, but instead discovered him lying on the ground with a comically oversized bump on his head. Wil shot her an apologetic glance, and with a shrug that said something akin to 'Well, it seemed like a perfectly logical course of action,' went to attempt to reattach the chair leg that had been his makeshift weapon.

"Well, thanks for the cape," she said to Hector, then returned back the way she had come, stepping rather less than carefully over Sain's unconscious body, which now lay partially across her path.

Hector turned back to his friend to find the red-haired man, a rather poor description as it fits nearly half of the room's occupants, still staring at the doorway, mouth agape. "Eliwood?" he said questioningly, and, receiving no reply, tried waving his hand before the man's blue eyes, then snapping his fingers. When this, too, failed, he decided to go for his usual solution to such a dilemma. However, finding no axes readily available, he settled for clouting the Pherean upside the head, which produced the reaction of dropping him to the floor, cutting the night's activities a bit short, not that this particularly bothered any of the still conscious members of the gathering.

When Eliwood found himself once more somewhat aware of his surroundings and attempted to open his eyes, his first thought was 'Dear Gods my head hurts.' In fact, that was pretty much his second thought as well. And his third. And somewhere into the teens, also. His eyes revealed the silhouette of a rather large man standing next to his bed.

"What… happened…?" he figured that this question was equally appropriate whether the man was in fact, Hector, or a bandit who had kidnapped him, or, actually, just about any other large man who would have cause to be standing next to his bed.

"Oh, well, you were sort of out of it after Lyn marched downstairs half-naked, so I hit you on the side of the head to see if you'd wake up." Either it was a bandit with a knack for voice mimicry and a mind to seriously disorient his prisoner, or, just about three times as likely, Hector. Eliwood was never one to discount the possibility of bandits.

"Then why does the back of my head hurt, too?" Eliwood asked groggily.

"Oh, yeah, that was when I was trying to carry you upstairs, sorry about that. Did you get taller, by the way?" Yeah, it was Hector.

"Yeah, just a-," Eliwood began, then suddenly sat bolt upright as his memory started to return in greater detail. "The wedding!" he shouted.

"Don't worry, we don't have to start getting ready for another couple of hours," Hector reassured his friend.

"Hector, did you remember what we were supposed to do yesterday?" Eliwood asked anxiously.

"What? Oh, that, yeah, I took care of all of it while you were asleep," the other man answered.

"You did?" Pherae's Marquess exclaimed hopefully.

"No. What fun would that be?" Hector said with a tone that more or less added the word 'duh,' all by itself.

"Hector!" Eliwood shouted at his friend. "Say, wait a minute, did Lyndis say something about… Matthew?" Hector nodded in confirmation, the phrase 'I'm going to kill Matthew,' so common among the group that he hadn't paid it any mind at the time.

"You called?" came a voice from somewhere above the two. Crouching on the rafters of the room was none other than the blond spy himself, giving the two nobles a little wave as they looked up at him in amazement, then he nimbly dropped to the ground, cloak billowing out behind him.

"Ma-Matthew?" Hector asked. "But… I sent you away on a mission…"

"Yes, well, if you'll forgive me, it was utter bull, milord," Matthew explained.

"But how…" he protested.

"Well, when your lordship is lying to my face, your left eye twitches a little."

"It does?" Hector asked.

"Well, that or when something's annoying you, the two coincide so frequently in my presence that I haven't been able to distinguish between them," Matthew admitted. Hector shot him a glare, left eye twitching slightly. "Now," Matthew turned so he was facing Eliwood as well, "I believe your lordships wanted some information? Let's begin. Now, you're familiar with the weapon triangle, right?"

"You mean how swords beat axes which beat lances which beat swords?" Eliwood asked.

"Yes, well, this is absolutely nothing like that," Matthew told him.

About an hour later a rather dazed looking pair of lords stumbled from the infirmary. Hector, finding his voice first, said slowly, "I… don't think I believe half of that…"

"That's a wise policy, milord," Matthew said, approaching from behind him. "Personally, I make it my policy to not tell the truth half the time." And with that, he vanished, in exactly the way that his rather graphic explanation refused to vanish from Hector and Eliwood's minds.

"We should… get ready…" Eliwood remarked, the two of them having remained rooted in place for several minutes after that.

"Well, I'm all set…" Hector answered him slowly.

"Hector, you're not getting MARRIED in that armor." The comment left no room for argument, so Hector, being Hector, kicked down its metaphorical door and began swinging his metaphorical axe until there was metaphorical room. Metaphorically, of course.

"The whole thing is just a formality anyway, I don't need the MAN to tell me I'm in love!" he protested.

"Hector, you're a noble, you're about as close to 'the man,' as it is possible to be as it is…" Eliwood said.

"Be that as it may, I'm not deliberately wearing incredibly uncomfortable clothes just so that society will accept it if Florina and I live together and so that we can put something different on our tax forms," Hector said matter-o'-factly.

"Okay, what taxes? You live in a castle, there's no one above you to tax you."

"I'm sure somebody will find a way…"

"You don't own a tux, do you?" Eliwood asked.

"Is it my fault the tailor doesn't carry anything in my size!" Hector exclaimed. "Considering that he works for the Ostian nobility, famed for having very large men, you'd think it'd occur to him to stock something that wouldn't split down the back when I move my arms!"

"Look, your brother must have some sort of formal attire that you-," Eliwood began.

"I will never ask my brother for help!" Hector interrupted him with a shout.

"So, you're asking for my help?" Hector's brother grinned smugly at them as they stood before him one argument later.

"Just your clothes," Hector corrected.

"I think that qualifies," the other man, even larger than his brother and dressed in heavy, ornamented armor, said.

"Hector, just agree with him," Eliwood tried to convince his friend.

"I refuse to be indebted to my brother!" Hector yelled back.

"Fine, I'll help without making you beg. You're far too proud to, and I'd be embarrassed if my brother showed up at his own wedding looking like that."

Before Eliwood could utter more than the first syllable of 'thank you,' Hector had begun his protest, "What's wrong with how I dress?"

"Nothing, if you've been on the run from an enemy army for a few weeks."

"You take that back!"

"I would, but unlike you my time and my words are valuable."

Eliwood sighed, and left them, still arguing.

When Hector rejoined Eliwood in the room they were using to get dressed, the thing that Eliwood noticed immediately about his change of wardrobe was the lack of it.

"So, your brother refused to help after that argument?" Eliwood asked Hector, who looked rather upset.

"Oh, no, he helped. This was his great idea," he gestured at the armor he was wearing.

"But that's exactly what you were wearing!" Eliwood exclaimed.

"No, this one's new enough to be uncomfortable. Oh, and the Ostian crest on the shoulder hasn't been scraped off by an enemy sword, yet," he explained in the same annoyed tone.

Eliwood sighed, and sank back on the bed. He then resumed trying to button the shirt he wore, which presently was unfastened.

After watching him struggle for several moments, Hector asked, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, these blasted buttons, they're so tiny I can't get them to work…"

Hector paused a moment, then suddenly burst out laughing. "So, you can put a rapier into an enemy's eye while you're fighting, but this shirt has defeated you?"

"I swear, it's physically impossible!" Eliwood cried, throwing his hands into the air. "The buttons are just plain larger than the holes!"

"I got the tape measure you wanted," Wil appeared in the doorway behind Hector, holding a small coil of what looked like ribbon in his arms, marked at various intervals. After a quick round of measuring, the Pheraen noble swore under his breath, as Wil said in utter amazement, "They really are bigger than the holes…"

"Well, this is going wonderfully, isn't it?" Hector commented. "I'll bet that next-,"

Before the noble could complete his prophecy of doom, a loud crack of thunder echoed through the castle halls, and the distinct sound of heavy rainfall on stone paths and roofs filled the air.

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you?" the red haired man demanded.

"Well, we can sew the shirt shut, you probably won't need to wear it again, especially if the buttons don't work," Wil mused, pulling a small sewing kit from his belt pouch.

"Hey, I'm not to blame for everything, you know," Hector defended himself, ignoring the archer.

"Yes, well, maybe if your luck wasn't so rotten-,"

"Maybe if you hadn't given away all of our Ashura Icons! That Devil Axe nailed me at least two or three times!"

"Bartre fell off of Florina's Pegasus, into a clump of enemies with killing edges, backed up by two Druids with Luna spells, and two Sages with Elfires, then proceeded to slip and fall flat on his back, and if Florina hadn't kept dropping Elixirs on him he would have died about 6 times before help got there!"

"Does anyone even care about that guy? I can't believe you'd put some loser axeman who never did anything of importance before your own best friend!"

"He doesn't deserve to DIE for that, Hector!"

"Fine, just deal with your stupid shirt, I'll see you later!" And with that he walked out into the hall, slamming the door behind him.

"Wait, Hector!" Eliwood called after his friend, standing up. He then stopped dead in his tracks as Wil fell back, knocked over by the sudden movement. "Wil… please take this needle out of my ribcage… and find me a Vulnerary…" Eliwood said calmly.

A few minutes later, as Wil applied the contents of the medicine bag to Eliwood's wound and tried to mop up the blood that had stained a small portion of the right-hand side of his tux, the young lord sighed. "Gods… what else can possibly go wrong."

At that moment, a messenger burst into the room, crying, "My lord! The brides… they're gone!"

"What?" Eliwood shouted, too shocked to even make a comment about things always going wrong just after you say something like 'What else can go wrong?' He leapt to his feet, once more knocking Wil to the ground, where he lay, muttering something about not doing what amounted to cameo appearances in fanfics anymore.

"Florina's Pegasus just flew into the courtyard, it has a note on it that says that they were kidnapped!" the messenger gasped, then ran on, shouting his message to anyone and everyone he passed.

Eliwood darted out of the room, taking off down the corridor, and paying no attention to the fact that he had just practically trampled Wil, who hadn't had the presence of mind to get out of the way. "Definitely… no more… cameo appearances…" he muttered before he lost consciousness, knowing full well that he probably had absolutely no choice in the matter.

As he ran through Castle Ostia's twisted corridors, Eliwood thought he heard a voice calling to him from somewhere, eerie and distorted, but vaguely familiar. "Eliwood… Eliwood…" it called in a stereotypical ghost voice. "Eliwood. Eliwood! Stop, dammit!"

That got his attention, and he slowed to a halt just as what looked like a glowing patch of fog appeared, filling the hall before him. Slowly the fog began to take the shape of a gargantuan face, taller than he himself was. Eliwood instantly recognized the face as his father's, and was struck dumb for a moment by sheer shock.

"Hello, son," the voice said, still in a classic ghostly manor.

"I-I know what's going on here!" Eliwood exclaimed. "You're going to tell me that you weren't really murdered by Nergal, but that it was actually my uncle, who wants to sleep with my mother, and then send me on a quest for vengeance that will drive me insane!"

"Eliwood… That was Hamlet…" the voice said in its wavering tone.

"Oh, right. Damn, I was looking forward to saying 'Something is rotten in the state of Pherae,'" Eliwood lamented.

"Right, well, here's the thing," the voice now sounded more like Eliwood's father's own voice. "I realize I never really gave you 'the talk,' as it's called, and since you're getting married and all I figured I'd come and tell you what's what, so-,"

"Dad, I don't have time for this! Ninian's been kidnapped!"

"You're getting married to Ninian! But she's-,"

"I know, she's a dragon," Eliwood interrupted. "But I love her, and I have to go save her!"

"Actually, I was going to say that she's like, several hundred years old, but if that's how you feel, then you should go ahead."

"Thank you, father," Eliwood said, and moved to run past his father's giant head.

"Of course, there's that whole problem with her technically being a reptile and not human… or even a mammal, for that matter… I'm gonna have to revise this talk…" he mused as Eliwood tried to avoid moving through his father's ghostly visage.

Suddenly, the head vanished as quickly and mysteriously as it had appeared, and Eliwood was sprinting down the hall once more.

In the courtyard, Hector stood before Huey, Florina's Pegasus, the anxious, worried look on his face reflected as close as would be possible in Huey's features, the two shifting nervously in time with one another.

"Look, you stupid bird-brained horse," Hector said, approaching the animal. "I don't like you, and I distinctly get the feeling that you don't like me." Huey neighed and tossed his head, seemingly in approval. "But we both love the girl who rides you, and she's in trouble, so if you'd just let me on and take me to where she is-,"

Before Hector could finish his request, Huey had bent over a little to allow the large man to climb onto his back. He grinned his thanks at the Pegasus; then threw one leg over its slender back. As he did so, Huey stood with a sudden rising motion, whinnying in a way that seemed almost like laughter. The blue-clad man winced in pain, and then muttered, "You're so damn lucky I don't know where we're going…"

As Hector heaved the large bag he held, bulging with the gold that the note had demanded in exchange for the prisoners, Eliwood came charging out of the Castle's front gate. "Wait!" he called.

"Cutting it close, as usual," Hector admonished, grabbing his friend's outstretched hand and pulling him onto the horse, which groaned under the additional weight. Eliwood was too busy trying to catch his breath to reply, so Hector went on, "Now, let's go." And with that, Huey flung himself into the air, and they were off, soaring above the walled city that sprang up around the Castle, the buildings looking like saplings next to a parent tree.

They flew over the forest that began not far from the castle for a few tense minutes, Huey's wing beats and panting breath the only sound, save the rush of air past their ears. At last, it seemed Huey was descending toward a hastily constructed camp of sorts, tree stumps evidencing that the villains had chosen to create their own clearing rather than look for one. A pair less concerned with the fates of their fiancés might have condemned the group for their lack of regard for the forest, an important natural resource and necessary for the planet's survival, but at the moment the two lords merely wore grim, determined expressions.

Huey circled once, dropping slowly toward the clearing, apparently attracting the attention of a lookout, for bandits began to gather in the center of the clearing as they came in closer, and finally landed. One of the bandits, a scruffy looking man with a scraggly beard and tangled hair, came forward to meet them.

"Do you have the money?" he asked as the two dismounted, Eliwood with a nimble leap, Hector rather more gingerly. Hector held up the sack, which indeed, was clearly filled with coins. He opened its mouth and tossed a handful of them at the commander so he could examine them. The other man caught them, and after a moment of looking them over, nodded.

"Where are the prisoners?" Hector demanded.

"They're in the tent," the bandit answered him.

"Call out all of your men," Hector said.

"Fair enough," and the man gave a strange whistle, at which four men, the most the tent could easily conceal, emerged from the tent, and several from the forest, bringing the total number to 16, not counting the captain. "Now, hand over the money."

"Can you prove to us that they're okay?" Hector was keeping his tone level only with great effort, relying on the bit of training forced on him on how to handle these sorts of situations.

"Oh, just give the man the money, Hector, we're not in a position to negotiate," Eliwood said. "I don't know about you, but I can't take 8 men unarmed, anyway."

"I could make up for the ones you miss," Hector replied. "And I will if they've harmed Florina in any way. Show us the prisoners!"

"Hector, these people could easily decide to kill us and them right here and now!" Eliwood shouted at his friend. "Use your brain for once and just go along with what they want, and maybe we'll all be okay!"

"And I'm telling you I want proof that this is a fair exchange!" Hector barked back.

"Fine, if you're just endangering yourself, but Florina and Ninian are the ones who could be killed if this goes wrong! Just give him the money!" Eliwood shouted, anger rising in his voice.

"Look, do you wanna go?" Hector demanded, and opened the bag again, pulling out a large steel axe. He then withdrew from the bag a rapier, tossing it to Eliwood. "Come on! Right here! Let's settle things!"

"Hey, they had weapons in there!" cried one of the bandits. "They were gonna-,"

"Oh, shut up, would you?" Eliwood interrupted.

"Everyone back up, give us some space here if you don't want to get hurt!" Hector shouted, and the bandits at once complied, forming a larger circle to give the duelists room to fight.

Slowly, the two began to circle each other, brandishing their weapons of choice. "I've been waiting for this a long time…" Hector said, his eyes wild, his face set in a sadistic grin.

"Just like old times, eh?" Eliwood added, his expression a mirror to his foe's.

"Exactly like old times." And with that, at once the two nobles whirled, Hector making his turn into a great horizontal swing of the large, double-headed axe that tore clean through the body of one of the bandits, Eliwood driving the fine point of his rapier through the neck of the one who had been behind him, then whipping it out even as he twirled around, narrow blade already finding another target in the heart of another bandit.

With a mighty stroke, Hector split one of the bandits clean in half, with another a man's sword was shattered and a huge gash rent across his chest. Two now came at him with axes raised and he jabbed the corners of his axe into their exposed chests, snapping ribs and crushing one of each man's lungs, the blow casting them backwards. Now he saw two more running for the tent, and swung his axe forward with all of his strength, leaping into the air and adding its momentum to his jump, and slammed the axe down onto one man's shoulder, tearing through much of his chest, then ripping it free and, sidestepping the collapsing body, striking the other man in the back as he ran, instantly arresting his motion as the sharp blade cut through his spinal cord.

Eliwood ducked under a strike from a heavy blade carried by one bandit, and, his arm a blur, stabbed him three times, once in each lung and once in the neck, twisting around, he caught another sword on the guard of his own blade, and twisting his arm, separated it from the man's grasp, and finished him with a slash to the side of the neck. An axe-weilding bandit approached him next, and fell with a bloody hole through his chest before he could strike. Another pair of them tried to flank Pherae's Marquess, taking horizontal swings in opposite directions, hoping to pin the lord between them. Eliwood leapt high into the air, flipping as he did so, so that the blades whizzed past his head as he was suspended upside-down, then as he came right side up, with one blow ripped both of their necks open.

The remaining bandits, now quite terrified of these men who seemed invincible, turned and ran, all but their leader, who stood, a gargantuan axe in hand, and faced them. Hector and Eliwood turned on him at once, leaping in as he raised the axe to swing, and each struck into an arm, Eliwood on the left and Hector on the right, Eliwood driving his blade through the man's muscle, Hector cutting clean through the arm itself, and, dropping the axe, the bandit's leader fell to his knees, defeated and gasping in pain.

Without sparing him a second glance the two, steps almost synchronized, ran to the tent and flung open the flap that served as a door. There, bound and gagged, terrified but unharmed, was Florina. Ninian, however, was nowhere to be found.

Eliwood spun around, rage bare on his face, and dashed back to the fallen form of the leader. Grabbing the man by his bloodstained and travel-worn shirt, the noble shouted, in a voice of pure anger that he seldom used, and that promised punishment for those who failed to heed it, "Where is she!"

"I'm sorry, your future Marchioness is in another bandit's camp," he answered. "They split ways with us after we captured them."

"Where!" he barked.

"Th-that way!" he pointed into the forest and was suddenly falling as Eliwood released him and dashed off, darting between trees as he ran in the direction the man had pointed.

Meanwhile, Hector cut Florina's bonds, and undid the gag in her mouth, then asked in a concerned tone, "Are you alright?"

"Y-yes…" she answered meekly, standing up slowly. Despite her riding gear and hair being slightly messy, she appeared completely unharmed, though she trembled slightly. "I'm… I'm so sorry…" she seemed about to burst into tears.

"Don't be. Everything's fine now," Hector said softly.

"But I… the whole reason we got kidnapped was because we out here hiding for a while… because I… I wasn't sure if I could…" she said, still dangerously close to tears.

"Don't cry," he said. "It's fine… it'll be just fine."

"But… I don't know how to be a wife or a mother or any of that!" she cried suddenly. "What if… what if I'm not any good at it…? Or what if I can't do something when I need to, or…"

Before she could continue, Hector spoke up and said, "I don't know any of this stuff either. But, I'm sure we could figure something out. If that doesn't work, there are very few problems that can't be solved with a bit of thought… or an axe."

"But you-,"

"Look, Florina," he cut her off. "I don't care if you don't want to get married right now. I don't care if I have to search for you or fight my way through twenty bandits to save you. I love you, Florina, and there isn't a damn thing that you or anyone else can do or say to change my mind."

Florina stared at him for a moment, then suddenly she started giggling.

"That's better," Hector said. "Now, come on," and with that, he scooped the slender girl into his arms and left the tent.

"Hector, I-," she began, only to be interrupted again.

"Look, I'm sorry, but by the time you say what you're trying to Eliwood will certainly have gotten himself kill-," This time it was Hector who was cut off as Florina shifted herself in his arms and kissed him. After a long moment, the two broke apart, leaving Hector with a surprised, but happy expression on his face. "We really have to see about getting you to be bold more often," he said, and resumed walking over to where Huey waited as she laughed.

Eliwood burst through suddenly out of the trees and into a clearing, sword drawn. One bandit, a man lacking any and all features which could cause him to be identified with a particular race or ethnic group, opened his mouth to speak, and found a rapier in it rather than words, and traveling in the wrong direction besides. Eliwood deftly dispatched two more equally surprised and equally non-racially suggestive bandits with quick thrusts, and stopped a moment to observe his surroundings.

The clearing was almost identical to the one he had left moments before, down to the single tent erected in its center. Eliwood proceeded cautiously, but quickly, surprised to find so few guarding the place, but more driven by his need to assure himself that Ninian was okay. So it was that he nearly missed the ambush lying in wait for him, six bandits leaping at him from every direction at once, armed with lances, which not only made the small circle they now formed around him plenty of room for them to fight it, but also seriously disadvantaged Eliwood.

Fortunately, the stumps and bits of brush they had used for cover provided relatively little concealment from above, a lesson delivered via two hand axes and a javelin that rained down on the heads of three unfortunate bandits, striking them dead, or at least, immobile. The bandits looked up, a distraction which afforded Eliwood more than enough time to kill the three of them with trademark thrusts to the neck.

Something heavy landed next to him, and Eliwood saw a great, two-handed sword, the legendary blade Durandal, point stuck into the ground, next to him. Above, Hector, perched a bit more precariously than was wise on Huey, given the winged horse's disposition toward him, waved and called "Thought you might need that!"

Eliwood shot a curious glance up at his friend as he plucked the heavy blade from the ground, and suddenly, the familiar sensation of the sword directing his actions took over, as it flung his arms out behind him, and intercepted some heavy blow from behind. The pressure against his arms lightened, and Eliwood twisted, in control of himself again now that the danger had receded.

Behind him was a man wearing a dark robe-like mantle about his shoulders. His face was akin to stone, with sharp, hard features, eyes narrowed in anger. The clasp that held his cloak together glowed with some kind of magic, as did the huge axe he carried effortlessly. Eliwood vaguely recalled him as belonging to the house of Frob, well known throughout Pherae, and indeed, much of Lycia, for being… well, the polite term was 'eccentric.'

"I won't accept a lord who marries some commoner who also happens to be a dragon! Better you should die!" he shouted in an accent that distinctly reminded Eliwood of no accent he'd ever heard, and seemed deliberately constructed to not be associated with any group of people.

The man raised the axe to strike, and Eliwood thrust Durandal up to block it, turning the giant axe back with a savage strike. He could feel the power of the sword rushing through him. The axe was merely a toy, the broach, which he saw now must shield its wearer from non magical weapons and provide some kind of strength enhancement, was nothing. Let this man see the power of what could truly be called a weapon!

Even as these thoughts occurred to them, Eliwood realized that they weren't truly his own. Wielding Durandal demanded that his will be set and firm, controlling it was so much effort as made using it in all but the most dire circumstances a waste. Well, let it wield him a moment. What did he need to control it for? This man could, no, should, and would suffer for what he had done.

At that, the blade burst into flame, and sword and axe both stuck out at the same time. The blade of the axe seemed to Eliwood to quiver as if it had no more substance than gelatin, at once it clove in two and Durandal swung on. A magical barrier, thinner than the air, it seemed, shattered to pieces before it, and with no effort it neatly split the man's head in two, and then his entire body followed, bursting into flame as the halves fell apart.

'Come now, who else?' he thought. 'Whose blood shall Durandal next drink?' Let them come, any of them come, nothing in the world could stand before it. What did it matter that he was not Durandal's original wielder? A hundredth of its power could extinguish any life he chose. Even in his hands dragons fell before it, and men's struggles against its power were as wasted as a bird beating its wings against a hurricane.

Who was hiding in that tent? The blade tore it apart, the tarp ripped from the ground and hurled through the air, already burning, before it could begin to collapse. There was a man, and a girl. Ninian, the name came from somewhere in his mind. How dare he hold that knife to her throat? How presumptuous to pretend to have power with a knife as brittle as a dry twig. How foolish for humans to try to wield their power against other humans when a god of destruction dwell in their midst.

A blur of movement, and the man fell in pieces. Too easy. Too easy! Why was there no prey worthy of him? The girl… she was a dragon. But… in human form? That was no challenge. Still, dragons should not walk upon Elibe. Dragons would not be allowed to set foot on it. Let them try it if they dared! He would slay them all! Not a one would escape! He would start with her!

Eliwood raised Durandal above Ninian like an executioner's axe. The sword glowed bright red, leaping flames ran along its length, casting dark shadows upon his face. It was a truly terrible sight to behold, filled with burning anger, cold and yet white hot at the same time, at once full of passion and empty of emotion. Eyes that should be blue now glowed golden, fierce and dull, eyes filled with anger and again filled with nothing; eyes that were both of the puppet and the puppeteer.

Her eyes looked back into his… red eyes, eyes befitting a monster like her. A…monster…? That wasn't right… she couldn't be a monster… Those eyes were so afraid, so sad, there was no cruelty in them. They were precious… she was precious… What was she so afraid of? He would strike it down! He wouldn't let anything harm her! Let everything that displeased her burn away from the world! Then… then he would…

What was he doing?

Durandal clattered to the ground behind him. Eyes that were once more their true color now filled with shock and overflowed with sadness, tears streaming down the face of their owner even as he collapsed to his knees. He had been an inch away from being gone. Durandal controlled his body… it would have killed Ninian… That man… he had wanted to kill him… he wanted him to suffer, and didn't care if Durandal used him to do it… and then… It was like he was frozen even as his body moved.

In the end, Ninian saved him. The thought of losing her again was so painful… For a moment he had gained a foothold… But it had been so close… so close to repeating the same mistake. And this time no one would appear to bring her back to him.

He pulled a knife from his belt and cut Ninian free. She stood, clearly shaken, fear lingering in her eyes. All that Eliwood wanted was to embrace her, right there. He wanted to hold her and forget what he had nearly done, what he had become for a moment. But he couldn't. Her eyes, the eyes that had called him back from the brink of being consumed, now seemed to Eliwood to reflect only his own weakness, his own failure.

The two stood there, unmoving, for what seemed like a very long time. Then, at last, Ninian stepped forward, and threw her arms around a stunned Eliwood. He wanted with all of his heart to return the embrace, but instead he grabbed her shoulders and held her at arm's length, pulling himself from her.

"Ninian… I…" he began. "I… I can't… I nearly…"

"I knew you wouldn't hurt me," she said quietly.

"I almost did…" he said. "I already have… And I was so close to doing it again…"

"But I'm okay," she said. "However close it was, it didn't happen."

"But I… what I felt… what I thought… even if it was Durandal, I still…" he said, tears still streaming down his face. "Even if… even if you can forgive me, I don't think I can…"

"But… you only felt that way to begin with because I was in danger, right?" Ninian asked.

"But… even so… then I put you in more danger…" He turned from her. "Ninian, I think… I should…"

Suddenly, an armored fist caught the noble in the face, sending him sprawling backwards. Standing over him, Eliwood now saw Hector, glaring at him.

"Oh, shut up and kiss her already, would you? It's getting dark!" he shouted.

"Hector, I…" he began.

"No more of your damn excuses!" Hector barked at him. "God, I didn't think you were such a wimp. You didn't even kill her this time. So you didn't hurt her, you didn't hurt yourself, or anyone but those bandits, and more to the point you saved her life. If your own thoughts, not events, but thoughts, can get you so worked up I don't know what the hell we were all doing following you on that quest to save the world. Now stop being such a pathetic wuss and kiss your lizard girlfriend over there before she starts crying and you get me seriously upset, and I'll have to smack you with something a bit more axe-shaped."

For a moment, there was silence. Then, Eliwood stood, and turning back to Ninian, pulled her close in an embrace.

"I'm sorry, Ninian," he whispered. "Can you forgive me?"

"I can forgive you anything," she replied, returning the embrace. "Can you forgive me?"

"Anything," he answered sincerely. "But what for?"

"I was… I was so worried about all the people who were upset over our marriage, and they'd be even more upset if they ever knew the truth about it, so I thought… maybe… it'd be better if I just disappeared…" she explained. "So I talked to Florina, and we came out here, and then we got captured…"

"Ninian… nothing would be better if you were gone," Eliwood said. "I don't want to be apart from you. If that means that Pherae has a problem with us, then we'll live somewhere else." And for a moment, the two stared into each other's eyes, and then kissed.

"Right, that's enough of that," Hector interjected a few seconds later. The two shot him mildly annoyed glances as he went on. "Eliwood, as a friend, I have to tell you, you've gotta lose either the cape, or the tux, because together it's just… no… Oh, and when I said lose the tux, I meant replace it with something else, thanks…"

Eliwood looked down at himself to discover that he was, indeed, still wearing the tuxedo he had put on earlier that day, and had thrown his cape on over it. He threw back his head and laughed, and soon was joined by Hector and Ninian.

Huey's expression when the three of them came upon him and Florina, who was occupied telling the horse what a good job he had done, could best be compared to the look of a human having a heart attack. In fact, the poor creature nearly fainted. So it was that, despite Hector's earlier complaint about it getting dark, and the fact that they had just fought two groups of bandits off, the two lords ended up walking back to Castle Ostia while their fiancés flew ahead on the equally exhausted Pegasus.

There was a triumphant fanfare of trumpets and a large crowd of citizens and guests awaiting their return, Ninian and Florina waiting so that the entire group could reenter the city at once. The cause of this apparent certainty of victory was more because no one wanted to be the one to explain to an exhausted Hector why there was no celebration of his victory ready if they had chosen to ere on the side of caution than actual absolute certainty in their lord's abilities.

As they made their way back to the castle through the now crowded streets, they were informed that Lucius was quite annoyed because he had been looking forward to performing the marriage ceremony, and consequently, Raven was also now annoyed. It was decided by everyone who didn't know that the two brides had actually fled the wedding and then been kidnapped that they should simply have the ceremony tomorrow rather than waste the preparations that hadn't already been lost when Hector accidentally summoned a sudden thunderstorm that had only lasted for about 10 minutes, but had still ruined everything that wasn't covered or waterproof. The four who this most involved were thus not entirely comfortable with the new arrangement, but, as is often the case with weddings, things had now passed beyond their control, not that they were entirely unhappy with the situation either.

Upon getting inside, Oswin did the first useful thing Hector could think of him doing in months and barred entrance to everyone who wasn't staying at the castle. The brides both left to go wash up, which left Hector and Eliwood with the task of removing Eliwood's tux. After several minutes of ineffective pulling, scissoring, and generally every method one would ordinarily use to remove a person's clothing from their body when it appears stuck, Hector concluded that the thing was in fact 'The Tuxedo of the Damned,' and that it had now 'fused itself to Eliwood's flesh and would devour his soul.'

When Eliwood flatly refused Hector's suggestion that he wear the Tux (henceforth capitalized to show its infamy) in place of a suit of armor, after it successfully bent the point of the fourth knife they had tried on it, Hector resolved to use his normal solution to any difficult problem. The ensuing chase saw four or five vases and other pieces of artwork damaged, as well as many shouts of 'It'll absorb most of the blow! Probably…' and 'I'd rather not lose any limbs!' and such.

They carried on in this way until Lyn, rather more clothed than she had been in her last appearance, came upon Eliwood, lying flat on his back on a table, grasping the flat of the blade of Hector's axe with both hands, trying to force it away from his chest.

"What the Hell are you two doing?" she asked.

"Trying to get the Tux off of him," Hector replied.

"Trying to get this nut job off of me!" Eliwood answered at the same time, indicating (or he would have if he'd had any free hands) the fact that Hector had him pinned to the table.

"Why doesn't he just take it off?"

"It's… sewn… on…" Hector grunted, forcing the axe another inch closer to Eliwood's chest.

"Why not take the stitches out?" Lyn suggested. At once the pair stopped wrestling and looked up at Lyn in more or less the same manner as a group of villagers tend to look up at a mage levitating overhead. That is, with astonishment, a hint of fear, and the thought 'Man, that's a good idea.'

Lyn slapped her forehead looking at the two of them and muttered, "This is why men shouldn't have anything to do with sewing…"

The couples were reunited shortly afterwards, and proceeded on to the bed chamber set aside for when Eliwood visited the castle and Hector's own bed chamber, respectively. Anyone who thought of raising an objection to this took one look at Eliwood or Hector, whichever happened to be near them at the time, and held their tongue.

Later that night found Eliwood and Ninian lying on their shared bed, staring up at the ceiling, both too embarrassed to actually do or say anything. At last, Ninian spoke up.

"Um… Eliwood, can I ask a quick question?" she said sheepishly. When he nodded, she went on. "You probably know more than I do, and I only ask because it seems a little… um… out of place… but… why do you have the sword with you?" And, indeed, in his right hand, Eliwood clutched Durandal, which lay just on the edge of the rather large bed, wrapped in cloth.

"Ah… well… I got thinking, and… not really knowing what I'm doing… since whenever I have Durandal my body sort of moves of its own accord, even when it's not really taking me over, I thought maybe I could… I dunno, act on instinct or something…" he said, sounding not at all sure.

"Um… didn't you… kill me doing just that that one time?" she asked.

"Yeah… I was hoping that the wrap would stop it from cutting anything if it gets out of hand…" Eliwood explained. Ninian stared at him for a second nervously. "Unless you have a better idea," he said hopefully.

"Eliwood, I'm a dragon," she reminded him. "Unless you suddenly sprout wings, a tail, and get rather more scaly, I'm more lost than you are."

"Right… well, here goes…" he said with a shrug, and tried to concentrate on the sword in his hand. Slowly, probably because he was just trying to draw on its power, and not actually in danger, he felt the rush of energy that came when he used Durandal, like there was flame rather than blood coursing through his veins, empowering muscle beyond its normal strength and-

"Eliwood," Ninian broke into his thoughts and my description, "the sword's on fire…"

Eliwood opened his eyes, and saw that the sword had begun to glow bright red, and the wrap around it was catching flame. With a shout he tossed it off of the bed, and the sword, cloth still burning, clattered to the floor. He ripped the sheet from the bed and began to beat at the flaming cloth with it, and Ninian joined him with a pillow a minute later.

Eventually, the two managed to put the fire out, though their instruments of choice were now rather singed in the process. Exhausted, they fell back on the bed. After lying there for a moment, Eliwood put an arm around Ninian's shoulders, and both were soon asleep.

Hector, meanwhile, was in the bathroom that was attached to his own chamber, clad in only underwear. His bulging muscles were clearly… ah, screw it, I didn't describe Lyn in her underwear, I'm not doing Hector. If I'm not writing for hormonally stressed fanboys then I'm certainly not writing for hormonally stressed fangirls.

He stared at himself in the mirror, sweat on his forehead. He had already been in here for something like 3 minutes, but was too nervous to go back into the room itself. Florina was so timid anyway, after all that time trying to get her to talk to him in the first place, he didn't want to do something wrong and hurt her or something…

Well, maybe she'd surprise him and have some clue what she was doing… Hector deliberately erased the mental image he suddenly had of Florina dressed in revealing, skintight, black leather holding a bullwhip for fear that it might cause the universe to implode.

It was time to fall back on tried and true methods. After all, almost any problem could be solved with a bit of thought, or an axe. The axe sounded like a bad idea, so Hector went with the thought bit, which got him nowhere. This left him quite certain that he could solve his problem with an axe, he just wasn't comfortable with doing so.

Hector shook his head. He'd just… go out there and do something… He'd figure something out. He'd just start by embracing her or something and… see where things went… or something… Something was rapidly becoming a favorite word of his.

So, with this… kind of partial confidence in mind, Hector went back to the door, and thrust it open dramatically to reveal… a sleeping Florina, curled into a ball on the bed. He blinked several times, then slumped forward. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed, but it was certainly… some emotion he was feeling quite a bit of suddenly. Sighing, he stood back upright. Well, it wasn't like there wouldn't be other opportunities, and he was a tad tired from hacking up bandits, anyway.

"There's just one thing I want to know," he said, though not quite sure whom to. "Why is the horse in here!" Huey gave a snort that loosely translates into English as 'Humph!' in reply and shook his head, turning so he faced away from Hector, his hooves clicking on the stone floor. The noble sighed again. Well, things were certainly going to be interesting around Castle Ostia, he could say that much.

Fin

Ending Notes: Okay, not a whole lot to put here, just a couple of quick things…And yes, the House of Frob shouldn't really be mentioned in the title for how briefly it's mentioned, but it still sounds funny, so there.

"Dress warmly for exercise in cold conditions,": This is a play on the fact that Ninian is an Ice Dragon, so a lot of the immediate jokes one might come up with about having a dragon for a wife don't so much apply to her. Probably people got this, but Ninian is only in dragon form for one (albeit memorable) scene in the game, and never really fights anything, so I thought it was worth bringing up down here.

"I'm sorry, your future Marchioness is in another bandit's camp,": This is a joke off of the famous "I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle," line of Mario fame. I only know it from that fame, so don't ask me for details.

Hector's Silver Gadget: I think most everyone realizes that that's a neuralizer from Men in Black, if not you need to watch more movies, seriously…

And that's about all I can come up with…I can only assume you've been a wonderful audience, thank you, good night! Or whatever time it is where you are, it's 2:30 in the morning as I write this…