Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Good thing, that; I'd probably torture them more than the Conqueror of Shambala writers did.
Concrit loved; I've never tried writing Scar's POV before. (I'll be saying this for awhile-- I've written from about seven FMA POVs out of a bazillion. XD)
-
Sometimes, though it is blasphemy, Scar secretly questions God. Why have so many died? Why does God refrain from stepping in and stopping these horrors? He asks, over and over, yet God does nothing.
He questions, because if he can shift the blame from himself, he will not have to admit that he is like those sinners he has made it his mission to destroy. They have killed people-- and so has he. They have ruined lives-- and so has he. They do not believe in God-- and sometimes, neither does he.
When the rage in his heart subsides, he goes to the desert and kneels in the sand, and prays for forgiveness. The sand and sun burn him, leaving marks that will last for days, and remind him of his folly. He is not to forget that Ishbala is the God of Ishbal, of the desert, and of the world.
Sometimes, though he knows it will only pull him farther down the wide road to hell, Scar secretly wonders if she could be converted. It would be all right to love her, if only she would repent and come to God. (Could God want that soulless monster?)
He wonders, because every time she finds him, she whispers memories to him, things that only the woman she used to be could have known. That woman she used to be had loved God, and his brother, but not him-- never him. Because of this, he knows it is not really that woman.
When she finds him that night, he pretends to be asleep. He will not have to beg God's forgiveness if he does not sin. But she crawls into the tent uninvited, and sits in the corner, watching silently. She smells like blood. (Who has she killed tonight?)
When she pulls his blanket down just far enough to rest her hand on his bare shoulder, he tenses.
"Will you ever forgive me?" she says, and the hope in her voice nearly shatters his heart. He tries ignoring her, but she knows he is awake. "Your god is supposed to be the forgiving sort. Why won't you forgive me?" There is anger in her voice, the same anger he sometimes feels toward Ishbala. She is questioning him.
"God forgives those who believe in God. In goodness. In mercy."
"You imply that I am not good, nor merciful. But I have not killed you, though I'm holding my weapon close to your neck. You would be dead if I was not merciful."
"That is not mercy," he spits, and rolls away from her. Her touch disgusts him. She is filthy, and he let her touch him! God forgive him! "That is your twisted feeling that you think is love."
"I repulse you," she says, and it is not a question. "I see. I'll be leaving, then." She gets up and walks out into the moonlight.
Scar lies awake for a long time, whispering fervent prayers to God. He did not mean to let her get so close. He promises that it will not happen again. He swears that he does not love her. He swears he will follow God's will fully from now on.
But when she comes again the next night, he forgets his burned skin and his promises, and allows her into his tent once more.