AFA 2 – Falling From Grace
Reflections - pt 1
by Analogk37
So much I want to remember…
…too much I can't forget...
Sitting in the sand, the woman pulled off the first can from one of the two six-packs shoved into the sand next to her. She thoughtlessly popped the top and began to guzzle in earnest. Tilting her head as far back as she could without falling; the haphazardly dressed loner emptied the contents in one shot, tossing the used shell to the side and pulling another from the pack. She paused this time to consider what she was trying to accomplish with this futile gesture. She discovered a simmering torch of angst flickering in the back of her mind, her ripped open heart acknowledged the embers with its slow, steady throb.
Opening the virgin beverage, her arm rose to the sky in a toast to the heavens… "This one's for you Gin… I hope you're resting peacefully… wherever you are…" Chugging down the alcoholic mixture just as quickly as the one previous, the brown-haired woman stood up from the beach and glared into the menacing behemoth in the distance. A burning fire of revenge grew behind her pale, violet eyes; stoked by coals made from images of butchery and death. Crumpling the can between her hands, a cry born from a lost love pierced the heavy air as the woman heaved the aluminum ball as far as her rage would fly towards the dark specter rising up into the night. She fell forward into the sand, landing hard on her hands and knees. The echoes of her rage bounced back from silent centerpiece of Tokyo bay, drowning out the sound of the lone splash in the otherwise silent waters.
Drops of bittersweet recollection fell onto wet sand between shaking arms, memories of the other who had given so much to her… but who she had inadvertently scorned in the end. Her heart torn between the past and the present, not able to let go fast enough… or was it she couldn't grab hold quick enough? Not that it mattered now… there wasn't anything left to reach for. A life taken away by the blitzkrieg of live metal stalking the streets of Tokyo… the army she herself had let loose upon the unsuspecting city, now barren of life except for the few who remained in the park she now rest in herself.
The tidal motion of the vast ocean swept a mirror slowly through the woman's hands, the barely recognizable face of someone named Linna Yamazaki reflected back into the woman's eyes, a shadow of who she had been just a few months ago. So much change had influenced her being since coming to Tokyo the first time… working at Hugh Geit, 'meeting' Priss the first time, joining the Knight Sabers, meeting Masaki, the accident…
So much I want to remember…
…too much I can't forget...
Collapsing back with her legs folded on either side of her hips, Linna's arms lay dead at her sides, eyes closed from the swirling patterns of her mind. The images of the past circling around her present state of isolation… … still hurts too much even to think… Opening her eyes, the reformed country girl grabbed another beer and began to gulp it down to lock in the numbness beginning to comfort her beaten soul. Unable to finish this one in a single try, she lowered the can and surveyed her surroundings. A soft green glow spread out over the clear liquid of the harbor surrounding the desolate Genom tower, bathing everything around it in the unnatural light, transforming even the nature preserve into a haunting neon jungle. The green glow… the green… more memories… more reflections… the madness… the infecting madness corrupting her first love into the most hated person on the planet…
Memories of the attack at the Silky Doll… coming back to Tokyo to help Nene and Sylia find the child-god … Meeting Nene in front of the store… greeting a surprised Sylia… finding out Priss was coming… then, an assault… verbal, at first… then physical… then Sylia knocked to the ground… followed by Nene's body limply sinking to the floor under Priss' crushing blow.
…too much I can't forget...
Recalling the fight caused Linna to mindlessly rub the scars that marred her sunken belly. The jagged marks were left uncovered by the scant clothing available since her real clothes lay in the now destroyed pit of the Lady 633 building, the former home base for the Knight Sabers. The last departing sight of the reflecting structure was of it's formerly pristine surface vandalized by vines of organic metal, a giant root of the territorial Dragonline thrusting up through the middle of their operational center… a symbol perhaps of the last remaining resistance to Galatea's rule impaled onto her stake of control.
…too much I can't forget...
Reaching for yet another of the mental erasers in the sand, the woman brought it to her lips and attempted to drink her sorrow away once more. However, as her head tipped back, her mind spun as another memory flew by on the carousel of her past… the laughter, the maniacal laughter of her insane teammate, gloating over her fallen, trapped body… pinned under the debris in the earthquake ruins just above what she later learned were the remains of the WizLab… the birthplace of Galetea…
…too much I can't forget...
Linna soon found herself drinking from a very empty can, eyes fixed on the new residence of the child-god, shining her signature hue into the absorbing sky around the tower. Littering the trash onto the beach, she pulled another beer from the dwindling pack and began sucking on it in earnest. The hum of the drug-induced buzz grew in the back of her consciousness… but not quickly enough to cover up the crying reflections, cries in the darkness of the aftermath… Nene's sobbing voice, calling out to the unconscious Mackey… Priss' mental groans of agony… Sylia's pleading voice calling to it… to her… to Galetea… then Mason's boasting voice…
"Thank you so very much ladies for assisting me in this endeavor. I'm sure the citizens in Tokyo will now be forever in your debt… or perhaps it shall in fact turn out the other way around…"
…too much I can't forget...
The stabbing realization of exactly what the corrupt executive meant ripped at Linna's heart even more now… all the dead bodies that hadn't escaped the child-god's 'playtime' exercises… their haunting souls screaming in dreams of live metal fields filled with rail-like thorns… images forever burned in Linna's mind… along with one soul who rested very close to her heart… Why Gin… Why didn't you leave sooner… why didn't I ask you to stay… You didn't have to die, not there, not like that… More questions begged for answers from Linna's tortured mind. Why didn't I listen to Mackey… why didn't I go find Priss… Would it have made a difference?… Maybe I could have helped her… Maybe I could have comforted her… Maybe then I could have stopped Galatea… Maybe… maybe Gin would still be alive… maybe all the thousands… the millions… would still be alive… maybe Tokyo would've been spared this time… maybe… A daydream of her green hardsuit spinning through the caves, towards the cocoon replayed itself from the depth of her regrets… an image of ribbons slicing through the metal incubator… battling against the glimmering evil within… fighting with strength beyond strength… toughness borne from future knowledge not yet gained… images of cutting the budding evil down at the root… the madness stopped… the threat defeated… everyone alive… all good…
Linna opened her misty eyes to shatter the illusion of her dreams, facing the reality of their failure… her failure… she had found it… not Sylia… not Nene… not even Priss… she had. She had found it and led everyone else to it. No matter what the rest of the Knight Sabers, her parents, or even Ginger had tried to convince her; it was still her fault. She had pointed the way and then promptly become it's first insane victim through the uncontrollable actions of Priss… I should have known… my heart knew… why didn't I listen…
More memories of the aftermath flowed from her regret laden heart… Leon's resentful eyes tearing into Linna as she held the fallen singer in her lap… nearly ripping Priss from her trembling arms… lifting her up… carrying her off… away into the tunnels… "Priss? Priss!" unanswered cries echoing back into the chamber of evil around us.
…too much I can't forget...
Nene's persistent cries eventually snapping the focus back to the task… dragging the Stingray's to the surface… back to the pit… hours… it must have taken hours… collapsing in the building… Henderson's worried voice beckoning Linna to get up… waking in a guest bedroom much later… body still wracked with pain… finding Nene with Nigel and Mackey… Sylia's distant expression of empty failure… so much loss… so much pain… wondering, worried about Priss… Priss… Priss… "What can we do now?"
Calling home… parents distraught… "Please come home, please Linna…"
"But I can't mom, we… we still need to stop it," the conscious answers for a beaten soul.
"How can you! You just said… the hardsuits… the others…"
"I don't know mom… I just don't know…"
Wondering the streets of Tokyo… passing Priss' vacant trailer several times… asking Nene…
"I don't know… maybe, try Leon's apartment," she suggested, even though still distracted with Mackey's recovery… their love still intact… still surviving… understanding, forgiveness, unconditional acceptance…
Eventually finding the apartment… abdomen still aching… heart pounding… knocking on the door… footsteps… a voice…
"Who's there?" Priss' voice…
Unable to answer… the door opening anyway… her bloodshot eyes meeting distraught, apologetic ones… a distinct flash in her brown eyes… not hate, not anger, but… sorrow, regret… then, behind her…
"Who is it?" Leon's face appearing above her… "You! Get the Hell out… Leave Priss alone!"
Door slamming… brief barely audible arguing, then silence… waiting, knocking again… still waiting… nothing…
…too much I can't forget...
Pulling off the last of the beverages from the first six-pack, the woman popped the top and paused. Memories playing back in her mind distracted her from the task at hand, not because they reminded her of her life, but because they were someone else's memories…
Walking the streets afterwards, listless, lost… lingering regrets weighing down the sunken heart… then a mental flash, pain, agony… scenes from a horror movie projecting through the consciousness… images of a little girl… a lab… experiments… successes… failures… death… Sylia…
Sprinting to the Lady 633 building despite the fire still burning in the midsection… bolting into the lounge… Sylia with the maddening green glow in her chest… Nene, Mackey, Henderson all there… hovering over the fallen leader… the door opening again… Priss, followed closely by Leon, walking over to Sylia… keeling down… Priss holding Sylia's hand… bonding with Sylia almost as if she could directly relate to the stricken woman's suffering…
All the emotions of seeing Priss again, a caring Priss, the understanding Priss… it opened the floodgates from Linna's heart once more… and another wave crashed through her while sitting on the beach… even weeks after the actual event…
So much I want to remember…
More recollections returned of trying to rise up off of the couch to go to her side, but being stopped by a hand on the shoulder… following the hand to look up into the disapproving eyes of Leon… jerking away from his unwelcome touch, but… recognizing the concern in his own eyes… realizing the need to let the two women work alone and focused on the task… fighting against whatever was hurting Sylia… both women concentrating inwardly, ignoring all others in the room… then, finally the glow dying out, Sylia's suffering groans ceasing… Priss gathering the recovering woman into a welcome embrace… a combined sigh released across the whole lounge.
Memories of the discussion afterwards refreshed themselves in Linna's mind… answers… answers to questions she hadn't even thought to ask… Sylia telling all... speculating about a mental link… hardsuit functionalities… and the cold truth… the hardsuits were simply boomers… mindless boomers… Priss' angry reaction, her face paling even as the accusations flew from her mouth… then, more answers… the past of the Knight Sabers… the two former members… then further into Sylia's past… Galatea, Mackey… and the horrid truth of what Sylia's father had done to her… so much explained… so much to absorb…
So much I want to remember…
…too much I can't forget...
The young woman, emotionally aged by recent experiences far beyond her physical years, stared down into the empty can held between her sagging hands. She let the hollow can fall to the ground, rolling slowly towards the fluctuating waterline. Looking over at the next six-pack, Linna pulled the first beverage from the new source and attempted to drink the weight of the world off of her shoulders. All I wanted to do was help people… I never wanted it to be like this… I never imagined it could end like this… Her thoughts turned to her aspirations of first finding the Knight Sabers, then the effort to join their cause… except she never could have known the true reasons behind their actions. Her worn face cracked a thin smile as the irony of the situation finally donned on her dimming conscious… the fact that the motivations for each of the individual Knight Sabers stayed a mystery even to the other members of the group, the shadowy nature of the organization remaining true even amongst themselves.
Linna could feel the senses dulling to the influences of the surrounding chaos… but not her subconscious. The troubled woman's mind drifted back into the past, back to all the revelations from Sylia… and the conversation afterwards that altered her outlook on the world forever. She recalled the last few words from Sylia's mouth, then Priss abruptly rising off the couch and walking out the door, Leon in tow. Further memories of Sylia's half-hearted protests met with the singer's rejection replayed themselves once more. Linna could tell that Sylia knew she was balancing without a leg to stand on… that she had hid many things from Priss, but the fact that the hardsuits were boomers was the last straw. Linna recalled the tense moments of silence after Priss' exit… the anxiety… the indecision… then leaping off the couch to chase after her… running out the sliding door to the hallway… and nearly crashing into the waiting woman on the other side.
Reflections of that moment still burned from the depths of Linna's soul as if they were happening within the present… not the distance of two weeks of time. She recalled feeling the heat flush in her face at the accidental proximity, the two women's faces nearly touching from her rush… then Priss' head turning and nodding once at the end of the hallway… seeing Leon's protesting gaze broken as he turned the corner and headed out alone… then eyes locked together for one brief moment, breath held from anticipation… so much to say… so much to apologize for… so many regrets…
So much I want to remember…
…too much I can't forget...
Crystal clear memories shined from the remains of her heart… the brown globes of the singer showing her pain, her hurts… a lone tear rolling from one of the shimmering lenses on her pale face… words not forming in Linna's racing mind… Priss' head turning to the side, breaking the eye contact from the awkward moment… not able to stand the suspense any longer… diving into Priss' arms, hands circling around her back… holding on to her, never wanting to let go again… fumbling with words, trying to communicate… "I'm so sorry Priss… Can… can you ever forgive me? I had no idea that it… that you… she…"
"She what?"
Slightly startled by her question, but answering anyway… "Galatea… she was just using you… you didn't want to do those things to me…" then looking into Priss' eyes and seeing the conflict within… asking the question without realizing the words were spoken… "… you didn't want to, right?…" Again, the conflict present behind her concealing features… slowly relaxing the hold… finally recognizing that she wasn't returning the embrace… Priss was still holding back… taking a cautious step backwards… "Priss?"
"I don't know Linna… I… it's hard to sort it all out…"
"But… you were laughing… you were crazy… it wasn't you, I know that."
"But I still let it happen! I could have fought it more, I think… and I was still so damn mad at you… and still am..."
The burning glare of betrayal still present in her soul shined brightly through her eyes even weeks after Priss had looked Linna in the face again. "Priss… I…"
"You don't have to apologize any more Linna. I think I've gotten my pound of flesh out of you now. I'm just… It's time to let go of the past."
"What… what are you saying?"
"Look, the Knight Sabers are finished. We're done. No more hardsuits… Galatea's unleashed somewhere in the world… it's time to let go… let the professionals do what they get paid to do, not some rank amateurs hoping to be heroes for a day."
Linna still wasn't sure two weeks later if Priss' attack was personal or not, but it still hurt nonetheless. "So you're just giving up then?"
"Even if Sylia had one of those damn boomers in the pit right now, there's no way I'd put it on."
"Does it make that much of a difference now! You wore it for over a year and just because you find out how they work now, you're through with it!"
"What the Hell do you care! You'd go out naked if Sylia asked you to!"
"What's that supposed to mean!"
"Linna, you know what your problem is… you're too damn willing to follow anyone who holds up a sign saying they'll fight for a just cause, even if you have no idea what that cause really is. You really think Sylia's telling you the whole truth now? Even after all she's hid from us."
"I don't think she's got much of a choice in the matter anymore, do you?"
"Yeah. It seems as if we're all one big happy family, whether or not we like it," Priss retorted bitterly. "Look Linna, I don't need any more reasons to walk away right now… I just…"
"You just what? Wanted to let me know you still hated my guts and wanted to kill me the next time we met?"
"LINNA!"
"What!"
Reflections shimmered from the depths of her memory… images of Linna's shaking hands balled into fists, tensed by either side… Priss' slow deliberate motion… taking one of the fists into her calm hands, pulling it in close to her face… prying open the fingers… flattening the palm out… bringing the now trembling appendage to her lips, gently brushing the skin then methodically bringing it to rest over her own heart.
The tingling sensation traversed throughout Linna's entire body just as it had two weeks ago… "I… I thought you still hated me…"
"Part of me still does… but, other parts…" Priss pressed the hand even tighter to her chest instead of finishing the thought vocally.
Concentrating on the pulsing warmth flowing through the connecting link brought back too many emotions to the surface. Tears fell from the pale violet eyes in the past and present, recalling the closeness shared between them… if only for a brief moment. Linna recalled the overwhelming urges that swept through her body… trying to fold against her own straightened arm, using it to pull closer to the woman standing before her… only to have her advances stopped by one of the singer's arms, her hand pressing against Linna's pounding heart… "Priss…"
"Wait Linna."
"But…"
"I think we've hurt each other enough, don't you?" Priss' words echoing back from the past to both lift and sink the heart simultaneously. A beginning and an ending rolled into one, painful sentence. "Look, I just need some space now from all of this… the boomers… Sylia… the hardsuits…"
"And me?"
"Everything's wrapped together in my mind right now… I can't deal with just one part of it while ignoring the rest." Linna recalled the shivering that permeated throughout Priss' body as she continued to speak. "Galatea did something to my mind… she got in my head, but I was able to fight back… but only if I concentrated on the hate I felt for you, and everything you had done to me. I… I just need some time to myself to work things out…"
Tears continued to fall from Linna's face both in the past and present, remembering the bitter truth of the situation. "I… I think I understand now… but still, can't I help you somehow?"
"Just go away Linna… get away from Sylia… leave Tokyo behind… go back to your parent's house and stay away from this place. Hell is coming… and… and I just don't want to see you get hurt again..."
"Don't treat me like some child! What makes you so sure…"
Priss' hand rose up as she gently placed one finger over Linna's quivering lips, silencing the anger in her throat. "Don't. I know you still want to try and help, but you have no idea what you're dealing with. You've only gotten a taste of what she's like."
Linna took Priss outstretched hand and gripped it tightly with both of hers. "Then stay and help me Priss!"
"Linna, I can't… I can barely help myself right now… I… I've just never felt so helpless…"
"Priss…"
"Maybe it's better that Sylia admitted the hardsuits are nothing more than damn boomers… I need the time to put my head back together again anyway. It's time Linna. Goodbye."
Linna recalled the desperate feeling of loss sweeping over her soul as Priss pulled her hand from Linna's grip and turned to leave. With another crystal clear memory, she recalled the rage that built within at the sight of the Blue Saber walking out. "Just… just where are you going anyway?"
She stopped and turned her head back towards the shaking woman. "I don't know… I'll probably just stay with Leon for now…"
"Why? Y… You don't… really… want…"
Recalling the hand held over Priss' heart, the indecision in her voice. "I've got nowhere else to go… and I…I just don't want to be alone right now…"
"Please Priss, don't go…" Watching Priss continue to walk away, desperately thinking of something to say, anything to try and make her stop… "I'm not giving up! I won't quit Priss! You hear me! I'll fight Galatea with my bare hands if I have to!"
The words finally stopped Priss' retreat, but only for a moment… "I know you won't Linna… but that's who you are, isn't it? Just be careful…" …and then she turned the corner and was gone…
So much I want to remember…
…too much I can't forget...
To be continued...