Gues who finally got to see Quidam live! (does a little dance) Me and mom drove all the way to Ohio but it was totally worth it! I was so excited and I hated to see it end. I even got myself a T-shirt. If I could have, I would have brought everyone with me.
The woman who performed the aerial silk act did a wonderful job! I was really afraid she was going to fall but she didn't. Oh and for those who aren't Cirque crazy like me, Let Me Fall is played during this act. (Hence the name.) I was nearly in tears near the end: I was thinking about Admetus.
I don't want to babble on about Quidam (acutally, I do.) but I do have a fan fic to finish. If you want to learn more about Quidam, search the net.
-Quidam
Cassandra hugged her knees close to her body and rested her head against them, as a small gust of wind blew. She closed her eyes and smiled as she thought about her beloved; no one completed her more than Alonzo. He made her seem like the only queen in the world which was extremely hard too do. Cassandra had been considered somewhat uppity when it came to toms but the truth was that she had been waiting for real love. Cassandra wasn't one of those queens who wanted a lover in the present; she wanted one for the present and future. She didn't want to drop toms like flies; she didn't enjoy rejecting people. She just had waited for the right one to come along and he did.
She was quite shocked that Alonzo had even warmed up to her. She didn't exactly have the reputation for being tom friendly. She did get along with toms but when it came to romance she never had any luck. She hadn't mean to, it came out that way. But Alonzo had seen past the rumors and got to the authentic, affectionate queen hiding beneath them. It was heartfelt love between both of them.
The noise at the entrance caused her move slightly. She smiled as Alonzo entered their den but it dimmed a little when she saw Alonzo's face; he was looking down at the ground, his expression blank.
"Alonzo?" Cassandra grabbed his arm. "What's wrong?"
He glanced up, saying nothing. She stared at him with worried eyes. He stared back at for a second and sighed. He took a hold of her paw, leading her back to her seat. Confused, Cassandra remained silent until Alonzo sat her down. He took a deep breath as if he were preparing to jump.
"Cassie, do you know my friend Admetus?" He asked.
"Yes, why?"
"I know you didn't know him very well but--he--ended his life today. We found him hanging from a noose."
Cassandra gasped; it made sense now. She could tell he was hurting inside. She held her chest, her breathing growing louder. Even though she didn't know Admetus, she couldn't help but feel upset. A death in the tribe was devastating no matter who it was. She could understand how Alonzo must have felt; he had been close to Admetus.
"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry!" She squeezed his paw. "You must so up--"
Before she could even finish her sentence, Alonzo handed her something . Glancing down, she saw a small, vanilla envelope with her name on it. Thinking it was from Alonzo, she gave him a questioning glace. Now fearing its contents, the queen took the letter from the patched tom and slowly tore it open. Letting the envelope fall carelessly to the floor, she began to read the letter out loud
My dear, sweet, lovely Cassandra,
I love you.
I know these words are meaningless on paper but you had to know. I always had loved you Cassandra. Even when my heart broke, I still couldn't' help but love you.
You've always caught my eye. A perfect, slim figure, a lovely, brown coat and blue, gray eyes that made me melt. You are a walking work of perfection. No tom deserves you, especially not me. I'd never deserve you not even in a million years. You are a goddess among insects.
It's no surprise you never looked my way. I never deserved to ever look at you. I was nothing. You're better off without me. You don't need a good for nothing tom like me. Still, I envy Alonzo is so many ways. I can't help but be jealous of him in so many ways. Every night, he'll get to come home too you and cuddle with you. He'll love you in a way no one else can. How I long to love you the way he does.
I've always loved you Cassandra. Never forget that.
Love,
Admetus
Cassandra eyes were wide now, her breathing slow. She glanced up at Alonzo; his gaze was the ground. Her eyes looked back to the letter. She choked and then began to sniff hard as the tears stained paper. She wiped her eyes but it did no good for the paper was already smudged. Cassandra dropped it, hiding her face in her paws. The strong yet gentle arms of Alonzo squeezed her tightly.
"I can't---believe this! How---how could I have been--so blind?" She asked.
"Cassie, you couldn't have known."
"I should have!"
"Don't be so hard on yourself."
"Alonzo, I feel responsible for his death!" She wailed. "I can't help but be hard on myself! I'm such a---such a---"
"Hush." He commanded.
She fell silent at this order. She curled up into a ball, hugging him tightly. Alonzo placed his head on hers, running his paw down her leg. He sniffed slightly, trying to hold back his tears.
At least an hour past before Alonzo fell asleep. Cassandra, however, was still wide awake. After hearing his soft snores, she slowly slipped out of his arms. She smiled slightly before kissing his head. Quietly, she slipped away into the night. It was quite bright thanks to the full moon. The wind blew again and she shivered.
Admetus' body had been taken down by a rather reluctant Munkustrap and Alonzo. His body was now lying on an old table they found so they could have Old Deuteronomy look at it. Cassandra felt awkward being alone with a corpse but she soon shook off the strange feeling.
"Hello." She said in a soft voice.
She got no reply.
"You don't have to talk," She said, sitting down. "Just listen to me. I know-- I didn't know you very well. Now I wish I did.
She paused before she began again.
"Admetus, I hope you can hear me," She sighed. "It's not easy being me. I--I never understood the concept of loving. Caring for someone, saying you'll be there for them, cherishing them constantly. It's really hard once you think about it. For me, love was like a foreign language. At times, it still is. I really do love Alonzo but I do question our love. Is it here to stay? Will it end? Is it real? As for you, you never seemed to question your love towards me but look where it led you.
"I can't help feel responsible for your death. If only---if only I could have looked your way just once. It could have made all the difference in the world! You'd still be alive right now, home with your family. I bet they miss you."
She stared at the motionless body. Cassandra stood up, walking towards the body. Her paw caressed his smooth, cold cheek. She hadn't noticed until now but Admetus was rather handsome. He had a nice face and a strong, well built body. She bit her lip, a silver tear escaping her eye.
"Admetus," She whispered, her face inching closer. "Forgive me."
The kiss lasted only ten seconds but it felt longer than that. Her warm lips tingled slightly after the contact with his cold lips. She glanced down again, wishing he could like Sleeping Beauty. She heaved a sad sigh before she look towards the moon. Her vision became blurry as her eyes filled with steaming salt water. As slightly as she could, she cried; for her, for Alonzo, for Admetus and his family. She felt that there was a hole in her heart and it was growing with each tear she shed.
When she stopped crying, she sat down on the ground. Looking over, she finally noticed the smile on his face. She stared at him until a small smile came to her face. She looked up to the moon and let one last tear escape her eye.