A/N:

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, so don't sue.

Warning: Overuseage of the word 'yeah'.

Author's notes:

Just in case someone doesn't know, spats are socks that clip under the foot, or in other words what the Akatsuki members are wearing on their feet. Danna means 'master', but can also be used to mean something like 'husband', as well.

I originally posted this up on a looong time ago, so the facts in the beginning are a bit off. At the time it hadn't been revealed that Hidan was the most recent member to join, and I haven't gone back to edit it yet. And for the sake of my own sanity, some of it will not be changing at all. This is for fun, right? I'm not going to keep updating the entire story for facts revealed in the manga. Also, because I know someone is going to comment on it, I know the official translation of Deidara's "un," is "hmm." But that was up to question when I first started this story, too, and frankly, I've gotten attached to the "yeah." Soo...without further ado, the fic.

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"Ak-at-su-ki, yeah? Well, guess this is the place."

Deidara crumpled the piece of paper in his hand, making sure to close the mouth on his palm so he wouldn't get any paper cuts. The down side of having small mouths on each of your palms- it made you very conscious of what you grabbed on to. He threw the piece of paper over his shoulder, letting it land wherever the wind brought it, and stared up at the cliff before him.

The area was pleasing to the eye, with a large cliff surrounded by a small lake. Deidara stood effortlessly on the water before a rather peculiar structure, the only oddity in the beautiful backdrop. It looked like a gateway, something he'd expect to find posing as the entrance to a courtyard. But it was in front of a sheer cliff face- there was only rock behind it. Sure, the rock wall looked almost like it had been carved, or at least a section of it did, but that didn't help him find this 'Akatsuki'.

Moodily Deidara crossed his arms over his chest, consciously forcing himself to stop fingering the cloth bag strapped to his right leg. It was feeling light, which made him even more uneasy about this whole thing. If he ran out of clay, he ran out of his best attack method- and was restricted to normal every-day jutsus. Sure, he was considered a genius, but from what he'd gathered of this 'Akatsuki', 'everyday' jutsus just weren't going to cut it.

Of course, that was just about all he knew about the Akatsuki.

He received an invitation to join the organization two weeks ago. He'd been in a run-down tavern, in the midst of the slums of a small town. After staying there for a day- that night would be his second night in the tavern, he was reaching the last of his money. He was going to have to do something about his finances. Leaving Iwagakure had seemed like a good idea at the time- he was powerful, more powerful than any of his peers could ever hope to become, and the village was just too unappreciative of art- specifically his art. So why not leave it? But his money was quickly running out, and soon he'd either be reduced to stealing from travelers like a petty criminal or...or...

Getting a job. Working. Wasting his artistic genius at some petty manual labor.

So Deidara had planned to fully enjoy that last night in the tavern as much as he could, dreading the following day where he would be forced to do something short of sleeping outdoors. He'd spent the day wandering around the town, searching for easy one-day jobs that could earn him some cash, but he'd had very limited luck. So, he returned to the tavern with a long face and feeling slightly less energetic than he usually did.

But his morose mood disappeared in a flash of adrenaline as soon as his foot crossed the door jamb- his senses pricked and his visible blue eye widened as he sensed a chakra that had definitely not been in the town that morning. It was powerful, and Deidara didn't recognize it. He scanned the dim main room of the tavern as his hand reached to his bag of clay, unlatching the lid deftly and slipping inside.

Then his eye met a pair of bored ones. The man was sitting on the far side of the tavern, sipping a steaming cup of something. A black coat shrouded his features below his chin, and would have looked normal save the red clouds decorating it. A ring was on his left index finger, which caught Deidara's eye because he didn't seem like the type of man to wear jewelry. He had light hair that was slicked back close to his scalp, with no bangs. Deidara personally thought that made him look like his forehead was rather large, but the man obviously didn't agree. Then he realized that next to wearing a ring, the man's fingernails were painted. And that color was not flattering on him at all.

The man gestured for Deidara to come sit across the small table from him, and Deidara reluctantly obeyed. He wasn't quite sure why- this man was powerful, and with Deidara's luck, he was probably hostile. But it wasn't like he'd attacked yet, so maybe there was a hope that he wasn't.

Deidara sat down and slipped his right hand out of his clay bag. He left it open, and his right hand rested on his thigh right near the lip of the bag, but he didn't want to seem outright hostile to the man. It wouldn't be in good spirit to start fights without a reason.

The man grinned as soon as Deidara was settled. Deidara wasn't sure if he was supposed to be scared or relieved by the grin- it had a distinctly menacing kind of feel. "You're Deidara, right?"

Deidara blinked. How did this man know his name...? Only nins from the Iwagakure knew about him- and this man was definitely not from the Hidden Rock. But he nodded, when he realized that the man was waiting for affirmation.

"Good. My name's Hidan- nice to meet ya. I've got a little proposition for ya." The man said, and his laid-back speech only made his statement feel conspiratorial. His name gave Deidara a strange chill as well, though he wasn't quite sure why.

"Alright. What is it, yeah?"

Hidan gave him a strange look, probably for Deidara's habit of tagging a 'yeah' on the end of almost everything he said, but he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he shrugged and continued with his 'proposition'. "My boss sent me to offer you membership to our group, the Akatsuki. You're powerful, and we like that." The grin on Hidan's face seemed to widen. "You'll be given a place to stay and be given a bit of money."

That caught Deidara's attention. Money? This was exactly what he needed! A job!

Hidan hesitated, as if he knew what Deidara really wanted, and gave him a moment to digest that bit of information before proceeding. As he spoke, he fished a small piece of paper out of his pocket and laid it flat on the table. Deidara could see there was writing on it, but he couldn't read it at that angle. "Go there, if you're interested. The boss'll give you the details."

Then, without even paying for his drink, Hidan stood and left the tavern. Deidara stared at his retreating back for a moment before picking up the piece of paper and reading it. It read;

'Akatsuki-

30 mi east, cliff facing south. Gate at the base.'

They were directions, and exactly what had brought Deidara to the cliff he was staring incredulously at. He scanned the area around the cliff once more, to make sure there was nothing he'd missed, and hefted a sigh that ruffled his straw-colored bangs. He walked towards the wooden gate, and as he approached the rock face he realized that there was some sort of talisman on the stone. He couldn't read it without activating the enhancer on his left eye, or jumping up to it, so he ignored it until he got closer. But it flickered as he approached and an entire section of the cliff began to rumble. Deidara stepped back, but instantly forgot his surprise as the moving rock revealed an entrance shrouded in darkness. Curious, he didn't even wait for the rock to stop moving before slipping under it and walking into the corridor.

It was cold and damp and everything Deidara would have expected from a cave. The moist chill went right through his thin shirt- of course, the shirt had sleeves made of netting, so it really wasn't made to ward off the cold in the first place. But he'd grown up in Iwagakure- he was familiar with caves, just as a shinobi from Konoha would be familiar with the forest, and a Suna shinobi would be familiar with the desert.

It was because of all the time he'd spent underground that he could hear the change in the echoes of his footsteps meaning he was coming upon a cavern. And indeed, a few steps later the temperature dropped a few degrees further and the air became stagnant. It smelt faintly of blood- a coppery scent that coated the top of his mouth. Usually he enjoyed the smell of blood- it meant that there was artwork nearby. Well, possibly. It depended on how skilled the killer was, on how much of an artist he was. But this scent was old- it just added to the heavy feel of the unmoving air.

It was also uncomfortably empty. Caves were supposed to have stalagmites and an uneven ground- dips where water had once run, or debris from animals that had taken refuge there. Though with the moving rock acting as a door, no animal was stupid enough to try to get in.

The whole place had Deidara on edge, and his hand was back by his clay bag, fiddling with the latch. He tried not to look too uneasy- he was a powerful ninja, he could handle himself in a fight. But there was something odd about the cave and it was bugging him.

He had walked all the way to the middle of the cavern before a man appeared before him. Or at least, the silhouette of one. It looked like some kind of projection jutsu- the man was obviously somewhere else, and this was just a creation of chakra, but it was rather accurate. Well, from what Deidara could see. The light in the cave was dim- he wasn't quite sure where the small amount of light was coming from, which was rather disconcerting, but the shadow looking at him could pass for a man if it had features. The only feature on the shadow were eyes, strange eyes that were staring at him like it knew exactly what he was thinking, knew exactly what he'd done in his past, what he'd accomplish in his future. And that single note of an arrogant 'I know something you don't' in that gaze had Deidara instantly disliking the man.

"It's not nice to stare like that, yeah." Deidara pointed out pleasantly, smirking to hide his unease. Why had he even come here?

"So you decided to take the offer." The silhouette stated, as if Deidara joining the Akatsuki was already official.

Oh yeah, that was why he'd come. For the money.

"What exactly is the offer, yeah? That Hidan guy only said that the organization's name is Akatsuki. What do you do, yeah?" Deidara asked, slowly easing his hand away from his clay pouch. If they were going to try and attack him, they would have done so already. This was ignoring that Deidara still wasn't sure who 'they' was.

"Are you familiar with the bijuu?"

And thus began the explanation of what exactly the mysterious Akatsuki did. It didn't take the shadow, who identified himself as the Leader, long to tell what was expected of Deidara, what his missions would be like, and what is goal was. He also covered what his pay would be and what kind of lodgings the Akatsuki provided.

"The Akatsuki itself is rather small," The Leader said. "We have minions in influential places, and our underlings amass to a small army, but there is only room for ten actual members. While our final goal is to capture all of the Jinchuuriki, we are payed to do other missions to keep an income. The missions are for the most part missions that no one else will take- they are dangerous, because the Akatsuki is made up of only the strongest missing nin, to the point where they will probably start wars. We do missions hidden villages want done, so the village doesn't get its hands dirty." At this point the Leader began walking to the far end of the cavern from the door, and Deidara followed.

So far, this seemed like his kind of place. Deidara lived for danger when he wasn't living for art, and if he managed to live for both all the better. He loved adrenaline, he loved action, he loved explosions. It was one giant moment of art in his opinion- the sweet moment of a body being torn apart by a fiery explosion, the breathtaking view of a ninja fighting for his life against kunai, and losing his life as a lucky projectile tears open his throat.

"I've called a meeting to induct you as a new member." The Leader continued, slowing down as they reached the wall of the cavern. "You will be assigned to the bijuu Shukaku, the one-tail." The Leader raised his translucent hand to the rock and a portion of the stone slid inward an inch, then shifted to the side. It was almost silent, and before he could prepare himself Deidara's eye was bombarded with light from the room on the other side of the rocky door.

"Now, for your equipment."

XXXXXX

"You have got to be kidding me, yeah. You expect me to wear that on my nails?"

That outcry earned Deidara a stern look from Leader. They were standing in the room beyond the cavern, which turned out to be an entryway of sorts to an entire complex built inside the cliff. Deidara didn't have time to admire the workmanship, as much as he wanted to, though. Leader had marched him right over to a table, set up just right of the stone door. The only other exit to the room was opposite the stone door, and it was an open entryway into what looked to be a hall. The floors of the room were light- a kind of clinically white tile for walls and a gray floor, as if whoever had built the room had known that any person entering the room would have come from the dark cavern and wanted to cause them as much misery as they could. It was a pain to wait for his eye to adjust, but Deidara was a real ninja and he dealt.

When his vision finally cleared he stared incredulously at what was resting on the table, which the Leader was busy telling him about. There was a coat, like the one Hidan had been wearing- it was black with red clouds, and looked to be about Deidara's size. Which made him a bit wary. How had they gotten his size? If any of them had snuck into his room in that tavern and unpacked his only other set of clothes...

But that wasn't the biggest shock. The coat was okay- he didn't mind it that much, besides that it was rather strange looking. There was also a pair of navy blue pants and a navy blue shirt, a pair of bleach white spats, and blue shoes. The shoes were normal- almost every other nin alive wore shoes like that. The pants were also okay, and the Leader had said that the shirt really didn't matter that much as long as he kept the coat buttoned up. But spats?

Alright, he would deal with spats and a weird coat for money. It was worth it.

Next came a straw hat, which had strange little white strips of cloth hanging from the rim. And a bell on a red string. Deidara liked that touch- the bell would be kind of fun to play with when he was walking...so the hat he liked. Then Leader showed him his ring, which had three horizontal lines on it. It was also a pretty blue color, so Deidara liked that as well. The Leader seemed rather specific about him wearing it on his right index finger, but Deidara waved that off. There was probably some kind of weird hierarchy system having to do with what finger you wore your ring on.

But then Deidara noticed a strange little bottle of purple paint on the table. He'd picked it up and examined it, noticing that it was the same color that Hidan's nails had been. He'd been about to ask the Leader what it was for, when the Leader told him that he was to keep his fingernails and toenails painted that color at all times.

"All of the other members manage to keep their nails painted without complaint. And there are quite a few that are significantly more masculine than you are. You should have no trouble pulling it off." The Leader stated dryly.

"But- but- why purple, yeah? Why not black or white or something neutral?" Deidara grimaced and set the bottle down on the table. So that was why Hidan was wearing that ugly color.

"Do you want to join or not? You have to wear it if you want membership." The Leader stated, effectively avoiding the why, he indeed made all of the members of the Akatsuki wear purple nail polish.

Deidara stared at the items on the table- particularly the purple nail polish- before glancing back up at the Leader's eyes. Was money worth wearing purple nail polish?

Yes, it was. Because this was probably the only chance Deidara was going to get to be payed for practicing his art.

"Alright. I'll do it, yeah." Deidara mumbled, picking up the coat and shaking it out, just in case.

"Good. The rest of the group should already be in the cavern." The Leader stalked off towards the door that they had come from. "Grab your stuff and come in when you're ready." He then opened the sliding rock door and stepped back into the dark cavern.

Deidara sighed and looked back to the table. The coat hung limp in his hands, and to Deidara's relief, clean. With some trepidation he swung the black and red garment over his shoulders and buttoned up the front, slipping his arms through the sleeves. It was actually quite comfortable, for all its weirdness. He left the collar unbuttoned, so the coat only left his neck and shoulders exposed.

Next came the pretty little ring, which he slipped onto his right index finger, just as the Leader had told him to. It wasn't uncomfortable- in fact, he barely noticed it. But that had him worried that he was going to loose it or something. Or accidentally eat it with one of his mouths.

He had to unbutton the coat to take his pack off to pack away the pair of pants and the shirt. His pack was small- he preferred not to have to lug around a huge sack, so the clothes barely fit into it. But he managed, and he was able to shove the shoes into it as well. The spats he glared at evilly before sticking them into the pack, still in disbelief that he was going to have to walk around in public in those. Once everything was packed away- including the nail polish and spats- he slung the pack back over his shoulders and put the coat back on. He held the hat in his hand, figuring he could wear it later.

He walked up to the sliding stone door once he was done and waited in front of it. And waited. After a minute, he frowned and examined the door, which really only looked like a slab of stone. There had to be some trick to get it to open- but the Leader hadn't pushed any buttons or made any hand signs. So what did he have to do to get it open?

Deidara began feeling around the stone with his fingertips, looking for hidden buttons or a latch or something. When, after five minutes, he found nothing but smooth stone, he stepped back and tried a few common hand signs for jutsus. After another five minutes of trying hand signs, he began saying passwords off the top of his head.

"Open, yeah! Er...Lift! Move! Akatsuki! Erm...bijuu! Jinchuuriki!" Deidara crossed his arms, staring moodily at the unmoving rock. "What do I have to do to get you open, yeah?"

After trying a few more hopeless sayings, Deidara finally reached into his clay bag with his hand, and pulled out a small glob of red clay. His palm's mouth ate it, then spit it out seconds later. Deidara threw the now spider-shaped piece of clay at the rock, did a hand sign, and grinned as the moving clay spider stuck itself to the rock. "So, you don't want to open for me, yeah? Well, take this!"

Deidara jumped back and flared his chakra, and the clay responded by blowing up. The force of the explosion was enough to send a crack right down the middle of the stone, and an ominous grinding sound told Deidara that the crack ran right through. When the smoke cleared the blond stepped up to the rock and kicked it hard on the fissure, causing the two masses of stone to fall out and to the sides. He met seven startled pairs of eyes with a grin.

"Your door's broken, yeah."

The Leader was standing off to Deidara's left, an astonished look in his eyes. "Was that really necessary?"
But Deidara didn't get the chance to respond to the Leader's comment. One of the figures to Deidara's right burst out laughing and walked up to him. The figure was dressed in the coat and hat that were the dress code, and the hilt of a sword peeked over his shoulder. The light from the room behind Deidara revealed the man's skin to be blue in color, which Deidara found rather strange. The man's eyes were also odd- they were silver in color, small, and round. The man resembled a shark.

A grin was on the man's face by time he reached Deidara, and he'd stopped laughing. He was looking down at the shorter blond with something akin to approval. "I like you already, kid." The man then glanced over to the Leader. "Can I partner with 'im?"

The Leader still seemed rather put off about the door, and was glaring both the man and Deidara down. "No, Kisame. I have another partner in mind for you. He just hasn't arrived yet."

A large shape that Deidara had barely noticed stepped forward. Or rather, it slid. Was it even human? It was large, short, but was wearing the coat and hat, so Deidara had to assume that it was a member. Whatever it was. "Then he's mine?"

"Yes." The Leader answered, looking at the large thing. "Deidara, this is your new partner, Akasuna no Sasori."

Sasori hadn't seemed too enthusiastic when he'd asked if Deidara was going to be his partner. He'd sounded like a man accepting a death sentence. Just because of that, Deidara sent a glare the creature's way, and crossed his arms. He liked the Kisame guy better.

"Alright, then, yeah." Deidara said, breaking into a grin as a thought occurred to him. "Since we're partners, I'm going to call you Sasori-danna, yeah."

Sasori stared at him. The Leader stared at him. Somewhere off to his right, he heard a snicker, probably from Kisame. He had a feeling that everyone there was staring at him, but he was just smirking evilly at Sasori, and ignoring the rest of the members. Sasori, who he was pretty sure was twitching right now.

"...What?" Deidara had to be pretty proud of himself there. It had taken at least a minute before Sasori had recovered from his speechless shock. Or, what Deidara assumed was speechless shock.

"So..." Deidara completely ignored Sasori and turned to the Leader, who was still looking a bit dumbfounded. "What's our first mission, yeah?"

It took the Leader a second before he realized that Deidara had spoken to him. "There's a town about a day's walk to the north. Get a hotel room there and I'll send a complete description of your mission to you."

Deidara nodded cheerfully before beginning to make his way over to the tunnel that led outside. He blinked and looked behind him when he realized Sasori was not following him. "Hey, Sasori-danna, you coming, yeah?"

There was that snicker again. Kisame must have been getting a kick out of all this. Not that Deidara minded his amusement- he was having fun as well.

Sasori began following slowly, and Deidara was once again not entirely sure whether he was walking or sliding. But whatever he was doing, Sasori was pretty fast, so Deidara couldn't complain. They were out of the cavern in a few minutes, and back into the sunshine. They walked off of the small lake in silence, and finally once they were on solid ground and a line of trees separated them from the entrance to the base, Sasori spoke.

"You aren't going to call me 'Sasori-danna' throughout our entire partnership." It wasn't a question, and Sasori sounded really serious.

Deidara's grin widened. "Of course I am. We're partners, yeah."

Sasori opted not to respond to that. Of course, that was fine with Deidara.

Suddenly wearing nail polish and spats seemed a fair price to pay for the amount of fun he was going to have in the Akatsuki.