Oh Sirius, if only you could be here now, Harry though, leaning back on the lawn chair and lazily sipping his Mai Tai. Clouds drifted serenely across the sky and the sun glinted off the turquoise waves. Really, it was difficult to get upset about anything here on Waikalvakikaleilanuakala beach, even the fact that Fred seemed to be wrestling with a giant shark. Well. If by wrestling one means having their arm torn off. Harry rolled over onto his stomach so that his back could get some sun.

"Hey Harry!"

It was Ron. Why was Ron talking to him? Didn't he know Harry just wanted to bask in the sunlight?

"You've got a letter," Hermione added. Her bushy hair stood on end. Ron appeared to have shrunk a few inches since last Harry saw him. Or maybe Harry was growing. Or maybe the Mai Tai was kicking in. Did Hermione normally have three eyes? Harry took the letter from Ron and slit it open.

Dear Harry,

I am going to kill you.

Love,

Voldemort

"Well," Harry murmured. "That's a shame."

"Not another one of those death threats," Ron said. "That's the fifth one today! And it's not noon yet!"

"I say," said Hermione. "Who's that man over there in the balaclava?" He looks familiar."

"Maybe you've seen someone else in a balaclava? Everyone looks similar in suspiciously concealing headwear," Ron said.

Harry sighed. Bored now, he said, "Hermione, be a dear and give me a massage, will you?"

Hermione opened her mouth, probably to say something that was not "Why of course Harry, and can I get you another Mai Tai as well?" when Ron shrieked.

The man in the balaclava—who could have known?—was Voldemort! "DIE NOW!" he bellowed, leaping towards Harry.

"NOOOO!" yelled Harry, kicking him in the shins. He smashed his empty glass across Voldemort's head and pushed him back into the water. The two were locked in a frantic battle; first one, than the other came gasping up for air.

"Looks pretty bad, doesn't it?" Ron said absently, taking Harry's chair.

"Maybe they'll do each other in," Hermione said, rubbing sun tan lotion into her nose. "We won't get into near as much trouble then."

"That has been our plan all along," Ron said, and they cackled together.

Suddenly Harry bobbed victoriously from the water. Voldemort floated in the water face down next to him. "I win!" Harry shouted. "I win!"

"Oh bugger," Ron muttered. "There goes our intimate Hawaiian vacation." He sank lower in the chair, then called, "Well done mate!"

"That was easy," Harry said. "I don't know why it took me five books, honestly." He looked at Hermione. "Let's celebrate, okay? Get me a Mai Tai! With a green umbrella."

Voldemort's corpse floated off into the sunset.

A/N: This was written before the sixth book came out, obviously. Just something I had stashed away somewhere. I had another one written, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be posting that one yet.