A/N: Imagine my absolute horror when I discovered that I had lost this chapter! Thank goodness for notebooks and scribble pads, that's all I can say.
Disclaimer: I may love it dearly, but it's clearly not mine.
The Way It Has To Be
Chapter 9 – No More Time
Kagome woke up in a panic, hearing Shippo's shrill cries through her sleep. "She's gone! I can't find her Kagome, she's gone!"
"Who's gone, Shippo?" she asked, knowing the answer but dreading it all the same.
"Sango! And Kirara isn't here, her boomerang's missing – and she took all of her exterminator stuff, too!"
Kagome dimly felt Miroku sit up beside her, ready to help if she needed it. She was grateful for the tacit reassurance he provided simply by staying close. Very reluctantly she turned her eyes to the corner where Sango had hidden herself in plain view for the past week. True to Shippo's word, the space was completely bare of any belongings, making it clear that Sango had very quietly packed and left while they were all asleep. It was as though she had never been there.
The impact suddenly hit her like a hammer blow, and she found herself gasping for air. She had to get outside, quickly – her nerves wouldn't let her sit still any longer. Kagome hastily extricated herself from Miroku's arms (never even stopping to wonder how she kept getting there lately) and bolted. Miroku made to get up and follow her, only to be held in place by a grim-faced Kaede.
"Let her go," she warned him. "She won't thank you for interfering right now. Wait until she's had time to calm down." The monk fretted at being stopped, but he also realised that it was most likely very sound advice. After all, he knew from long experience how women acted when upset. Hit first, apologise later. He decided to wait.
Kagome watched her friend make his way over to where she was sitting, his eyes trained on her the whole time. 'Probably trying to work out whether I'm going to bite him if he gets too close,' she told herself sourly. "It's alright – you're safe to approach," she called. He noticeably picked up his pace and strode over, seating himself beside her on the grass.
"Kagome-"
"It's probably better this way, you know," she interrupted him, her voice sounding strangely flat. "If she had stayed around here, it would have reminded her constantly of what she had lost, and she wouldn't have been able to move on from it. This way, she can start afresh somewhere new – somewhere where no-one knows about all this."
"And what about you, Kagome?" Miroku asked her softly.
She turned her head away. "I'm fine."
Miroku made an unconvinced noise, but kept his peace. If she wanted to deal with it this way, he would let her. "Miroku, what will you do after all this is finished?" She looked sideways at him, demanding an answer with her eyes. To tell the truth, Miroku was at a bit of a loss – he hadn't thought about what he would do afterwards – he hadn't wanted to. It would have been like admitting that she was actually going to leave them…leave him.
"I'm not sure. Most likely I'll go back to being the 'wandering monk."
"Ah." She paused. "I have a favour to ask, if you don't mind?"
"Anything," he promised immediately. "Just name it."
"Would you leave, before I do? It's just that, it's going to be hard enough to go as it is, and the last thing I think I could handle would be a long, drawn-out goodbye." She pictured the entire group – Kikyo somehow included – watching her as she went down the well, and shuddered. "No, I really don't think I could do that. Would you, please?"
Miroku found himself more than a little pained at the request. "If it would make it easier for you," he began slowly, "then I will agree." He felt the sudden need to make it less of a big deal than it was for him. "After all, if I'm leaving anyway, then what difference does it make? I'm leaving, you're leaving, we're all leaving, so who cares either way?" He was hurt now, and showing it. His replies were growing increasingly sarcastic, and more than slightly bitter at the whole messy situation. "In fact, I've rather missed the old way of doing things – that's the problem with being in a group, you have to abide by other people's wishes. No, going around alone is much better – I can't wait to get back to it, really."
He wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth – this was NOT like him – but it was too late. He watched ashamedly as Kagome bit her lip in distress. "You mean nothing will have changed for you, with everything that's happened to us…everything we've done?"
"I never said that," Miroku broke in hurriedly, trying to make amends for his previous behaviour. "Not at all. Things have changed – I've changed." He saw her eyes flick almost involuntarily to his once-cursed hand. "No, not just because I lost the Kazaana. I've changed – me, as a person." He ran a shaky hand over his face. This girl was driving him mad with her inability to see. Couldn't she see? Observing her rather confused expression, he took a deep breath and plunged right in.
"I'll go back to the life I had, but it won't be the same. Every day I will miss you. Every day I'll be wondering what you're doing, whether you're happy or upset, whether you miss us – me – half as much! You made me care about things when I didn't think I could anymore. I can never, ever really go back to the way I was!" Miroku leant forward and grabbed her by the shoulders firmly so that she couldn't escape. "I don't know how you've missed it, it seemed blindingly obvious to me," he said in a much calmer tone, "but you've managed to affect me here," he lifted a hand from her to touch his head, "and most importantly, here." He laid the hand over his heart, watching closely for her reaction.
She seemed, well, stunned. And it didn't improve much when he abruptly lost all patience and quickly pressed his lips to hers before his courage left him completely.
Kagome drew back from him, her eyes opened wide. Suddenly embarrassed, Miroku let go of her and stood up. "Forgive me, Kagome-sama," he said stiffly, "I shouldn't have done that." Head hung low, he slowly walked away. Kagome watched him go, her fingers absently brushing her mouth in wonder. She was about to call him back when a cry tore through the air.
"Kagome! Inuyasha is awake!"
Kaede watched through tired eyes as Miroku burst through the doorway, closely followed by Kagome herself. "Inuyasha?" she gasped out, eyes frantically searching for her long-time friend and protector. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kikyo looking towards the hut, but not moving any closer.
"What the hell happened?" a voice rasped. Two golden eyes glowed at them from the bed, demanding answers – NOW!
Kagome, predictably, was the one to step forward and try to explain. "Inuyasha, you've been unconscious since the last battle with Naraku. So, ever since then, we've been looking after you here." The hanyou's eyes began to wander as she spoke, his mind obviously on something else. "Of course, you were very badly wounded, and so was Sesshoumaru," – his ears perked up at that bit of news – "and I was hurt around the ribs a bit when Kagura blew a whole pile of us into a wall at one point…"
Miroku's temper sparked when he heard that. She was injured and didn't tell anyone? That was dangerous…and so very typically Kagome. She was still speaking when Inuyasha broke in abruptly. "Where is Kikyo? Is she alright? I want to see her!"
Miroku couldn't stand it. He had watched Kagome wear herself out with worry for this idiot, and now she was going to be brushed aside? "I'm disgusted, Inuyasha! You heard for yourself, Kagome-sama was injured. Aren't you going to ask how she is? How badly she was hurt? Are you really that selfish?" He ignored Kagome's desperate attempts to shut him up and bulldozed on. "She has stayed with you through good and bad, regardless of herself, and this is how you thank her?"
"I have eyes, bouzu!" Inuyasha snapped irritably. "And I can see that she's fine. After all, she's right in front of me."
"That's not the point, fool," the monk hissed angrily. "The point is, you're an ungrateful wretch who doesn't know a good thing when he sees it!"
"Enough!" Kagome shouted over the top of the squabbling men. "Inuyasha, Kikyo is right outside. If you would like, I can go and get her for you."
"Feh!" was the reply. She rolled her eyes and latched onto Miroku's arm, dragging him away from Inuyasha's bedside. The hanyou, despite his harsh words, watched this action with narrowed eyes.
"Miroku, please, calm down. This won't help anything, and it doesn't matter so much anyway, right?" she pleaded in a hushed whisper.
He shook his head stubbornly. "How can you put up with this, Kagome-sama?"
"Because I have to!" she answered strongly. "Don't you understand that yet? Now, I'm going to get Kikyo and bring her here, because that's what he wants. If I don't, he'll just try and get up to look for her himself, and he's not ready for that yet. And you, my dear monk, are going to either stay and be your polite self, or you're going to leave them alone. Got it?" She really was scary when she was mad.
"Got it."
"Good." She walked out. Miroku stood still for a moment, considered his options, then went outside himself. There was no way he was staying cooped up inside with those two!
Inuyasha watched in confusion as the monk strode out of the hut, muttering angrily to himself. 'Since when did Kagome go around holding that bouzu by the arm, and whispering in his ear?' he thought in bewilderment, a dark glower on his face. 'I have definitely missed something here.'
The next thing to cross his mind was an image of the completed jewel that he had spotted hanging around the girl's neck. Finally, the end was in sight! He had completely lost track of how long it had been since their difficult quest had started.
His train of thought was lost as he saw Kikyo very calmly enter the hut. She was as coldly beautiful as ever – but he was sure he could still see the warmth buried deep inside her. He was certain that he would eventually be able to draw her out once more…but if not, he wouldn't mind so much.
Gods, how he loved this woman!
"Hello, Inuyasha."
Miroku found himself hard put to maintain his usual aura of calm that evening. Inside he was still hopping mad about the events of the day just gone. However, he was a bit unclear on who he was more angry with – Inuyasha for being so rude, or himself for daring to kiss the young miko.
The monk looked back at the hut with a ferocious glare. Inuyasha was adamant that Kikyo not leave his sight, and for once the zombie was complying. So, Miroku had removed himself from the small dwelling in very short order, and was now pretty much resigned to sleeping outdoors that night. He didn't even have Shippo for company, as the gregarious kitsune, curious to a fault as always, seemed unwilling to lose the chance of studying the famous Kikyo up close. Miroku had just decided to go for a short stroll when he saw Kagome making her way over to him.
"I'm impressed, Kagome-sama. You lasted a whole hour longer than I did in that place."
Trepidation written on her face, the girl merely shrugged awkwardly. "I have to get used to the idea, and running away won't help with that."
"And yet here you are, outside," Miroku pointed out.
Kagome's lip twisted in wry humour. "Yes, well, I never said that I'd get used to it straight away."
"Ah, yes," he allowed. An uncomfortable silence ensued, lasting until Miroku's accursed curiosity (and that still-new conscience of his) prodded him into speaking. "Actually, to be honest I'm surprised that you're out here with me at all, rather than staying inside – no matter how uncomfortable," he admitted rather ashamedly.
Kagome blushed at his indirect reference to their sort-of kiss earlier that same day. "Well, I suppose I don't mind so much, considering." She blushed deeper, her expression shy.
"Considering what?" Miroku dearly wanted to know.
"Oh, wh…well, this whole awful week has put everyone under a lot of pressure, including you," –
'An understatement if I ever heard one,' Miroku thought drily.
" – and I figured, knowing what you're like, it was just sort of like an instinctive reaction. You couldn't help it!" she finished triumphantly.
Miroku blinked at her. The mind of Kagome was a weird and wonderful thing at times. He wondered, if it were ever possible to see inside of it, whether it would be filled with those fluffy clouds and sparkly things that he had seen in those picture books she sometimes brought. 'And you accuse me of having not changed, Kagome – you're as naïve and wilfully blind as ever.'
"So, you think I kissed you because…"
"I am a girl, and I was there!" she nodded. Could she be serious? Yes, he had been a bit of a lecher (by necessity, his mind supplied firmly) in the past, but he had never actually done that so – so callously, so mindlessly! 'Kissed her because she was there! Hmph!' he fumed inwardly.
Er…well, maybe when he was younger…he…he…he didn't want to think about this anymore. It was making his head hurt.
Shaking his head, Miroku sighed quietly. "No, I assure you, that wasn't the reason." He pondered his options, weighing the odds very carefully. How to make her understand?
Kagome, for her part, sounded somewhat breathless. "Then what was it?"
Mind made up, he nodded to himself and stepped forward. Before she could react, he had her firmly in his arms and was kissing her once again. However, this time it was not an unplanned thing. He tried with all his might to put every ounce of feeling that he had into the kiss, attempting to show this clueless, wonderful being just what she did to him. Dimly he realised that his hands had moved, one wound in her hair and holding her still, the other cradling her waist tightly. She felt so good against him, warm and soft, and so incredibly alive.
He was most satisfied to feel that she had gotten over her initial shock and was beginning to respond. All of his senses had zeroed in on her, and the rest of the world did not matter at that moment. He couldn't quite stop the disappointed groan that escaped him when she came to her senses and tried to struggle free of his hold.
"Now do you see the reason, Kagome?" he murmured, his voice husky from the emotions raging through him.
"M-Miroku-sama," –
"I think we can drop the 'sama' by now, can't we?" he suggested softly, letting his fingers tangle in the dark strands of her hair.
"Ooh! You're making this so hard!" she moaned.
He didn't appear to have heard her. "Now, that wasn't because you are simply here. It was because I wanted to. Because you drive me absolutely insane and I just can't get you out of my mind for even a minute. Because I lo – "
"Don't!" she cried desperately. "Oh, please don't!" She steeled herself and pulled away firmly. "You can't say something like that, Miroku, not when I'm going away. Don't you know how difficult this is for me as it is?"
Miroku felt something twist inside him when he saw tears start to form in her eyes. In his flustered state, he didn't quite understand exactly what they meant. All he knew was that the only way he knew how to show her had ultimately failed, and it was time to beat a hasty retreat. Hopefully he could face the coming days with some semblance of dignity intact.
"Forgive me, Kagome," he said quietly. "I will bid you goodnight." And with that, he turned and walked away. He did not know that Kagome, more perceptive than he gave her credit for, had seen the flash of hurt in his eyes before he left.
He also did not know that amber-coloured eyes had observed everything that had gone on, and that their owner was snarling – and coming his way with incredible speed.
Uh-oh, Miroku – watch out! Inuyasha's on the war path.
And my thanks to Mrs Bennington, who was kind enough to review Chapter 8. Thank you!