The thin line between duty and love

Disclaimer: I do not own TT!

Authors note: I am doing this to get an idea out of my head while I'm on hiatus for another story. I havent given up on that one, but I need this one, too.

What, Raven wondered, could drag her out of bed at three in the morning, dress her (for she always slept nude) and then force her to travel down the hall? "Lunacy." She grumbled angrily to herself. She stopped in her kitchen and found a half finished cup of tea from some hours before. She turned the cup over and took it down in one gulp, feeling she would need the energy for this.

CraaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAACK!

She cringed at the noise coming from down the hall and did a three hundred and sixty degree turn, despising every last one of her teamates for beeing too cowardly to come and deal with what made this noise. She glared darkly in the derection each of her 'friends' slept, but her anger was not with them for making her get up to fix this problem. Her anger rested upon her teams shoulders for not doing something about the person causing this noise while she had been away.

CraaaaaaaaAAAAAAAACK!"

Raven sighed. She had only left for a few days, hardly a week even and without her there to watch things had gone to pot. Robin, theyre leader, needed more care than the rest of the titans knew. He needed to be watched, she knew, and treated a certain way. Raven had been in his mind before, she knew what made him up as a person and what would happen if he gave way to his darker tendancies. He was a man on the edge, and all it took to keep him sane and safe was a good friend there to support him.

CraaaaAAAACK!

"Obviously not any of THESE cowards." Raven said as she passed another room. How could they be so blind? This noise MUST have kept them awake and they ignored it? Just letting Robin destroy himself night after night? Contempt stirring in her, she allowed herself to think grogilly of what excuses each titan might use, and thought up ways to invalidate said excuses for her personal satisfaction of proving them all weak cowards. Her waking, confused mind enjoyed this.

/\\ "Friend Raven, I have heard nothing all night. I slumbered most peacefully." Chirped the innocent Starfire. Raven reeled back and slapped the girl with all her might, which planted her on her bottom.

"Dont you dare lie to me!" Raven said in a barely controlled voice. "He woke me up from ACROSS THE BUILDING STARFIRE!" She growled. "How dare you make up excuses for letting a teamate do this to himself while you just sat back SCARED!"/\\

CraaaaaAAACKK!

Raven almost allowed herself a smile, at the thought of showing the little princess what she really was. Joy made them fly, confidence gave them Starbolts, Raven wondered what abilitiy courage gave, all she would need to do is find the one extrordinary thing every tameranian except Starfire could do and she would have her answer.

/\\ "Raven what the guy wants to do is his own business. I cant tell him when to stop training, he's MY boss. I'd let him wear himself out, he's just obsessed." Was Cyborgs cool reply. He hollared as the first part of Ravens response hit him.

The first part of Ravens response was the anger that bust forth from her body and sent Cyborg sailing through the air, landing some ten feet away. "That..." Raven growled. "Is the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard! You would let him KILL himself is what you would let him do!"/\\

CraaaaaaAAAACK!

Raven was drawing closer to the gym. Her stomach twisted in fear of what state she would find Robin in. "You torture youself." She whispered. "Why?"

/\\ "Come on. Raven. I dont like that Robins doing this to himself, really!" Beast Boy pleaded with her.

"Then why did you let him?" Raven screamed in his face. "For four days you three let him go on like this, not caring enough to try and help him when he OBVIOUSLY has a problem!" Raven fumed with anger and paced, too angry to go more than two steps in any one direction.

"Its not what you think Raven." Beast Boy said quietly. "Robins like an older brother to me, even more than Cyborg."

"THEN WHY DIDNT YOU DO ANYTHING!" Raven screamed until she was hoarse in the throat.

Beast Boy turned around, hugging his arms to him. "I was scared." He whispered. "Of whats happening to him. I dont know how to help him Raven, I could say the wrong thing, make a bad joke or something and just make him feel worse. You were the one that was always best with him when he's like this. I just- I didnt-. He scares me Raven. I was too scared even to go near him."

The slight tremble in Beast Boys voice told her he was crying softly. Raven felt a pang of guilt, understanding full well that Beast Boy was really the towers closest thing to a true innocent. Much more an innocent than the pampered princess-child most people couldnt help but fawn over. "I'm sorry." She whispered, and floated away to leave him to his thoughts in his room./\\

She shook her head, so confused. She remembered now that she had actually said those things- and actually knocked Starfire down on her ass. Everyone would be scared of her for weeks now. Her journey had been rough on her spirit and right now she was having trouble discerning fantasy from reality, she supposed. She rounded one last corner to the gym and opened the door. The sight that greeted her chilled her to the core.

His uniform in shreds and his mask askew Robin stood in the middle of the training arena squaring off against a robot. It was a rebuilt version of one of the ones Slade had sent after him disguised as himself. Robin had salvaged it and used it as a training aid now. A chill went down Ravens spine. She knew he should never have rebuilt the thing. It knew Slade too well. It knew his moves, his positions, his styles, but more dangerous than all of these things it had Slades voice and enough artificial intelligence to taunt Robin and carry on a semi complex conversation. Ravens eyes took in Robin, who stood there shakily. His bow staff was in his left hand, held at the end with the other end dragging on the ground. His right hand, despite a hastily bandaged laceration was holding the left arm together, which looked to be dislocated. His shoulder was swollen much larger than it should have been.

"Reset it, Slade." Robin said in a monotone, souless voice. The bot he fought came foward obediantly and reset his shoulder as he cried out in pain before stepping back into a fighting stance. Robin, barely concious and mostly dead did his best to assume a similar stance. "Slade, run program 'Sundown'. Robin said weakly.

"Why Robin, you know that theres no such file in my systems." Came the eerily lifelike voice of the Sladebot.

Raven shivered. She wished to stop this but felt it important to watch Robins struggle for a few minutes, to get an understanding of his situation.

"Slade. Run program Knockdown."

"Why Robin, you know theres no such file in my systems." Came the eery voice of Slade once more.

From where Raven sat something seemed to click in Robins head. "Slade, run program Showdown."

"Ah, Robin. As you wish, though I warn you. I'm getting VERY good at that one."

Raven saw that it was a clever way for the robot to let him know that it had run that simulation many times in a row. She watched as the bot and Robin started off in an intricate kata, one she had seen Robin perform many times before. The worrysome bit here though was that Robin fell to the ground twice, each time scrambling to his feet with a 'numb' look in his eye. Finally, after a few moments of the contestants circling each other Slade easilly found a weak spot in Robins defense. It lashed out with his staff and knocked Robin silly. This time it was his knee.

CraaaaAAACK!

Robins knee bent to an unusual angle and he collapsed to the ground, letting out only a whimper for all his pain. "Reset it, Slade." Robin yelled. Raven saw him this time take a deep breath and bite down on a birdarang as Slade reset one of his severely swollen knees. It was obvious to her that Robin would continue this until the robot killed him. Raven came up behind her friend quietly and kneeled as she wrapped her arms around him gently, one hand on the top of his head gently running through his dirty hair and holding him to her breasts. He was so far gone Raven doubted he realised that she was there.

"Slade." Raven said, hardly able to stop herself from yelling but at the same time understanding she shouldnt blame the bot. "Go walk into the ocean."

"This order does not compute." Slade said slyly.

"Slade." Raven warned, as she tried to pick Robin up she realised the bot could be usefull. She put Robin under a sleep spell and relaxed. She was too weak from her spiritual quest to teleport, and too weak to carry him. "Carry your opponent. Follow me."

"That, Raven is something I think I can do." Said the Slade bot in a voice that caused yet another shiver for Raven. He bent down low and scooped up the nearly dead boy wonder. Raven, for the first time, looked at his wounds. She could easilly see week old bruises, swelling, deep laccerations and broken bones. She gasped upon her closed inspection. Her computer-like mind kicked in, knowing how much energy it would take to heal Robin, and also how much pain it would take because she had to reset bones before she could heal them.

As she left the Room Raven grew even angrier at her teamates. Raven had Slade deposit Robin on her bed, gently, she had warned. The robot stood still, waiting for another order. "You are dismissed." Raven said and the bot dutifully returned to its gym. Raven could understand why Robin would like having a life-like visage of Slade at his command. What she couldnt understand is why Robin would want it to kill him.

Raven sat on the bed next to Robin and cut his shirt off with a pair of scissors. She peeled it off of him and cringed at what he looked like. Everything was bruised and swollen, discollored in some areas and deathly pale in others. Long gashes decorated his skin; bandaged with what looked to be torn up parts of his cape. She removed all of the bandages and picked up her scissors. She couldnt help the slight blush that came to her cheeks as she cut his leggings from him and took his shoes off, leaving him in boxers. His legs were no better off than the rest of him.

She was a healer, she could handle it, she told herself. Many thought her only capable of healing minor injuries because she was a half demon. They were wrong. While only half of her was demon, it was a very strong half. The blood of trigon made her more powerfull than most full demons. She knew what would be best for Robin would be to skip the salves and balms and heal everything. But first she had to check for more broken bones. Another slight blush tinted her cheeks. "Damnit." She muttered.

Starting with his legs Raven began probing with her hands feeling for anything out of place. It was hard to tell with all the swelling but as she applied more force Robin failed to stir or show any sings of discomfort. She got to his hips, and checked them quickly. She finished her exam and found nothing out of place. Robin must have had Slade reset anything that broke or dislocated after it happened. She started once again at his feet, slowly healing him. Her hands just a few inches from his skin as blue electricity seemed to arc from her to his injuries, it seemed to sew up lacerations and drain swelling. It took nearly an hour but she finally reached his neck, knowing that what she had to do next was an invasion of his privacy.

Raven retrieved a small flashlight and slowly peeled off Robins mask. Once it was off she could tell he was beautifull. He had very strong and handsome features underneath all the little scrapes bruises and dirt. He looked very much like a dead angel. Carefully Raven lifted the lids of his eyes to shine her light in them and check for responsiveness. The pupils shrank, meaning he didnt have any serious injury. Raven quickly backed away, ashamed of herself for knowing the colors of his eyes and afraid he might wake up, knowing his mask was gone.

She sat by him once more, ready to fix his swollen face. She peeled back his lips to reveal perfect white teeth. Good, he hadnt lost any. How the boy never lost teeth was beyond her. She assumed most of them were fake dental implants that were secured into his jaw by screws. His real ones had most likely been knocked out long ago before he ever joined the team. Raven set her healing powers to work on his bruises and cut lips. The blue electrical arcs seemed almost to sculpt his face back into what it had been before he had it rearanged by his training assistant. Finally she thought, his head was fixed. "Well, not all of it." She said to herself. She could fix what he did to himself, but she couldnt fix what had made him fight with the robot for four straight days without food or rest. Ninety six hours of being on his feet, fighting. She could only shake her head at this. Raven stood up and backed away from Robin, admiring her handiwork.

"There, now you dont look half bad." She told herself. No, Robin mostly naked on your bed doesnt look half bad at all.' BLAST! It was one of those treaturous thoughts she could not stop herself from thinking. She blushed as she kicked herself for saying such a thing. "You still stink." She said, trying to get her mind out of the gutter. It was true, Robin did in fact smell like the south end of a north bound skunk. She giggled at the thought of a skunk walking about with Robins mask somehow affixed to its prosterior. She knew just how to remedy this though.

Robins unconcious body was unceremoniously dumped into the hot tub in her bathroom. It was hastilly connected into the plumbing; having done it herself. This hot tub was her secret. If word got to the others that she had a hot tub in here they would want to use it. That meant they would have to go into her room, and then her bathroom. Unnacceptable. He floated there for a few seconds as Raven stood above him realising he wasnt going to wake up on his own yet and that she had better get in if he wasnt to drown. Setting her cape down she climbed in and sat on one of the underwater seats and pulled Robin into a sitting position in her lap. She grabbed her soaps from the counter next to her and scrubbed the dirt from him, leaving his shorts alone. Next she lathered his hair up and tipped him foward, putting his head in front of one of the jets to rinse it.

"You dont even mind the harsh treatment." Raven said mostly to herself. "Your dead to the world. You dont have to live with your stinky self." She looked around her. After his hair was cleaned the water in her tub had turned a bit darker. "And now look at what you've done. You managed to murk up a three hundred gallon system." She said with a bit of humor. "I dont even mind." She continued to tell him as she dragged him out of the water. "Because your going to scour my tub." She thought for a moment. "And your going to carry me around for a week in a rickshaw."

She continued chastising Robin about the differant ways she would let him thank her as she dragged him towards the door. Finally she reached muscle failure and dropped him unceremoniously, dissapointed in herself for not having the physical stamina to take him to his room after her journey. She sat down on the floor with him and pulled his head into her lap, knowing what she really ought do. "Best if you stay in here anyway, isnt it?" She asked his sleeping form. She and Robin had been in this situation a time or two before, where he was unstable and needed to be watched. She always took care of it, protecting him from himself when he would become mad and try to train to the point it would kill him. He allowed it too. She was the only one who could call him back from such extremes. She was the only one he would let help him, comfort him. "We keep finding ourselves like this just a bit too often." She observed. "If I'm not there when you wake up you'll just go back and try to do it again. You beg the world for death."

Robin, she knew, would never live to see old age. He would not allow himself to die as an old man in bed surrounded by friends and familly. That just wasnt for him. He would live life hard and fast, fighting whatever great foe was before him. However it was it would be grand and glorious and she had a feeling he would meet his end willingly and laughing like a madman. He would find his end in a fiery battle taking as many enemies with him as possible. Raven felt it her job to postpone this event as long as she could.

"Only the good die young, and I'm not just good. I'm the best." Robin had joked weakly after the incident with hallucinogenic powder, as Raven was patching him up in the infirmary. She had voiced her concern for him in private, and he had shown her in his own way that he didnt want it. It was the beginning of an odd relationship of understanding between the two. A relationship that blossomed into, well, pretty much this. Raven thought as she hauled Robin up onto her bed. She offered him understanding and stability, and he gave her the same when she needed it. The most recent example of this was when he had carried her on his back out of the depths of hell to confront Trigon.

Raven held Robin closer as she lifted him and set him on the bed. There she had been, a mere child, privy to the full aray of agonies hell had to offer. Then, he had been there. He had come through hell, all the demons, the fire, the hallucinations, for her. Hell itself had crashed down upon him trying to stop him, only for him to shrug it off like light rain on his back. The first she saw of him he strolled out of the fire with a look of such frightening determination on his face that she thought he was a demon. She had thought he was another cruel vision there to mock her, but her was persistant. He had offered her his hand, his hope. "You came for me." Raven thought in reflection. "You went through hell, and back, just for me." How many lovers, she wondered, said that to one another? How many cheezy romance movies had that 'I'd go to hell and back for you' line been used in? Her breath caught in her throat when she thought that here right beside her was a man that had actually done it for her.

"Raven-" He had said when it was over. "I'd do it again, for you." He had recoiled, become nervous very suddenly. It was something he had not meant to say.

"Next time, I might be full grown. It'll hurt more if I bite." Raven had salvaged the akward moment with the dry type of humor they both loved.

Raven smiled, remembering how her child self had bit him. She pulled back the covers and with much finagling managed to cover Robin. Normally she would sit and watch him until he awoke and snap him out of whatever he was in, but she was still exhausted from her journey. Tonight she decided to crawl into the bed next to him. If she tried standing watch in her chair, she knew, she would fall asleep and not be able to watch him. Raven changed for bed. She peeled the wet leotard from her skin, and quickly put on a sweat pants and a large t-shirt. The shirt was big enough to serve as a tent should she go camping. She secretly loved the feel of the baggy clothes after spending all day in spandex. She laid next to him, using his right arm as a pillow and wrapping hers around him in turn. She knew it would wake her if he stirred.

She was quickly comfortable with the position. She sighed, knowing Robin would most likely wake up before her and reflected on theyre friendship. Something, she knew must be changing, otherwise she wouldnt be in this position. Raven was a sensible person, and was quite positive that if she were to go head over heals for the man next to her she would know it. She wouldnt even degrade herself to think the 'L' word. But at the same time she knew she had changed after Trigons defeat. She had become more open, more free to feel. She couldnt describe what she felt for him as purely plutonic friendship. She could admit she liked holding onto him like this. If it were just plutonic friendship she wouldnt care, but right now she wanted to be closer.

Could it be Desire? Last Raven had seen Desire she was stuck in a stone cell of no colors. She had but one window, and outside was a colorful garden. It hurt Raven, to see Desire like this. That emotion regularly clawed at the cell it was in until its fingernails were gone and her digits worked nearly to the bone, painting her grey cell with red. She would fall back, exhausted and stare in wonder at the red dripping down the walls in a near euphoric state until it dried, turning grey. Then the process repeated itself. Raven wished she could free that emotion, but it was not possible yet.

Lust? In Nevermore Raven wanted to avoid her at ALL costs. Durring one particularly disastrous visit Lust had grabbed Raven and kissed her deeply. Raven had been thrown back out of Nevermore and quickly went to her books. She interpreted the trip to nevermore as a dream, and according to Sigmund Freud she should masterbate more. Raven giggled a little and blushed heavilly. Since reading what Freud had wrote her trips to Nevermore had not been plauged by Lust.

The list was growing short now, and she had a feeling that it was affection. The more powerfull emotions almost always started as lesser, similar emotions. Raven closed her eyes and lessened her control of her emotions. Several of them came bubbling to the top, most of them made her squirm closer to Robin. It was an indulgant moment where she could feel normal, but she shut it off before things could get out of hand. She breathed a little heavier for a few moments, nervous that maybe one of her emotions had done something bad. Nope. No broken glass, or fried electronics anywhere as far as she could tell.

Her electronic alarm clock did fry though when Robin strirred in her arms. It melted, actually, covering her nightstand in thick melted plastic goo. Robin rolled onto his side facing her and brought her closer in his sleep. Raven made a compliant doll out of herself and allowed her hips to be pulled towards his. His face rested in the crook of her neck, and he inhaled the scent of her hair. He moaned in his sleep and moved. He kept rubbing his right cheek against hers.

Now, she knew, lust most likely had a large part to play in this. Raven couldnt stop thinking that if she just turned her head a little Robins lips would come in contact with her, and he would never have to know. "I cant do that to you." Raven whispered. Still, she was in conflict because she wanted to so badly. The urge was so strong to kiss her friend. He rolled onto his back, his strong arms plling her onto his chest. Raven wondered where this had gone so horribly wrong. She could hear his heart beating so clearly and longed for something.

She felt so excited. She finally understood what people meant when they said there were butterflies in theyre stomachs. "Wake up you fool." She muttered under her breath. "Wake up so I can kiss you." Raven sagged on Robins frame, upset. It would be hours before the boy wonders system was ready to wake up, and she feared that by then she would come to her senses and these feelings and urges would no longer be there. "Robin wake up." She pleaded silently. "I want you to kiss me."

He didnt move. Raven felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes. What was this emotion? In Nevermore Desire danced in a field of color. Behind the emotion a pile of gray rock and metal lay in ruin. Raven gave in to an urge of lesser taste and pushed her hips against Robins slightly. Desire danced harder. "Wake.Up.You.Fool." Raven nearly growled. "I want you to kiss me."

Sadly there was no response from him. Fine, she thought, be that way. There was no way Raven was going to let herself be denied. She took her hand out from under Robin and traced it down his back gently, right before pinching him hard in the kidney. Robin jerked awake with a long groan that sounded like something a bear would do coming out of hibernation. His face contorted slightly under the mask before he began to look puzzled, then shocked, then downright terrified.

"R-Raven?" Robin said nervously. He looked around. "What-"

"Yes. Your in my room." She said flatly. "You got stupid again and I have to look after you. Your in my bed because after my trip I was too tired to carry your carass down the hall to your own room, and I'm in it with you because I need to sleep too." Raven laid down the law for the confused boy wonder as he was rudely thrust into the waking world. "I need to sleep, but you wont stop bothering me. I wont stop bothering me." Robin looked like he was bracing himself for something that was about to hurt as her rant went on. Finally she was silent, trying to figure out what to say next.

"So, Raven, whats wrong?"

"You wouldnt kiss me, you dolt!" Raven growled.

Robin recoiled. This was clearly NOT Raven. Before he could say anything Ravens lips were on his. It felt good. His eyes closed and he put his hands at the small of her back while hers held his head on either side.

Raven broke away from him when her heart felt ready to explode. She wouldnt let this get any further, not tonight. Lust and Desire were laughing at her enough already. She laid down next to Robin, who was scared stiff, and put his arms where they made her most comfortable for sleep. She fidgeted a few times, readjusting either one of her limbs or his before she let out a contented sigh and closed her eyes. Of course, Robin had to ruin this for her by talking, and asking questions. Raven was fairly sure she had done enough explaining already and irnored most of his rambling. "Goodnight." She whispered.

"Goodnight. I guess." Robin made what Raven would consider an unforgiveable mistake. He moved. He tried to get up out of the bed. He found himself frozen, unable to move a muscle and Raven glaring angrilly at him. It was hard to believe she had been kissing him just a moment before. "I was just going back to my own room to-"

WHAM

Robin felt himself slammed back down into the mattress roughly. "No. Your not." Raven said, leaving no room for argument. "Your going to sleep right here, just like this, and in the morning I'm going to chew you out for being an idiot. This is our new relationship, if you dont like it, you can kill yourself." And with that Raven was done. She closed her eyes, and was not bothered again.

Well, thought Robin, we can always hammer out the finer details later.

Just an idea that'd been hammering around my head for a little while. I figured if i wrote it it might kill the writters block blocking my other story, the big story. R&R.