last chapter ahead!

Cut through the shell 4

From the outside the sand that secluded them should have looked like that round, turtle-egg shape Lee had seen at the chunin exam. The darkness was thick and solid, except for those strange light patterns left by the light moving around over his orbs. Lee closed his eyes, since there was really no difference. As soon as he did, a huge wall of sand rose to crush him: the scene from his fight with Gaara, the images that were carved into his brain for good. Playing in his mind, fearfully realistic, as they had done for so many months in his nightmares. He focused on sweeping it away. Last time he had seen the Sand in a fight it had come to his aid, he had to remember. Now he was safe. He should be. He was in Gaara's ultimate defense, he should…

This was not a good idea, a voice stated firmly in his mind.

Lee was used to doing mad, suicidal things. But he was… fighting, when he did. Running, moving, too fast to think. He was not standing still, waiting for… the thing around him started to tighten. Lee forced back the urge to open his arms and feel how much space there was, feel if it was already getting smaller. Or if the air was running out.

No, this is absurd. He was with Gaara, and Gaara had said he wouldn't hurt him. He trusted Gaara. He did, right? Gaara was… he wasn't anymore…

Lee was scared as hell.

Breathing was difficult, there really was no air. He felt his jawbone stiffen, teeth clenching hard. His left arm and leg were aching. His mouth opened, ready to scream.

It's not real! his own voice shouted in his brain. Get a hold of yourself! There was no reason to feel this pain, and he was behaving like a coward. That was it. This revelation annnoyed him enough to stop him from starting to hit the barrier and break free. Lee ordered his muscles to relax, as he did before some difficult exercise, and breathed, deeply. He filled his lungs with the air that freely penetrated the shield. No need to worry. He felt like smiling.

Then he felt hands over his bandaged forearms, almost startling him again, a ginger touch not much heavier than a feather. Gaara had waited for him to get at ease, to see his reaction.

Now Lee could not fail him.

Gaara moved his fingers up Lee's arms, feeling the texture of his uniform, examining it, till coming to rest over his shoulders. Then the fingertips reached Lee's jawbone, barely a brush, now skin to skin. No barrier at all. Lee heard Gaara hold his breath. The touch was cold, exactly as he remembered from that dreamlike experience, more than a year ago. The boy wanted so badly to take those hands into his own, to breathe on them, to warm them. His previous fear was totally forgotten now. He wanted to hug the smaller boy, one of those big bear-hug which he knew from experience could make things better, at least a bit. And then hold him close...closer. But he reminded himself to be still.

The Sand-ninja traced Lee's features like he was a blind man. He touched his cheeks, his ears, his closed eyelids with the awkwardeness of a baby. When his fingers rested on Lee's lips, feeling the softness, Lee had to physically restrain himself from reacting. He was surely blushing. Luckily it was dark. He should not think about it, this was all about Gaara, not about him and his own wishes… Then Gaara slipped his arms under Lee's, around his body, and held, pressing himself against him. That made Lee's eyes fly open, to met only blackness, and he stiffened.

"G-Gaara?"

"Hold on. Only a bit."

Lee obeyed, mainly because he didn't know what else to do. He stilled like a stone. That was going… he didn't know where.

Gaara was only some inches lower than Lee, so he only had to push himself up a little. He put his lips against Lee's and stayed still. Not a kiss, not lingering at all. Just a contact. Lee's mind went blank, simply, totally, and he could not avoid moving, feeling into it the slightest bit. But he immediately stilled, afraid he was doing something wrong.

Gaara kept the contact some moments more, then he backed up and pressed his face against Lee's shoulder, hard, almost with desperation. His hair tickled Lee's jawbone. Finally, Lee let his body (which sometimes seemed to know what to do better than him) take over and put his arms around the other boy, careful to make sure there wasn't the littlest sign of discomfort from the smaller form. He cuddled him, his hands moving slowly over Gaara's back, and he turned to kiss his hair softly. He did not say a word.

Lee couldn't remember how much time they had remained like that, before light finally pierced into the egg and the Sand crumbled away. Gaara stepped back, his gaze low. Lee stretched his arms, with much satisfaction. He smiled, a bit uncertain.

"It's not so bad, right?" Geez, that was intelligent…

"It isn't." Gaara sat down on the grass, cross-legged. He was looking at his hands, where the shield was probably reforming already. Then he touched his lips. This time there was nothing to hide Lee's flushed face, so he sat down too, looking away.

He wondered if he should get into it. He didn't know, since, well, what was he supposed to think about it. Surely Gaara wasn't clueless about the meaning of some gestures, right? So…

"Uhm… Gaara, that… I mean…"

Gaara glanced at him, then resumed looking at the grass in front of him.

"That was… a meaningful way to touch."

"Ah… yes, surely it is. It's just…" Lee wanted to scream at Gaara that he was, well, jumping past a lot of steps. Steps that they were not even supposed to… Well, in the first place this wasn't so usual for same-gender people. Uhm, well, at least he hadn't seen it done so often. But anyway… "Yes, it's meaningful. A lot," he ended.

Gaara's fingers were fiddling with the grass, plucking some stems. It occurred to Lee that some time ago he would probably have used the Sand to do that. It was… good.

"That's because I did it. You are the only one that I can… that I want…" Gaara stopped, probably annoyed at his own unusual trouble with words. "I wanted to show you that I care. And you didn't dislike it. You weren't repulsed, I know."

Surely not… Lee wondered how Gaara would have reacted if this moment had been shared with someone who was not so happy with the idea. Maybe Lee would be better off not knowing; he had been so and that was what mattered. His heart fluttered at Gaara's words. Could it be… But no, that was so unlikely and it would have be foolish think otherwise. He kept forgetting Gaara was not used to any kind of contact, so he was just maybe…

But he had to say things as they were, anyway. He was done with not being sincere to himself about Gaara.

"I… Yes, I liked it. A lot. Because…" Big breath…

"You. Like. Me." Gaara pronounced the words with care, as if they might have broken and vanished unheard while he said them. As if they were heavy as steel. They probably were.

"That's the meaning of this. That should be. Am I right? Because that's why I did it." He stared at Lee, who was gaping. So much for his eventual love-confession…

"…Yes. But!" he gushed, afraid of what was going on, afraid that this was going somewhere where they both could be hurt. "You should not, I don't know, rush things… Maybe you felt like doing this because I'm the first one who tried to get close to you…"

Gaara's eyes narrowed.

"I'm not lying."

"I don't think you are." It suddenly occurred to Lee how very hard it must have been for Gaara to voice those kind of feelings. Being hurt so bad as Gaara had been… Lee felt so horrible. How it could have been easy… to just accept all of that, and then… He didn't even know what could happen afterwards. But Gaara did not need any more trouble than he already had to deal with. Surely, Lee would never hurt him. He could bet his life on it, but still…

"Believe me, I would be the happiest guy in the world if things were like that… I would never let you down, and I won't, no matter how things go, because I do feel for you like you said." Somehow, the word love was not something Lee found right to use right now. That was… that should be used for another moment.

Gaara shifted to hug his knees, and Lee wished he could hold him again.

"I did it because I felt like it. I do… appreciate being with you. I like you talking, I like watching how you move, I…" Gaara stopped.

After some minutes, he stood up, with a new air of resolution around. "I understand. I have to leave this place tomorrow, anyway."

"Yes." Here, that was the right thing, said Lee to himself. After all, he could still keep caring for Gaara (maybe there was even someway to go to Suna on ninja-duty…), there was no need to ask something back. Even if every cell in his body was screaming that this was completely wrong, letting him go like that. Even if he felt like dying.

"I'll come back, soon I think, since I'm still not officially named the Kazekage and I have things to do here," Gaara went on. "We'll meet again, and then, we shall see?"

Lee was round-eyed, and taken aback.

"I'm not letting this go, and I'm not going to lose this. You may see you're not the only stubborn person around there. That, if at the time you'll still feel like this." Gaara's face fell a little, his dark-circled eyes betraying that he was still bleeding inside. "That's if you'll really want to deal with…" He vaguely gestured at himself, and the sand, which was hidden.

"I will!" Lee jumped up and, before thinking, grasped Gaara's hands in his own. The other boy stiffened, and Lee tightened his hold a bit before letting them go. Clenching his fists, he smiled a smile that was so huge it probably had never been seen before. What a fool… was he really giving up? That was worth a five-hundred laps around Konoha on one hand…

"Then it's a deal!", he went on. "We'll meet again, and I know I have been failing you right now, but believe me, give me one more chance and I shall really prove that I love you, more than my life. Our Springtime of Youth shall really begin!"

At Gaara's confused eyes Lee blushed. "Ah… I mean, I'm really happy!" Ok, so he completely went overboard by saying that…but oh well.

"But I'll write you too, as long as we can't see each other!"

"…Ok…". Gaara had been probably overcome by Lee's final rush, but the resolution into his eyes had not faltered. He tilted his head a bit.

"One last thing."

"Sure! What?" Lee felt ready to defeat sandstorms with mere punches and kicks, or to go and talk directly to Tsunade-sama about all of this, if that was what was required to make this beautiful thing work.

"That was not a real kiss, right? Will you show me how that should be?"

Lee's face shone like the sun.

FIN

I can't believe I really finished a more than one chapter fic... Thank you so much for reading this! As always criticism welcome!