Once Upon a Chocolate Frog

By: QDT

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really. I went to Wal-Mart the other day, but they didn't have what I wanted, so I still own nothing. Funny how that works.

Sometimes, I get insane cravings for chocolate frogs. Sometimes my friends tease me for it.

But mostly they get out of my way.

After all, who could oppose…

SUPERLILY!

Eh. Well, kind of. It's my make believe night job. Maybe that's why I'm always falling asleep in Transfiguration.

Of course, it doesn't explain my weird dreams about coconuts.

OUCH.

That had nothing to do with coconuts, by the way. I ran into a wall. I simply must remember to remind myself not to let my mind wander whilst walking. It's a little painful.

…

You know, walking to class without thinking is boring. And if I get too bored, I'll fall asleep while I'm walking and run into walls anyway. So thinking really is the smartest thing to do.

Now, about those coconuts…

Oh, never mind. Here comes Potter and his gang to miscreants. Minus one. Probably behind me, waiting to jump out at the opportune moment.

"BOO!"

What did I tell you? Oh, look, Black has just run into that same wall I just did. Silly boy.

"You know," says I. Very intelligently, I might add. "You really shouldn't try to move through solid mugwumps."

Mugwumps?

"Mugwumps?" asks one Remus Lupin, obviously amused.

"Mugwumps," I tell him, "are…" Oh, come on, Lily, think. Why is it always me spouting off loads of random gibberish?

"Mugwumps," I tried again, "is a synonym for things." He didn't believe me. None of them did. Not even Pettigrew. Which is kind of sad. You know you're nuts when Peter Pettigrew realizes you're talking nonsense.

On the other hand, Potter's hair looks relatively neat for once. That means I can charm Flitwick's pillows to chuck themselves at him in class.

On a mutant third hand, to get to Charms I'll have to pretty much walk the whole way with these immature mugwumps.

Skipping class might have its perks.

But then I can't inadvertently chuck pillows at Potter, and then he won't assume Black did it, and then they wouldn't land themselves in detention again.

Maybe, if Professor Flitwick falls behind his desk again, I can even be the one to hand them the detention slips. But then they would have to do detention with me, which would be more of a punishment for me than for them.

On second thought, Flitwick can give them the detentions.

Oh, dear. I've run into a wall again. Black looks as though Christmas has come early.

"You know, Evans, you really shouldn't try to move through solid mugwumps," he tells me. Like I didn't know that.

"Yes, pot," I say, making a clever reference to that 'pot calling the kettle black' saying. The guys don't get it, as is evident by their vacant expressions.

"Er," says Potter, fairly stupidly in my opinion. "That's the first bit of my last name," he finished as though talking to someone highly unintelligent.

I ignore him. But in doing so, I tripped over a suit of armour. Ouch.

Black, being incredibly immature, shouts, "Evans is wearing green knickers!"

Which is not true. The knickers I put on this morning are black. But, again, Black is immature.

No one helped me up from the floor. Sniff.

I took as long as possible gathering my things (which, once more, no one helped me with), in hopes that they would walk on to Charms without me, but no such luck. They must be selective gentlemen. Damn.

We walk in silence for a while.

Maybe we can et all the way to the classroom without any more stupid Lily episodes or, indeed, conversation from either party.

Yeah, right.

We almost made it. In fact, the only reason we didn't was Potter. At least, I think it was his fault. His or Black's.

It certainly isn't my fault. Since when have there been three steps leading downward into the Charms classroom? I decide to ask Alice.

"Alice, where did those steps come from?" Alice looks at me like I'm an idiot. Which I most certainly am not. Alice is just jealous of my rapier wit and dazzling good looks.

"Lily, I don't know where the steps originally came from, but they've been there for the past six years at least."

Oops. Guess it is my fault then.

I think about mentally apologizing to Black and Potter for immediately blaming them, but then I realize that they've probably done something else that really is their fault, so I don't bother.

After listening to Flitwick pray to the great god Leviose for an hour, we are permitted to break into groups of five (assigned) and talk quietly amongst ourselves (okay talk loudly and shout) whilst pretending to look productive. Flitwick explains this towards the end of his prayer and then begins reading off names.

Group One consists of Pettigrew, a Hufflepuff, a couple of Ravenclaws, and Snape. I don't see this ending well.

I am in Group Two with Alice, a Ravenclaw called Felicity, Lupin, and Potter. Damn. I don't see this ending too well either.

I look at my watch. Forty-five minutes. That's enough time for Potter &co. to rearrange the classroom, conveniently 'misplace' a few Slytherins, and put on a musical. Or something. We're dead.

"Alice," I groan as we move to a corner of the classroom. "Is this proof that there is no God?"

"Wizards don't believe in religions, Lily; any self-respecting witch or wizard could perform any one of Jesus' miracles and more." Oh, good. I was really worried about being condemned to hell for witchcraft. For about five minutes. In first year.

When we reach the other three of Group Two, Potter and Lupin are having a whispered argument. Potter looks up and smiles at me, trying his best to be charming.

"Evans," says he. "My dear friend Remus here refuses to second my motion to change our name from Group Two to Group Mugwump. If you would care to join me, both Heads could overrule a majority vote."

Did Dumbledore slip something into everyone's water again?

"Mr. Potter," says I. "This is a school. The form of government is a dictatorship, not a democracy. I have no power, you have no power. We are Group Two."

Everyone looks confused. Did my mouth slip out something like 'mugwumps' again?

Finally, Felicity asks, "What's a dictatorship?"

"And a democracy?" adds Alice.

"Government systems," I tell the idiots. "In a dictatorship one person rules and makes all the laws and has all the power. In a democracy, the people vote for several leaders who try to do what's best for everyone." A little simplified, but it gets the point across. Which is more than you can say for a lot of my sentences. How does one not know basic government? I can see how law is confusing, but how do they not know how their country is run?

"Is there a government where there is no government?" Potter wants to know. Seriously. I thought they made him Head Boy because he was smart. Lord knows he doesn't have much else going for him.

"Anarchy," I say anyway. I guess it's not his fault he doesn't know since even Lupin is looking rather confused. I roll my eyes and take out my Charms book in order to look productive. Alice does the same.

"Lily," says she, "did you do that Potions essay?" I love Alice dearly, but she is a bit of a procrastinator. Maybe I should refuse to let her see my essay. It'd serve her right.

"The one due next period?" It is due next period. Mine looks terrible. I dropped part of my breakfast on it this morning. It is, however, legible. And probably edible as well.

"Yeah, that one. Can I see yours?" I should refuse. In fact, I think I will.

"No. You should have done it yourself."

"I'll give you a chocolate frog," she sing-songs. Damn. She knows I can't resist chocolate frogs. Why do I have to be addicted to something so easily accessible for bribery?

"Okay," I say, handing over my essay in exchange for Alice's purse, from which I pull a chocolate frog. I eat it happily. This, for whatever reason, amuses Potter, who holds another whispered conversation with Lupin. Lupin doesn't think that whatever has suddenly struck Potter is an overly brilliant idea because he's frowning and shaking his head vehemently whilst making wild gestures. It's kind of funny. Of course, everything is funny and good when I have chocolate.

I glance down at the card in my chocolate frog wrapper. I've gotten Paracelsus, again. I'd like one of the new series with Dumbledore or his friend Nicholas Flamel, who occasionally holds extracurricular alchemy lessons.

"Hey, Evans," says Potter, having apparently disregarded whatever objections Lupin had to his idea, judging by Lupin's resigned expression.

"What?"

"Would you go out with me if I gave you a chocolate frog?"

Oh, shit.

"Yes." Because I would.

What have I done?