Chapter Ten: Tattered
I found myself in a dream
The tattered remnants of my soul
Wouldn't have lasted if
You hadn't made me whole

She nestled herself in the communications equipment were she felt most at home. When Spock's voice came across the wires, she heard it first. She was happy, and her happiness made static on the intercom. Naturally, she was the first to the transporter. She became wispy smoke, and in gentle tones told Spock her name. He didn't believe her at first, and so she had to prove it. When she was re-beamed onto the Enterprises she had to blink to clear her mind. That first breath of air was a relief.

She felt like a brand new person freshly awoken from a nightmare. Spock raised an eyebrow, "Uhura?"

She turned to him and smiled, "Why yes that's me."

o-o two days later-o-o

He may not have been dead, but he was alive. Something on the planet's surface must have scratched him because he his arms were cut and his head felt sore. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he tossed aside the blanket and stood up. Spock was dead on the floor. As he walked through the corridors he only saw death. After everything, after his near death, they were still all dead.

His ship…his world…his nightmare. How could this happen? Hadn't he just given his life from them? Maybe that was it: he was dead. Surely he was dead, and this was hell. He had failed them all, and he was dead! He screamed as he slammed his fists into the nearest wall. Surprisingly, the wall gave way.

He sat up screaming. McCoy shook him awake mumbling finally. Wiping sleep from his eyes Kirk sat straight up. "What happened?"

"You almost died."

"Me and everyone else." Kirk was still trying to catch his breath. The room around him was completely clear of bodies (as far as he could see) and if the doctor was alive everyone else must have lived.

McCoy explained that he was the only one in danger, due to the poison. Everyone else was doing just fine. Yba'llul was the only exception.

"What happened to him?"

"The poison."

Kirk looked at McCoy and he vaguely remembered the bloody transporter room. After a moment of silence McCoy added, "The rest of the planet…they all transformed just like their Yba'llul—into that hound thing. Anyway, you should relax."

"I've had enough sleep, Bones. It feels like I've been in a dream this whole time and I only remember bits and pieces."

McCoy smiled, "You can go to your quarters if you want now. I'll fill you in on what happened at dinner."

McCoy went into his office and came out with the Captain's clothes. Pulling the green shirt over his head Kirk voiced his opinions. "So no gold braid? Spock's up there? I thought he would have been asleep."

"We needed logic, Jim. You weren't there. We needed a leader."

Kirk's face darkened, "Don't say that. I will always be there to protect my crew: always there. Do not ever say that I won't."

He stormed out mentally adding, I almost died to protect my crew.

o-o-o-o-o-o

The ship was sluggish, slow, and tired. Spock was too. He never showed it though; he just sat in the Captain's chair waiting for Jim to come back. It was funny in a weird sense, but when he had carried Jim to the chemistry room, Jim had mumbled repeatedly, "…order. Must have logic, not madness….the madness…need order. … Must..."

Somehow it had encouraged him. He found what he needed to last out this nightmare: someone else giving him strength. Slowly after that he had helped people back into natural form. Things had became normal at a snail's pace. He was still missing a few things though. Like the Captain, and maybe a good game of chess.

When the turbolift opened he heard that familiar voice and he nearly fell over from exhaustion. The voice came over to his side and placed a hand on his shoulder, "It's okay Spock, I'm relieving you of command, go meditate…"

He raised one eyebrow, and blinked. "Are you sure Captain?"

"Yeah, Spock, I'm sure. It'll be fine." Kirk had calmed down in the turbolift but still had many thoughts in his head.

It will be now, Spock thought as he walked to the turbolift. "I'll see you at dinner then," he said before letting the doors close, "would you like to play chess tonight?"

"That'd be great, something nice and normal." Jim smiled at the joke.

Spock let the doors close before he smiled.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The great thing about chess is the fact that it helps focus you mind. It takes you away from your other problems. Tonight however, the two men were deep in thought, hesitating before they said anything. Kirk was still wondering if he made the right choices. Spock was wondering if, as a leader, he had done as good a job as Kirk would have.

"That's just it Spock, we destroyed an entire civilization, we almost destroyed ourselves…"

"But Jim, we survived."

"We always do. They never do. It's just that… is this going to? With Starfleet and all? Is this the end?"

It was a good question Spock had to admit. He remembered a time when he had wondered what to do after his own little situation. He'd let it—that canister, the problem—fly away. It'd only caused more chaos. If they had just secured the problem and stopped it entirely, then maybe they and others would have been safe.

Spock wondered if Kirk was proposing the logical solution, ending Starfleet once and for all. Interrupting Spock's thoughts, Jim added, "What do you think Spock?"

Spock opened his mouth to reply.

the end