Title: "Help Wanted"
By: Lexie
Summary: Xander needs a new secretary and Buffy just happens to be
available. Chaos ensues.
Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Buffy. If I did BX would have
happened long long ago and would probably be married by now and there
would have been at least two Xander's in every episode since there's
twins that I could use. Two Xander's is always a good in my book. But
anyways Fox, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and who ever else, owns everything
Buffy related. Not me no matter how much I wish for two Xander's.
Rating: PGish
Category: Humor/Romance
This fic is dedicated to Shawn and Brooke.
A/N: Line Break means changing of POVs and/or scenes.
"Help Wanted"
Xander sat across from Candi and tried to look like he was listening intently to her talk something about shopping. In reality though he was more concentrated about looking for Buffy and her date, Barney.
He still couldn't believe that Buffy would go as low as spite dating someone. And of all people to date it had to be Barney, the obnoxious womanizer who got on his ever last nerve. If she could just hear that little creep talk about some women he was sure Buffy would slay him on the spot. Besides not only was he a pig but the guy was just all wrong for Buffy. He wasn't her type and he was just…Barney. He knew Buffy. Barney and Buffy had nothing in common. And Buffy needed someone with an I.Q. higher than a 3rd grader. She needed a guy that was smart, financial savvy, and who wouldn't freak the first time someone exploded into dust after she stabbed them with a piece of wood. She needed someone who knew her like he did. And understood all her crazy but cute quirky ways. Someone who was aware of all her wonderful flaws and perfections and didn't define her by them but loved her more because of them, because those flaws and perfections were what made her the breathtaking woman that she is today. He wasn't sure if there was a guy out there in the world who could do all that, or at least not like he did. He knew all those things and he knew them by heart. Barney sure as hell didn't.
He sighed to himself and wondered if it would look too rude if he look at his watch for the fifth time in the last half hour. This night was crawling by and he still had not seen Buffy. He wasn't sure if it would be a good thing to see her or not. On one hand he wanted to see her to keep on eye on Mr. Grabby Hands, Barney. Then on the other hand he wasn't sure the security here would be able to handle another altercation between Buffy and Candi.
Their last altercation left him having to hitch a ride home with Jack. When he did finally get home Buffy was tucked away in her room getting ready for her date or at least that's what he guessed. And once again their house was ruled by deafening silence. When he left to go pick Candi up she was still in her room waiting for Barney. It was probably for the best. He really didn't want to be there when Barney came by to pick her up.
He looked around the club once more. It was a packed house tonight, as it always was on a Friday night in a one club town. The band tonight was some boy band. Well he would consider them a boy band; Dawn on the other hand would call them a cool and trendy rock band. Of course they would be cool and trendy to her they looked about her age. In fact everyone there looked around her age. He looked at the mob of teenagers milling about and he suddenly felt very out of place. When did he become that guy? The oldie that was out of place at the bronze. He and the gang use to be what this place was all about. Within these walls held many memories for them, some bad and a lot of good, but now he was sitting there thinking that if he were at home with Buffy, they would happily be on the second movie by now.
He sighed once more and went back to trying to concentrate on what Candi was saying but then he perked up when he looked over her shoulder and saw Buffy and Barney weaving their way through the throng of young people.
Buffy squeezed her way through the tight crowd with Barney in tow. Barney was pressed up against her back with his hand lying lightly on the small of her back. He was way to close for comfort, but she couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose or because of the mass of teenagers surrounding them.
Was there always this many young people present when she use to hang out here? This place had to be breeching the fire code a good 200 kids back or so. They were everywhere. In every crest, cranny, crook, and corner. They spilled out in droves from all directions. And another thing that bothered her was that they all looked so young. She was never that young when she went here. Or at least she didn't feel like it. Now the place was packed with a horde of raging hormones and highly caffeinated teenagers. They were all annoying and immature. These people couldn't be older than Dawn. In fact they all probably went to school with her.
Buffy's heart clenched when she realized that she probably counseled some of these kids last year when she worked at SunnyDale High. Oh god was that Billy Zitterman walking by, the kid who had hygiene issues last year? This was bad. She shouldn't be here. She's too old. Oh god it was worse, she was Giles!
Now she was the old teacher sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the young. Maybe she should sit down because she was panicking to herself in her head, or even better maybe she should rip this guy's hand off her back because if it slinked any lower she would have to cause him bodily harm. This all reaffirmed that this was bad. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want any of it. She would give anything to be at home watching some stupid B movie with Xander right now. That's who they were now. That's who she wanted to be. And that was when she was the happiest. When it was just she and Xander.
She sighed to herself as she made their way to a section with more tables to sit at. She looked around the club trying to find a familiar face. The familiar face belonging to a certain dark haired best friend of hers. Xander was suppose to be taking Candi here as part of their tour around town. So Buffy figured she better stay close. There was no telling when Xander's love luck would strike again and Candi would shed her human form and attack him. She had to be standing near by for slaying purposes. So really she was doing all this for Xander's safety. Or at least that's what she was going to tell Dawn later.
"Hey Babe you wanna sit over here where it's a bit more private?" Barney asked as he pointed to a corner of the club that was indeed more secluded than the rest. Buffy looked at the area with a raised eyebrow and noticed that most of the occupants in that area where partaking in the deep lip lock ritual. That must be the make out corner or something. Buffy wasn't about to step a foot in that corner with this guy.
"Umm" she said hesitantly as she looked back to the tables more in the open. Just then she spotted Xander and their eyes met instantly. But then they both looked away quickly trying to appear as if they were not staring at each other. Buffy watched him in her puerperal vision as he animatedly laughed at something Candi said and put his hand on top of hers on the table. Buffy gritted her teeth and turned back towards her date. "Come on, let's sit over there, Bobby!"
"Uh it's Barney." He said but it fell on deaf ears because Buffy was to busy dragging him by the arm to the more open area of tables, closer to Xander.
"And then Bubbles died of congested heart failure. She was the best dog too." Candi explained sadly.
"Ha ha ha!" Xander laughed loudly as he put his hand over Candi's on the table. "Wow you are so funny and fun to be around!" he said energetically with a bright fake smile all the while trying to keep an eye on Buffy.
Candi just stared at him confused. What part of her family dog dying, funny to him? She decided to shrug it off, because it was actually the first time the whole night he showed any signs of life. So far on their date he seemed distracted or spaced out. Maybe now he was coming around some. "So Xander how do you like your job?" she asked smiling.
"Oh it's great!" He said while trying to re-position himself so he could get a clearer view of Buffy and Barney sitting just across the way. "Best job ever!"
Candi tried to look around to see what he kept looking at. He wasn't even directly looking at her when he was speaking to her. She had never had this happen before. She had even worn her lucky low cut blouse and everything. It never failed to grab guy's full attention. "So um, how long have you been working with, um…Buffy? Was it?"
Xander snapped his attention back to her the second she said Buffy. Had he just been busted? Think back to what she just said, Xander think, he thought quickly to himself. Something about Buffy and working. Maybe how long had they been working together? "Umm just this summer." He said with a nervous but hopeful tone. "Although I've known her for a lot longer than that."
"Oh really? So how's working with her been? She doesn't seem to be the best secretary in the world." She said while trying to leave the animosity out of her voice.
"Well it's definitely been a…um…. unique experience, that's for sure"
Barney sat across the table from Buffy. Buffy looked like she was distracted with searching for something across the room. He thought about trying some moves on her but he wasn't completely sure if she would pay him any attention at all right now.
"Why does there have to be so many stupid people here tonight? I can hardly see across the room through this crowd." Buffy mumble to herself completely forgetting about her date sitting there with her.
"I'm sorry? Did you say something?" Barney ask trying to hear her over the loud music and crowd.
"What? Oh no nothing." She said to him but then turned her attention back to across the room. She didn't want the guy to think she was crazy, she just simply forgot he was still sitting there. She wishes though she could forget about him all together. He was really starting to get on her nerves. When he wasn't staring at her butt, he was trying to get fresh with her. Plus, he was cramping her style with all the spying on…. er… watching over Xander and the demon girl date. It would be much easier for her if this guy just took a hike for a little while.
Barney still felt like she was off on her own world leaving him high and dry. He couldn't figure out what this girl problem was. Usually girls were all over him by now or maybe he was all over them but either way he was loosing a lot of ground with Buffy. Maybe he should get some drinks in her to see if she loosens up a bit. That usually works, he thought to himself. "Buffy would you like something to drink? You seem kinda tense."
Buffy seeing that this was a good chance to get some much needed spaces said, "Oh yeah! Great idea. Why don't you go get us something? Make it something good… and strong. And uh...take your time!" She smiled sweetly at him.
"Ok cool. And maybe after that we can see about that privacy thing again?" He said smoothly but once again she was lost in her own world and not paying him much attention. "But um… are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh yeah. Peachy." She said with out even turning his way.
"Okaay. Uh would like anything else?" He asked while just sitting there helplessly ignored.
"Nope." When she notice he was still sitting there and not getting up and going away she turned to him. "Um so how about that drink?"
"Oh yeah! Sure!" He stood up and was about to make his way to the bar when he notices someone across the room. "Hey…is that Harris?" He saw Xander look his way so he started to wave to him.
Buffy snapped her attention back to Barney and looked between him and Xander with wide eyes. She didn't want Xander knowing she was there spying or watching or doing whatever on them!
Buffy grabbed Barney by the front of his jacket with both of her hands and slammed the construction worker back down into his chair. Barney was so surprised by the petite blonde's immense force that he had to grab onto the table so that he wouldn't fall backwards in his chair. "Woah!" he said once his chair and table were both safely on all fours again.
Buffy laughed nervously at his surprised look on his face. Maybe she panicked a little to quickly that time. But she couldn't have Xander seeing them there staring at him and his date. "Heh um why don't we forget about those drinks for right now and just get better acquainted?" She smiled nervously at him as she leaned in closer to the construction worker across from her so that it would block Xander's view of what they were doing.
Barney looked at Buffy with a slightly confused expression. First she wasn't paying him any attention at all and then it seemed like she was trying to get rid of him and now she was grabbing at him forcefully and trying to get closer to him. She was a very strange girl. But he did kinda like the whole forceful-ness thing. Barney smirked as he thought that this was more like how the date was suppose to go and then said to her, "Sure babe whatever you want to do! You can be the captain of this ride." He then winked at her and reached across the table to rub her forearm on the table.
Buffy looked down at his hand and then clamped her teeth together in hopes to fight off the urge to rip her arm away and give him a disgusted look. Maybe she could try distracting him with nonchalant conversation and then some how get her arm away from his and get back to looking after Xander. "Sooo how long have you been working with Xander?" she asked.
"For almost a year now I guess. He is a pretty good boss. He really knows what he is doing out there." Buffy smiled at that because she knew that was true. Barney noticed her smile at the mention of Xander so he added, "You know I'm the top welder there.Yup, I can out weld anyone there! Even Harris I bet!"
"Wow fascinating." Buffy tried to say with out sounding too droll. She then tried to slowly look around the club again. She tried to appear as if she was just looking around innocently just in case Xander was looking their way. She didn't want to look like she was looking for him…even if she was.
Barney notice her attention was slipping away from him again so he quickly added, "So how do you like working with Harris?"
Did Buffy just slam Barney in his chair next to her? Xander thought to himself as he tried to sit up straighter to look over Candi's head. He tried to get a clearer view of the couple across the room but Candi's hair kept getting in the way. Why did it have to be so poofy?
Candi still couldn't figure out why this guy wasn't paying her nearly enough of the attention that she deserved. But he kept trying to look behind her at something else. So she decided to start moving her head to get back in his range of view. Two can play this game, she thought to herself.
Xander took the hint and he looked at his date and smiled. He probably shouldn't screw this up since this was Candi Johnston, but he couldn't help but worry over Buffy and Barney. Barney was a real jerk. He didn't like the guy because he knew how he really was. The only thing that was keeping him from firing the sleazy moron was because he could, when he wasn't being lazy, be a good welder. He had to stay on his butt to get a project done but when he did work he usually did some nice looking work. Barney was your typical egotistical steroid enhanced jerk. He thought he was a Sex god and the best worker at the site. But in reality he was just a mouthy jerk who most people ignored at the site. His big muscles might mesmerize some girls but after spending five minutes with him they would see how sleazy he was and then his repulsive charm would kick in. In reality, Buffy could easily handle her own if Barney did try something stupid but Barney would definitely not be able to handle Buffy if she got mad. That was another reason to be concerned about their date. Not that he wouldn't think it would funny to see Buffy dropped kick the guy for getting to touchy feely.
"So Xander do you have any funny work stories that you would like to share?" She asked trying to draw him out from him own world.
"Um well the other day Buffy broke the snack machine. The poor thing never saw her coming."
Candi giggled and asked, "Oh really? That doesn't surprise me. Buffy does seem the type of girl to be clumsy. What happened?"
"I'm not sure…I just know Buffy went for snacks and some how the whole machine just sorta…lost it's balance I guess." Xander thought back to the time he came back to the office to find a pile of snacks waiting for him and Buffy explaining how it took her money so she just 'tapped' it and it fell over.
"Ha! Really? That short blonde did that? Now I don't believe that!"
"I tell no lies!" he exclaimed.
"How could she possibly turn over something that out weighs her at least 3 times or more?"
"Pffffft! Like I know!" he exclaimed while shrugging and throwing his arms up in the air. "Who knows with Buffy. Maybe it was the same way she tore up 2 coffee makers, ripped a copying machine apart, and put a type writer out of commission forever!"
"Really." She deadpanned. "Yup that's pretty bad."
"Yup! And if you think she's bad in the office don't even get me started on home!"
"And then he had the nerve to get all huffy puffy on me because I mistakenly put his authorized product forms through the shredder. I mean if he didn't want me to shred them he shouldn't put the humongous pile of papers beside that stack! And it wasn't as if I did it on purpose!" Buffy said starting to get huffy puffy herself.
"Oh yeah I think I remember that. Was that the day the fire chief came out to the site because of reports of smoke or something? Yeah, Xander was kinda tense that day."
"No that was last Thursday. And that wasn't my fault either! Coffee maker's are now my sworn enemy." She mumbled the last part mostly to herself but then added, "The whole 'shredding incident' was a couple of weeks ago. And Xander was already cranky that day because that morning at home I ate the last bowl of Captain Crunch. But he does that all the time to me! He always inhales all the snacks at home and then leaves me crumbs to find, so he can't say a…"
"Wait! You mean you guys live together too?" Barney interrupted surprised.
"Yeah." Buffy said as if it was the simplest thing.
"And she always eats the last bowl of cereal! She knows that it's the best bowl in the box and I bet she just secretly waits until she sees the box getting low and sees me eyeing it and then she decides to pounce. I know Buffy she's sneaky when it comes to food. She'll hoard food too. She's like a squirrel!"
"Wait a minute here." Candi interrupted. "You're serious? You mean you not only work with that bottle blonde, wretched girl but you also live with her?"
"Yeah." Xander said bit offended by the wretched girl part. "And she goes to get her hair done at this place called Hair Express. It usually takes forever too. I know because she usually makes me go with her. But she's right, it's the best place in town for coloring, she always comes out looking great." Xander said dreamily.
Candi just stared at him. She was out on a date with a guy who was practically married. Of course marriage never stopped her before so why this time? She could still get Xander if she wanted. Short fake blonde, named Buffy, or not she'd get her man, she always did.
"And did I tell you about how she's always wearing my clothes? I mean who does that? She's a clothes thief that's what she is! Always walking around the house with my old oversized sweatshirts or work shirts on!" Xander thought back to one of the times he saw her walking around wearing one of his oversized Sunnydale sweatshirts and remembered how it made his heart stop at the sight.
"And he always leaves the toilet seat up! Do you know what it's like to hit water when you're still half asleep in the morning? It's not the best wake up call! Why do men do that? Huh?"
Barney notice she had directed the question to him and for the first time since she started on her Xander tirade she was including him in on the conversation. "Well umm…"
"And!" she interrupted him before he could get his chance to get a word in edge wise. "He walks around half naked in the mornings! After he gets out of the shower. He walks around the house with just a towel on. And his hair is all wet and messy. How's a girl suppose to think in that kind of environment?" she thought back to one of those times when Xander was all wet and clothes-less. She felt a firey tingle zip through her stomach while feeling a blush rise on her neck. "Is it getting hot in here to you?" She said as she tried fanning herself with her hand.
"No but don't hesitate to shed any clothing if you feel it's necessary. That shirt does look awfully stuffy." Barney smiled at her but Buffy thought it was closer to a smirk than a smile so she ignored him.
"Speaking of which do you know who wouldn't think it was hot? Xander! He probably thinks the drinks should be frozen by now. He thinks the perfect room degree temperature is some where around sweltering! He is always bumping the air up and I'm bumping it right back down. He says that it must have something to do with being a slayer and being able to tolerate frigid temperatures but he sure doesn't complain when we share a blanket on the couch." Buffy smiled at the memories of being all warm and cozy with Xander under the blankets while watching TV. It was really nice and she didn't complain about that aspect of their lives either.
Just then Barney thought about something that didn't quite make sense. "Slayer?" he asked confused.
Buffy's smile from her Xander snuggles memory dropped and she looked at the man sitting across from her who was looking at her with a confused expression. Did she just say she was a slayer in front of him? Uh oh, she thought to herself. How should she handle this? "So Bobby…you're a welder huh?"
"And she makes me buy tampons!" Xander stated a little to loudly. After he shouted that out he realized that maybe he was going on about Buffy a little too much for a first date. He looked at Candi and she was just staring at him with a blank expression. He cleared his throat and said, "So…is Sunnydale a blast or what?"
"Yeah it's a real hoot." Candi said not excited. If this guy didn't stop yapping about his precious Buffy she would scream. It was bad enough that she had to even deal with that miserable girl now she had to sit through Xander talking non-stop about her. She started looking around the club in her boredum. She looked behind her and caught a glimpse of blonde hair and tried to look closer. Once a stream of teenagers moved on she was looking directly at Buffy. She snapped back around and looked at Xander but Xander was now looking Buffy's way again. This is what he's been so distracted with all night? The girl he wouldn't shut up about was now spying on them? This girl was trying to move in on them! Oh she was not having this, she thought to herself. With that she stood up and looked down at Xander. "Wanna dance?"
Xander looked up at Candi when she made the sudden move. By the tone of her voice he knew her dance request wasn't so much a question but more of a demand. But Xander thought about how he wasn't the most rhythmic person in the world. "Uh…well…I.." Before he could get another word out Candi grabbed his hand and pulled him up and out to the dance floor.
"Where's a mind reading curse when you need one?" Buffy said mostly to herself while she tried to squint and concentrate on what Xander and the evil red head were talking about.
"I'm sorry did you say something Babe?" Barney asked. But Buffy just gave him an 'Oh nothing' with out even turning his way. How did he get a date with someone who was clearly hung up on Harris? It was like they were a married old couple. Ah well at least she was hot and nice to look at besides he could still do her even if she was hung up on Harris, he thought to himself as he look at the dance floor where a crowd of teenagers were bumping and grinding to the loud music. Just then he thought of a way to make things go better. "Hey would like to dance?" he asked hopefully.
"Shhh I'm trying to read lips!" She said while shoeing him away with her hand. Barney sat back defeated in his seat. He looked to the area where Buffy was so fixated on and watched the man who had his date so intrigued.
Buffy leaned in more towards Xander and Candi as if that would help her hearing what ever it was they were talking about. She just saw Candi look at her and Buffy didn't back down when the girl tried to glare at her. But then she noticed she had whipped back to Xander and she could no longer tell what they were doing. She tried squinting again and tried to hone in on her slayer hearing but then she notice Candi jump up and grab Xander's hand. Where they going to the dance floor?
Buffy whipped back around to Barney and said, "Hey Bobby! Let's dance!" She said excitedly while getting up.
"It's Barney!" He shouted and then looked up at her while she stood there.
"Oh…yeah…well whatever come on let's dance!" She then grabbed him by the front of his jacket again and jerked him up and out of his chair.
Buffy dragged Barney by the arm as she weaved their way through the mass of teenagers. She wanted to get a good spot to dance in. If it just happen to be by Xander and the bimbo, than fine. They didn't own this dance floor and she could dance and keep an eye on Xander where ever she wanted.
Barney though couldn't keep up with the teeter-totter emotions of this date. One minute Buffy seemed to be in her own world and completely uninterested in him. And the next moment she seemed to be all gun ho about their date. He was lost on how he should act around her. So he decided to just ride this roller coaster as it came.
He noticed that Buffy came to a stop in a bit of a clearing of the crowd and they stood right in front of Xander and Candi as they danced. Xander looked at them with a surprised expression while Candi looked at them with a pissed expression. Buffy just smiled as she turned to Barney and grabbed him to her in a rough manner.
The song turned into a slow ballot so all the couples on the dance floor moved closer to each other to accompany the slower tempo. Xander wasn't sure where he should place his hands on Candi since this was their first date and they hardly knew each other. So he just rested one hand lightly on her side just above her hip and held one of her hands up in his other. That seemed to be the safest position to provide comfort on their first time out. Candi looked at Buffy and Barney and then looked up to Xander and said, "Who does that munchkin girl think she is? I mean it's like she's attached to your ass and you can't get rid of her. How do you live your life with her popping up everywhere?"
"I don't know. Buffy she's…well she's a different kind of girl I guess you can say. She's…special." Xander tried to explain. He couldn't go into Buffy's slayerness and how she's had a hard life but even then he couldn't explain her weird behavior lately. He was just as lost, as Candi was when it came to that.
Candi raised an eyebrow at what Xander had told her and then looked back at Buffy and Barney dancing. Buffy was extremely close to Barney and she had her back to him as she moved in slow gyrations to the music against Barney's front side. All Barney could do was look down in a dumbfounded stare. "Oh yeah she's special all right." Candi said out loud but then thought to herself, especially weird maybe.
Xander looked over to where Buffy and Barney were dancing and he almost stopped dancing all together at what he saw. Buffy was dancing slowly in front of Barney. She had her back to him as she moved to the music like she was a cat on a prowl. She slowly moved her body perfectly with the music and she pulled Barney's arms around her as she slithered her way around him. She continued to grind into him making sure not to loose contact with his body. While behind Barney she reached up and around him and let her hands slide down his chest. She then glided her way back around his body and all Barney could do was stare down at her in a daze. Once she was back up front she turned her head and looked Xander directly in the eyes. She smiled wickedly at him and raised an eyebrow as to say, "remember this?" then she bit her lip and turned back around.
Xander gritted his teeth together as he took a deep inhale of calming breath. Of course he remembered that dance. It was the infamous sexy dance that Buffy had pissed him off with so many years ago. At that time he was the one she used to make someone else jealous. And now he was somehow on the other side of the sexy dance and yet it still pissed him off. She was doing it on purpose to get to him and as much as he hated it, it was working.
"What kind of slut dance is that?" Candi said as she looked on the sexy dance as well. But all she got from Xander was a grunt and then he pulled her closer to him. "Oh." She said a bit surprised at his sudden interest in holding her closer, but what she didn't notice was that they were now dancing more towards the direction of where Buffy and Barney were dancing.
Now that they were so close to Buffy and Barney that they could be considered in each other's dancing space, Xander decided to finally put the shoe on the other foot for Buffy. In other words, give her a taste of her own medicine. Buffy was once again dancing with her back to Barney and was watching Xander closely. He looked at her and gave her his best half smile as he slowly lowered his head to Candi's neck and lightly rubbed his nose at her pulse point thus creating a nuzzling action there. The hand that was holding hers brought her hand to his chest and placed it on the plane of his chest. He then ran his hand over her hand and up her forearm, it ran smoothly around her elbow and then up her upper arm where he just let his hand continue its rubbing motion. Candi turned her head at Xander sudden new closeness and felt herself shake from an involuntary shiver that the new contact caused.
Buffy though was pressing her lips together while trying to remember to breathe through her nose. She fought the urge walk the short distance to them and rip the two apart while throwing Candi across the room. Buffy felt something inside of her clench when watching duo dance so closely. The feeling inside her roared through every bit of her body and it felt like it might over take her. The feeling was a mixture of anger, hurt, and extreme jealousy. But right now her pissed side was over ruling them all, so she turned back around and tried continue her dance with her date.
Buffy and Xander got so carried away with trying to out do each other on the sexy dance with their dates that they didn't notice how close they were to each other when dancing. Candi accidentally bumped into Buffy and pushed her closer to Barney. Buffy turned her head slightly towards Candi and decided she couldn't just let being pushed around go. So she 'accidentally' bumped back and pushed Candi to the side a couple of feet. "Ooops!" Buffy said brightly once the other girl got her balance again.
"Hey, why don't you watch out where you are committing inappropriate displays of affection!" Candi said harshly as she came up to stand by Xander.
Buffy stopped dancing and faced the other girl. Buffy opened her mouth to say something but Xander cut her off.
"Ladies, ladies. It was just a simple accident, right? Let's try to remember to be mature adults here and to not blow this out of proportion."
Both girls paused for a split second to look at Xander but then both whipped around to face off each other again.
"Oh I'm sorry, Sasquatch, I guess it's hard not to bump into you when you're pretty much every where! Say shouldn't you be in the woods somewhere scaring off drunken rednecks?" Buffy said while smiling evilly at Candi.
Candi narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms as she looked down at the shorter blonde. "Noo but speaking of which shouldn't you be in a tree somewhere baking cookies, you evil little Keebler Elf!" It was Candi turn to smile while Buffy's dropped.
"Yes, exactly unlike that!" Xander said while pointing to both girls. "Now let's try that whole mature thing again!"
He noticed though that both girls seemed to be ignoring him once again, but before he could say anything else Barney elbowed him and said, "Duude! Shhh, this is soo hot right now!"
"Bobby and I can dance where ever I want unlike you who has to get up in other people's dancing space!" Buffy said while putting her hands on her hip.
"Barney." Barney deadpanned but figured it wouldn't do any good.
"Me? Ha! Yeah right. What about you!" Candi threw back.
"What about me!"
"How about how you have no life so you have to suck onto poor Xander's like some leech!"
"What! I do not suck!"
"Really? Ah damn it!" All three turned to Barney after his declaration and just stared at him. "What?"
Xander gritted his teeth and took a deep breath to calm himself as he turned back around to the face off between Buffy and Candi. "Okay well we are all adults here and surely we can handle things maturely, right?"
"Right!" both girls announced at the same time but still held their glares on each other.
"Good. So why don't we…" Xander started.
"Well I can speak for myself not sure I could for Daddy's little girl over here who uses her father as a dating service! Oh do you need to call your Daddy to ask him if you're an adult yet?" Buffy sneered. Xander just dropped his head in defeat.
"Wow that might have been harsh if it wasn't coming from a girl who only goes on dates to spy on others!" Candi sneered back.
"Dude all we need is some mud and then they could wrestle! That would be all kinds of hot! We could get some of them string bikini things that will fall off after a couple of pulls!" Barney said but Xander was the only one who heard him.
Xander whipped around to the other guy and yelled. "That's it! Shut it about Buffy you lecherous little perv!"
Barney was surprised at his bosses little outburst but quickly recovered. "Are you talkin' to me!" He asked offended.
"Yeah I'm talking to you Mr. Tall Dumb and Gropey!"
"What's your problem man? I'm the one who's on a date with Buffy!"
"Yeah that must be a new world mystery or something! Because why would she ever go out with a horny little troll like you!"
Barney stood up straighter and stepped closer to Xander. "Maybe she wanted try going out with a real man instead of hanging out with boring old you. Buffy has a first class ticket on the Barney ride and man she's gonna get a hell of a ride tonight, you know what I mean? So why don't you butt out?"
"Ha! Real man. Yeah right. More like, Real pain in the ass! She doesn't even know your name!" Xander said stepping closer to Barney as well. No way was this little jerk just gonna get away with treating Buffy like a piece of meat.
"Bitch!" Candi yelled at Buffy with her arms crossed neither of the girls noticing the new argument forming between their dates.
"Slut!" Buffy said through gritted teeth.
"Loser who has to mooch off your friends!" Candi threw back.
Buffy paused for a moment trying to think about what she could call her but then just blurted out again "Slut!"
"Wait you already said that." Candi stated confused.
"Yeah well with you it needs to be said twice!"
"You know Harris, you have some nerve to be getting all up in me and my girl's business tonight!" Barney said arrogantly to Xander.
"You're girl? What? Are you crazy AND stupid?" Xander asked absurdly. "First of all she's not your 'girl'" he said putting the word girl in air quotations. "Secondly you are nothing to her! You don't deserve someone like Buffy. She's an amazing person and not some sex object like you might see her as in that feeble little brain of yours!"
Barney looked between the two girls fighting and then turned back to Xander with a knowing expression as if a light bulb had went on over his head. "Ohhhh, wait I get it man. I see the game your playing. You're taking the bull by the horns by dating your boss' daughter but why stop there? Why not bring in your 'Friends'" he said snidely putting air quotes on friends to mock Xander as he had done to him before. "to 'Assist' you as well. We both know what that's all about. I just want to dip my pen in the company's ink too!"
Xander scoff at his accusations "What! I'm not dipping my pen anywhere! If anyone's a dipper its you!"
"Huh?" Barney asked now confused with the dipping metaphor. "Well whatever dude. All I know is that you can't have the best of both worlds. Its time for good old Barney to step up to the plate and hit a home run with Buffy." He put his two fist together to represent he was holding a bat and swung at an imaginary ball. With that Barney tried to step past Xander while pushing him rudely along the way.
"Oh the hell you say!" Xander gritted out while he stopped Barney dead in his tracks by grabbing the front of his jacket and pulling him roughly back away from Buffy.
Somewhere above on the balcony looking down.
"Oh hey guys look I think there's about to be a kick ass fight down there!"
Dawn turned around to see where some guy was pointing towards and was surprised to see the crowd that was beginning to gather around not only her sister fighting with some girl but with Xander arguing loudly with some other guy. She rushed to the side railing and wedged her way between the crowd to get a front row seat of the spectacular event that was unfolding between her sister and her best friend. "Oh great this is where they choose to have a melt down for each other?" Dawn mumbled to herself.
She looked around and noticed that everyone on the second floor balcony was entranced by the ruckus below as well as the people on the floor beneath them. Buffy and Xander had the bronze captivated.
"Oh dude I hope this is a wicked ass bitch fight! That would be so cool!" The guy said aloud to his other buddies. Dawn eyes widen at the implications of Buffy having a bitch fight with anyone. If that happened the word 'wicked' would definitely best describe it.
Back on the first floor of the Bronze.
"Hairy!" Buffy called out continuing her name calling of Candi.
"Midget!"
Buffy gasped. "Their called little people! And I'm not one of them, Bigfoot!"
Both girls were still lost in their own battling worlds and failed to notice that Xander and Barney were now in a pushing match with one another. Barney tried to swing at Xander but Xander easily side stepped him and pushed the other construction worker hard to the ground. Barney sat on the floor dazed for a few seconds but then noticed the crowd of people around him staring at him and since he didn't want to look like he was getting beat he jumped back up and tackled Xander.
"You know what you are Buffy? You're a short little…" She didn't get to finish the sentence before Xander and Barney came crashing down in between them. Both girls jumped at the sudden intrusion and then watch as both men wrestle each other on the ground.
Buffy had decided she had had enough of this madness and grabbed both men and ripped them up from the floor. She pushed Barney far enough away from Xander and said. "Stop being so stupid!"
Barney stood there rubbing his chest where Buffy had pushed him. "Ow. Well he started it!"
"I don't care! I'm stopping it!" Buffy told him harshly.
Xander was now standing beside Buffy with his arms crossed looking smugly at Barney. Buffy had pushed Barney away and not him. Now he was standing by her side where he was always meant to be. Not Barney. Xander's smile was now even more superior than before.
Buffy turned back around and said, "And don't you get all smug and smiley Mister! What was that!" She asked gesturing between Barney and Xander.
Before he could answer though Candi butted in once again.
"What are you Xander's keeper! Don't tell him what to do!"
Xander looked to Candi who was standing on the other side of him. "Yeah! What she said!" Xander said pointing back at Candi while looking at Buffy still smug and smiley.
"Yeah well I should be considering everything I do for him!"
"Do? Like what? Tear up my father's office and drive Xander crazy?"
"Yeah! Again what she said!" Xander said to Buffy smiling like he had her.
Buffy rolled her eyes at them both. "Oh please Xander's lucky to have me there. If it weren't for me he would have had to suffer through the rest of the night with you!"
"Oh whatever. You know what I think? I think that you are both crazy and that you two are so hung up on each other you can't stand it anymore and now you're trying to spread your crazy-ness around to others!" Candi said finally having enough of the madness herself.
"Yeah! What she sai…wait…what?" Xander asked confused as he turned back around to Candi.
"You heard me! You with your non-stop Buffy mania. Buffy likes her bagels with strawberry jam and slightly crispy. Buffy has a cute snore when she sleeps. Buffy's my wife and I don't even know it! " She pointed to Xander and then turned her accusation towards Buffy. "And you. You're so in love with Xander that you can't stand the idea with him being out with another woman so you have to go on Bitch patrol! Why don't you just tattoo the words 'Buffy's Property' on his fore head!"
"I'm not on bitch patrol for Xander."
"I don't talk about Buffy all the time." They both mumbled at the same time.
Candi just stared at them with a raised eyebrow as if saying yeah right.
"Well I don't. There's no Buffy mania here. Maybe a Buffy induced insanity but not Buffy mania!" Xander said trying to sound convincing.
Buffy's mouth fell slightly open in shock after his shot about her causing him insanity. "Well if I was on bitch patrol, which I'm not, I would have good reason to be, what with me having to be around him 24/7!" Buffy said while pointing to Xander beside her.
Xander turned towards Buffy after her accusation and stared at her in disbelief. "Well if I wasn't around who would you order around?" He made a gasping noise to mock her more. "Oh wait, Buff you might actually have to grow up and be a real adult!"
He did not just say that, Buffy thought to herself. She cocked her head to the side slightly and stared at him. He wasn't going to get away with that. So she stepped closer towards him and looked up into his eyes. At first Xander looked unsure and ready to apologize for his last foot in the mouth syndrome mishap but then Buffy said… "Who are you comparing your ideal real adult too? You?" She snorted. "At least I don't have a Backstreet Boys lunch box!"
Xander gritted his teeth as he stared down at her. He was going to stand his ground this time. He wasn't going to be the first to back down this time either. So Buffy and Xander stood staring at each other in the middle of the dance floor neither willing to budge.
Back on the second floor balcony.
Dawn was still watching her sister and her best friend have it out on the floor below. Most of the people at the club had lost interest the moment Buffy broke up the little shoving match between Xander and Barney and were no longer paying them any attention. But Dawn knew these two and the fireworks were just beginning.
"Oh look at that hot blonde girl on the dance floor having it out with that guy!" The same guy, who had brought her attention to Buffy and Xander in the first place, said to his buddies beside him.
"Oh man she is wicked hott! I wouldn't mind having it out with her either!" One of his friends standing on the other side of him said. Dawn turned towards her friend Kit and rolled her eyes trying to ignore the immature boys next to her. Kit gave a knowing smile as she looked down on the couple as well.
"You know if that guy is smart he'll jump her soon. That's the kind of girl you just have to take control and tell what to do, you know what I mean? Girls like that kind of thing. Trust me. I bet that guy will jump her first before the night is over." The cocky guy from before said.
Dawn thought about trying one of her moves that Buffy had taught her on him that would surely push his special places northwards but then she thought of the perfect idea. "You know boys even though I'm sure your little controlling girls theory has panned out so well for you in the past" She sarcastically said. "But I bet that girl will give in and jumpthat boy before the band even takes their first break for the night." She said while pointing to Buffy and Xander.
"But isn't that you're si…Ow!" Kit said as she rubbed her leg from where Dawn just kicked her.
"My simple guess at a situation that I know nothing about? Yup sure is! Now what should we make the stakes? How about twenty bucks says the girl gets the guy first."
"Well I don't know. Twenty Bucks is a lot. I just got my allowance again after being grounded for two weeks." One of the guys said a little worried.
"Aww guys I thought you were the type of men who took the bulls by the horn and controlled the situation." Dawn said the last part in a deeper voice to imitate them. "But you know if you're scared your girl theory wont work out than that's okay. I'm sure there will be some girls out their that might be willing to go out with safe guys who don't take chances like you." She said while patting one of them on the arm and then turned back towards Kit mouthing 1, 2, 3…
"Now wait one minute. Maybe we can work something out here." The cocky guy who seemed to be the leader of them all said.
Dawn whipped back around smiling brightly. "So twenty bucks each it is?"
Mean while back on the dance floor.
"Well at least I know how to drive!" Xander exclaimed while still looking down at Buffy who was standing so close to him now.
Candi just sighed and rolled her eyes at the two. They were clearly hot and bothered by each other. They were both breathing heavy and if they were any closer to each other they would be one.
"Well at least my dates usually don't end with the use of chains, cages, and sacrificial ceremonies!" Buffy huffed out.
That caught Candi's attention again as she looked at Xander confused and Barney looked on smiling as if he was in awe because of that fact.
"Well at least I don't sleep with dead people!" Xander shouted out.
"Ew." Candi said as she and Barney both took a step back from Buffy while wearing a look of disgust on their faces. Two people passing by even stopped to stare in disgusted after hearing Xander shout that out. But Buffy and Xander were so caught up with each other they didn't even notice.
Buffy could feel Xander's warm breath on her face and she wondered if her heart was going to pound right out of her chest. "Well you made your significant other turn back to her vengeancey ways!"
"And you sent yours to hell, what's your point!" Xander said after swallowing hard. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and he tried not to concentrate on how close Buffy was standing to him but she was making it really hard when he looked down into her flushed face.
Candi looked around the club to see if anyone was looking at them. She saw quite a few people starring in astonishment at the bickering couple. She did not want to be connected with these two weirdoes in any way. This was not the way this night was suppose to go. She sighed as she looked around but then saw Barney standing beside her looking as bored as she was. "Hi. My name is Candi!" She said brightly as she extended her hand to him to shake.
Barney took a long look up and down at her and then smiled as he said "Hello, gorgeous. My name is Barney!"
"You wanna leave these two freaks to themselves and go to this bar I saw on the way in called Willies? I'm sure it's a much more isolated place where we could get better acquainted in." She said while winking.
"Your boyfriends usually try to kill you, your family, and friends after having sex with you!" Xander yelled at Buffy both paying not attention to their dates.
"Hello pot my name is kettle! Do I need to remind you of Faith and Anya? You only kissed Willow and then she went gay and evil. Lord knows what would have happened if you actually had sex with her!"
"Well that's not the case tonight is it Buff? My date tonight is an actual date where some one asked someone else out for non-super-natural reasons! Isn't that right Candi?" He said as he turned to look around. "Candi?…"
Buffy busted out laughing. "Oh did your date run away Xand?" She said while fake pounting. "Poor wittle Xander dateless." She laughed but then paused when she realized something. "Hey, where'd Bobby go?" she said as she turned to look around the club.
"Probably somewhere where people know his name." Xander snorted.
Buffy turned back around to him and squinted her eyes at him. "I can't believe my date left me! This is all your fault!" Buffy was suddenly getting very frustrated with everything happening.
"My fault! How is this my fault? You're the one who started all this! You came here to…to….what did you come here for Buffy? Where you really that mad at me!" Xander asked now that he was mad that she was accusing him once again when things went sour.
"No! It's because I'm in lo…" Buffy stopped herself before she finished the sentence. She felt her heart stop as she looked at Xander who was waiting for her to finish. "I…amgoinghome" she said as she whipped around to walk out quickly but Xander was right behind her.
"No your not! We are going to finish this! I hate it when we fight and then leave things in the air afterwards. We are going to get things straight between us if it's the last thing I do. Now tell me what has been up with you lately!" Xander shouted at her while he grabbed her by her arm and wouldn't let her run out on him again. "Things have been weird between us lately and I want to know why!"
"I…You don't understand." Buffy started but stopped and looked back at Xander who looked like he had stopped breathing. She was almost in tears and she no longer wanted to be there. The thoughts she has for Xander now scare her because she knows that if she says them out loud then they will be real and she'll lose him. That's how it always works. And she knows that Xander is the one person she cannot live with out. Ever since she came to live here in Sunnydale she has lived without every single important person in her life except for Xander. If she lost him now after showing him everything that she has been feeling lately she would loose a huge part herself and she couldn't handle that. "I'm sorry, Xander. I can't do this!" She said as she ripped her arm away from him and started her hasty retreat again.
"Why not Buffy? Because your afraid I might love you back!" This stopped Buffy dead in her tracks as well as knocked the wind out of her. She stood stock still with her back to Xander, as he came closer. "Are you afraid to admit your feelings like I am because you're scared that you'll loose our friendship? Do those feeling on the inside burn so bright that they scare the hell out of you sometimes? Do you think about me as much as I think about you, so much so, that sometimes you don't know when one thought ends and one begins? Because if you do. If you do any of those things, even if it's just a little bit, then I do understand Buffy. I understand completely."
Buffy could feel the heat from Xander's stare behind her. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath as one lone tear ran down her face. "Do you remember long ago when we were standing in this very spot and you told me that when you were scared you thought of me?" she almost whispered but she knew he heard her.
"Yeah" Xander said a bit confused but still smiling lightly at the memory of his hero speech he gave her what seemed like decades ago.
"Well I'm really scared right now" she said but then turned around and looked up at him. "But I'm thinking of you."
Xander thought he may have died a little bit just then because he knows his heart just stopped for a full five seconds. "Is thinking of me helping any?"
"You tell me." She said as she rushed up to him and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him fully on the lips. Xander pressed her too him to deepen the kiss and then lifted her off her feet slightly and stood there kissing her for all he was worth.
When the extraordinary kiss ended Buffy stood with her forehead resting on Xander's chest trying to catch her breath. "God I'm so in love with you" she said when she looked up at him.
Xander smiled and said "Took you long enough." And then kissed her again.
Back on the second story balcony.
Dawn smiled brightly at the two kissing below. "It's about damn time." She said to herself but then added louder "Alright boys, its pay up time!"
The End!