When did I stop to care?

When did I give up?

When was it that I've loved you?

But it's all too late now.

No matter anymore, it's all gone like before.

So let it rain on me,

What do I care?

Let it rain on me,

But you know I won't be there.

Let the rain go by, and clear the world

For all I care

It's not for you anymore

That's all gone and done for…

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The rain fell down her face, dripping to the ground, and she smiled. Lifting one hand she caugh the water, watching it run through her fingers, watching it fall to the ground, shatter, and become one with the other shattered drops. She turned her head slightly, fascinated by the sky.

The park was old, ancient even. The benches worn down and not so safe now, but it didn't matter to her. She was lying on one of them, watching the rain fall.

She could almost not remember his name now. She could almost forget how much it hurts. But then she'd close her eyes just for a second and his face would be there. It haunted her. Sometimes she'd cry.

But no one would know. Because it was raining. You can't see the tears in the rain. You can't see someone's world shatter when it was already so broken before.

------

He would watch her sometimes. When she'd leave him, both of them knowing she'd come back. It would always rain. And she would go to the old park and watch the rain.

She would cry. He knew she did. The salty smell of her tears never blended with the musky smell of rain. He would watch her, as she'd close her eyes and remember things she wanted to forget.

He would watch her try to forget him.

-------

I didn't know why I always went back. I knew I shouldn't. It simply wasn't good for me. But sometimes I wondered if I cared. I did this to myself. I kept going back for more.

The rain kept falling, washing away my tears. No one else was outside. And the unfortunate souls that were caught in the rain hurried away, to the safety of their homes.

I watched them, fascinated by what they had.

I'd guess sometimes. A husband? Or a child. Maybe both.

And then I wondered.

What did I have?

-------

I wondered sometimes if I should go out and get her. Take her away from the rain and bring her home, where she couldn't forget me, couldn't forget us.

But then she'd surely die.

This was her freedom, her lifeline. She longed for rainy days when she'd run away from me.

And sometimes I wondered if one day, she wouldn't return.

If I'd wake up in bed, and she simply wouldn't be there.

I wondered what the rain told her, and what I'd do if she ever did leave.

But she'd always returned before I could figure it out.

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I don't know what I was doing to myself. I was wasting away, watching myself fall apart, watching and waiting. I don't think it would have ever stopped.

One day, I would see the last pieces shatter, and I would be gone.

Forever. And I have not left a mark in the world.

No one would remember me.

Who wanted to remember the girl who has lost her life for no reason at all?

-------

Sometimes, when she came back, I'd ask her where she went.

She would lie.

Again and again she would tell me stories.

She knew I didn't believe her, but she never uttered the truth.

I wondered why.

Did she not want me to know about the times she spent crying?

Or did she not want me to understand that one day, everything would fall apart?

------

I wondered what he thought when I was gone.

I never asked him, and he would never tell.

But still, I wondered.

Did he notice?

Did he care?

One day-

I told myself, I would not come back.

But when the rain would stop, I would get up.

And I'd go back to him.

And lie that I have never thought about leaving.

-------

Sometimes, I would try to change.

I would buy nice things.

I would be the perfect gentleman.

I would give her everything she asked for, even though she rarely did.

But then I'd remember her.

And the first time she left me in the rain.

And I'd remember as she wept on the park bench how she whispered HIS name.

And I would hate her.

Because I knew, if I loved her, it'd hurt too much.

-------

Sometimes, I wondered why I was still around.

Why was I here at all?

He'd won the battle and the war.

We all stood against him, and fell one by one.

Until it was just me against a monster from the other world.

I never stood a chance.

--------

I would question my sanity.

I didn't need her, I'd say.

I was all-powerful.

I didn't need anybody.

I have won, against them, and against all others that have faced me.

And again I wondered, why was she around?

I didn't need her.

And I'd hear a tiny voice in the back of my mind,

That I've always hoped I imagined.

It would whisper,

'Lies'.

--------

Their faces blurred together, because it's not true what they say about memories.

I would wonder what they looked like, because I knew.

I knew them, but who were they?

It seemed so long ago that their pictures were so clear.

And every once in a while, while I would dream,

I would remember.

A clear picture that would shatter everything but memories.

And I would cry.

Because I still loved them,

Without remembering anything at all.

------

I suppose I preffered telling myself I hated her.

I suppose all long I wasn't as brave as I'd hoped.

I suppose I'd loved her.

But my love had never stood a chance.

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