Chapter 8.

"Sugoi," Matsumoto raised her cup to the falling snow. "What a wonderful way to end today, huh taichou?"

"Matsumoto...why are we on the roof." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Really? This is the only place where Kuchiki-taichou can't find us. I don't want to face him at a time like this. Besides, it's a nice view of the moon, don't you think?"

"Something is unusual about this place. Eh..Eh?"

"Taichou? Wahhh!" Matsumoto dropped her cup in a blood-curdling scream.

--

"Welcome to my dominion!"

Hitsugaya woke up to find himself and his bustly vice-captain tied to a chair, along with every other guest in the mansion. It looked like they were in some sort of medieval basement, complete with halberds and prisoner skeletons.

"You like it? It took me a while to complete it."

"Kuchiki-taichou...what do you want now? More "dildos"? Or perhaps you want us all naked for your enjoyment...or perhaps you want to be naked with us prisoner..." Hitsugaya made a face.

"Wrong. you're all here because one of you stole my kenseikan!"

"Kensei..." Rukia thought back to eariler this morning.

"Nii-sama!"

He started to throw his kenseikan like little torpedoes at the guests, snickering like a child. "Alright! I'm coming down from here...ah Rukia, catch me, will you?" He jumped down from the ceiling. Rukia started running around in circles, flailing her arms, trying to aim for her big brother who's now waving his arms in midair.

Rukia wanted to shout, but unfortunately, nii-sama would just stuff his foot in her mouth or something.

"I know my kenseikan are valuable, so I believe none of you will give it up! That's why I need to use absolute force. So, each of you have a device attached to your neck. And it will explode your head in sixty minutes if you don't find my kenseikan. The ones who do find it won't be exploded. If none of you confess or find my kenseikan, the whole mansion will be all bloody!" Byakuya's left eye bulged out of its socket.

"That's..that's insane!" Yumichika shouted. "And ugly!"

"Some how this reminds me of Battle Royale, eh taichou?" Matsumoto nudged him with her nearest boob.

"No time to joke..."

Byakuya shunpo'ed and the chains and belts holding them down collapsed. In the distance, they heard Byakuya's voice: If you escape my mansion, you'll be exploded. Try to take the device off, you'll be exploded. Remember, sixty minutes!

Everyone in the room ran around in circles, screaming for their mommies, daddies, and certain superheroes. Rukia tugged Renji to the dresser, where Byakuya first threw his noodles.

"Please be there, please be there! ...It's not there! Renji! I'm too young!" Rukia screamed. "Well not really, but ahh!"

"I'm too beautiful!" Yumichika ran by, holding his head. Looking out the window, he spotted a random shinigami running past the garden and immediately, his head exploded; his body buckled down onto the petunias. "Ahh!"

In another room, Hitsugaya desperately looked under every crack for anything white and tubey-like and went inside a vent to look. Unfortunately, he was stuck and couldn't get out. -sniff-

"Matsumoto! Matsumoto! Get your butt here. I'm stuck..."

"Taichou, I thought you would be small enough, hah."

In another room, the team of Nemu and Mayuri were busy building new kenseikan, though Mayuri wanted to add his own personal touch to them, resulting in kenseikan that walked, talked and chased after them with little feet and snapping jaws.

"Quick Nemu, pull my nose!" Nemu pulled on it and little fighter jets came out, battling the vicious kenseikan creatures. "We must try again! This time, I'll add a bit of my armpit hair to change the color."

The team of Hanatarou and Ganju thought they had seen the kenseikan, but it was actually the rage of the man-eating noodles and forgot what they were trying to do in the first place. Hanatarou tried to unleash his zanpaktou, but it was just a rubber chicken. Ganju fell onto the floor and they nipped at his buttocks.

--

Byakuya sat in his arm chair behind a rose bush, rocking back and forth while screams of terror rocked the house. He unfolded his hand and inside were his genuine kenseikan. He put them neatly in his hair and yawned, eating a leaf.

--

"Hopeless! Hopeless!" Kira screamed while his hair was on fire. Somehow a fire started in the kitchen when Renji and Rukia were battling the noodles with forks and garbage can lids in hand. Byakuya took their zanpaktous as well.

"If I die, please don't do anything disgusting with my body," Rukia cried.

"Same goes for you.."

"Help! -cough- Help!" Ukitake was on the ground while the noodles tried to eat his pink bun. Renji and Rukia kicked the noodles out of the way and they landed on Kenpachi's spikey hair.

A pack of squirrels ran by.

"Ukitake-taichou! Where's your team?"

"Kiyone and Sentarou where fighting them and carrying me, but they were too busy competing with each other, and they dropped me on the floor," Ukitake choked on his cough. Rukia and Renji carried Ukitake to the medical team of Unohana and Isane, who were too busy treating injured guests and couldn't search for the kenseikan themselves.

The fire got bigger and more noodles were coming out of Mayuri's room of doom and eventually, the mansion blew up in flames, sending the shinigami flying in all directions, knocking them all unconscious. Man-eating noodles were incinerated and so were Mayuri's fighter jets. Byakuya, watching all this, fell asleep in his armchair as the gentle snow rained on top of countless bodies.

--

In the fresh new morning, the sore shinigamis woke up to find themselves under a feet of snow. Chilly, cold and battered, they retired to the remains of the mansion, sneezing and coughing. Well, Ukitake was always coughing, but this time, he was coughing out blood colored slushies.

"Kuchiki..." Yama-jii wrapped his body in his beard, thinking of ways to punish the 6th division captain. The devices around their necks were frosted to death and crumbled finally. Miserable and wrecked, the shinigamis slowly tried to walk home, but froze when they saw a rustle in the bushes.

"Don't don't...nooo!" Hanatarou screamed. Everyone gasped.

Kuchiki Byakuya came out of the bushes, his hair back to black with kenseikan on top, cleansed of markers and apparently, his dildo collection was nowhere to be seen.

"Nii-sama...are you sane..." Rukia meekly asked.

"Rukia. Must you arrange your hair in that fashion. And also you Renji."

Rukia and Renji looked up to see that their hair still resembled a Tagua nut and Yumichika. "Nii-sama! It was your fault! You made us..."

Byakuya gave them both an icy glare. "Since when did you develop such coarse behavior Rukia? I'm disappointed in all of you shinigami for wrecking my home. I expect all of this to be cleaned up and repaired. Honestly..."

"But, but...but...you made us wear these devices and and..."

"I do not recall such a memory. Do not talk back. I do not wish to hear it." With that, Byakuya glided into his room, which surprisingly wasn't destroyed, leaving the shinigami standing speechless. They cried. They cried horribly and swore an oath to each other that they would never feed Byakuya alcohol ever again.They also agreed that Byakuya knew how to throw wild parties.