I'm sorry I've not updated in awhile but i've been busy with other things. It doesn't help that i have a new fandom and have a thousand ideas to write for it.
Anyway, this is a very wierd little thing that i typed up on the spur of the moment when i saw it's been about a month since i last updated. It's supposed to be a parody and i hope you all laugh instead of think I'm a complete psychopath.
Hansel and Gretel
Once upon a time there were two children called Hansel and Gretel. However, they died. In their parent's grief they adopted two boys called Bakura and Ryou. At first the parents found that the gap in their hearts had been filled, but then they found the boys making out and (realizing they were gay) started making plans to get rid of them. They decided that the next day they would lead their sons out into the wood and then lead them there. Unfortunately for them, Bakura was stealing food from the fridge when he heard these plans being made. Seeing that he was about to lose out on free food and housing, he ran upstairs to get his knife and murder his parents. Ryou saw him though and told him that he needed a better plan than that.
The next morning the parents pulled their sons out of bed and led them out to the forest. Once they were hopelessly lost the mother remembered she'd left the oven on. She quickly ran back home, using her GPS to find the way. The father then remembered that he hadn't finished his beer and ran off to find the secret tunnel leading back to the house, but not before telling the children to go find a blue flower with red thorns.
When Ryou and Bakura got fed up of searching for the imaginary flower, Bakura led them to the not-so-secret tunnel he had found when robbing his parents and they used that to return home. When the parents found them the mother chastised her husband for using the tunnel. The husband then hurriedly blocked up the tunnel to avoid his wife's wrath.
The next day the parents sent the children out into the forest again to pick magic mushrooms. Eager to get high, Bakura dragged Ryou off to search for the plant. Ryou, being much smarter than his brother, realized that this was a trick and dropped stones he had collected the night before. When they got tired of searching they followed the path Ryou had made back home.
At this point the parents were pulling out their hair in frustration. They were going to give it another go though since the third time was always lucky. This time the task of finding the way back was left up to Bakura. He drew arrows on pieces of paper and pinned them up on nearby trees when they went in search of a tree made of gold. Unfortunately for them the father followed them out into the forest and stole their pieces of paper. When the two boys realized that they had no way of getting home it was too late.
"Damn, I knew I should have stolen mother's GPS," Bakura said as he kicked a poor defenceless stone into the distance.
"I knew I shouldn't have left finding our way back up to you," Ryou muttered under his breath.
"What was that?" Bakura hissed threateningly.
"Nothing," said Ryou hurriedly.
They wondered around the forest for a bit, arguing over whose fault it was they were lost and only stopping for the occasional heavy make out session. Eventually they came upon a cottage made of porn. Bakura was immediately entranced and started walking forward like a zombie. "Pretty…"
Ryou raised an eyebrow as Bakura began to hug the cottage made of paper and somehow still standing. "Bakura, perhaps we should get out of here – this place gives me the creeps."
"That's because I don't like people trespassing on my property," said a voice from out of nowhere.
Ryou jumped in surprise. "Who's there?"
The door to the cottage opened and out stepped a tall white haired man dressed all in leather with a whip at his belt. "My name is Akefia and this is my brothel. Unless you're a customer you're trespassing."
While Ryou stood in dumb shock, Bakura eyed Akefia. His hands quickly went to his pockets but all he could find was his parent's credit card. "Do you take Visa?"
"Cash only." Akefia looked Bakura up and down thoughtfully. "However, if you work for me I can reward you with what you want."
"Deal!"
"Hey, what about me?!" Ryou cried in outrage.
Akefia turned back to him. "I could always use a maid."
Ryou turned red in anger. "What, so I'm not good enough to be a whore?"
"Did I mention you would be wearing a very kinky uniform?"
"Oh, that's alright then."
And so, Bakura started to work in Akefia's brothel and Ryou kept the place clean. It was a very happy (if unstable) relationship between the three but in the end they all lived happily ever after.
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