Are You Allowed To Love?

By greyeyedgirl

Summary: Based on Padmé's one line…A/P obviously, Anakin and Padmé's thoughts in AotC.

A/n: This is only my third Star Wars fic…and since my second Star Wars movie is downstairs in its case, and I'm up in my room, it's 5:30 AM and although I'm not exactly tired, I am lazy and don't feel like going down there and transcribing it…So, this is from memory. :gasp: Lol. :p I hope you like it…Anakin&Padmé forever:p

Note: Any quotations from the movie are property of George Lucas, respectively. I cannot take credit for them, I'm just using them to better incorporate Anakin&Padmé's thoughts/feelings.

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Are You Allowed To Love?

The way he had been looking at her scared her, because when he focused all his energy, all that magnitude that his deep blue eyes held, just on her, she couldn't breathe. Being around him, she was on edge, so it surprised her when he would tease her, make her smile and laugh, and she had the horrible feeling he was seeing more of her than anyone else ever had.

When they stepped into the eatery, she had decided right off the bat that she would stick to talking about casual things, what it must be like to be a Jedi, how much he had changed since she had last seen him. Nothing that could be construed as romantic or inappropriate. Just two old friends, catching up on lost time and attempting to build new memories.

"It must be difficult, having sworn your life to the Jedi," Padmé commented. A life of politics was time-consuming and stress-oriented, but at least she had the freedom to do the things she pleased. "Not being able to visit the places that you like, or do the things you like…" She could not imagine not being able to visit her own family, or be attached to them at all.

Anakin finished the thought for her. "Or be with the people that I love?" He said it half as a question, a suggestion, and he looked half eager and half heartbroken. The tone of his voice caught her off-guard as much as the actual words had, and she fought hard to keep her composure.

"Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi."

Anakin looked intense, but there was still the familiar laughter in his eyes, clouded by sadness. "Attachment…is forbidden. Possession is forbidden." She watched him intently, feeling her heartbeat quicken.

"Compassion," he said slowly, "Which I would define as unconditional love," he sent her a small smile at this, and she felt her façade start to slip for just a moment. "Is essential to a Jedi's life. Soooo," he said mischievously, grinning his contagious smile. "You might say," he said, trying to smile, "We are encouraged to love."

Who is this man, full of romantic euphemisms? What happened to the little boy I met on Tatooine, who was so full of energy? He even looked different. Gone was the straight, little-boy blonde hair that had sat neatly on his head, and there was a sly smile that occupied this new Ani's face so much of the time, mixed with an intense gaze whenever their eyes caught each other's. This happened just at that moment, and Padmé felt her breath stop for a moment again. "You've changed so much," she murmured.

He was looking at her as if mesmerized. "Oh, you haven't changed a bit," he remarked, not able to keep the happiness out of his eyes. "You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams."

Padmé froze at his words. Any other man in the galaxy would have regretted his words instantly, but anyone could see that their was something unique about Anakin. And the idea that he had been dreaming about her, for 10 years, made it impossible for her to keep her thoughts straight. She tried to think, tried to focus, and concentrated on keeping her face as politely impassive as she could, but suspected their was either mingled fear or the trace of a smile. Anakin was watching her, and let out a tiny nod, now forcing his smile, taking her rejection with stride.

Someday, Anakin, Padmé thought. Someday you will understand why I cannot, we cannot, surrender to this. You will understand how important it is not to give in to this, and you will be grateful to me, grateful for my strength.

He was still smiling at her slightly, but now she could see his pain, and she could suddenly see the little boy again, so defiant but so compassionate. She shivered at the word that had suddenly raced through her thoughts.

Someday he would understand. For now, she would just have to be in his dreams.