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Part IV
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Mary Anne stumbles through the main entrance of Stoneybrook High School. She bumps into several bodies. Mary Anne has not slept in three nights, and is dressed in a gray jumper and jeans. She does not care how she looks. Her whole body aches. Her right arm hurts the worse.
"Mary Anne?" A voice says. She turns, frowning.
It is Pete Black. Logan does not appreciate her having close guy friends, but Mary Anne likes talking to Pete. He is funny and nice. He is all a guy should be.
"Yeah?" she says distantly. She is slightly suspicious, as she always is of people wanting to talk to her.
"Oh, I was just about to say you look nice," Pete shrugs.
Mary Anne laughs an odd laugh. It is not a happy laugh. "I haven't slept in three days, Pete, and I've got bags under my eyes. I'm wearing a faded jumper, and I didn't have the time to straighten my hair morning. But, thank you anyway."
"No, I meant it. Honestly." Pete sounds slightly hurt.
Mary Anne glances up. She is surprised. It seems he did mean it.
"Thanks, Pete," She tries to sound grateful. The only people that tell her she looks nice are her parents and Logan.
Pete grins, "See you around, Mary Anne."
"Bye," says Mary Anne faintly, watching him walk off. The crowd swallows him almost immediately.
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It is lunchtime, and Mary Anne stands lost in the cafeteria. She should have just gone to the library, like she had planned.
"Mary Anne!" Stacey waves. Her friends look slightly annoyed, but Claudia smiles too. She beckons Mary Anne over. Mary Anne does not mind. Logan is at home sick and their friends, are mostly his friends.
She'd most likely feel more comfortable here.
"Did Richard like the sweater?" Stacey takes a bite of her salad sandwich. She is a very elegant eater.
Mary Anne nods. She picks at her own meal. As usual, she reminds herself not to by the hot meal again. She cannot tell whether it is risotto or potato bake.
"That's great," Stacey beams. She is very happy. Claudia smiles too, and offers Mary Anne a dorito
"Haven't seen that jumper in ages," she comments casually. She is trying to be friendly.
Claudia and Stacey gradually include Mary Anne into the conversation until she feels comfortable to interject her thoughts. Their friends may be a little snobby but they have the decency to be friendly and the politeness to laugh at her jokes.
Mary Anne feels the faint strains of a smile.
This sensation disappears, however, when she checks her cell phone and discovers three missed calls from her boyfriend.
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Kristy Thomas is waiting at her locker after school. Mary Anne slows down her pace. It amazed her how some people change and how some stay almost the same.
Kristy is holding up a floral decorated bag. "Logan's not at school today, so I figured you would speak to me. I cleaned up my room and found this. I don't know how old it is. I mean, when was the last time you came over?" - Mary Anne winces - "Don't worry, I didn't open it." Kristy goes on, misinterpreting the look on her face.
"I'm sorry," Mary Anne blurts out, suddenly. "For the way I've treated you and everything. And…" Her words trail away. She hopes Kristy understands. She cannot explain how guilty she feels. She understands how it is too late to fix everything. She acknowledges that she cannot expect the world to go back to how it was.
She just wants Kristy to accept her apology.
Kristy nods. Her face is impassive. "Okay."
She turns to walk away, but stops. She readjusts her trucker cap nervously. It is a welcome transition from her infamous baseball cap. "Mary Anne?"
"Yes?"
"What happened?"
Mary Anne pauses. She withdraws her hand from her locker, and scans the hall. She looks at Kristy. She realizes, for the first time in years, just how similar they look. But it is not like Mary Anne to ask blunt questions. The differences outweigh the similarities.
"Everything," she says softly. She is not sure if Kristy has heard.
Mary Anne walks away, before anything more can be said. She leaves all her homework behind. But it doesn't matter. She has to visit Logan.
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The phone rings. Mary Anne is lying on her bed, looking at the ceiling. Mary Anne does not want to pick it up. But she does, anyway, because that it was she always does.
"Hello?" She grabs the extension.
"Mary Anne? I thought you said you were going to visit." Logan may be sick but his voice is strong. He sounds faintly angry.
"I did." Her voice is tight. Something has changed. She is mad at him for calling.
"Then, what? Is something wrong?"
"What do you think, Logan?" she says shrilly. Her words erupt like a volcano. They burn like lava. "Why do you think things are like this? I don't have to spend every single second of my life with you. You weren't at school today, and you know what, I actually had fun. I talked to people I hadn't seen in ages, I paid attention in algebra and I – I…" Her voice breaks. She has lost the motivation. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't walk me."
She slams down the phone, before he can reply. She should feel guilty but she cannot. Instead the tears suddenly pour out. She cannot stop them. They flow, and she sobs. She bends over double. All the tears she had been trying to cry, for the hour, for the past few days, for the last few months, shed desperately, hurriedly. They empty her sockets in a rush. They physically hurt as they tumble down her cheeks. They are acid on her skin. Her lungs heave. She cannot breathe.
There is a knock on the door, "Mary Anne? I didn't know you were at home. Dawn called earlier-"
Sharon opens the door and stares at Mary Anne.
"Honey, what's wrong?" She walks towards her, sounding alarmed.
Mary Anne stands up. She is a mess. She holds up her hands. "No. Please go away." Her voice trembles. She does not know what she wants anymore.
"Mary Anne?" Sharon sounds uncertain, "Honey, please just-"
"Leave me alone!" Mary Anne suddenly screams. Tigger runs out of the room. She falls back on the bed, and buries her face in her arms. "Please?"
Sharon hesitates, and looks hard at her. She backs down. "Okay, sweetie, just calm down, okay? I'm here when you need to talk." Her voice is saccharine and forced.
She leaves, closing the door gently behind her. Mary Anne hopes she does not ring her father.
This gives Mary Anne time to think however. On her bedside table there is a photo of her and Logan. They are smiling, hands entwined. She is wearing a necklace he gave her. It is very pretty. Mary Anne raises her head, and looks at the calendar where she marks their anniversary.
She wonders how she will explain the ring to him. Say it was stolen?
The phone rings. It must be Logan. He must have gotten the room-destroying cue out of his system. Mary Anne throws the phone at her wall. She needs to get this out of her system.
It stops ringing.
Was this how her life was always going to be?
Mary Anne tip-toes into the lounge. She stands at the doorway, and clutches the frame. She feels lightheaded. Sharon is reading a book but not concentrating. The lighting seems dim.
"Sharon?" Mary Anne senses she is going to cry at any moment. She knows it shows. Her voice breaks pitifully.
"Yes?" Sharon allows her to sit next to her on the couch. She is neither mad nor hurt. Sharon is plain worried. Mary Anne is normally in control.
"There's-" Mary Anne takes a deep breath. The words are stuck in her throat. There are a million places she would rather be.
Sharon waits expectantly. She strokes her hair. The time has come.
"There's something I need to tell you, Mom."
fin
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So leave me, you're free
It's three flights down to happiness
Make sure you close the door
And I'm onto you
Nothing ever works out like it should
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This story was only supposed to be a little ficlet, and I left it at that, because I think it's the start of something new. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, critqued and favourited this story. I really did appreciate the support. And I'm also in awe of anyone who has written a story about Mary Anne, because I never realised just how annoying it was to type her name constantly :-)
And if you have never reviewed before, this is a great time.
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