Just Say It

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Rent... Sorry..

Author's Note: This was lying around on my computer, so I decided to post it. I hope you guys like it... Please tell me what you think!

Walking slilenty through the park on a cold December day. How lame am I? I never thought I'd be here instead of there. In my, our loft, telling the person who shares it with me what I truly want to say to him. How hard is it to tell somone you love them? Why should it be this difficult? Is it suppose to be this difficult? Great, now I think I've confused myself more so now then ever.

The cold air is really starting to get to me, I think. I'm not thinking clearly. Of course, I haven't really been thinking clearly for a while now. At least not since my stubborn brain finally processed the fact that I was really in love with him. I never knew I could feel this way about someone before. I certainly never thought I'd feel this way about him. I've lived with him for years; how could I not have realized it before now? Why did it take me so long? And why am I standing out here in the freezing cold when I could be telling him that I love him. I'm really in love with him.

I find myself racing up the flights of stairs leading to the loft. My breath catches as I reach the door. I'm really going to do this. My stomach is filled with butterflies, and my mind is racing with thoughts. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life? What if I'm losing the best friend I ever had because of my stupid realization? I shake the thoughts out of my head before I swing the loft door wide open, not even thinking about closing it behind me.

"Mark?" I call, but no one answers. "Mark?" I try again, getting the same response. Where is he? Probably shooting for his new film. Great, now I have to wait until he gets back to tell him how I feel about him. Now that I think about it, will I really be able to tell him?

My mind bounces back to reality when I hear the loft door close. I swing around suddenly to see Mark closing the door. Yep, he was out filming. He's clutching his camera in his hands. He never puts that thing down, I guess.

"Roger, you left the door wide open," he said. "Did you forget that we live in New York?"

"Oh, sorry," I said, not really thinking about the door. I didn't care about the door. All I cared about right now was Mark. The butterflies in my stomach were coming back. "Mark, I need to tell you something."

"Me, too," Mark stated. Well, that's a shocker.

"You first," I muse. Maybe he'll say everything I'm thinking, but I seriously doubt it. A huge smile forms on his lips, and I can't help but smile at him. He always did know how to that to me. He walked over to the couch and set his camera down.

"Okay," Mark smiled. "I got a raise." Well, not what I expected, but I'm still happy for him non the less.

"Buzzline gave you a raise?" I asked. It was kind of hard to believe coming from Buzzline.

"Yeah, they told me that they valued my work enough to give me a raise."

"Wow, how much?" I sounded like a money grubber when I said that, but Mark's smile just got bigger.

"Five thousand a segment," Mark grinned. I thought he was going to jump out of his skin. He was so happy, and so was I. He had been working for that shitty company for two years. It's about time they ackowledged his presence.

I walked over to him and gave him a gently 'congratulations' hug. I pulled away slightly to see him still smiling. "I'm happy for you," I managed to say. Looking into his eyes this close was enough to drive me mad. All of my thoughts, or should I say sane thoughts, left my mind. All I wanted to do was get lost in his eyes.

"Um, Roger," Mark whispered, "are you going to let go?"

"Oh, sorry," I said, finally releasing my grasp on him. I shoved my hands deeply into my pockets and turned away from him.

"You said you had something to tell me?" Mark reminded me. I suddenly didn't think I could do it now. He was in such a good mood, something he hadn't been in in a while. Should I really risk that by telling him that I love him?

"It's nothing important," I stammer, cursing myself mentally for my choice of not telling him. This is going to eat me alive.

"Oh, come on," Mark almost whined. "Everything you have to tell me is important." I turned to face him for the first time since I had turned away. He had this completely adorable look in his eyes that made me want to melt in his arms. Maybe he wouldn't react as bad as I thought he would. I took several deep sighs before finally opening my mouth.

"I don't know how to say it," I replied. I still wasn't sure if I was dodging this whole thing, or if I really didn't know how to tell him.

"What do you mean?" Mark asked. "You can tell me anything."

"I know, it's just," I trail off. I turn around again, and sigh heavily to myself. Maybe I can't do this.

"Roger, are you okay?" Mark asked. I could hear the nervousness in his voice.

"I don't know," I answered. "Damn it! Why is this so hard?" I curse out loud, not knowing I had until I heard Mark.

"Why is what so hard?" he asked, walking a little closer to me.

"Telling you that I," I stop myself. I almost let something that could lose my friendship with him for good.

"Telling me what?" Mark asked.

"Nothing," I lied. I decided to run. It's the only thing I'm good at. Running from everything and everyone I love. Mark included. But, before I could take more than two steps, Mark grabs my arm and turns me to face him. I didn't know he was that strong.

"Wait," he said. "Roger, if you have to tell me something, just tell me. It can't be that bad."

"Yeah, it can," I say. The look in Mark's eyes goes from confusion to plain out lostness. If that even is a word.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Roger, you're not making any kind of sense here."

"Just, please let me go," I beg solumnly. To my surprise, his grip gets tighter, and he jerks me toward him until I'm inches away from his face.

"Damn it, Roger Davis, will you just tell me what the fuck you wanted to say!" He practically yells. The only thought that processed through my head was; damn, he looks so cute when he's angry. Without realizing I had done it, I preshed my lips against his. As soon as I came to my senses, which wasn't very long, I quickly pulled away to try and explain myself.

"Mark, I'm sorry. I," I was cut off by his fingers pressing themselves lightly against mine. I was slightly confused by his reaction. Before I knew it, Mark's lips were back against mine, and I almost fell to my knees at the feel of them. Just the fact that they were against mine was enough to make me crazy. He broke the kiss before I wanted him to, to stare into my eyes.

"I love you, Mark," I manage to say.

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" he asked, smiling at me with a beautiful smile.

"I have no idea," I'm smiling now, too. I guess telling someone you love them really isn't that difficult after all.