A/N: Okay so this is my first femslash. Actually, I don't even know if it will be, but it has stuff about bisexuality, homosexuality, and things relating to that. So if you don't like that sort of thing, then don't read this. Please review, please flame if you don't like femslash or things relating to it, or just review and tell me what you thought. Well that's doing that but sdfjkal kay I'm confusing myself. Goodbye.
Disclaimer: Guess what? I own nothing. Astounding, right?
We had grown close over the past few months. I needed a friend, a real friend, not an enemy, not a boyfriend. I was tired of the stupid games we played, the way we competed, the way we could never agree. I have to admit, I started it. I wasn't exactly friendly when she joined our team, and it's just escalated from there. I decided that it was time to put an end to that, after the incident with Brass, I realized how easily it could be her, how easily it could be any of us. Our whole team had grown closer after that, but she and I especially. I remember the day she told me. That fateful day. I had asked her why she never talked about a boyfriend because we both knew I'd praised, and cried over, many men throughout the mere months of our friendship, but she had never. She had always comforted me, related with me, but never named a specific name, a specific time, a specific guy. She was always vague when it came to relationships. I know why now. I remember the conversation, I remember the fear in her eyes…
"Sara, can I ask you something?" I had asked.
"Sure Cath." She answered absentmindedly.
"Why don't you ever talk about a boyfriend?" I inquired. She turned to face me then, as she had been watching a show on TV, probably only half listening to me before.
"Because I don't want one." She answered, seeming honest. But of course, I didn't understand, and I wasn't one to leave things in a confused manner.
"I mean, I'm sure lots of guys ask you out…" I pressed.
"Well, I guess." Sara shrugged, not seeming to interested in the conversation.
"Well why don't you give it a try with any of them?" I wondered. "I mean, they might not all be right for you… but you could still have some fun?"
"I do have fun." Sara told me. "Cath, there's something about me you should know…" And when I caught her eye, I detected something undeniable that I had never seen in Sara Sidle's eyes before. Fear.
"You can tell me anything Sara." I assured her.
"Promise you won't freak out? Or get mad? Or never talk to me again? Or…" She would have continued with a list if I hadn't cut her off. I had never seen her so timid, scared, so unsure of herself before in my life.
"Sara, I promise. Whatever it is it can't be too bad." I told her with a smile.
"I'm bisexual." She finally said, just above a whisper.
"Sara," I told her, restraining a laugh. "It's completely fine with me!"
"Really?" She looked back up at me, smiling hopefully.
"Yes!" I reassured her. "I've known you for years now, and I've been good friends with you for months! You've always been that way, whether I, or even you, knew it or not. Nothing's changed."
"Yeah." She breathed a sigh of relief. "You're right."
"Aren't I always?" I joked, and she laughed, throwing a pillow at me. Soon after, a full out pillow fight began. We didn't mention it again for over a week. I mean, it was nothing to mention right? It wasn't as if I had never had bisexual friends before, or a girl had never hit me on. Everything was as normal as could be until a week later, when I wasn't so sure about myself.
It was one day after work, when Sara came into my office looking happier than I'd seen her in a long time. "What's up?" I asked.
"You won't believe what happened last night! I wanted to tell you earlier, but…" She trailed off.
"I know, you and your professionalism, keep going." I encouraged her.
"Okay. So last night, I was getting some things from the store around the corner of my building, and I saw a lady from my building who I'd seen a few times before, and Catherine, she is so gorgeous!" It made me smile how a week ago, Sara was afraid to tell me about her sexuality, and now, she was talking about it as if it were the most normal thing in the world, because to her and I, it was. "And we started talking. She invited me to her apartment for coffee the next morning, which is today! She works nights as a nurse at Desert Palms." Sara told me excitedly.
"That's awesome Sar!" I told her honestly.
"What's so awesome Sara?" Greg asked in his usual charming way, as he entered my office, without knocking I might add. "The fact that I've come to ask you out to breakfast?"
"Quit batting your eyelashes Greg, it won't work." Sara told him with a giggle. She looked at me, and I knew she was going to tell him too. In a way, I was glad that she was becoming more open about it. She shouldn't feel like she had to keep things a secret from our team, but in another way, I was sad, jealous even, that I wasn't the only one that she trusted enough to tell anymore though I knew that she told me first, and that was a big step for her.
"You know you want me." He joked playfully.
"Actually," Sara laughed. "I don't." Greg's face fell. She was going to end their playful bantering, and any chance he ever had right here. "But don't take it personally okay? It's not your fault."
"Sara, it has to be my fault." Greg pouted.
"Trust me Greg, it's not your fault." I backed Sara up.
"Greg, I'm… I don't know how to say it…" Sara stuttered. "I'm… I like girls."
"What!" Greg shook his head. He must have been dreaming. "You like girls?"
"Yeah." Sara nodded, afraid at his reaction. She shouldn't have been. If he told anyone, or had a problem with it, she should have known I would kill him I mean, we both do know how to hide a body like no other.
"Wow!" Was all Greg said. "That is so hot!" Sara just laughed. Only Greg, only Greg. "I have to go give Grissom a report though." He told her, still wide eyed.
"Bye Greg!" I called to him as he was leaving.
"And don't tell anyone?" Sara added.
"You've got my word." Greg nodded as he scurried away.
"He's crazy." Sara rolled her eyes at me, and I laughed.
"That he is." I agreed.
I felt like I knew her, Emma was her name. Sara thought she was in love. She talked about her quite often in our conversations, and I was content to listen as Sara had listened to me talk about whichever man I thought I was in love with that week. Emma did sound like an amazing girl, and I'm sure I told Sara that a thousand times, for I could never think of anything else to say. At times I got slightly bored, for Sara could talk for hours about her. Emma this, Emma that. But my friend was in love, and that's all that should have mattered right? Wrong. I found myself going out more and more at night similarly to how I used to act back when I had been a dancer. Getting drunk, being a tease, after hearing Sara talk about how amazing Emma was, how gorgeous Emma was, how perfect Emma was, I felt a divine need to be appreciated. So I made sure I was. Sara noticed, after a while, that I had stopped inviting her out with me at nights, and when I did, I always left early with a different guy. She called me on it too, as Sara was all honesty.
"Cath, are you sure you're okay with it all?" She asked.
"Yeah. You know I don't say things I don't mean." I told her. I really didn't. I was perfectly okay with her being the way she was.
"Well, it's just, we hardly go out together anymore, and when we do, you always leave…" Sara pointed out.
"Sorry, I've just been feeling a little down lately." I admitted, "Lately I keep feeling like being me isn't enough."
"Catherine," She told me with a smile, "You should never feel that way. You are amazing, beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have you! So find the right one, and stop settling for what you know isn't the best."
"Thanks Sar."I answered, honestly feeling better about herself. And they hugged. "And when do I get to meet Emma?"
"That's why I came over here in the first place! We're official!" Sara was beside herself with excitement.
"That's awesome Sara!"I told her. "I'm really happy for you!" I pulled her into a hug. "So I'll get to meet her soon then?"
"Definitely!" Sara nodded. "Dinner at my place tomorrow night? The three of us?"
"Sounds good to me!"I nodded. Little didI know that things were going to change, and sometimes, change wasn't always a good thing.
A/N: So should I continue?
Reviews? Greatly appreciated!