okay the lack of astrixes is really annoying. so just for the record all previous actions were supposed to have little stars around them. from now on I use "parentheses" (which are not half as good) DARN! I'm using them --;;;
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Disclaimer: I don not sadly own any of the death note characters or have anything to do with their creation. But I do own Angelina Joe Lee and Jude Law (who cares how their names are really spelled)
Angelina Joe Lee + Jude law: HEY THERE SHE IS! the little twerp that bought us on ebay and embezzled a whole bunch of our Money!
Me: umm….uh oh (runs away very fast)
Angelina Joe Lee + Jude law: GET HER! (beats the stuffing out of me)
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Chapter 3: Dang! I SHOULD HAVE SWITICHED TO GEICO!
(with special guest appearances by Angelina Joe Lee and Jude law)
Ryuk: okay were here to see a specialist
Light: isn't this a used car lot?
Ryuk: er..no
Light: hmmm…..OKAY!
Light: come to think of it where are all the specialists? this is emptier than a bush pep rally
Ryuk: they're all on….vacation?
Light: oh I would have never guessed
Ryuk: uh yeah…lets just go inside….really fast
Light: good idea, I see a vending machine!
Ryuk: yeah sure, whatever
Inside……
Ryuk: oh yeah I see what you mean, you do move around a lot
Light: finally! someone who understands!
Ryuk: yet suddenly I don't care, common the erm..office is over here
Light: this really does seem familiar, almost like I've been here before…….
Flash back……………..
Mom: okay honey I'm going to go talk to the nice man about getting a new car, you stay right here with your coloring book and be a good little boy.
Little-light: okay mommy
Mom: now bye bye time
Little-light: bye bye
Mom: (walks over and talks to guy)
little-light: (gets bored and walks over to the car)
little-light: this is a happy car..i like this car..it so shiny……so very shiny
a few yards away and a few minutes later……
Mom: blah blah blah blah
Car-Guy: blah blah blah blah
Mom: OMG! MY 4 YEAR OLD SON IS DRIVING THAT MINNIE VAN!
Little-Light: Look Mommy! I'm driving just like you and Daddy!
Mom: OMIGOSH! IS THERE ANY THING WE CAN DO TO STOP HIM! HE'S DRIVING SO FAST! and what kind of an IDIOT CAR DEALER SHIP LEAVES THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION!
Car-Guy: umm well we are "Idiot-Car-Dealer-ship"
Mom: (smacks head with hand) well isn't there anything we can do to stop him?
Car-Guy: no I'm afraid the only thing we can do is watch. watch and cower is fear.
Mom: BUT LOOK UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD!
Car-Guy: IT'S A PLANE!
Mom: NO IT'S- wait it is a plane. drat
Car-Guy: well the car has to run out of gas eventually
eventually……
Mom: okay it still hasn't run out of gas but maybe we can get him to crash and that will stop him
Car-Guy: good idea. HEY KID! AIM FOR THE TREES!
Little-Light: hey mister car-guy! hi mom!
Mom: hmmm..HEY LIGHT THE TREES WILL GIVE YOU ICE CREAM IS YOU TAG THEM WITH THE CAR!
Little-Light: ICE CREAM! (SCREEEEEECH! CRUNCH)
end of flash back….
Light: we need to get out of here! this is a baaaaaaaaad place
Ryuk: sure, sure just pull over here
Light: how did I end up driving a hummer?
Ryuk: ummm… buying a hummer is the perfect cure for a time paradox?
Light: you signed my name on a contract while I was flash backing didn't you
Ryuk: noooo
Light: (glares)
Ryuk: fine, BUT IT HAS CUP HOLDERS! I WAS WEAK!
Light: well at least I have the intelligence to scam a bunch of innocent people out of their money, and if that doesn't work I'll scam my car insurance agency.
Ryuk: (rolls down windows and turns up radio)
Light: LOOK UP IN THE SKY!
Ryuk: IT'S A BIRD!
Light: IT'S A PLANE!
Ryuk: NO IT'S ANGELINA JOE LEE…..and some other guy
Angelina Joe Lee: (floats down in parachute into moving hummer)
Scottish-dude: (parachutes down and lands in moving hummer)
Ryuk: omigosh it's Angelina Joe Lee!
Light: and who's that loser?
Scottish-dude: I'm Scottish
Angelina Joe Lee: He's-
Ryuk: lemme guess, boy toy?
Scottish-dude: I'm Scottish!
Light: I think that speaks for itself (snicker)
Angelina Joe Lee: be quiet he's my lackey, that's the only reason you deal with light Ryuk! every main character needs a quirky side kick to do all the back breaking manual labor.
Light: HEY!
Ryuk: you've got a point
In the jungle…….
Angelina Joe Lee: so anyway this is our plan, we are after the sacred archive, we must keep it safe, we travel into the deepest vessels of Africa to rescue it, the balance of the world rests in our hands!
Light: why?
Ryuk: zzzzzzzz
Angelina Joe Lee: because I'm awesome and I say so
Light: that's not a good reason
Angelina Joe Lee: (brandishes skittles in front of Lights nose) oh really because that's not what Mr. bag of Skittles says
Light: god I hate you (grabs skittles)
Ryuk: I just want to be there to watch Light die. I'm in.
Angelina Joe Lee: excellent (takes out lots of fancy guns) we're ready
Scottish-dude: I'M SCOTTISH!
Everyone else: ………..
In some random really tattooed African village mountain with a name you couldn't ever hope to pronounce……..
Light: can't…breathe….artillery….crushing…..body
Ryuk: need…..apples….can't…go…on
Light: your..not..even..holding…anything…I have all your stuff!
Ryuk: when you need an apple you need an apple
Angelina Joe Lee: Suck it up boys, only 5 more miles of rugged mountain terrain to hike up (jogs up ahead)
Light: that's easy…for you…to say….you have…Scottish...boy.. carrying…all..your stuff
Scottish-dude: (gasp)I'm (gasp)(gasp) Scottish
Light: OH FOR THE LOVE OF ! IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME I'LL….I'LL…
Ryuk: It's okay light I've got this one (holds gun in Scottish-dude's face) Look it's shiny, it shoots out candy when you press this little button (points to trigger)
Scottish-dude: ooooo
Light: oh common what's that gonna do, no ones that stupid
Scottish-dude: (BANG!)
Ryuk: problem solved
Light: yes, but again to more pressing matters. why couldn't we just ride the hummer up the mountain?
Angelina Joe Lee: because…….because….LOOK A RHINO!
Light: GAH RHINO! (falls off cliff into hole with lots of sharp pointy rocks covering him)
Ryuk: Light this is no time to be resting
Light: mmmmmmmhhhpppmmm!
Angelina Joe Lee: By joe I think he found the lost temple holding the archive!
Ryuk: GOOD JOB LIGHT!
Light: (bleeds)
Ryuk + Angelina Joe Lee: (leave stuff up on ledge and go down to dig out Light)
In a dark spooky cave! OOOOOOOH! SPOOKY!
Light: wow this is spooky, yellow and blue totally clash!
Ryuk: tell me about it
Angelina Joe Lee: (hits both of them in the back of the head and stares up at the structure)
Angelina Joe Lee: this is the most perplexing ancient temple I've ever seen!
Light: what! you've never seen a Generic-Video-Store before?
Angelina Joe Lee?
Ryuk: It's a video store
Light: you rent videos
Angelina Joe Lee: what's a video?
Light: ……….
Ryuk: ………..
Angelina Joe lee: gosh I have been spending too much time with………wait I never even knew his name…
Light: some questions aren't meant to be answered….let's go inside
Inside……
Stan: hello welcome to generic-video-store
Light: STAN!
Stan: LIGHT!
Stan + Light: (huggles)
Angelina Joe lee: excuse me, you must be the local village idiot, do you have any helpful hints to find the sacred archive?
Stan: (glares)
Light: yeah he probably does
Stan: (sighs)
Ryuk: Hey I found the archive (holds up Exercise video from the back of the store)
Angelina Joe Lee: YES YOU'VE FOUND IT! YOU'RE A GENIOUS!
Light: but this a mike Tyson video?
Angelina Joe Lee: yeah I've been needing to work on my glutes.
Ryuk: yet another pointless exercise
Stan: (falls over and laughs)
Light: no but this is mike Tyson! M-I-K-E T-Y-S-O-N doesn't anyone else find that creepy!
Angelina Joe Lee: and one and two and one and two and one and two
Light: (cries)
Jude Law: Hi! every body!
Ryuk: JUDE LAW!
Angelina Joe lee: why the h&$# are you here? I'm the celebrity guest!
Jude Law: because I have to be in every movie!
Stan: this isn't a movie? (microphone swings down from the ceiling and wacks him) OUCH!
Ryuk: well that explains a lot….
Angelina Joe Lee: hey where'd pretty boy go?
Jude Law: (from down at the bottom of the mountain) MUHAAAAA AWESOME A HUMMER! (drives away)
Light: (sprints down the mountain) COME BACK WITH MY HUMMER YOU GIRLY MAN!
Jude Law: AGH MY HEART! (dies) (hummer crashes and explodes)
Ryuk: LIGHT WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!
Stan: LIGHT YOU JERK! I WAS HIS BIGGEST FAN!
Angelina Joe lee: YAY! uh I mean OH NO!
Light: (sobs) my hummer (sobs) I swear I didn't do anything. I left my death note at home (sobs) MY HUMMER! (sob) (sob) (sob)
Ryuk: If you didn't then who………
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next time: who killed Jude Law? IS THERE ANOTHER KIRA! WILL LIGHT HAVE BREAK IN AND STEAL MONEY FROM AN OLD WOMEN! TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOHTER ABISMALLY STUPID EPISODE OF "the curious episode of the DVD in the daytime"!