A/N. Oi, another SasuHina! x33 So sorry for not updating Clashing Hearts yet, but I'm almost done with the next chapter, so keep your shorts on, people! x333
Anyways, this fanfic is based on my life, how I feel about myself, and how I wish I were beautiful. I was feeling really down today because it seemed as if everyone was trying to ignore and avoid me, and I even cried a bit...;-; -feels ashamed-
So, I thought about Hinata and compared how we feel...and we are not so different. Sorry if it seems OOC and stuff, but I was hurriedly writing my feelings down. I put my whole heart into it, which is something I don't do very often. O.o Drop a review, oki, people? x3 ;-;
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Hinata wishes she is beautiful.
Even though she believes it's a ridiculous thing to long for, she still wishes she is beautiful.
Hinata knows that beauty only comes from within. She knows very well that the beauty on the outside doesn't matter, so long as the beauty on the inside is pure and beautiful.
But Hinata still wishes she is beautiful. Her soul is pure and beautiful, but because her exterior isn't beautiful, no one notices how beautiful her soul truly is. That is why Hinata wants to be beautiful.
Hinata wishes she is as beautiful as Yamanaka Ino, with her large eyes of azure blue that seem to shimmer in the glint of the sunlight, or the long, blonde hair that she takes great pride in. Hinata wishes that there could be a day to be in Ino's shoes, even for just once, even a single moment, to taste the beauty that Ino possesses and to feel what Ino feels when she smiles and looks around at the people who look up to her and admire her greatly.
Hinata wishes she is as beautiful as Haruno Sakura, with her emerald eyes that light up when she smiles, or the silky locks that are painted with the color of cherry blossoms during spring. Hinata wishes that she could be Sakura so she can realize what it is like to have people who love her.
Hinata wishes she is as beautiful as Tenten, with those slender curves that show through the clothes that has become her trademark, or the thin, long eyelashes that surround her large eyes of deep hazel. Hinata wishes that she could be more like Tenten so people can look at her like she counted.
Hinata wishes she is as beautiful as her sister, Hyuuga Hanabi, with her well-built and slender body and the dark locks that frame her perfectly-shaped face, giving her a mysterious but beautiful atmosphere. Hinata wishes she could be Hanabi. Maybe if she were born to become Hanabi, her father wouldn't look down upon her and consider her as a useless nothing.
Hinata wishes she is as beautiful as Tsunade, with those curvy lips that she paints with red lipstick, or the large brown eyes that she uses to get her way. Maybe if she were Tsunade, people would look up at her instead of looking down upon her.
Everyday, as Hinata compares herself to those beautiful women around her, she cries and sheds tears of sadness and loneliness. She feels so lonely and heartbroken.
No one notices how broken she is. No one sees the tears she cries.
Rarely would someone notice that her eyes are blotchy and pink. They would ask her if she is crying, but Hinata immediately answers that she was woke up early to train, and is very exhausted from the day's work. Hinata stares pleadingly into their eyes, trying to send them a message, trying to tell them that she is broken. But all they do is nod and turn away to ignore her and continue on with their lives.
Hinata always tries to tell herself that there are people who care about her, but in deep in her heart, she knows it isn't true.
She tries to tell herself that Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino care about her. But deep down, she knows that they only look out for her because she is their teammate. A teammate, and nothing more.
She tries to tell herself that Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura are her friends. But deep down, she knows that they only feel pity and sympathy for her because she isn't beautiful and perfect as she wants to be.
She tries to tell herself that her sensei, Kurenai, cares about her and sees her as a daughter. But deep down, she knows that Kurenai sees her as a student, and sympathizes for her because her father casted her away, just as everyone else did.
She tries to tell herself that Uzumaki Naruto cares about her. But deep down, she knows that Naruto looks straight through her instead of looking at her. Deep down...she knows that Naruto only has eyes for Haruno Sakura.
She tries to tell herself that there is at least one person who cares. But deep down, she knows that no one does.
Hinata tries to tell herelf that she is beautiful. But deep down, she knows she isn't beautiful.
Hinata hates how she looks. Hinata hates her short, blue hair that has absolutely no unique air to it; Hinata hates her thin lips that seem to be as lifeless and bleached as her broken soul; Hinata hates how her body is built; Hinata hates her crystal-clear, ivory eyes that make her look even more lifeless and sad. Hinata just hates herself.
Hinata feels that she is an insignificant nobody. Sometimes, she compares herself to a simple rock on the ground, a rock that people pass by and disregard, like her. But Hinata realizes that a rock can't be compared to her...because a rock is something significant compared to her.
Hinata feels that people use her for their own uses, intentionally and unintentionally, until she has no more use, so they can throw her away to rot. Hinata despises the way people treat her like that, making her feel as if she is significant until they cast her away because she is of no more use to them. But Hinata strives to be significant, even knowing that she will eventually be cast away. All she wants is for people to look at her, notice her...anything.
Hinata forces a smile and a laugh everyday to hide her pain. Hinata tells herself that if there are people who really care about her, they'll realize her smile is fake and her heart is broken. But no one notices. So Hinata accepts it. She isn't significant; she isn't perfect; she isn't beautiful.
Hinata cries to herself everyday when she is cast away into her own little world of loneliness and darkness. For every tear she sheds, she prays to the heavens above that she will be beautiful someday.
Maybe if she were beautiful, everyone would love her.
Maybe if she were beautiful...Uzumaki Naruto would love her.
"Hate me...love me...but please...just look at me..."