Disclaimer- Joss owns all and I worship he almighty greatness at every full moon.
Jayne wasn't sure why, but he couldn't get any gorram sleep. He pulled off his blanket and sat up with a grunt. Rubbing his eyes as he sat up he then looked for his knives. Cleanin' them would probably be the best way to spend his time. He couldn't lift no weights, that make too much noise and sides last time he did that Mal had him scrubbin' the bay for a week.
Jayne grabbed he knives and a rag and climbed outta his bunk tryin to make as little noise as possible. When he heard a girly moan comin from the front. Jayne looked around then slowly walked up the steps. He stopped at the top.
Gorramit if it wasn't the hottest thing he'd ever seen. There was Moon Brain sitting in the pilots chair watching dirty movies on the cortex.
"I don't understand," River said. Jayne jumped at the sound of her voice.
"They're nekkid, what's to understand?"
River turned to face Jayne, her eyes wide with confusion, "It's problematic. How is some of these positions plausible? Added into the pain factor- She cannot understand the pleasure. She can understand the necessity of procreation- It's imbedded within our genetic code. Some of these things just seem asinine and impractical."
Jayne looks over at the cortex at the dirty movie the girl was watchin'. There was some girl dressed up in animal furs being bent over by a guy wearing a tiny piece of fabric over his man bits. Jayne coughed and looks away.
"Girl, I think ya should turn that thing off and get to sleep," he grumbled.
"Can't sleep, it's not plausible. She needs to understand this."
"Shouldn't you be askin' your brother or Kaylee?" Jayne asked as he fidgeted with his knives.
River shook her head, "Not a possible concept. The two are practicing the acts that I wish to understand."
Jayne hears several moans and grunts from the cortex. He reaches over and shuts it off. "How'd ya find that stuff anyway? Aren't you busy keeping this boat in the air?"
"They were saved in a private file of the previous pilot. I did not mean to find them."
Jayne looks up at her, his eyes widened in surprise, "Wash had dirty movies on that thing?"
River nodded, "There were several that involved people living in prehistoric times. This seems implausible because the first biped sapiens did not exist until millions of years after the sudden mass extinction of the species."
He shifted from his left and right foot, "Crazy, it's not supposed to make sense, it's a movie."
River rolled her eyes, "I understand that. What I don't understand is the sexual aspects of these movies. I'm not a child- I know the difference between fantasies."
River leans forward, "Will you help the girl understand what girl parts and boy parts do together? This material is not cooperative."
Jayne looks away. He doubts she understands the way her pout is big eyes are making him feel. He looks down and sees her cleavage; she's pushing her breasts together with her arms to make em stand out.
"Look, I ain't gonna help you figure that out. Your own your own. Sides the cortex ain't the best way to be learnin' something like that."
"Something like what?" asks Mal. He's standing behind Jayne with his hands on his hips.
Jayne ignores Mal's question and looks down at River one last time, "I'll be in my bunk" he states before he leaves.
Least he'll have something else to polish sides his knives.