Disclaimer: I don't own anything Numb3rs or whatnot, it is all property of the CBS network. So don't sue me, please. I can't afford the court bills.

Chapter 61: Of Voids That Were Left Behind Needing to Be Fill and Answers Finally Dawning.

The koi were swimming peacefully in their pond situated in the back yard of Casa Eppes. Colby Granger sat beside this calm setting but, he found no peace, he found no solace to ease the constant, all consuming pain within his very soul. It's been a good week and a half since he'd done the near impossible and let Charlie Eppes, the love of his life walk out the front door, get into his car with a week's worth of clothes and then drive to Santa Barbara.

Where as Charlie had said that he'd only be gone for at most, a week, Colby now found himself alone and barely surviving with just echoes and sporadic phone calls. Even though he had an entire circle of people around him. He was barely surviving without his husband.

Colby felt empty and hollow, like a massive chunk of what gave him life had been wrenched out of him. As he sat there clad in a light gray button-up shirt and his favorite pair of Levi jeans, Colby's eyes traveled and settled onto his left hand and the simple but poignant piece of jewelery he wore there on his ring finger. A band of platinum with small, identical diamonds spaced evenly around it's circumference.

His wedding band.

As he sat there in the shade by the koi pond, Colby wondered if Charlie was still even wearing the mate to this ring around his finger. With a shaky sigh and his eyes burning with what now seemed to be a constant sting of tears, Colby's mind drifted far far away into thoughts of unruly curls of dark drown hair, bright almost black eyes, a warm boyish smile, and the sent of shampoo and chalk that he'd come to love so dearly.

Before he disappeared into the recesses of his mind to more happier times, a single thought passed through his head.

" I miss you Math Geek and it's taking everything I got in me to not drive all the way to Santa Barbara and bring you back here with my own to hands."

Unannounced to the young man sitting with his back to the house, a pair of weathered eyes, wrinkled with the wisdom of many years, filled with sadness that only a parent could understand, were watching him from behind the clear glass panes of the Solarium door. From where he stood, Alan Eppes eyed the sitting form of his son-in-law and let a heavy sigh escape him. It seemed like all there was to life these days was sadness and emptiness and on many days, anger that was deep and burning in the heart of every single person who held Charles Edward Eppes dear to them. Anger towards the monster that had nearly taken Charlie away from the world of the living, but succeeded in driving the youngest Eppes away from home weeks ago.

Everyone was miserable, utterly and totally.

Especially Don, he'd taken his brother's unwanted departure very hard.

He'd buried himself in work but thoughts of Charlie were always in the back of his mind.

But back to the current surroundings, Alan continued sadly watching his son in law from afar with a single thought running through is mind.

" I miss you Charlie, my boy. Please come home soon."

Where Colby Granger and Alan Eppes were thinking about a certain curly haired individual, inside the LA offices of the FBI, an older brother completed the trinity.

Don Eppes sat quiet and subdued at his desk, chewing the end of a ball point pen.

The day so far had been quite uneventful actually, nothing new, no murderers on the loose, no big bank heists, no drug busts, etc.

Just paper work, and the gallons upon gallons of coffee that would be needed to get through it.

But, Don found that he simply could not concentrate.

His mind stubbornly chose to recount the events of two whole weeks ago.

When Charlie had told them all that he was leaving for Santa Barbara.

That had been one of the hardest days of his life.

Hell, Don had wanted nothing more that to cuff Charlie to some immovable object just to keep him from going.

The days after Charlie had driven off to the coast to do some private soul searching had wreaked havoc on everyone.

There was no fun in the job anymore no light in the other wise dark side of the world Don and the rest of the team dealt with day in and day out.

What made Don feel all the more helpless about the whole thing was how much Charlie leaving had effected Colby.

His brother in law was like a complete shell of himself.

It was like Colby had locked himself away inside an iron-clad cage with only his own crippling depression as company.

Now Don would've continued musing about how much his family-life was in shambles at the moment but then he realized that he was currently sitting at his desk at the Bureau and that there was a case that still needed to be dealt with.

With a soft sigh and a shake of his head Don went back to work.

Elsewhere, on a quiet beach in Santa Barbara...

The Ocean was calm and a pristine blue, soft waves gently caressing the light tan colored sands.

The waves lapped lazily at the land and at a pair of pale and bare feet that were walking across the sands.

This place was beautiful absolutely beautiful.

But the lone man walking along the shoreline didn't feel any of the warmth this place had to offer.

Instead the lone man combed a hand through his unruly mop of almost black curls and bowed his head down low.

Charlie Eppes had come here in an effort to find some peace from the horrible event that had happened mere weeks before.

When he'd nearly become the newest addition to a deranged serial killer's collection of mutilated victims.

Instead he had survived and had nearly become a killer himself when he's somehow wrested the psychopath's weapon, a shotgun away from him and had blown a hole into the wall of his big brother's apartment just inches away from said killer's head.

After everything that had happened Charlie had felt like his entire life had been plunged into blackness.

All love and happiness covered in a figurative coating of thick black oil that he just couldn't erase or escape from.

It was why he was here in Santa Barbara and not home in Pasadena with his father, his brother, his friends... his husband.

As Charlie chanced a glance at the pristine waters of the Pacific he felt a deep twinge in his chest as the color of the water in all it greens and blue instantly reminded him of a pair of eye he had not seen in weeks now.

Colby.

The man loved and was married to.

The man who had let him go.

One of the pieces who comprised Charlie's world.

One of the many people who'd been left behind.

Biting back the urge to simply sink to the ground and let his tears grab a hold of him like they had done many times during his stay here in Santa Barbara.

Instead Charlie turned around and started walking away from the water and back inward towards land.

He didn't really notice much on his walk back to the beach house he'd holed himself up in, his mind clearly elsewhere.

Charlie first shook of as much of the beach sand from his feet as he could before he fished the house key out of his back jeans pocket and let himself in.

" Hey Charlie." Greeted Lani the house keeper. A kind lady who had taken to mothering him to the best.

" Hey Lani." Sighed Charlie as he paused in making a b-line for his room.

" Did you enjoy you're walk?" Asked Lani.

" Oh, yes it was nice." Answered Charlie.

Lani nodded before going back to her cooking.

Charlie silently continued on down the hall to his room.

Once he was inside Charlie made a quick stop to the bathroom that was attached to it to clean his feet.

Once that was done Charlie wearily collapsed onto his bed and stared blankly up at the cream colored ceiling.

After staring at it for countless minutes and feeling all his sadness and his yearning wash over him Charlie slowly turned onto his right side.

Charlie felt a deep ache radiate through him when his dark eyes fell on his left hand and the silver ring that adorned his fourth finger.

The light in the room made the small diamonds that were embedded around the whole of the silver ring circumference shimmer and sparkle softly.

Charlie bit down on his bottom lip in an effort to keep from breaking down completely as he stared at the symbol of his union.

" God this is so messed up. Why did this happen? How could this happen to us? Oh God why?" Thought Charlie.

These questions were nothing new. He'd been asking himself these questions over and over so many times in his head but still there was no answer for any of them.

Charlie curled up into an impossibly tight ball bringing his left and to his chest. He pressed his hands to his chest over his heart and just laid there.

It had been weeks since he'd come here.

Weeks.

And still he was in turmoil.

He had almost taken someone elses life.

He had almost lost his own life and been nearly ripped away from those he loved.

He just didn't know what to do.

There was no mathematical equation he could conjure up in his head to solve his problems.

It was all so hard.

It was all so dark.

And he just didn't understand why because it wasn't his fault and...

Wait.

Charlie's eyes flew open and blinked slowly.

Still slowly he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

His brow curled in concentration as he held onto that previous though.

It was an epiphany almost over looked in the melancholy.

" It wasn't my fault?" Whispered Charlie asking no one but himself.

" I-It wasn't my fault?" He asked again and received only the sounds of his own breath rapidly speeding up.

Then a soft gasp as a mind finally comprehended.

" It wasn't my fault." Whispered Charlie now sure of himself and believing his own words.

" It wasn't my fault at all it was his. He was the murderer. He was gonna rape and kill me. I had to do what I could to survive. It wasn't my fault!" Thought Charlie as his mind processed further.

" All of this is on him not me. It wasn't my fault." Whispered Charlie before he sank down heavily against the headboard of his bed.

For several tense minutes he simply breathed taking in long and deep gulps of breath.

Then he stopped and spoke to himself.

" I gotta go back. I gotta go home."