TITLE: Redemption
AUTHOR: Pedellea
E-MAIL:
DATE: June 17, 2006
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Post-Devil's Trap. Sam vows to do redeem what was broken. Character death implied. One-shot future fic.
SPOILERS: Devil's Trap
DISCLAIMER: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and Warner Brothers Television.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Instead of writing an essay, out came this piece. I guess I still can't shake Devil's Trap from my head, and reading some of the awesome stories already posted inspired me. This is my first Supernatural piece. Feedback is most welcome.

REDEMPTION
By Pedellea

There was a time when Sam's life was filled with utter, unbelievable chaos. But the only chaos nowadays was from his son tearing up the house with his crazy antics. He loved him all the same anyway.

"Dean, you can't draw on the walls."

He pried the bright red crayon from his 3-year-old son's stubby little fingers. Sarah was going to have a fit.

"But daddy..."
"Walls are not for drawing."
"But I like the walls. It's bigger than paper."
"Sorry, kiddo. No walls."

Little Dean gave his best pout of protest, but Sam just laughed and ruffled his hair. There was so much of his older brother that he saw in his son, mischievous grins and all. He felt a small stab of pain in his heart at the thought of his brother, and his features turned bittersweet. Dean face screwed into concern.

"What's wrong, daddy?"
"Nothing," he flashed a quick and comforting smile at his son. "Just thinking about your Uncle Dean, that's all."

The little boy's eyes widened with interest.

"Can you tell me another story about Uncle Dean?"
"Not today. It's time for bed, young man."
"Bed time story, daddy?"
"I read you a story already, remember? Before you came out of your room again and started drawing? You should be in bed, kiddo."
"Oh. Yeah."

Dean's brows knitted in thought.

"But how come my name is Dean, and Uncle Dean's name is Dean, and we have the same name, daddy?
"Because I named you after him."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to remember him more."
"Oh."

He thought for another moment.

"Because he's too far away?"

Sam paused a moment nodded sadly.

"Because he's too far away."

There was a time when Sam thought he'd die a hunter. It wasn't exactly the life he would have chosen for himself, but he realized that family always came first. Dean had taught him that.

Things changed after his brother died, though. The damage that the demon version of his father caused him had been severe, and the car crash pushed it over the edge. Dean succumbed to his injuries, as much broken physically as he had been emotionally, though he would have never admitted to any of it.

Sam did a lot of thinking after Dean was buried in the ground, and after his father disappeared into nowhere for the last time. That was all this geek boy – a term he dearly misses now - could do.

Most of his thoughts had been angry ones directed at John - how he'd left Sam on his own after Dean died, how he'd used Dean so mercilessly to pursue his mission, how he'd wrecked their childhoods by dragging them along on reckless hunting trips. But the most haunting thought was the one of how Dean had died so incomplete, and how he was so incomplete without Dean.

It was with that thought that he completely broke away from anything to do with the supernatural. His nightmares disappeared with time, and he wonders now if he only had those nightmares because the conditions he lived in forced them out.

Sam never so much as picked up a gun after Dean was gone. There was so much hate in a gun, and hate was not where he wanted to be. He only ever wanted to do right, and hunting had never filled that void. In fact, hunting that god-forsaken demon was what made that void permanent in his heart.

But there was something about the Winchester spirit that kept driving him on. He eventually worked enough odd jobs to get himself back onto the law school track, and even found love again with his wife Sarah, something that he thought he had lost with Jess.

There was absolute horror when Sarah told him she was pregnant. He feared that he would become his father – that selfish, reckless bastard that wrecked his life and took away the only person he ever cared about in his family. Difficult months plagued his marriage as he contemplated and dreaded what was going to happened, and he had nightmares of a different kind.

But when a son was ushered into the world, he instinctively named the child Dean. It was a way of starting things anew for a brother who deserved so much better than what he received in life. He vowed to be a better parent than his father had ever been. He could only hope to follow through.

"Daddy?"

Sam's thoughts broke and he focused on his son again.

"Sorry, kiddo. Just thinking."
"Daddy, can you take me to bed?"

He smiled at the silly question.

"Of course I can."

With one swoop, he held his son close to his chest and breathed in. It's a wonder why something so beautiful had the potential to become so damaged.

"Daddy?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."

He held his son at arms length and looked affectionately into his eyes.

"I love you too, Dean. So much."

His son giggled in pleasure, and again, Sam felt that bittersweet hurt in his heart. He wished Dean was there to hear it for himself.

But in a way, he knew that he already has.

THE END

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