The Many Lives (or Deaths) of Harry Potter
Disclaimer: Don't own characters or placement or Harry's Will... neither am I in it... BUGGER!
Warning: Character Death... again and again and again and again and...
Authors Note: Thanks go to my TAFE mates! I now have to inspiration and ideas to kill Harry again! So I'd just like to say: Thanks! I couldn't have done it without you. (Their ideas are the first five folks)
And to think when I first mentioned it they thought it was a little obscene...
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With a groan Harry made it up another flight of steps.
"Curse this wretched castle," he gasped, exhausted. He felt like he had been climbing for an eternity. He grinned as he finally reached the door he had to go through right at the top of a flight of stairs. Extending his hand he made to grasp the doorknob, however fate had other plans. Just as he touched the cool metal the door was flung open towards him, knocking him backwards. There was a brief moment of suspension and then gravity kicked in, dragging him back down the many staircases he had just walked up.
Neville stepped through the door, just as there was the sound of many repetitive bumps and thumps, accompanied by the occasional crack and, soon after, squelches. He looked for the source of the noise and then froze. After a second of contemplation, Neville slowly, carefully reversed back through the open doorway, pulling the door silently shut as he went.
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Harry mentally began preparing himself for the horror to come. Taking a deep breath to settle his nerves, he turned and made his way to the door. The door to his DOOM! He walked out into the light and was met with the blood curdling screams of thousands of... fangirls. Harry felt himself freeze, this was more terrifying than facing a thousand Voldemorts!
The-Boy-Who-Lived walked to the edge of the stage. Today was Harry Potter Day, as declared last year after he had defeated Lord Voldemort in the final battle. Ever since that day, Harry had been hounded by 'Saviour Worshippers' of every shape, age, sex and form. Harry had learned to fear and dread the high pitched screams more than anything in the world – both magical and muggle.
Harry finally reached the edge of the stage where the minister stood looking thoroughly pleased with himself. With a sigh Harry waved to the audience, a wave which was interrupted by the feeling of something touching his ankle. He looked down to see a hand, which suddenly pulled both itself and Harry into the ecstatic audience.
It took 17 hours to the drag the fangirls off of Harry, or at least, what was left of him. (The rest is on Ebay!)
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Harry Potter was panicking. Malfoy, seeking revenge on the Black Haired, bespectacled boy, for publicly humiliating hium, had snuck up behind Harry and shrunk him. Shockingly, NO ONE HAD NOTICED!!!!
Harry cursed and grumbled and generally carried on in a juvenile way for quite some time, unitl finally after an hour or two of this and getting absolutely nowhere he decided that maybe he should do something a little more constructive. Maybe, just maybe, he should haul his miniscule ass to a teacher and be resized. There was only one problem, HOW THE HELL WAS HE GOING TO FIND ONE!?!?!?! Harry decided the best idea at this point was to go back to cursing and pacing again. Now what was he going to do?
Crookshanks watched the mini friend of his bushy haired pet resume throwing a fit. A feline smirk crossed his muzzle. Like so many of his kind, Crookshanks had an excellent memory and the chance for revenge for multiple kicks and cold-hearted comments was right here in front of him. A rough tongue flicked out as Crookshanks licked his lips. He stalked closer until there was barely any distance between cat and prey. Muscles bunched under thick fur. And then, he leapt.
No one heard the minute screams coming from the hallway that was deserted by all but one large orange cat and his doomed prey.
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Harry smirked at his reflection in the mirror, an expression which looked hardly out of place on this face. This had to be the best costume ever! The students had been looking forwards to Halloween more than ever this year due to the fact that Dumbledore had announced this year Hogwarts was having a masquerade ball. There was going to be a prize for the best costume and Harry was damned if he was going to pass up a chance to get something for free! He took a deep breath and practised his evil laugh.
'Not bad,' he thought to himself. 'Not bad at all.'
He checked himself once more and with a swirl of his cloak, made his way out of the tower and down to the great hall. Pausing at the top of the stairs before the hall, looking around regally to check the competition before he made his grand entrance.
'I've got this prize in the bag.' He thought smugly.
Tonight, Dumbledore had decided that, because Voldemort had still to learn that a 'surprise attack' worked better when repeat attacks are not engaged on the same day every year, hence the 'surprise' part, Aurors would be stationed at the school that night. Kingsley and his team of trusted, well trained Aurors entered the school, on the look out for anything that could be counted as 'dark lord-ish,' as ordered by Dumbledore.. As they stood in the entrance hall, one of them noticed movement at the top of the stairs. Following the specific orders of 'kill it first, and then call it a dark lord afterwards' he cast the killing curse, aimed at the snake-eyed figure standing regally at the top of the stairs. The green beam struck it's target, causing the figure the topple down the stairs and lay motionless at the bottom. The Aurors moved cautiously over to the body and then rolled it over. Kingsley eyed the body of Lord Voldemort in a professional sort of way.
"Yup, looks like a Dark Lord to me! Nice job, Higgins"
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Harry stood on the platform above the large fish tanks in the Aquarium. In front of him stood half a dozen death eaters. The Dursleys lay stunned, or maybe dead, on the floor level. What had started as a birthday treat for Dudley had turned out into yet another fight for Harry's life.
Harry heard more death eaters move into place behind him, effectively blocking off any means of escape.
"Give it up, Potter" sneered Lucius from under his hood and mask. "We have you trapped. You cannot escape." The other death eaters sniggered triumphantly on cue, Voldy had them well trained.
Harry eyed the water below. A few harmless, colourful fish swam lazily below. An idea smacked Harry upside the head. Without a word, (taunting your enemies gets you killed. A life lesson Sirius had taught Harry that was actually of use to him) Harry vaulted himself over the side of the railing and into the water below, casting a bubblehead charm as he went. He then doggy paddled as fast as he could into some reeds, effectively hiding himself from sight from the platform above.
As Harry searched for a way out of the tank without being seen by many pissed off death eaters, he felt something brush up against his leg. He looked around and came face-to-face with a large... hungry-looking, hammerhead shark. Harry found himself very aware of several other sharks homing in on him.
Gary, Head of Sharks in the Aquarium, eyed the slightly fatter than usual hammerheads nervously.
"Something the matter boss?" His assistant asked curiously.
"They don't seem to be hungry today, Bob" Gary stated. "If I didn't know any better I'd say they already ate..."
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Harry twitched convulsively.
His summer had been... quiet...
The train ride t Hogwarts had been... quiet...
The Start of Year Feast... quiet
The entire school year up to Halloween... quiet...
Halloween... quiet...
Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, Easter... all quiet...
It was now the train ride home, and throughout the entire school year...!
There had been nothing... Nothing at all... It had been, all things considered, a completely, utterly, totally, ordinary, year...
No seemingly accidental coincidences...
No Azkaban escapees...
No surprise attacks...
No traps...
No near-death experiences...
No one got sacked... or killed... or kidnapped... or possessed...
No discrediting newspaper/magazine articles...
No long lost relatives or family friends...
No secret tunnels or rooms...
No insane/dangerous/disguised/useless/hated defence teacher... (She had a cat called Mr. Snuggles – or snugly-wugly-poo, as she called him when he was distracting her class by attacking people's shoe-laces and nibbling on the hems of their robes.)
... Nothing...
Harry went cross-eyed and twitched again. Hermione and Ron shared a glance and then edged a little farther away, very... very... slowly.
Harry twitched again... then laughed, and laughed and then laughed some more, and then screamed and then resumed laughing and then threw himself out of the window. Screaming; "He'll never catch me now!" This was soon followed by a sickening crunch.
Voldemort reclined on his beach towel watching as around him death eaters enjoyed the sun, the sand and the surf. He looked next to him where Peter Petigrew was focusing all his attention on getting a tan.
"You were right, Wormtail. We did need a vacation." He stated cheerfully.
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Harry giggled weakly and staggered around the house, walking into furniture and walls, and open doorways and various other things. Dudley had fallen back into his usual pattern of beating Harry and had hit him over the head with the metal rod from a towel rack shortly before leaving to keep a bullying appointment in the park. Both Vernon and Petunia were out leaving Harry alone. Dumbstruck from the blow Harry was reduced to a giggling, gibbering simpleton while his brains tried to unscramble. His glasses had fallen off, so even if Harry wasn't currently playing the role of village idiot, he wouldn't have been able to see anyway.
With another girlish giggle he picked up a strange metal object from the table Vernon's study. He examined it in a childish way and squeezed two of the three metal 'arms' together. It went 'BANG' Harry gave a squeal of delight and brought it up to his face, the part where the three 'arms' met had a small slot in it. Harry brought in closer to his face, level with his left eye. Squinting slightly to try get a better view, he squeezed two of the arms together again.
Vernon stormed into the house (it was what he did best, next to eating and boasting). Walking into his study he found the boy lying face-down on the floor in a pool of his own blood. With a look of disgust he pried the metal object from cold dead fingers.
"Bloody freak, doesn't even know how to handle a frikken staple gun properly." He announced bitterly. He then rang a carpet cleaner and went and had dinner.
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Harry had spent an entire day from dawn climbing this mountain, and now finally, after nine hours of endless climbing, he had reached the top! Harry breathed in the thing, higher altitude air and gazed unseeingly through his fogged up glasses. His chest felt as though someone had driven an axe into it, but it was worth it. He was here, on this mountain!
and it was really, really boring.
Harry scowled, for some reason he had expected something exciting to happen.
With a shrug Harry steeled himself for the long climb back down.
A screech sounded over him and he looked up just as a genetically engineered GIANT EAGLE flew down and picked him up.
'Now this is more like it! Exciting!' Harry thought with a grin. A grin which faded as soon as he saw the genetically engineered GIANT EAGLE nest complete with baby genetically engineered GIANT EAGLES.
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Harry stood in the shower, singing badly and loudly. His voice echoed strangely around the glass walls of the shower. Mixed with the sound warping quality of the water, it wasn't a pleasant sound. Harry singing was so loud that it blocked out all external sounds.
Dudley snickered, as he snuck into the bathroom, a roll of duct-tape in his hands. Carefully, meticulously, he worked, taping up the outside of the shower, every crack, line and seam of the glass was covered, effectively sealing the shower closed. He then made his way over to the bathroom sink and turned on the cold tap, cutting off the shower's source of cold water. Steam was rising above the top of the shower as Dudley was leaving the room. Harry noting aloud to himself that the water seemed to be getting hotter.
The Boy-Who-Lived's signing was so bad that no one could tell the difference between it and the pained screams of Harry boiling to death.
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Harry stood atop a very high bridge, looking mournfully down at the water below. From all the way up here it looked like nothing more than a... well... river really but that wasn't the point. On the bridge itself people screamed for him to come down, to not jump and that every thing was going to be ok. Harry however refused, he couldn't stop now, he'd come so far, besides, it was a bloody long climb up, he wasn't going to waste all that effort to just climb back down again as though nothing was wrong.
"Goodbye cruel world!" he cried dramatically. And prepared to jump.
Sirius' voice reached Harry's ears.
"Hey Harry! We got cookies!"
Harry froze, COOKIES!!!
"screw this!" he announced and spun, preparing to climb back down, cookies prevailed over death any day!
Unfortunately for Harry the part of the bridge that he had been standing on wasn't as wide as he had originally thought and he slipped off the thin beam, plummeting into the water below.
Sirius hesitated and then walked to the edge of the bridge, eying the ripples in the water below. He carefully selected a cookie from the jar he was holding and threw it into the water below, following it with a sharp salute. Next to him, Remus helped himself to a cookie and hummed a death march.
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End Note: In case you were interested Dean, Seamus, Ron and Neville won the costume party with their Ghostbusters costumes. (It was Dean's idea.)
Disclaimer Add-Ons: I also do not own, Ghostbusters, or Frank Woodley's idea of a 'genetically engineered GIANT EAGLE' which he can ride around on...!
(Neither do I own a staple gun but I think we can all see why...)
I do however own some cookies!
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