Friday night – alright, let's fight!
I crawl into bed and lie down next to Richard, he went to sleep long before me. He was so tired, he must have been sleeping before his head even touched the pillow. My, what a peculiar evening this has been. A great number of battles have been fought under our roof tonight, I'm not sure how many, all I know is that I've been involved in every single one of them. Still, I don't think I was the one who tired first. Lorelai and Rory both looked like they'd been in a war, when they left. Richard barely managed to walk up the stairs. I feel fine.
When I woke up this morning, the first thing that hit my mind was "Rory is coming today". The next thing was "I don't want her to!". All morning the thoughts that went throught my mind were negative thoughts about the girls coming over. I was feeling terrible, and it must have shown on my face, because at breakfast, Richard asked me if I was feeling sick.
When I nodded, he gave me the very "comforting" information that I was as "pale as a ghost".
"It just doesn't seem right to me!" I complained. "After everything we did for Rory, she chose to hurt us the way she did. And now, we're supposed to just welcome her back into our home with open arms? I don't want it to work that way!" Richard got up and came around the table to try and calm me down. He started rubbing my shoulders as I continued. "But now that we, or should I say you, promised them a Friday night dinner tonight, I guess there's no other option..."
"Unless we don't welcome her with our arms open," Richard exclaimed. I looked up at him to get him to explain. "What if, when the girls come over, we maintain a distance between us and Rory, like a way of stating that we are not happy with her behaviour? Not in an impolite way, of course, but...like I said, a distance."
So, when the girls arrived, I was outside on the patio, painting a moonscape, in the spirit of keeping a distance, knowing that I couldn't do it otherwise. I told them it had to be finished in time for an art class showing in the DAR, which is true. What I didn't tell them is that I have two months to finish it...
It didn't take long before Lorelai made me come back inside, wanting us to talk. She and Rory tried to explain to us why they had accepted Christopher's offer to pay for Yale, and they almost managed to make it sound like they were just trying to do him a favor by letting him put his daugther through college. When Richard and I pointed out that she was already being put through college by us, Rory finally admitted that she didn't want us to pay for it anymore. She would however not admit that she acted the way she did to hurt us. The situation ended with me, Richard and Rory making excuses to leave, but then Lorelai started acting like a conciliator, and made us all sit down at the dinner table to talk. Or shout, if you will.
I've never eaten such a hectic meal in my life. The discussion begana with what Rory did to Richard and me. We got an apology out of her, but you could hardly call it a whole-hearted one.
The worst thing was that while we're still on the Rory-subject, Lorelai let my idea of buying an airplane slip her tounge. Richard sent me a look that I pretendeded not to notice, as I specified to Lorelai that I only inteded to look at the plane, not buy it.
Shortly after that the salad was served, and the topic fortunately dropped. The discussion then continued with Lorelai accusing us of having let her down when she came to ask for help with getting Rory back to university. She reenacted an entire scene of her asking us for help, and us agreeing to do our best. I wanted to tell her that I was fine with her plan and had no intention of changing out strategy, that it was Richard who changed his mind and decided that Rory should move in. I decided to keep my mouth shut, though, I could tell from the looks Richard kept sending me that he was irritated enough with me already.
So... maybe, in a way Lorelai was right that we broke our promise to her, but in a situation like that, there was no esay answer as to what was right or wrong to do.
Nevertheless, Lorelai's tirade knocked the air out of all of us, and we all calmed down for a bit while dessert was served. The quiet atmosphere is only temporary, though. The second I'vd finished eating, Richard asked me to come to the kitchen with him for a moment while the girls had coffee. I didn't really want to come with him, I felt like a child who's being pulled away from the guests to get scolded. When we reached the kitchen, Richard sent the maid off, closed the door behind her and turned to look at me. I avoided eye-contact with him, so he came over and put his hands on my shoulders.
"An...an airplane?" he asked in a whispery voice. All I can do is nod."An airplane?" he repeated, louder."You wanted to buy an airplane? Emily, what the hell? What were you thinking, buying an airplane?" "I didn't buy it, I LOOKED at it!" I defended myself.
"Well, what were you thinking LOOKING at a plane?" he asked, fuiously. "I can look at a plane if I want to look at a plane!" I claimed. Richard obviously didn't know what to say, he seemed completely appaeled. "How could you...when did you...what were you...Emily, you have any idea what an airplane costs?"
"Now, Richard, calm down," I told him in a sharp voice. "This was only an impulse, it was something I hadn't thought about. I haven't signed anything, and I'm not going to buy a plane, I just looked at it." He opened his mouth to protest again, but I wouldn't let him. "Listen to me, Richard," I continued in the same sharp voice, but at a lower volume this time. "I am a grown woman, a grown woman, who you have recently claimed you respected greatly. I do not deserve to be scolded for spending my own free time in my own way, when it doesn't cost you as much as a dime, is that clear?
Luckily, it only took a couple of more minutes to calm him down, before could we go back into the livingroom for drinks.
After all the outbursts, it seemed like we didn't have anything to talk about when we got back. We sat by the coffee table, sipping from our glasses and feeling the tense atmosphere in the room strangeling us slowly. I cleared my throat before I broke the silence.
"So, Rory, how is Logan these days?" Rory jerked from the sound of my voice and spilled some martini on her skirt, which she hecticly rubbed away while she answered. "Uhm, he's fine. He's great." "Have Shira and Mitchum given you any more trouble?" I asked. Rory shook her head.
"They gave that up ever since you hosted that DAR-event, didn't they?" Richard surprised us all by opening his mouth. "Well, yeah. How did you know?" Rory asked him. Richard looked at me. "Tell her, Emily. Tell her what you told me the other day, about Shira."
And so I started telling them about my "conversation" with Logan's mother after having found out about the things she had said about Rory. It was a calm and undramatic kind of storytelling at first, but as Lorelai and Rory start giggling more and more, and Richard continued reminding me of things I must remember to put in, the story came to life and before you know it we were all screaming with laughter. Well, alright, maybe the fact that we all refilled our glasses quite a number of times has something to do with the relaxing atmosphere. Lorelai asked nicely if she could take her shoes off and rest her feet on the sofa, and I told her she could, for once. Rory did the same thing. For the first time all evening the two of them seemed really relaxed, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. When I got to the part about Shira's weight, they looked at me with admiration and disbelief. Especcialy Lorelai seemed impressed, a fact that made me feel quite proud. Richard laughed until he choked, although he had heard it all before. When the story was finished I told them about my only regret; "I only wish I'd remembered to call her a cocktail waitress!" which caused Lorelai to scream at Rory "That's my mother's version of the C-word!"
When the hysterious laughter had stopped, I turned to Rory and smiled at her. "It was a wonderful event you hosted that day. Your time in DAR was short, but very successful." She sent me a confused look that I can't decipher.
Later that evening I got to know why she looked at me that way. Rory and I were in the kitchen getting some more coffee when she stopped me as I was about to go back into the livingroom.
"Uhm, Grandma? Earlier, when you said that my time in the DAR was short, what did you mean? I'm not going to attend the gatherings anymore?"
"Why would you do that?" I asked with a smile.
"Well, for one thing I liked it," Rory claimed. "And you said yourself that I knew what I was doing. I think I fitted in pretty well, don't you?"
"Rory, I think your quitting is for the best. I've already taken your name out of our lists," I said, still with a smile on my face, but a much less heartfelt one than earlier.
Rory, however, was not smiling.
"Why? Why on earth would you do that?" she asked in a loud voice. "How could you kick me out of the organization just because you and I had a disagreement?"
"Disagreement?"I mumbled and turned to leave, but Rory grabbed my arm.
"Well, yeah, you can't just kick me out because of something like that..." she goes on in a high-pitched complaining voice. I've given up pretending to be in a good mood myself now. "Disagreement?" I repeat. "Is that what you call it? What you did to your grandfather and me can in no way be descibed as a disagreement, Rory, you hurt us deeply. Appearantly more deeply than you're able to understand." Rory looks at me with an innocent and sad expression on her face as I continue. "Now, I don't want that kind of conflict between the members of the organization, so I decided you had to quit," I said in a slightly calmer voice.
As if this had anything to do with the organization. The reason why I took Rory's name out of the lists, was...well, that was a spontaneus thing too, really. I was going through our department's index, and I saw Rory's name there. Gilmore, Lorelai Leigh. It was as if it was written in much bigger letters than the rest , as if it stood out on the paper, and all I could think was "She shouldn't be there..."
Rory had no idea how esaily she got into the DAR, compared to other who doesn't have the same contacts. She didn't realize how esaily she was accepted in the group, or how quickly she was trusted with responsibility...We've had women coming to those meeting for years without getting as much as a word in. And then Rory comes waltzing in and takes it all for granted...I was filled with a sudden anger, and before I knew it I had put a thick line of ink over her name. As I closed the index and put it back into the drawer, I'll admit it, I felt extremely satisfied. A small revenge, a little victory for me...Just a little something I could comfort myself with.
"There'll be no more discussion of it" I said as I turned away from her and head back for the livingroom again. She followed me, telling me she didn't want to quit. When I didn't want to listen she claimed I had no real reason to kick her out, and also pointed out that she's in contact with more members than I am, and that she likes them better than I do. None of this is true, of course, but when I tried telling her so, she threw in my face that she has been in touch with one of the members Tweeny Halpern, behind my back. "What are you doing talking to Tweeny Halpern?" I asked her, confused."I'm friends with Tweeny Halpern! I'm helping her daughter look at colleges! I'm going to give her a tour of Yale!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I never thought that Rory would dare to have anything to do with any of the DAR-ladies without consulting me first. She really didn't understand that she wouldn't have been accepted by those women if it weren't for me.
"You have no right to talk to Tweeny Halpern or anyone else in the DAR! That is my organization!" I said in a firm voice as I turned to leave the room again. A bit childish of me to put it like that, maybe, but at that moment I was so shocked and angry that I didn't even notice. Rory followed me as I headed back into the kitchen. "I'm not quitting!" she shouted. "Oh yes you are!" I shouted back as I poured more hot coffee into my cup. There was hardly room for any, but I couldn't let her know I went into the kitchen just to get away from her, could I?
After a few more rounds of "No I'm not – Yes you are" discussion, Rory gave up and decided to try with good words instead. After a little back and forth, we agreed that she will remain a DAR member, but that she has to let me know before she makes contact with any of the other members.We also agreed that she should not attend any more meetings in the near future, now that she needs to concentrate on her schooling. Rory is very good at negotiating, I have to admit and we managed to end up with a result we were both happy with. Something tells me I'm a little more happy with it than she was, but she was not complaining, so neither will I.
The last battle of the evening was one that has been fought many times before. It started when Lorelai and I were alone in the dining room for a moment, and I jokingly asked her why there had been so much fighting going on all the evening... Ironically enough, that started another fight. One thing lead to another, and before we knew it, we were walking down the road we always end up on - why she had to get pregnant, refuse to get married and then run away from home. As usual, we were screaming at each other and taking turns feeling dejected, raising eyebrows and sighing loudly. And as usual, we didn't get anywhere. When we had gotten to the point where she says that "If things hadn't gone the way they did, everything would have fallen apart and we would have ended up killing each other," I sent her a look that says "Why don't we just give in right here and now, we're not getting anywhere with this." For once, she understood what I meant, so we ended the battle without further ado and went back in to join Rory and Richard on the couches.
We all stayed to talk for a little longer, but by that time, all the others were pretty exhausted, so after a few minutes the girls decided to leave. I walked them out, Richard was too tired to do anything but give them a quick wave as they left the room. When Rory had put her coat on and Lorelai was waiting for her by the door, she gave me a quick hug like she used to do, and whispered something into my ear. I couldn't catch what it was, but I like to think it was "I really am sorry, Grandma." I hugged her back and waved at Lorelai as they left.
Alright, so everything isn't as it should be between Rory and me, not like it used to. Not yet. But this evening was a huge step forward. And we'll get there, I know we will.
So, that's the end! Thanks to Inca for proofreading!