A/N: as a christmahanukanwzakuh gift to everyone here is a nice little update.
Disclaimer: I own nothing affliated with Harry Potter
Wicked Games
-Chapter nine-
"Those three words"
Remus
I am a tangle of limbs, but they are not all mine.
I feel the hot breath on my bare shoulder and the warm arms around my equally bare waist. A pair of legs are tangled up with my skinned knees and let my eyes slowly close, tears hitting the dusty wood floor beneath us. My hand grabs the hand on my waist and I pull it to my chin, taking his fingers in mine.
As long as he's asleep I might as well enjoy the moment.
I snuggle against him and yet my chest still feels empty, there is no warmth, no heart beating for love.
I can't even pretend.
I sit up quickly, dropping his hand and I bury my face in my filthy palms, tears spilling onto every inch of wood and skin they can find. I am quiet yet I feel as if I should scream and tear open my chest, I just can't take it anymore.
And then I see, on the only chair not overturned or torn from it's legs, a clean uniform folded nicely with my prefect's badge perched atop and I can't stop myself from looking at him. He is clothed, his fresh uniform in the dust, his hair tucked behind his ear and shoes polished and tied.
I have never in my life seen Sirius Black look so put together.
I scoop my uniform into my hands and make to get dressed before he wakes up.
Sirius
He's gone. I open my eyes and he's longer in my arms.
I sit up and look for his uniform but that's gone too.
Where is he? Would he really have left me here?
The light outside is golden and I know it is nearing evening.
As I go to get up I hear something behind me and I sigh.
"Remus."
Remus
I watched him sleep and I cried again and then watched him sleep just a little longer. He woke up around five.
I had decided that I would once and for all tell him that I couldn't stand him, that he'd ruined my life and I was done with him. I finally had the nerve.
But that wasn't true, I couldn't stand the idea of not being with him, to be honest, but sometimes people just have to put their feelings aside.
He sits up and looks around confused as if he expected something else but I know he's looking for me, I'm sitting behind him, perched on an old, filthy little cot.
As he stands up I shift my weight, causing the bed to creak and he sighs and whispers my name.
"Remus."
I want him to say it again, it sounds so nice coming from his lips, so endearing.
He turns to face me, tears are in his eyes, fire are in mine.
He sees it and his face drops.
"Remus." he says again and I almost melt.
"I'm done." I choke out, I feel tears in my eyes again.
He looks up at me quickly, he gets it all at once.
"Wait." he says as if I'm leaving.
I shake my head and get up, quickly shoving past him, if I don't leave now I won't at all.
He turns to grab my arm but I'm already down the rickety stairs, and he's running after me, I almost think the staircase might collapse with the heaviness of his feet.
"Wait please!" He sobs but I keep going, I can't give in.
But I want to so bad, my heart has broken into a million pieces over him and yet I want to go back to him, as if in hopes of him repairing the pain.
I can't.
Sirius
I'm sobbing like a little girl now, yelling at him to stay and yet my words I know sound like gibberish. I'm throwing out every word that comes to mind as I stumble after him. He's actually leaving me.
"Stop, please!" I yell and yet he keeps going, we're almost outside now.
I see the sun peaking out from far behind the trees as it sets.
He stumbles out from the Whomping Willow and bounds across the ground, me chasing after him.
"Please, I'm so sorry!" I choke out and run after him.
I catch a root and fall to my knees only feet away from the destructive path of the tree and I dig my hands into the grass and sob.
Remus
"Please, I'm so sorry!" I nearly turn back but all I can do is stop as I hear him sob.
"Come back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Come back!" He sounds so sincere.
I turn and look at him, he's on all fours, his head down and his face streaked with tears.
What should I do now? I know I'm crying but there's no use in trying to stop.
My mind is turmoil as I watch him and I fall to my knees a few feet away from him.
I can't take it, I throw my head back and scream, letting out every little thing, the pain and love, the sadness, Serei, Sirius, my family, my "problem", my lonliness, all of it in one long, heart wrenching scream,
Sirius
My throat is raw.
I see him turn and I see him fall to his knees infront of me and I hear him scream and I feel as if my heart as been ripped out.
But I know he isn't screaming at me, maybe for me, but not at me and I crawl to him.
His face is wet with tears as I cup my hands around his cheeks, his scream has become a sob, quickly turning into a sad moan.
Without thinking I kiss his closed eyes, I kiss away his tears, I kiss the corners of his sad mouth, I kiss his forehead and his jaw and his nose and I kiss every inch of his face my lips can find until his keening comes to a stop and I pull back to see his blue eyes staring at me with wonder.
I know apologizing isn't what he wants and so I stroke his face and stare him in the eye.
"I love you." I whisper and I can visibly see the change in him.
"I love you." I say again and continue to repeat it, the words sound so genuine, so true and full of emotion.
I like the sound of it.
"I love you." I say again and as I open my mouth to say it again he presses his lips against mine.
Remus
I refuse to break the kiss for fear of the love disappearing, but I know it won't. When he openned his mouth and spoke those words to me I felt him pick up all of the broken pieces and put them back in place, he really did fix me. He is a man of many possiblities and I love him.
Sirius
He finally breaks the kiss, panting softly and blushing but almost seems to be upset with himself for not letting our kiss last longer. I brush his hair from his face and kiss him again.
"I love you." He whispers, and I wrap my arms around him tightly. I won't let go.
"I love you." I reply.
And I mean it.
a/n: well it's finished...I guess.