Okay…for all of you who just read my story, F U…to those few who reviewed…thank you. Here's my wacky second chapter.
(Sephiroth and Bob…I mean Cloud are fighting and Sephy's beating Cloud's ass. This is right after Sephy knocks Cloud into that building)
Sephy: Hey get back here bi-atch!
(Cloud runs away)
Cloud: Please don't hurt me!
(Sephy gives chase)
Sephy: I JUST WANNA KILL YOU! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING!
Cloud: Cause I don't wanna—(runs straight into a wall and falls over)
Sephy: (laughs hysterically) You!…stupid!…run!…wall!….into! (Sephy runs into a giant panda bear) Owwwww! Bleep! Bleep! Panda bleep! Bear bleep! Motha-bleeeeeeeeeepppp!(cuts giant panda bear in two)
(Cloud gets up and tries to hit Sephy, but sephy blocks it and starts talking)
Sephy: Damned panda bear. Where did you get this strength Bob…uhhh Cloud?
Cloud: Well I've been working out…and then I saw my dead girlfriend so I might've…hey wait! I'm not telling you! (throws sephy through walls)
Sephy: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (cloud jumps after him)
(For the sake of not making this an action story, I'll just skip all the action, this is the part where Sephy throws a bunch of buildings at Cloud)
Sephy: Yo! On your knees, you gonna suck this di---! No wait, on your knees, I want you to beg for something that I forgot, I think it was material!
Cloud: No! I'm sure it was something like mercy!
Sephy: No it was material, just ask that ninja bitch! She a material addict!
Yuffie: What you say Sephy?
Sephy: Oh no you didn't! No one calls me Sephy! (fangirls run up and hug Sephy) Aghhh! Let go of me you slightly cute fiendish girls!
Cloud: I knew you were gay!
Sephy: (cuts down the fannies by their fannies) WHAT! I'm not gay!
Cloud: Then how do you explain the three sniveling, crying, faggot ass, homosexuals then?
Sephy: Some things can't be explained. I'll leave it a mystery.
(Cloud looks around)
Sephy: Aren't we supposed to be doing something?
Cloud: I dunno, I'll ask that dude with the silver hair if he knows!
Sephy: (looks around) What dude with silver hair?
Cloud: (looks at Sephy) Hey! Do you know if we're supposed to be doing something or not?
Sephy: You babbling idiot! I just asked you that!
Cloud: You did?
Sephy: Yeah!
Cloud: What?
Sephy: Yeah!
Cloud: What?
Sephy: (Does weak-sauce impression of Lil' John) YEAAAHHH!
Cloud: (Does a slightly more accurate, but still suck-ass impression of Lil' John) OKAAAAAYYYY!
Sephy: Right… hey wait! No one copies me!
Cloud: OKAAAYYYY!
Sephy: Shut up!
Cloud: WHAATT?
Sephy: SHUT UP!
Cloud: WHAT?
SEPHY: SHADDUP!BITTTCHHHHHACHACHA…CHARMIN!
Cloud: I like to wipe my butt with that stuff.
Sephy: Really…I wipe my butt with the scalps of chocobo haired dudes.
Cloud: Cool. (feels his hair) No, wait. Not cool! That is not cool! That is SO not cool!
Sephy: Why are you such an idiot?
Cloud: I blame it on the juicy goodness!
Sephy: Really! Man you are dumb.
Cloud: What? I meant the juicy goodness of your momma's mouth!
Sephy: My god! He's telling momma jokes, he's so…so hip. I can't take his hip-ness-es! (cuts down a few buildings and tosses them at Cloud)
Cloud: HOLY SH—(this program has been briefly and rudely interrupted to inform you that I just saved a bunch of money on my pimp cane insurance by switching to Slapho)
(Unfortunately for Sephiroth, there were a lot of fangirls in those buildings, and they all jumped out on him)
Sephy: AGHHHH! HORNEY SLIGHTLY CUTE CHICKS WHO LIKE MY MANLINESS!
Cloud: (laughs at Sephiroth for a while then notices that none of the horny slightly cute chicks like his manliness) Hey! Why I no get no love?
Sephy: Cause you're a hero. And hero's don't get any poontang! HAHAHA!
Cloud: (dodges incoming buildings and runs for Sephy, Sephy kills the chicks and knocks Blondey on another rooftop) AGHHHHH!
Sephy: (kicks Cloud's gravity defying wig into a corner, then laughs at Cloud's baldliness) AGHHHhahahaha! The last time I saw a head that shiney…was never! (Slaps his own knees from laughter)
Cloud: Hey shut up okay…its my recreation wig…usually I wear this one. (pulls out a wig something like George Washington would wear)
Sephy: (laughs even harder) AGGGGHHHHAHAHAHAAAAA! FUNNY! WIG! GEORGE WASHINGTON! WHOOOOOOOO…..HAHAHAAAAA!
(cloud rushes at Sephy who bitch slaps Cloud into the corner with his chocobo wig still laughing hysterically)
Sephy: (stabs cloud's wig into cloud's shoulder) Tell me why you wore that wig, when I could give you the wig of your dead girlfriend?
(cloud does blaseh blah, and accidentally makes twenty-three Barbara Striesand clones fall in love with Sephiroth)
Ugly nose: Ahhh! So manly! We just love your manliness! Don't you just love our noses?
Sephy: No. Get off me. Get your noses away from me! (they drag Sephy into a black pit which happens to be Barbara Streisand's nose hairs. And he gets sealed away for a long time with nothing to look at but ugly noses)
Cloud: Well that was strange. Now to resurrect Tupac again.
Myself: Yeah, I always wondered what happened to Dennis Rodman.. No, wait…my bad. I'm supposed to tell you how random and stupid my story really is but the truth is that I am in love with…with…in love with…-insert some stupid person here-…there I said it! Are you happy now! I can't take the pressure. dramatic faint Ooohhhh. dramatic music (Cloud picks me up and carries me to nowhere in particular, only to be slapped by me) Hey partna, I don't roll, walk swim upstream, downstream, fly, sprint, jog, or any other form of transportation that way. So back off, I shoot Cloud with Sora and they mix to make the coolest character with the strangest hair..ever! Peace!