Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But I own the soul of Sai...He doesn't have one...-.-

Surprisingly, Naruto's first thoughts upon seeing his old teammate after almost three years apart, were not about bringing him back to Konoha. They weren't about his promise to Sakura or to himself. They weren't about anger or how many times to punch the boy for leaving (though he WOULD punch him for leaving!). They weren't even about how Sasuke was STILL taller than him. No, Naruto's thoughts upon seeing Sasuke for the first time were actually...

He looks so molestable in that shirt...

Now, Naruto was trying to pay attention to the conversation, he REALLY was. But his thoughts kept going back to Sasuke's open shirt. He couldn't look away from the raven haired boy's chest if his life depended on it. Okay, Naruto, focus! They're talking about bonds! When Sasuke said something about other bonds weakening important feelings, Naruto's mind flashed to they're fight at the Valley of the End. Hehehehe...I got to hold him real close that day...But I've been closer...

Realizing that he hadn't participated in conversation he said the first thing about the topic of the conversation he could think of. Then Sasuke shifted ever so slightly causing the sun to catch his chest in a different angle. And Naruto was staring again.

I hope I'm not drooling.

Sasuke was speaking again. Something about saving his life on a whim. Meh, whatever, It was more fun to take in that pale, lightly muscled chest...It then occurred to Naruto that he wasn't staring at Sasuke anymore. The boy was suddenly in front of him, arm loosely wrapped around his neck. No fair! He wanted to keep staring!

He's saying something! Focus!

"And at a whim of mine, you'll lose your life!"

Is he still upset about being the uke? I thought he got over that...

Once again, Naruto said something off the top of his head, hoping he hadn't just admitted to wanted molest the Uchiha right there. Sasuke had drawn his sword and was about to stab him--maybe he HAD said he wanted to molest him--when Sai appeared behind Naruto and blocked the attack. Naruto was now in between two black haired teenagers. In between...Sai and Sasuke...

Wait a minute! I don't want to be a manwich!

Naruto grabbed onto Sasuke's arm and flipped out from in between the two. He only vaguely noticed Sasuke calling up the Sharingan.

"Chidori Nagashi!"

While flying back in the air due to a chidori from Sasuke's entire body, Naruto had only one thought. That could be used in some kinky situations...! He then proceeded to fantasize about all the situations in which Sasuke's new attack could be used in. The next thing he knew, he was standing in front of Kyuubi.

"WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO KILL?"

Naruto knew that in Kyuubi-speak, 'kill' actually meant 'fuck'.

"I don't want to 'kill' anyone." 'I want to make sweet, sweet love to him.'

The Kyuubi kept on insisting that Naruto needed Kyuubi's chakra and power.

"Get lost" Naruto held a hand out to stop the monster. 'I'm getting turned on quite nicely by myself. I don't need a demon's help'

Another hand appeared out of nowhere and touched the Kyuubi, right on the nose. Naruto vaguely wondered what fox snot felt like, but then decided he didn't want to find out. The hand was connected to an arm that was connected to a shoulder which was connected to a body. A very fine body, Naruto might add.

The Kyuubi and Sasuke began to talk. Naruto wasn't all that interested. ...Inside me...Sasuke's inside my mind...Inside me...But it's supposed to be the other way around! He's the uke! Just as Naruto was about to comment on this, Sasuke popped Kyuubi's bubble.

Literally.

The Kyuubi just exploded.

On a later date, Naruto would ask Kyuubi why the monster had allowed Sasuke to do so. The Kyuubi admitted, a bit reluctantly, that he had been to busy daydreaming about raping the Uchiha that he wasn't paying attention to what the boy was doing. Naruto was glad that he wasn't alone.

Then Naruto was suddenly jerked back out of his mind. Yamato had began to fight back (finally), and Sasuke had to jump back on top of a cliff. When Naruto tried to tell Sasuke that Orochimaru only wanted Sasuke's body -I actually care about your mind!- Sasuke had said he didn't care. He then proceeded to say he was done with them-All because he was the uke! What the fuck!?- and had begun to do a move, when Orochimaru stopped him.

By holding his hand.

What the fuck!

That's MY Sasuke he's touching!

Kabuto, Orochimaru, and Sasuke then left after a brief conversation. I failed...again...I'm...powerless...

To molest him...I always fail at it. I'm never going to be able to make sweet, sweet love to him at this rate.

Naruto began to sob. Sakura mistook this as sobbing because he couldn't bring Sasuke back and began to ramble on about crying and not bringing Sasuke back and being together--Yeah, he and Sasuke had been, how'd she find out?-- and other things like that. Whatever lady, someday, I will succeed...

One day, I will molest Sasuke!

--

Um...This was wrote to help soothe me of my upset...ness...on the recent chapters. No one really did anything to fight Sasuke. Or even say anything to him. So I decided to find a reason for that. And of course. I then wrote a fic about it. Who knows? Maybe this'll help with my writer's block for WtFH. Heh, That could be taken for as 'What the fucking hell'. Meh. I'm sleepy. Review.