Yeah, okay, I know no one wants to read these little blurbs at the top of the page where the author rambles on and on and on (I'm doing it already..), so I'll make this short.

I just thought it would be vaguely entertaining exploring how different some of our favourite shinobi would act.. smashed. Each char will probably get 2 to 3 chapters each. The chapters themselves are kind of short though. I could probably put each char in one chapter, but then I won't update as often. .

WARNINGS: Uhh.. OOCness, because that's always an issue. Shounen-ai/Yaoi pairings. Deidara bashing. :D

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, obviously, because if it belonged to me, there'd be even fewer females (and there are only like... 7... as is.) and Sasuke and Naruto would have shacked up a long time ago.

--

Drunkard the first - Itachi

"You wake him up!"

"What! No way. I ain't goin' near 'em, yeah? Besides, you're his partner, yeah."

"What's that got to do with it!"

"He's less likely to EAT YOU ALIVE, Yeah!"

"Hell, say 'Yeah' one more time, and I'll EAT YOU ALIVE MYSELF."

"Oh, YEAH?"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Itachi awoke to the sound of Deidara's head being slammed through a wall.

"YEAH."

SLAM!

"WATCH IT!"

CRASH!

"OW, DAMN IT, YEAH, THAT WAS MY HAIR!"

CRUNCH.

"AGH, MY BACK!"

Squuuuuuuish.

"NO! ZETSU! NOOOooooo..."

Burp.

All in all, it was a normal day at the Akatsuki HQ. Without bothering to open his eyes, Itachi turned over in bed and tuned out the various Deidara bashing noises as he tried to recall what the hell had happened last night. For the first time in his life, Uchiha Itachi drew a blank.

A few minutes later, he heard the door creak open.

"Uh... hey, you awake?" Kisame asked, slowly approaching the lump known as Itachi, careful not to let his guard down.

"Nngh." Itachi managed.

"Itachi-san..."

"Fine. Fine. I'm awake, damn it. Stop being so fucking loud."

Itachi lifted his face out of his pillow and opened his eyes. What he saw would strike a normal person with panic and fear. But Itachi was an Uchiha, and everyone knows Uchihas are not normal people. And there's no Uchiha alive, that's right, all TWO of them, that would ever allow anyone to forget it.

"Kisame..."

Although Itachi was a master of the art of showing no emotion, or as Sasuke calls it, the art of "bastarditiness" (It sounded better in his head, I'm sure.), Kisame, aided by his super sharkman senses, noticed a slight waver in Itachi's voice.

"Ye-yeah?"

"I've gone blind."

Kisame knew that Itachi's eyesight was getting worse, but he hadn't expected him to go blind any time soon, particularly not NOW. He didn't really know how to respond.

"Er.." he started, before realizing something important. "...Itachi-san..."

"I can't see anything." Itachi stated, cutting him off.

"Itachi-san." Kisame tried again.

"It's all dark."

"Itachi.."

"And black."

"I..ta..chi.." Kisame clenched his teeth, clearly getting more annoyed by the second.

"Hmm. Not very interesting to look at."

"Bah!" muttered Kisame, irritably. He reached over and pulled the comforter off the bed... and off Itachi's head.

"..oh." Itachi said, clutching his head. "Augh.."

"Headache?" Kisame asked, smirking. Itachi might not have any clue as to what happened last night, but he remembered it clearly.

"Wow, what brilliant deductive skills you have." Itachi tried rolling his eyes, but soon found that that only made his head spin more. "Bah.."

"Surprised? You really shouldn't be. If all you've got from last night is a hangover, you should consider yourself lucky." Now that Kisame knew that his partner wasn't in any shape to, as Deidara had so eloquently put it earlier, eat him alive, he was going to enjoy this. Granted, the former leaf shinobi could probably kick his ass, hungover or not, but Kisame figured he'd just make a lot of noise if he thought his life was in danger. After all, if his head hurt enough, it would probably give Kisame enough time to put a lot of distance between them. Or if not enough distance, then Deidara. "Personally, I would have bet you'd be one hell of a violent drunk."

Itachi blinked. What was that supposed to mean?

"...You mean.. I'm not?" he asked.

"Who has the brilliant deductive skills now?" Kisame snickered.

"Oh, shut up."

Itachi wasn't in the mood for this sort of thing. And the way Kisame was smiling made him wonder if he really even wanted to know what the hell had happened last night. 'On one hand, I am a bit curious..' thought Itachi, 'On the other, if I DON'T know, then there would probably be less people that I would have to kill and I could go back to sleep.' Flopping down onto his pillow, and pulling the comforter back over his head, Itachi quickly opted for the latter choice, deciding that whatever had happened probably wasn't quite as interesting as staring at complete blackness for a few hours.

Staring at the lump, once again known as Itachi, Kisame frowned.

"What? You're not even going to ask what happened?" he asked, prodding the lump slightly.

"Not. Interested. Go away." came Itachi's muffled voice.

'Hell if I'm leaving it at that!' Kisame thought. "You're not even a bit curious?"

"No." Itachi lied. He was pretty good at it.

"Fine." Kisame got up, turning and walking to the door. He waited until he was halfway out of the room before turning around once more. "Just one thing though."

"What now?"

"Tell me, is Deidara male or female?"

And with that, he closed the door.

--

Dun dun dunn..

Making fun of Deidara is fun.

Yeah, that was short.. Itachi's little episode should be over in 2 to 4 chapters, depending on the length of them. Then I'll probably go spike Iruka's tea.

No point in updating if I think that no one is reading. (Aka, review please.)