fractured

They called it schizophrenia. She knew well what it was, what it entailed. Afterall, Ami had spent her life in and out of the different hospital wards, volunteering where she could, where they would allow her—and there were very few places they wouldn't allow Dr. Mizuno's daughter.

And so she called it schizophrenia, because there were three distinct personalities in her, although soon it would probably be two, and eventually one. Sailor Mercury of this lifetime was still young, no memory of the past and only confident of herself to a point. She was closest to Ami Mizuno the normal girl, for they had lived with one another for quite some time now and she couldn't imagine living without her stronger Senshi self, except she had. And Ami Mizuno the normal human girl had done alright for herself.

Eternal Sailor Mercury was a strange entity all in herself. Centuries of knowledge and a coldness that Ami was afraid of. Her thoughts and memories she kept to herself, giving her only glimpses into a life full of the brightest moments yet the longest shadows.

All of them together were concerned about the situation, and their friends, at hand. The truth about Artemis and Luna, and the sorry state they were all in, not to mention the still very missing Zoisite. The Eternal Sailor Mercury within her was very concerned about that fact, almost to the point where she found her eyes constantly wet for reasons unknown. It didn't help that she too, was worried for Zoisite. She had a very good idea of where he'd be, except this time, Mamoru wouldn't be there to rescue him. She didn't want to think about what Luna and Artemis would do to him.

No one was dealing with anything very well; then again, no one was really in any condition to deal with the situation. Neither Sailor Neptune, Jupiter, nor Mars had so much as stirred since however long ago. Speaking of which, the lack of time in this place was driving her crazy. Had hours passed? Minutes? Days? she didn't know. She had always been very time-oriented, but this—she looked down at the broken watch on her wrist again. She was fidgeting and restless and she couldn't help it.

At least Usagi had woken up, however briefly. She had smiled so sweetly at Mamoru, like the old Usagi, before succumbing to unconsciousness again. It had made her feel a little bit better. The relieved look on Mamoru's face, the first normal look she'd seen him with since he'd returned, had made her feel even better. And at least, Saturn had healed what injuries she could. They were now all much better and little worse. Even Venus' ribs had been dealt with, and her own back was on the mend. If only the Senshi would wake up. If only the woman named Anna would wake up. Saturn hadn't felt much from that one, but none of them had yet informed the little boy that still clung to her side.

If only Zoisite weren't missing, and all those people hadn't die.

She sighed. She didn't want to think about the bodies still trapped beneath the rubble, faceless and nameless to her but haunting her all the same. She glanced down at the dark head resting in her lap, recharging after her healing sessions with a quick nap. Not too far away, Uranus, who had finally given in to exhaustion, lay beside Neptune, close but not touching. Her shouting match with Mamoru had yielded no results. It would have come to blows had Usagi not woken up. She wasn't sure what she would have done had it did. On one hand, dissent between their ranks resulted in nothing, but he refused to be forthcoming with any information he had. She wasn't even sure how he would have reacted if Uranus had struck him.

It was just a matter of time now really, now that all the serious injuries had been tended to. Even if time did flow indeterminately here, she thought irritably. She glanced sideways, allowing a bit more vexation to surface. Maybe her sisters would get more rest if they weren't arguing so loudly.

Because for the past however long, Nephrite had been arguing with Mamoru, taking up where Uranus had left off. And it was beginning to grate on her already frayed nerves. It was a bad thing, she decided, that her patience was so short these days. But she kept her mouth shut. It wasn't her place to interfere with their relationship. All she wanted now was for her sisters to wake up. For everyone to go back to normal. For them to rescue Zoisite and Luna and Artemis and the world. Maybe then she'd be able to find her mother, if she was still alive.

She looked down at Saturn's sleeping face again and allowed the innocence she saw to soothe away most of her nerves. Her fingers rhythmically ran through the silky strands, gently pulling apart tangles and flattening stray hairs. Everything will work out okay. But she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

Rei could never decide if they were blue or grey, those stormy eyes. They looked at her now with such unwavering intensity. She loved those eyes. She had loved those eyes. Did she? Who was she?

His pale lips broke into an easy smile, a spark of something igniting in those lovely eyes. "Welcome back." She suddenly wished for their link, if only to see what he thought. But it was gone, severed with her death.

She sat up, looking away from temptation, from desire. It wasn't her desire was it? And what was this feeling? This terrible suffocating feeling hovering just beneath confusion and her past self? She took a moment to consider it, this foreign ill that had entered her body and still yet remained.

"What have I done?" She asked sharply, fully knowing the answering, finally recognizing the darkness for what it was inside her. "Chaos." Its name sounded terribly familiar falling from her lips. It echoed down her spine in a chill, sending tendrils of unease along her skin. She finally turned to him, staring at him. "Jadeite." This name was soft and full of memory. She knew him.

Something crumpled inside those eyes, and he looked away momentarily, unable to bear the weight of her gaze. Unease flitted through her again. "I'm not Mars, Jadeite." They lifted again to meet her, questioning and hesitant in the same breath. But even as she said it, the desire was within her. To hold. To love. To strike. To kill. She was being torn apart. Rei looked away. "I'm not her." She felt her face twist into a frown. She was confused again. She was Rei Ayanami. She did not know this man so intimately as her memory suggested. She was not that woman. But the power was hers. The memory was hers. Those memories. She shut her eyes against them. You died. I'm me. A softer tendril of thought stood out. We're us. One and the same. Chaos had merged them, brokenly, inseparately—her soul, fractured into pieces. She was no longer herself.

"I'm not him either, Rei."

Startled, she turned to look at him. The easy smile was back, and something so so sad in those eyes. He tilted his head to one side, soft golden hair falling ever so slightly over his face.

"Are we ever who we were?"

He was giving her permission not to be her, to deny the memories that so desperately wanted to take hold, to dominate. She felt the tears so close to the surface begin to recede.

Silence fell over them.

"Maybe…," she began, unable to hold onto herself, the words not solely hers. "Maybe one day." She stared at him, almost helplessly.

They were clear, those eyes that studied her. His lips held no smile. His jaw clenched minutely.

"Maybe," he said at last.

To be honest, Zoisite was surprised he still lived. He dealt well with odds, and there hadn't been any in his favor whatsoever once they'd pulled him through the portal. Yet here he stood, in worse condition than he liked, but standing all the same. The darkness pressed in from all sides, a sinister presence that was both stifling and suffocating.

"I remember you," Artemis said, "You're the great traitor."

"As are you," Zoisite replied evenly. He could not read the Mau, could not gauge reactions and actions. It all depended on just how much the man had recovered. And just where was Luna?

"True, the memories have returned."

Artemis turned and began walking. Zoisite followed almost involuntarily. He did not want to be left here alone. "But they are only pictures, I can only watch them. I cannot feel. I believe I am grateful for that."

It was suddenly light, and he found himself in a sparsely furnished room. He felt only marginally better. A fire burned dimly in the fireplace, pushing back some of the gloom. He turned behind him to see faded tapestry and solid wall.

"Luna doesn't seem to remember yet. She'll hate me later for that, possibly herself more. If there is a later, that is."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Do?" He seemed genuinely surprised. "I will do nothing."

Zoisite was stunned. "Nothing? What about—"

"What about them? That kingdom was destroyed. This world is soon to end. Why should we carry any allegiance? Why should you still carry allegiance?" Artemis turned away from the fireplace to face him.

"Because I love him," he said slowly. "I love all of them. I love her." He stared speculatively at the Mau. "Just like you love Luna. Why is it that that is the only emotion that carried through?"

The man smiled a humorless smile. "It is terrible in Chaos. Luna, in all millennia, she's always been by my side. I will follow her to ends, even if that end is hell. I'll bear it with her."

"Don't you think that's a little bit selfish?" Would he have done the same, had it been Mercury? He didn't know. Duty or love. Love or duty.

"There is no way to push back the curtain of memory. It will either return, or it won't. I'll not allow her to walk that road alone."

"Do you really think she would have wanted that?"

Artemis turned away towards the fire again. "Is anything what we want?" He murmured in reply. "Our goals are the same, any which way you look at it. The destruction of that which is Chaos. Our methods are merely different."

He scowled. "You're killing millions. For what? What's left to fight for if they're all dead?"

"Darkness must be countered with darkness. It's obvious the Light cannot win. We've seen it time and time again."

He had no reply to that. It was truth, that over decade and millennia, the battle had been fought countless times. Would they never win? Would the cycle repeat endlessly? He couldn't believe that.

"Why not try a different method then? If all the previous attempts have failed?" Artemis continued. "You're a scientist are you not? Consider it an experiment."

"This isn't an experiment!" He shouted. "These are people's lives! Do you really believe that you can defeat Chaos with its own powers?"

Artemis didn't reply.

"You're going to lose and you know it. They'll all have died for nothing. You know Luna. Do you have any idea how much this will kill her? Come back with me. Come back to Serenity. If anyone can help Luna remember, it's her. She can help you."

The silence extended, until Artemis finally sighed. "It's all futile," he said softly. Cold blue eyes locked on him, gleaming. "So very futile."

The punch surprised both of them.

His swordmaster would have been horrified at the indignity of it. His brothers, proud.

He supposed he had been lucky, that Artemis' memories had allowed him to draw so close. He'd only known, the moment those eyes had landed on him, that inaction would have cost his life. His swing had been desperate, but his aim had been true.

He crouched beside the unconscious Mao, exhaling. His options hadn't changed, despite what few minutes he'd bought until the man woke.

Death lay with certainty outside the door. His powers were severely weakened, a void inside him that ached keenly with its absence. He would not get far enough for it to make a difference.

Expedience said that killing Artemis would be a tactical advantage. Too many lives had been lost, and so many more at risk. The others needed what advantage they could get.

He would give it to them.