Sam sat straight up, shocked awake by a terrible noise, somewhere between a scream and a growl, echoing in her ears. The noise burst through the walls of the house, shattering its way through her dreams and then it was gone as if suddenly muted.
Sam's heart pounded in her chest. She was on the bed she'd woken up in that morning, having fallen asleep late in the afternoon, exhausted from anxiety and her own thoughts, as her mind had choked on information. She lay there for a moment, letting her heart slow back to normal, sorting through dreams and reality. Images of comic book villains, endless yellow plains, and for some reason her grandmother dressed as a pitcher for the Red Sox, melted away from her memory filled with meanings that were just beyond her finger-tips.
Reluctantly, Sam let the warm safety of dreams slide away and made her way to the window to see if she could see anything in the dying evening light.
One of the big cat ghosts was pacing mechanically in front of the porch, its tail whipping about furiously. The ever-present other half of the pair, however, was nowhere to be seen.
Sam stared out the window, watching the mountain lion and the colors on the horizon: fading oranges melting into purples pushing against the ashy hills, where distance won and eyes could simply see no further.
A black gloved hand slowly slid around her waist and pulled her backwards. The girl's entire body jumped and became stock still, as a sharp intake of breath made its way through her lips. She stood wordlessly, continuing to stare out the window. Hair brushed against her cheek and breathless voice whispered in her ear.
"Did you miss me?"
She shivered but did not move.
The arm around her waist turned her around and pulled her toward him. His other hand rose up to stroke her cheek and those same breathless lips leaned in to kiss her. Sam thought she might be frozen forever, her entire body permanently in a state of mutiny against her mind. Yet at the last moment, as his lips grazed hers, an order was obeyed and her face turned sharply away from him.
He drew back still holding on to her. She felt his grip tighten as he pushed away and she knew he was displeased.
"What is it?" The boy said in a soft, almost mocking, voice. "I'm here, everything I have wants you. What else can you ask from me?" He cocked his head and the fire in his eyes flashed dangerously.
"A lot." Sam tried to push him away but his much stronger arms didn't move.
"What?"
"I said," she turned toward him, anger rising in her voice. "A lot. I don't want you crazily obsessed over me and I don't want to be that way about you."
The ghost simply stared at her, his eyes narrowing malevolently. Sam gave him a push, catching him off guard and disentangling herself from his arms.
"I want Danny back!" She yelled.
"I'm right here," he said, a cold growl growing in his voice.
"No!" She spat back, too tired to be afraid. "You're not! I want the Danny that screws things up, that doesn't notice when I need him to pay attention to me, that fights with me, that tells crappy jokes and ruins almost every romantic situation. I want Danny! My imperfect, wonderful, messed up Danny."
Her outburst was short but she was exhausted and what little strength she had seeped out of her body as she collasped onto the edge of the bed. She struggled to keep the tears out of her eyes, refusing to look up as she sat there, in case the sight of those damned red eyes pushed her over the edge. He will not see me cry, he will not see me cry, she repeated over and over again in her head like a mantra.
"I only desire you." The ghost's voice came out flat and without emotion. He reached out a hand toward her but she swatted it away without even looking.
"No. I want Danny. My Danny." Sam pulled a pillow onto her lap, hugging it against her. "I want my Danny who loves to fly. Who lets other people clean up his messes. Who likes chocolate pudding and computer games. Who apologizes too much and can't ever say the word "cardamom" or act normal in front of my parents. Who cares about people and tries to save them, even when they hate him for it. Who is just as stubborn as I am and argues with me over everything." She lay down gracelessly on the bed and pulled the pillow over her head. "I just want all of him. Every stupid and annoying human detail."
"You want," the specter spoke slowly and his voice was muffled by layers of cotton, "me to be human?"
Sam nodded underneath the pillow, numb and tired.
"With all the idiotic things that go with it?"
Sam nodded again. "I like the idiotic things," she said, realizing she meant it as she said it. She clenched her eyes shut for a moment, hoping against hope that in a moment them things would be different, that maybe she would wake up from a dream and this would all be as real as her grandmother playing baseball.
Sam opened her eyes as a hand slowly pulled the pillow away from her face.
"Sam?"
The girl looked up and saw the incredibly blue, incredibly human eyes of her boyfriend staring worriedly back at her.
"Danny?"
"Sam, are you okay?"
"Danny!" She threw her arms around his neck burying her face in the soft skin there,relishing the heat from his body.
"Oh God," he said, his breath cut off, as she squeezed him. "I'll take that as a yes." He felt a slight wetness on his neck and embraced her just as tightly kissing the top of her head. "Are you crying?"
The girl pulled away, rapidly wiping at her face.
"No."
Danny didn't respond. He simply stood there looking at her. The way he gazed at her suddenly made Sam feel shy and uncomfortable. She was acutely aware of being seen, not simply desired. A hand flew to her wild hair, pushing it down and she frowned as remembered that she wasn't wearing any make up.
"I look like a mess," she said laughing uneasily.
"You're still beautiful," Danny said kissing her on the forehead, "even if you do look like a tired wreck."
They sat down on the edge of the bed together, just holding each other for a moment and not speaking.
"Thank you," Danny finally said.
"For what?"
"For wanting me. For waking me up."
Sam thought for a moment with her head on Danny's shoulder. She knew what she wanted to ask but she was afraid of the answer. She took a deep breath and grabbed the edge of Danny's t-shirt, holding it tightly in her fist. "How did you end up like that in the first place?"
Sam felt the muscles in his body tense at her question. "Remember when I saw that light?" Sam nodded. "That was the beginning of it. He was calling me, trying to control me. After the fight, I was just so tired of it, of us, of fighting all the time. Remember when we said we were going to have happily ever after?"
Sam nodded dumbly.
"I just didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to do things wrong anymore. I thought, it's so much easier to think about things as a ghost, why not? I wanted all the stupid and complicated stuff to drop away so I wouldn't mess us up anymore. So I gave in."
Sam shuddered and buried her face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so, sorry. I'm such an idiot."
"No!" Danny grabbed her shoulders and forced her to meet his blue eyes. "Don't you get it? What you said? You meant it didn't you? That stuff about wanting the me that you fight with and who drives you nuts and tells dumb jokes and all that stuff." Fear and doubt crept into Danny's voice as he spoke. What if she hadn't meant it? What if one of the greatest moments of his life, in which he had felt completely accepted and had completely accepted her, had been a lie? What if he still didn't measure up to what she needed him to be?
"Of course, I meant it!" Sam's voice broke through his growing panic and insecurity. "I guess, I never realized it until now but it's true. I want it all. The good, the bad, the annoying parts that drive me crazy. All of you." Sam tilted her head up to look at him in the eyes. "That's not weird, is it?"
"I hope not. I think want all of you too. Every obnoxious, bullheaded, over protective, eccentric part of you." Sam pinched him and he jumped. "Hey, I'm being honest!" He playfully grabbed the hand that had attacked him and held it on his lap. "That's not obsession. That's something else."
That's love, Sam thought, the words dying in her throat before she could speak them, the full power of the word too much for her to say out loud. Instead she kissed him, grateful for the familiar feeling of his lips.
"Danny?"
"Yeah?"
"Not that this heart to heart isn't great and all but do you think you could go ghost and fly us home now? We can talk about this stuff later."
Danny shook his head.
"I don't think so. I can still feel him tugging on my mind. There's a lot of power to what he's doing and it's not going away. At least if I stay human there's so many other things filling up my mind it makes it hard from him to get to me. I'm afraid if I go ghost I'll just end up under his power again."
"Oh," Sam bit her lip. "Then we need to think of something because I have good news and bad news."
"What's the good news?"
"The good news is that I don't think Heine realizes that you're still human and I think he seriously underestimated me. So at the very least we have the advantage of surprise."
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" One of Danny's hands flew up in the air dramatically as he delivered his line. Sam didn't laugh but she didn't shoot him a disapproving look, either.
"So, what's the bad news?" Danny asked.
"Remember those orange gems you stole?"
Danny nodded. "Yeah."
"Do you know what they're for?"
The boy shook his head. "No clue. All I know is that they're hard to find and don't last very long."
"Well," Sam took a deep breath recalling the hours of reading she'd done that afternoon. "Do you know what an aamil is?"
"No clue, except that's what Heine calls himself."
"Heine told me it's someone who controls ghosts. But he lied." Sam grabbed Danny's hand and fixed his eyes on hers. " An aamil is someone who consumes them."
Authors Note: An aamil is actually a Muslim mystic who controls ghosts and performs exorcisms. I wanted a title that both sounded interesting and was not pulled from my own imagination. Even after the story changed a bit and his character changed, I decided to keep the title because I liked the word. No offense is meant to anyone by my blantant misuse of this title.
As always, thank you to everyone who is reading this story. If you read something you liked please let me know, it makes my day. If you read something you disliked, let me know that too, so I can do better next time.
Thanks again for reading.
Daphne