Part XVII: Realize
How many people get a chance to be in whatever situation she was in? Not many. With the song "If Ever you're in My Arms Again" seems to linger on the radio as Katie sat on her bed. The party, the dance, Jessie's eyes, Jessie's smile… Jessie… Jessie… Jessie…
Ok… She had to admit she going gaga-over Jessica Sammler days after that oh so hot dance. Yes, Katie was getting the hots for the blue eyed doctor but then the smile on her face quickly disappeared as Anna came to her room.
So… She has some issues she has to get over with. Anna is still, technically, the woman she is dating. Jessie is still, technically an unknown territory. Venturing to such territory would prove to be suicidal. What if Jessie was playing with her feelings again? What if this was real? Jessica Sammler was in love her and is now ready to lay down the line.
"I can't deal with this right now…" Katie sighed as Anna turned to her.
"Oh, I can call them to tell them you're not coming in the office…"
"No… It's fine… I just feel a little tired that's all. Don't want to prolong my agony…" Katie smiled.
She stood up and gave Anna a kiss on the cheek.
"Do you really hate Chicago that much?"
Katie paused to think.
Did she hate what Chicago had to offer her? Or was it the notion that some places reminded her of Jessie? Some of those places changed already. Then what was the conclusion. She was like those lovesick fools who ended up being bitter because they weren't able to get the result that they want. People aren't supposed to get what they want all the time. That's a fact. So was it right to say that she hated the windy city?
"No… I just miss London a lot…"
--
Jessie hummed a tune as she read the charts. Her day seemed blissful and there were signs that the rest of the hours seemed to show signs of a happy trail.
This felt good!
How could she not? The feel of Katie's arms around her can't seem to fade from her skin. The brunette's eyes... Those jaded eyes that seem to hold time still whenever they looked at her… There was hope in those eyes… Hope that Katie was still feeling something for her…
And then she remembered her angel…
So in turn, this is Jessie's dilemma. On the right side, Jessie was at the brink of losing herself when someone catches her on her worst. That person cared for her despite the situation. On the left, you have Katie Singer. The long lost love Jessie wanted to win back. The years have not been easy and Katie's return was nowhere near pleasant for her but she loved her. She still loved her. The question now was which side she should take.
Was she lucky? Yes. Was she unlucky? Yes.
She has to choose. Both sides have their own predicament. But then, true to her heart, Jessica Sammler knew which side she would venture on.
So as Jessie walked out of the hospital, the sun had already shone brightly, making her blonde hair golden to the naked eye. One would wish this was a sign.
A sign that there was something bright for the good doctor to look forward to.
--
Staring at your computer's monitor for such a while is a bad habit because it may cause some discomfort for your eyes. It may also affect your eyesight with repeated and prolonged exposure. Katie didn't seem to mind.
Her face seemed blank but her thoughts were on overdrive. Katie was trying to plan.
A dinner?
A get together?
With whom?
Jessica Sammler.
What would she want to accomplish?
Closure if needed. A new beginning if it was necessary. But you see. She knows it isn't that simple. Anna was on the side and Katie wasn't one to hurt people especially if she was giving effort to please the person. Or could she?
As of the moment this was Katie's dilemma. Should she talk to the good doctor and settle things once and for all.
"Katie… You should…" Grace barged into the conference room oblivious to her current state of mind.
"Recheck these they aren't complying with the criteria proposed." Grace continued on.
"Do you think Jessie is free tonight?" The question left Katie's mouth out of the blue.
"Why are you asking me if…?" Grace trailed off but stopped herself when she saw her old friend still staring at a blank document in Microsoft Windows.
"I think she is... You could call her. Say you would want to meet her."
"Don't you think it would be bad? I'm going out with Anna."
"Well, friends can go out to dinner right? I'm sure there's nothing wrong about that…" Grace took a seat and just let out a smile.
"Besides… I think you two have a lot to talk about…" Grace added still admiring that lovesick puppy look Katie is giving the 21-inch computer monitor.
--
Why am I here?
Jessie asked herself as she fidgeted on her seat. Katie had called her and sent a cab to pick her up. Now she was on the finest restaurants in Chicago, about to talk to the love of her life.
Do I tell her the truth? I still love her right? Do I tell her?
This was her moment. She had to take the chance right?
I waited so long for this. For now, I have to take it. If Katie rejects the idea, I should be willing to accept it. But… I have to try and form a kind of relationship with her… Friendship perhaps? It would be hard but…
She was still lost in her thoughts when Katie arrived.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Traffic jam on the way here... Should we order?" Katie spoke without turning a glance towards Jessie.
She seemed professional: Like this was on of the auditing consultancies she would conduct…
"Sure…" With a wave, it was dinner time.
--
"I'm not angry with you…"
Jessie heard the words. It seemed clear and yet vague at the same time. Is she saying you're not angry anymore? Or is she saying she was never angry about the things that happened over the years.
"We weren't really ready for anything back then… And we acted irrationally at some point…" Katie trailed off.
Dinner was over and this was their TALK.
Jessie could hardly digest it. Yeah it seemed like a one night stand, but it was more than that. Katie was more than that.
But how could I argue? I don't want to blow this out of proportion by saying anything otherwise. I didn't even try to settle things with her before leaving… She wouldn't believe me… She wouldn't believe I did love her… That I still do…
"I'm sure we could work something out… I mean… I wouldn't be here long but I do want to be friends with you… If it's ok…"
Jessie looked up to Katie's eyes and saw sincerity… And then… Sadness… But this is a good start right? Being friends…
--
The offer was still pending on the table. Katie couldn't decipher if she was doing the right thing because Jessie has been silent throughout their conversations. It was as if the blonde was silently agreeing. No point in asking right?
--
"I just have to make this stop before I take you home…" Katie got out of the cab and bought a few things on a nearby 24-hour store.
Jessie settled on the cab still thinking about what transpired.
"Maybe she doesn't care that much anymore…" Jessie didn't realize she had said it aloud.
"Pardon Miss?"
"Oh… Nothing… Sorry…" Jessie spoke softly.
There was an internal debate on whether to tell this stranger that she was actually smitten with his current employer.
When she looked up the rear view mirror, she saw this gentle smile on the driver.
"If you ever want to know… Miss Singer was extra concerned about you a few weeks back… She does care you know…"
"Pardon?" Jessie perked up.
This was something she knew nothing of.
"She had to make sure you got home safely so we went to your house. She was too concerned about your welfare she stayed till morning. I know Miss Singer may come heartless with her stature… But she does care for her friends. Please don't judge her for what she does… But rather the little things she tries to hide…"
Now… It was Jessie's brain going on overdrive alongside her heart.
It was her! She stayed till morning! It was her! Now or never.
--
Ok Katie. This is the last time you're going to feel this way. Tomorrow you'll be a good friend. Friend ok? Friend.
Katie repeated the mantra oblivious that while she was taking Jessie to her front door, the blonde took her hand.
"I still love you…" The words hung in the air as Jessie uttered them.
Katie just stood there, not willing to look into Jessie eyes.
"I… I just had to let you know that I did. I was just scared… I still do love you… Don't ever think you never meant anything to me…"
"Jess… I thought…" Katie was getting confused now.
They wanted friendship right? Not a chance to start over something that didn't even get to start.
"I know… Friendship… But if I'm going to lose you this way… I might as well say it out loud. I meant when I said I love you… And please believe me when I say it now… I love…"
Jessie couldn't finish…
Katie willed herself to kiss the blonde. She wrapped her arms around the doctor's waist and the two have been taken to a world that they finally both exist.
--
The cab driver smiled as he watched the scene. Of course there was still drama coming for those two, but it helps that they have come to realize where they should belong. Facing the world isn't so bad if you're with your one true love.