A/N: ... :scratches head: ... Mmhmm. Written for Adria Trois' Reno ficlet challenge, 1000 words or less.
After a particularly hard week at the Shinra workforce, Reno decided to go bar hopping for the first time in weeks. He'd taken himself off of the market a couple of months ago due to work overload, but now he decided it was time to grace the women of the universe with his heavenly presence again. Rude was nowhere to be found. Elena and Tseng refused to go. Reno threw a couple of half-assed insults their way. He'd go alone. Never bothered him before.
Wondering where Rude was, Reno ambled into the first bar he found, figuring it was probably one of his regulars, like Lotus or Alleycat.
The bar was already emanating heat waves from the masses squished into it, and Reno started sweating the moment he opened the door. Five more minutes, and he was already loosening his collar and unbuttoning his shirt - hey, the better for business for the customers to sneak a peek at the goods. Well into his fifth vodka shot, he spotted a gorgeous blond downing whiskeys at the next counter. Reno smiled to himself - he'd hit the sack early tonight with a double-D blond behind his head.
He offered to buy her a drink in his smoothest voice. She glanced at him once, twice, patted his chest area a couple of times over, and to Reno's bewilderment, sneered at him before stumbling off. Frowning in her wake, he tried not to let it get to him. She was probably just too drunk to know a hot man when she saw one, and besides, check out the sexy brunette sitting two seats down in a halter top.
But Reno had barely even got a sentence out before she started to laugh and asked him if he was joking. "Err... wha?" Reno stuttered, and she agreeably gave him a sloppy kiss before sauntering off to another table. Oh well, thought Reno, a bit downcast, there was another blond nearby.
The third girl looked at him like he was crazy, and the fourth threw her drink in his face. The fifth one slapped him, and the sixth one would have kicked him in the jewels had he not swiftly dodged it. The seventh one turned out to be a man, but he looked pleased by Reno's offer and would've said yes, but Reno choked out an excuse and booked it. By now, Reno was starting to wonder if he smelled, maybe had something hanging out of his nose, or maybe his hair was doing the weird cowlick thing?
Making his way to the bathroom, he shut himself in a stall and checked himself over - yes, he did smell, and pretty damn good, at that. There was nothing hanging out of his nose, and his hair looked pretty good tonight if he did say so himself. Maybe it was official Hate Reno Day, thought Reno, or maybe girls had suddenly gone crazy the two months he'd been celibant. Reno quickly walked out of the bathroom, turned a corner, and banged into Rude. Reno's face lit up.
"Rude, my man!" Reno threw an arm around him and hissed into his friends ear, "What's up with all the ladies tonight, yo? They've all gone fuckin' insane, I swear"
Rude coughed. "Uh, Reno..." He then pulled him outside and made Reno look up at the bar sign:
ADAM AND STEVE'S GARDEN OF EDEN: WHERE ALL YOUR HOMO-EROTICA DREAMS COME TRUE!
Reno felt the five vodka shots swirling around his stomach. "Ah," He said lamely, "Well, that would be why"
Rude made to go back into the bar. Reno suddenly had a thought.
"Hey, waitaminute, yo," He said, scratching his head. "Why're you here?"
Rude looked uncomfortable. Reno almost toppled over, and instead made his way back into the bar. He needed another drink. It'd take a lot to forget this one.