A/N:
I really wanted to do a Tohru one, so I thought, "Stuff it. I'm gonna do it"
And I did, damn you!
Disclaimer: I'm not Natsuki Takaya.
Warnings: Pervertedness, language, OOC.
Yay!
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I got told, the other day, that I was boycotted.
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The only thing I boycott is the porn industry.
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"How do you do that, Tohru?"
"Simple Momiji, my boy. Well, first you send in some naked pictures of yourself and a couple hundred dollars. Next thing you know, your in Playboy!"
"Wow!"
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I tried to brush Kisa's hair this morning.
Then I remembered she's only showered once in her 12 years of existence.
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"Waah! Tohru! Your hurting me!"
"Well Kisa, if you just washed yourself…"
"But I'm Kyo!"
"…"
"I'm sorry sissy. I just wanted to trick you"
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Akito asked me to buy her some tampons, yesterday.
I was shocked and ashamed.
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"Kyo, can you believe it? That BITCH wants me to buy her tampons. Think of all the things she's done to me! She tried to run me down with her car, she pulled my hair, she pushed me off a cliff, she tried to erase my memories… the list goes on"
"Let's ask Collin what he thinks. Collin?"
"Well, Kyo, I think that Tohru should go out and buy the tampons. It seems she is like the Sohma's slave anyway. Not like one extra job will kill her"
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The very next day, I dropped dead.
Collin took back what he said.
So I became alive again.
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"Your alive, Tohru!"
"Yes Akito, I am. And I got those tampons too (hands)"
"Thankyou!"
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It feels good to make people happy.
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Especially when you fuck them.
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"But my flower, I thought you were a virgin!"
"How could you say that? We had a foursome! Me, you, Yuki and Kyo!"
"…"
"How could you forget!"
"I think you were dreaming"
"…Ooohh…. That explains a lot"
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Damn him! Stupid Shigure and his stupidness.
I should throw a boner at him.
I m-mean a bone…
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"Have a bone!"
"Yay!"
"…"
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Last week at school, I kept imagining that everything everyone said was a perverted remark.
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"Lets have sex!"
"Huh?"
"I said lets have lunch. Tohru, your hearing is really bad"
"Sorry Uo"
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"I want to do you!"
"Huh?"
"I said I want to do tea with you. Miss Honda, I think your hearing is getting worse…"
"Sorry Yuki"
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"I want to fuck you!"
"Huh?"
"I said I want to fuck you. Sheesh Tohru, your deafer than me!"
"Sorry Kyo"
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Wait!
What did Kyo just say?
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"You want me to tell you again?"
"Yes"
"…"
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I've now gone a WEEK without knowing what he said.
I feel so stupid, Mum.
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"Woooo… I am your Mum's ghost! You feel stupid, because you are stooooopid… woooo!"
"Mum?"
"Yeeeessss…. Also, have seexxxx with Hiiiiroooooo!"
"…"
"Whaaaat?"
"Hiro, get out from behind that TV"
"Sorry, dumbass"
"Hey, I'm no dumb ass. You said my ass was hott (cries)"
"…"
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Hiro's such a sexy little bastard.
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I wish I was Hatori.
I'd get to see my lover, everyday!
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Damn him!
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"Umm… Tohru?"
"Yes?"
"Your… thinking out loud again"
"ISN'T THAT A BIT OLD, HATORI?"
"…"
"GET A NEW CATCHPHRASE, MORON"
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Damn Hatori.
Everywhere I go, there's Hatori.
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Shigure's gay to the poor barstard.
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Oh well.
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What can ya do?
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"There is a lot you can do, nowadays. You can be very dolphin friendly, you can plant trees in a suburban area for kids to chop down and poke eyes out with… yeah…"
"Yuki, I don't recall asking you"
"Then who were you asking?"
"Umm… Kyo"
"Kyo isn't even in the room"
"Then I was talking to… the coffee table. Come here little coffee table… (kisses)"
"…"
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Me and the coffee table are getting married.
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"Your kidding, right?"
"Yeah man, gotcha there"
"HAHAHA!"
"…"
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I should have gone out with my gang on New Years Eve, instead of hanging around with those Sohma guys. It would have been a lot more fun to trash people's houses.
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"Oh well. You had fun, didn't you?"
"…No"
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Oh crap!
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A donkey just called upon me for sex.
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Bye!
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A/N:
Well. That was sure… strange…
Review! Please?