I'm back! After a very extended period of nothingness, the rollercoaster ride that is Ray's life is back on track. Well, actually, it's not. From his point of view, it's all messed up. But at least you can now hear about it. Enjoy.

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Chapter 10 – Day 6 (cont.) – Never take up life as a hobby. It's not worth it.

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Tala (Lala?) is sitting, ever so innocently, at a table at the back of the canteen with a steaming drink and a packet of crackers in front of him, his nose in a book. Before I take the plunge and actually go over there, instead of hovering like an obscene Harrier jump jet in the doorway, please join me in a short prayer:

Dear Lord, we are thankful for Bryan's delinquency in drugging Tala into a state of loving, not hating, and we are also inexpressibly thankful that this joyous happening has coincided with this trip. Please bless us again and ensure that Tala is in this state of loving today, thereby saving one of Your subject's lives. It would also be appreciated if You could make it so that he was in this state of loving yesterday, too.

Deep breaths, now.

"Hi Tala," I say nonchalantly, sitting down opposite him like I do it every day at school, we're bestest buddies and buy our lunch together, yippee.

He waves a hand at me. "One second, Ray. I just want to finish this chapter…"

I breathe a huge sigh of relief. Tala is clearly under the influence today, or he would have probably clubbed me over the head with that book he's holding, dragged me home and fed me to his pet Dinosaur, Bryan. Mmm, yummy ski-helmet…

A moment later, he marks his page and puts down the book with a sigh.

"Ahh, Barton is so romantic!"

"Huh?" I'm about to ask why he's reading a romance novel, of all things, but then I realise what he's reading. It's that one that Kai was reading the other day. At least, it's got the same cover – the ace of hearts – since I can't even recognise the writing on the front, let alone read it. "Um…Tala?"

"Yup?" I'm suddenly almost overcome with a strange urge to hug him very, very tight and never let him go, he looks so sweet, but I resist.

"What's that book about?"

"This?" He snatches it up again, starry eyed. "It's the most sweet and lovely romance story I have ever read! Barton, the main character, falls in love with this girl, but she turns out to be some daughter of some rich guy, so they can never be together properly, so they have this sweet love affair over games of cards!"

"I thought that it was about politics…?"

"Oh, yes, and that too, but the real story is how she realises he's not just some drunkard. Kai recommended it to me, you know. You can borrow it after I've finished."

"Small problem: I can't read Russian."

"A minor difficulty. You can get these things translated."

"Maybe. So, Kai lent you this…love story?"

"Yeah! It's, like, his favourite book of the moment. He read it obsessively after he bought it."

Obsessively indeed. Almost all night, in fact. This is a totally new revelation. Kai reads sappy romance stories behind our backs, safe in the knowledge that none of us will ever learn Russian. Who'd have thought it?

"But I bet you weren't just coming over here to talk about my book. What's bugging you Ray? You've got a look on your face that reminds me of the time Helena brought a dead rabbit into the house."

Ooh, lovely. "Thanks, Tala. And who's Helena?"

"My cat. She's lovely, really. Just a little vicious at first sight. She's a right pussy-cat inside, though, and she loves Bryan to pieces."

Yeah, I bet she does. If this cat can bring down a rabbit and befriend the most mentally unhinged man on the planet, it must be something a little different from the average domestic housecat. An escaped leopard, maybe.

"Oh," I say, as one can only say 'oh' when presented with such a piece of information. "Uh, I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot." Christ, Lala, I wish you were like this all the time. On second thought, maybe not. I am thoroughly reminded of that age-old adage: 'Be careful what you wish for', and I don't want to be the one responsible for siccing the world's most temperamental child-girl-boy-man-thing on the innocent populace. Emphasis on the 'mental' part.

"Uh, it's about yesterday…"

"What about yesterday?" Tala is fiddling distractedly with his hair. Not only is he distracted, but his actions are distracting me, too. Is his hair really that colour naturally?

"You see…the thing is…"

"What, Ray? Don't tell me you're getting all embarrassed! I told you – it's all forgotten! It never happened, okay?"

"It didn't?"

"No! Well, it did, but that's not the point. Remember, you said it was mistake and I agreed? Not to mention, Kai looked like he was going to pound someone's face in."

"A mistake?"

"Totally. Unless… Oh my God! You haven't changed your mind, have you? Baby, I thought we decided it was for the best! I won't cheat on my boyfriend and I know you have some…thing…for Kai, so you have to understand, it can never happen!"

"It can't?"

"NO! Look, Ray, stop it! Stop making me the bad guy, here. It's all your fault, anyway. You're the one who kissed me!"

Insert goldfish expression here.

"Eh?"

I think I have stepped into a parallel universe. Apparently, it is not strange enough that Tala can act like this and the Higher Powers That Be have decided to give me a minor heart attack with this new diamond of information.

I kissed Tala.

And I don't remember a thing.

Shit.

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You don't have to elbow your way through hordes of dancing clubbers, for a change. Instead, they part like the Red Sea did for Moses, and you decide that Tala must have a very good fashion sense to make you look so intimidating and – for lack of a better word – cool. You feel sure that you're wearing more make-up than most of the women around you, but for once you don't care.

Tala is dancing alone in the middle of the dance floor and you are suddenly struck by how attractive he really is. You then feel ashamed, partly because that thought was spawned by alcohol and partly because Kai is standing at the edge, looking infinitely and effortlessly hotter. You feel like you're betraying him. You are about to go over to him, to stand in what you hope would be companionable silence, but Tala grabs your hand instead and whirls you into the throng of dancers.

Tala is a good dancer and you can't even begin to match him, but he doesn't mind and neither do you. You just rely on your natural grace and hope that Tala makes up for you. And he does. So much so that you feel like his confidence is seeping into you. You can't think what else it might be, as you've had very little alcohol and you waved away the dodgy-looking guy at the door that tried to sell you pills. You think it might be because of the sudden lack of air. Maybe you're asphyxiating.

Emboldened, you dance closer to Tala and, grinning, he does so too. The rest of the crowd fills in the gap, so there isn't any space to move apart, even if you wanted to. He looks very beautiful in the strobe lighting, almost untouchable. You have a sudden urge to touch him, make sure he's real, so you wrap your arms around his waist. You are relieved when he touches you back, his arms around your neck, proving that he exists and isn't just a figment of your imagination.

You look into his eyes but can't tell what colour they are and can't remember. In the lights, they are all colours, blue, red, green, one after the other. They both mesmerise you and give you a slight headache, so you look at something else. Your gaze wanders over his face before settling on his lips, which are smiling like they're new to the concept. You decide that you should teach them how to smile properly.

You forget the owner of the violet eyes in the corner because he really is untouchable, unlike Tala, who is very real in your arms. You press your lips to his because you know how to smile. He presses back and he tastes of peppermint and smiles.

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Unfortunately, we are experiencing a system crash due to an unprecedented amount of data overloading the CPU. Please reboot and check for viruses.

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"Oh my god."

"Uh huh."

"You really…?"

"Uh huh."

"With Tala?"

"Uh huh."

"Wow."

Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby present you with My Friends – A Montage. As you can see, the theme is clearly stated throughout the work, with the idea of shock and disbelief conveyed through the media of their expressions. The open-mouthed look is used many times in the piece, a central point that is to be taken into account regarding the overall underlying message.

I.e. 'OMFG!'

It never ceases to amaze me how shallow people really are inside. I come here, to the sacred clan of Gays United, wanting advice on how to get back on Kai's good side because I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms and can't take much more of his cold-shoulder, but NO! They have to concentrate entirely on the fact that I played tonsil hockey with Tala of all people, because of course, their need for smut is clearly greater than my need for my best friend/potential lover back. Okay, scratch the potential lover. I'll just be happy for him to look at me, let alone for him to declare undying love for me and make said love to me in the snow.

Ouch. Maybe not in the snow - too cold. Brr.

"Look, guys, lets focus on the important things here. What am I going to do about Kai?"

"Oh, Ray," sighs Mystel, clearly thinking of giving me a hug. "When're you going to realise there are other fish in the sea? Like Tala! I mean, Kai's hot and all, but is he really worth all this?"

"I'm not going out with Tala-"

"Mystel," interrupts Julia, who has somehow invited herself here, despite the fact she is neither a guy nor gay. "You don't seem to realise just how in love with Kai he is. It's not just something he can over in two minutes and a steamy kiss with the love of his life's best friend. That's just stupid."

Clearly.

"How do you know that?" I ask, disturbed. Has Julia been going through my diary? Not that I keep one…of course…

"I got it off Raul who got it off Garland who got it off Hiro who worked it out from some comments Tyson made."

"Wait a minute…TYSON knows?"

"No, silly. Hiro was just clever enough to recognise the signs his little brother was too short-sighted to see. Got a woman's eye, that man has."

I'm not sure if Hiro, who is mysteriously absent from the proceedings, as is Brooklyn, would have enough good-humour to take that as a compliment.

"Where are Hiro and Brooklyn, by the way?"

"They're off bonking somewhere. I think Hiro's making the most of the moment. He won't be so happy when he finds out Brooklyn went out with that blonde guy from the ski shop last night-"

Collective sigh. That blonde guy from the ski shop is H-O-T.

"-and he came back with that just-shagged look on his face."

Tut tut, Brooklyn, you fickle whore. Remind me to invite Julia to all future GU meetings. She can be an honorary member, 'cause she can bitch almost as well as us and we can all sigh over pretty guys. Don't think any of the other girls should come, though. Max would wheedle the truth out of Mariam with those big blue eyes of his and we all know Mariah is a definite no. Plus, Julia's kind of scary. Ever heard that the female of the species is more deadly than the male? Prime example. You couldn't make me tell her she couldn't come if you threatened to cut off my balls and play tennis with them.

"I can't believe that," mutters Miguel.

"Believe what?"

"Brooklyn. Until not very long ago, I was under the impression that he was wonderfully innocent and somehow entirely asexual."

"We all did," consoles Julia, patting his arm. "Until we found out that he and Hiro screw like bunnies every week or so and hate each other in between."

Hear hear. This piece of knowledge has only recently been brought to my attention too. Two weeks ago, late night, Mystel, hot chocolate. A combination that will tell you anything, whether you want to know it or not. I myself wasn't too fussed about knowing it. I too was quite happy with the assumption that Brooklyn wandered in his own private world on his own and it was a shock and a half to find out otherwise.

We all gossip happily about the two not-so-lovebirds and then disperse before I realise I still don't have a solution to my problem. Some friends they are. It is made even worse when I exit the cafeteria and see, right in front of me, the object of my problems. He's not alone either. Kai and Bryan are sitting on a bench, pretending it's not minus twenty, deep in conversation. It's in Russian too, so I have no chance of understanding it.

Not that there was any chance anyway. Kai, showing that inherent ability to sense that someone is looking at him, has noticed my presence. He glances at me, gives a slight sniff and then turns back to Bryan. I decide it is definitely not good to feel in love, crushed, desperate and insulted all in one go. The human body can only take so much strain before spontaneously combusting and I don't think the nice ski resort would like bits of charred Ray Kon spattered about their mountainside. Wouldn't be much fun for me either.

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Now, after such a long absence, I feel that I need (but not necessarily deserve, mind you) some feedback. Preferably nice feedback. However, I am not against scolding. I do deserve that, having been gone for so long. I think the last time I updated this, it was before my summer exams. Well done to everyone who realised The Stig was a lean, mean racing driver from Top Gear. A fact that I think everyone should know.