Title: I Really Did
Summary: This is what I would like to think Buffy was thinking while she rode in the bus with the others as they drove away from Sunnydale at the end of Season 7.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or any of the original ideas from the series.
I can still feel the heat on my hand. The fire burned so bad when our hands touched but I couldn't let go. He thought it was just because I appreciated what he was doing for us and I did but that wasn't the only reason. I didn't want to leave him, wouldn't have been able to leave him if I hadn't known how much it would have hurt my friends for me to stay.
When I told him that I loved him he didn't believe me but it was true. No, I didn't love him even a year ago but over the last few months I saw a different side of him. A side that I fell deeply in love with. I saw the man behind the demon. I saw how much he really loved me. Before, I had thought that when he said he loved me it was just out of desire. Maybe even just because it was the only way he could be close to me. He couldn't hurt me anymore because of the chip so for some crazy reason I guess I just convinced myself that he only loved me because he couldn't hurt me. I convinced myself that he only helped me all the times he did because it was the only way he could make himself go on. He proved it today.
He gave his life so I could live. He gave his life so we could live.
I look around at all the others and it's like I can almost read their minds. I see the shame, the sadness, the heartbreak and the memories. Most of all I see the pain. Everything we knew is gone. Our town, our lives and all our possessions are lost.
I feel the tears welling up again as I silently remind myself that even he is gone. The one who had loved me so intensely for almost three years was gone. I don't even have a picture of him to remember him by.
I'm getting tired. I'm going to have to get some sleep but before I lay down I turn my head to look back down the road toward Sunnydale.
I really did love you," I whisper to the man that I know at this moment I will love forever and never forget.